All Comments on 'Her Heart, His Prey Ch. 02'

She definitely is going to run now. I wonder if David told her about mates. I'm guessing she don't quite understand the connection or its the pain of hearthreak that won't let her feel anything else.

I can't wait to find out what happens next. Expecially when the he finds out about her previous relationship with the beta. Also what happens with her friend.

I liked it! More please!

Please, this was so good. More. More. MORE!

MORE!! Loved this chapter! I am now officially hooked :)

This is a vast improvement over the first chapter. That one was not bad by any means, but this narrative is smoother, the detail stronger, and the movement of the story more substantial. You got your readers into the plot, into the characters, built the world a bit more, and took them on a little ride to tide them over. Keep up the good work!

i know that Marlow will probably end up with him since he is her mate and everything but I would love for her sister to have to work at building their relationship again after she slept with her ex-boyfriend.. after all, mate or no mate, that was fucked up. Even though Marlow will end up realizing he wasn't her mate and rightfully her sister's mate, the sister should be punished a bit for breaking that sisterly bond.

More please!!!!!!

Write more plllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really like that this isn't taking the standard pattern for were romance stories, especially here. This reads more "realistic." (That said, I still enjoy reading and re-reading many of the were stories that have that standard pattern--it's just that it's nice to read a story that is different.)

All families have complicated relationships at times, and without injecting high school-level melodrama, the author still conveyed the perfect amount of conflict and tension to drive the story forward.

Also, she didn't succumb to His Magic Cock in the night and suddenly become his doting little lady. Don't get me wrong--I really want to read about Cassian's giant cock and the magic he can create with it, but I've become weary of reading about the heroines who switch from anger, suspicion or hate to love after that first tumble. Magic cock or not, most women wouldn't suddenly stop freaking out over being kidnapped, used as some kind of human healing device and held captive by werewolves to total trust and love after sex, no matter how amazing.

Of course, I've never encountered one of these magic paranormal cocks that vampires and weres seem to have, so I could be totally wrong and they really ARE that incredible and life altering.

Many romance stories can be unrealistic--fun to read--but unrealistic. It's like a Disney version of life. This story is not falling back on those tropes and is intelligently written.

(I really do love this story so far. You're doing a great job!)

The story jumps around so much. There were at least three times that I stopped reading and thought - What the hell is going on?

If that's how you want the readers to feel, well done!

If that's not what you're trying to do, you may want to consider putting more detail into each section. You may also want to tell the story from more than one character's POV. That way, when Mar is unconscious or just out of the loop, the readers still get an idea of what's happening from the narrative.

I am very critical but I must say I love this story! I think it is well written (minus a few grammatical and syntax errors) and I'm excited for

The plot development. You should def continue this story soon! Cliffhangers are the only confusing part about story series.

I agree , you should try to make your story less confusing and switch to third person. I like your story a lot so I hope you will work on it.

Wow, nice. This pack apparently wants her to be one of them, something that generally denotes a lot of loyalty and devotion to other pack members, but they're all openly following along with the Alpha's plot to kidnap, deceive and basically rape her of any free will by lying to her? And David's down with all this too, despite the fact that this is basically his girlfriend's sister? Sounds like this pack's fallen pretty far and is need of a good vampire-style cleansing to terminate the disease.

Good second chapter, although it still feels like we don't really know too much about any of the characters. Obviously, you're trying to build up to things and drop clues, but it's a little hard to really get invested when the main character is still pretty much a complete mystery.

Again thank you all for your comments and criticism (it is greatly appreciated so keep it coming). I love it when people criticize my work, give me suggestions, and I am so grateful as to how much people seem to be enjoying Marlow's story. In response to a few notes: yes you were supposed to feel as confused as Marlow (looking back on that I can see how that would be annoying for all of you, so my apologies) and I promise to all of you that the secrets (both dirty and not) will be revealed next chapter. On that note, the next chapter may be a little while with finishing school and such, but I promise I will not neglect you all!

Your stories were very good. When do we get chapter 3.

I like the werewolves stories.

I've read some of the comments about the disjointed nature of the tale thus far, but the slow reveal works for me. The 10 hour flashback sets up teases of what's to come, and I think you should continue to use them. Overall, your writing is much better- grammatically speaking than a lot of submissions. They really disrupt the flow for me when I'm reading along, and all of a sudden, I stop because the author spelled you're wrong, or used then instead of than. Doesn't matter how good the tale is, I'm like what the hell? Same way when I see some wearing a tacky outfit- did they look in the mirror before they left the house? Did they re-read before they posted.

Anyway...

I like the wondering: What does he mean by she's my one? Does that make Marlow Cassian's "one." Was it a blood thing between Char and David, then does that mean the bite doesn't matter? Is there more to her sister's abandonment than the betrayal? Did Cathia really turn, or was that a dream? I wish your chapters were longer, but I like the lack of explanation, and that things will become more clear in time, and I like the first person point of view.

I think you are off to a great start, I have become a big fan of the supernatural romance fiction, and I am really enjoying your story.

Trust your instincts, and keep at it.

Your writing has talent. I enjoy reading about Marlow being a feisty and stubborn character, not letting others take advantage of her. I hope you will not write her giving in so easily as others do for their plots. After all, the title implies the hunt for her love. Looking forward to the story's progress, and Dave's squirming about the whole thing!

Will there be a next chapter?

As you all know life gets a little crazy sometimes. With it being the end of the school year I've been up to my ears with work. I apologize for the delay, and I promise I will get the next chapter out ASAP.

I'm glad there will be more. This is well written and I'm eager to learn more about yenta Marlow has gotten herself into.

Please update this wonderful story soon!! I is one of my favorites!!

loved this chapter! very well written and i cant wait to see how the characters develop!

i did NOT find it confusing but did wish it lasted longer, however understand as this is a short story arena. i am looking forward to more!! you have this reader hooked!

This piece of writing is fanstastic and do is chapter 3 please keep it up as I cannot wait for chapter 4.

Though I am still confused about what happened to Cathia.