All Comments on 'Her Client?'

Owww

Got it. Hopefully chapter 2 will be less cryptic.

Jesus it's a Greek Tragedy. And about as confusing most of the time. He should do what the Greek's do - Divorce her. Even if it's not Greek he can't trust her anymore. And I find it to be unlikely that a 7 year old is pitching a softball.

Quite clever if a little predictable. Not sure why it's only one pager broken into chapters? Anyway I'll stick with it unless it becomes 6 one page chapters...Thank you for your work.

Very well written I loved it and looking forward to the next instalment 5*

This one was quite unique in a way, I give author @littleOneWon.

The conversations wasn't spectacular. On the contrary, it was stilted, unrealistic, sounded when I try to speak the sentences, like a fake Victorian sans elegance.

But the whole narrative nor the plot wasn't bad, the dialogues felt pretentious, no husband and wife ever talk like that especially very early in the morning.

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I am glad the husband immediately detected the deceptive double-speak his scheming wife was springing at him. This marriage is over. To find the spouse will go so low to scheme, manipulate and deceive the SO to get permission to cheat is an endgame.

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Not really interested in the sequel as I am feeling some sort of RAAC here.

Is it a clever tale or crap......I am coming down on the side of clever, but this leads me to struggle to score it

JJ

This is too unusual. Why not just write plain English?

Pretty good so far

I will reserve my score till the conclusion.

Hate these multipart stories.

Very interesting & intriguing with the world play. Well done! Looking forward to the next part. 5*

Interest way to address cheating as a business transaction.

Will await next chapter to pass comments

If the divorce is in the next chapter and her husband is the only Tin Soldier who rides away i'll score it well.... any other end kills the story

What? A “continued” story? Where’s the warning up front, like an “01” after the title? Readers don’t react well to being disrespected.

i am looking forward to more of this story.

A very interesting premise with a unique narrative, well written.

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Assuming the rest of the story is of similar length (or even 3-5x longer, or more), you should just post it all at once. What you're posted isn't even a chapter, really just an introduction. Also, please, please, if you're posting the first part of a multi-part submission, indicate so in the title (and wait until you've written the entire story before posting any of it!).

5* because it's a very unique story telling. I hope for a sequel.

This is an unusual story, mostly because of its conversational structure and the cryptic nature of that conversation. It worked for me and I'm curious to see how you continue it.

One comment: the conversation between spouses is more stilted than realistic, even if it is being conducted in a cryptic code. Surely they would be more natural in their speech.

Good story; I enjoyed it; Thank you

I think there is a really good story here but presented in an odd way. The conversation felt more like two people just reading from a script than two humans talking. When putting together dialog, it helps to actually read the words out loud so you can hear what it sounds like. I also agree that if you are going to submit a story in more than 1 part, either a note at the beginning or calling it "Part 1" is always preferred.

The story was fine but I got tired of the whole Greek thing pretty quickly.

depends on how it ends. D

to be continued?

one star til it is

most people seem to take between 6 to 7 months to put out chapter two on their one page stories

So, wife is cheating with hubby's former best client. She is telling him about her cheating and even praising her lover for teaching her new sex techniques. Ummm, what does she hope to gain from telling him? Especially as she has now confessed to a major breach of professional ethics in addition to her adultery. Having infuriated him with her infidelity does she expect him not to burn her with her best client, Alpha?

knoxhard

I liked the fresh approach to a LW story, very unique. That said, you can't continue the Greek tragedy approach too much longer as it started to lose its shine as the true story was revealed. Will she reveal just how far she went with him (there is still some ambiguity about it based on her version)? Is she willing to lose her marriage any more than she has? If they manage through it in your story, the BTB crowd here will crucify you, but there is kids involved. Here and the real world, the couple should do everything they can to find a way back for the kids. Sometimes it isn't possible, but many times it is. I hope you explain why she even had the conversation with her husband. There's an implication she was looking for permission, or was she try to "softly" broach the subject to have her husband keep her from making a final step over the line? Several paths forward from here - choose wisely! 5* for now for the uniqueness.

Pretty good start.. Seems like a smart man and probably was pretty accurate in describing his wifes affair but I might be way off. But I doubt it

so far so good

as long as there are consequences for a cheater i ll be ok

if its RAAC please advise me at the beginning so i don t waste my time reading a bunch of baloney spewed by a cheater

i ll give you 5 * for now hope you keep it there

First off. If this is Chapter 1 say so in either the title or the prelude. I would really enjoy meeting any couple that talks like this. Especially at 5 o'clock in the morning. Seems to me like a whole lot of flowery cryptic wording from the wife trying to get her husband to OK her cheating or already have cheated on him and he's called her out on it. We shall see in the next chapter or not. I've seen far too many stories like this one that never gets finished. In the famous words from the movie Caddy Shack...Well, we're waiting!!

Chapter numbers belong in the title, NOT in the story.

I understand that we are reading a parable but, in what context can an agent have a secret relationship with a client? My belief is that an agent acts for the client by contacting, and working with, potential purchasers of the clients talents. There could be quite a lot of these.

A bit too devious for me.

So far so good. I just hope he stays with his decision. She cheated, no reason to go back!

Bit heavy with the illiterations (think thats the correct term)

It's an interesting way to present an old LW chestnut, but the execution does feel a little too dry and affected. More so because there doesn't seem to be much benefit of (as it was so neatly put) 'wrapping her slime in a Greek scroll.' There's no effective subterfuge being deployed, it's just a very flowery confession that would evoke pretty much the same reaction as a straightforward one. That being said, it does feel like a complete story rather than a first chapter, so I'm curious to see what a followup could possibly add.

My wife found this story and we both enjoyed it tremendously. However, when you write Chapter 2, we hope you find a way to make the dialogue more natural and less stilted. It is an exciting story line, and we would like to see where it goes.

We especially enjoyed the husband’s ability to see through the wife’s ruse and double-speak (polysemy). More importantly, we appreciated the husband’s skill in explaining things to the wife. In a calm matter of fact way, he laid her bare, for example:

First, he elegantly told her she had already been sleeping with the client. “…I have indeed noticed some changes in your behavior during the last few weeks. I must admit that they have been good changes and that they pleased me. Maybe you had a teacher! If so, I can only fantasize about what went on in his classroom and wonder how much time you spent there.”

Second, the husband didn’t let the wife ‘honorably’ reconsider and back out on the planned Hilton encounter for that day. “I don't believe you learned those "tricks" that you shared with me in a restaurant. I don't believe that today was going to be your first trip to his room.”

Third, the husband totally called her out on her deceitfulness. “I don't believe you learned those "tricks" that you shared with me in a restaurant. I don't believe that today was going to be your first trip to his room.”

The ending was awesome: his former client got revenge by seducing his wife. That’s about as low as it goes.

Our final observation was that all the Alpha, Beta, and other Greek letters in your story tended to just confuse the reader. There were too many abstract people that weren’t tied in on a more personal level.

In closing, my wife has spread her legs for plenty of her clients over the years. However, it was just because she wanted to enjoy the sex with them and get the outsized commissions. At least she wasn’t kidding herself or me. I can live with my honest, corporate whore. But I could never live with a deceitful wife like in your story.

We are interested in seeing how the post-visit-to-the Hilton pans out for this couple!

Post the entire story in one submission.

She seemingly has already cheated (?) so I would expect the final chapter to be short and rather bitter.

It was odd, but in a good way. You did apply a great deal of effort to this and for that you should be applauded.

Obviously it wasn't a realistic conversation but you managed to make it worthwhile nonetheless. And generally stilted dialogue makes my head hurt. This was so much fun that didnt happen.

I honestly do hope you will continue this and not leave it like a newborn at the fire station.

I liked your story. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Certainly created a lot of tension with the Greek metaphor. Unfortunately the dialogue was emotionless until they stopped using veiled speech. Having a description of the other parties non-verbal reaction would have brought the dialogue to life.

I enjoyed this presentation simply because of the difference. Having been involved in certain areas of business where direct speech is not used nor appreciated, this was like returning to my roots. (Think, "Yes, Minister")

So, well done for attempting something different. Cheers.

Not the sort of story one comes to an Erotic Story site for. A bit confusing and a bit hard to read/follow.

Flat, robotic, pretentious, self-absorbed, condescending and boring.

original, well written. A little flat emotionally, but that fit with what you were striving for. I look forward to the next part.

Interesting idea. Well done and original.

I could not pick your choice not to use quotation marks, and the “I said/He said” actually requires more key strokes. A wise English teacher once told me that languages change, but stay within the parameters of the syntax. Without that the language loses its cohesiveness. Well, punctuation is part of the syntax, and it works for a reason, it evades confusion. Just a thought.

However, grammar police duty aside, this was a very new angle on a classic theme, and I am anxious to read ch. 2! Thanks for writing!

Some before me have called this confusing. No, it isn’t. What it is - is a ham-handed “This will make us so much stronger” trope uniquely presented. I know what I expect to happen....let’s wait and see. 3 for now.

Pretty weak so far, hope you can salvage it. A rather obnoxious illustration of a bull shitting whore, and a clueless husband? I will wait to rate the completed work. Thanks for the effort, I hope.

A good read. Different but good.

I look forward to reading the follow-on.

PS. I can understand why the Anonomatti et al couldn't follow it. It's all Greek to them.

Neat story. Looking forward to the next chapter

When is the next chapter coming?

This is tough, she has willfully CHEATED allowing Beta to get his revenge. Alpha is in a vice, let her continue so he can have unhindered relationship with his kids or kick her to the curb and become a part-time pauper to his kids?

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Since Tau has already committed the crime - there is one other method but it will require serious hate-abatement but for Alpha to take the guest-bedroom for next 13yrs so he can remain with his kids - but cutting of all emotional attachments with Tau to retain proximity to the kids. No easy or good answer in a judicial system that continues to reward female CHEATS and puts the CHEATS character as best training for kids - we live in a truly warped society.

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Story title should be "Double Entendre's of a Cheat".

/

3.75*, Hooyah, see how this continues

Interesting, but I need to see how he deals.with the cheating bitch and her beta before I score this one.

You’ve got a card up your sleeve and you played it perfectly ! Can’t wait for the next chapter ! I’m gonna give it a five

Who talks like this?

Your writing is as convoluted as Tammy’s attempt to tell this story without ‘telling’ anything

Got lost before have way.Don't bother with any more.

My thought for this is bizarre; yet I'm enjoying the same old, same old told differently. Let's see where it goes. I'm with 26thNC on withholding score until the final horse crosses the finish line.

Unlike a few others who stated they will wait for the complete work, I rate each segment on its own "merit." Two stars

An interesting way to present the story. Thought it was very thought provoking. Thanks for writing.

Creative story telling but the underlying plot is truly very much a worn-out crap. Can you make it into a Greek tragedy in the part 2?

Too much alpha ,beta ,gamma, crappa suit too maintain interest...bailed halfway thru the story.

Hope you can do better in the future.

Damn that was stupid.

Fail; really, not clever just obscure.

Big blocks of poorly punctuated dialog, confusing names.

Appalling.

Oddly legalistic “dialogue” but somehow it contributes dread and mystery to the Femdom agitprop proceedings. Things are looking much darker than I realized…