Hero Worship Pt. 03

Here is part three of eight. You really should read the other parts first. All characters involved in explicit scenes are over eighteen. I hope you enjoy!

-Alyssa -

I'd texted Taylor, just an 'I'm thinking of you', but she didn't see it till late. In the morning, we conversed back and forth, and I told her that it felt weird waking up without her. It was true; the first thing I did this morning was reach for her. I lay in bed for almost fifteen minutes, wondering how in the hell I'd fallen so hard so fast. I also wondered how I could feel so happy and scared at the same time.

I stayed in my room most of the day, ostensibly packing. Mom and Dad were at their club playing tennis, and Kelsey was over at her friend Bethany's house, so I had nothing to do but pack and stew in my own juices while watching Sadie's dot crawl slowly across the map.

By noon I was all packed up. Sadie seemed about four hours away, so I put on my bikini and headed out to the pool to get some sun. I had my phone with me, and was surfing around TMZ when I tapped on a story about Kristen Stewart, which led into a series of stories about lesbians, and being a lesbian and all manner of LGBTQ culture and...

"Hey, honey, watcha reading?"

My heart leapt into my throat as my mom set a glass of lemonade by my chaise lounge. On my phone was a big picture of a woman in a pride parade, completely decked out in rainbow paraphernalia

"Nothing!" I said it just a little too loud and defensively, and my mom looked at me strangely as she sat down. I swore internally and cast around for something to say. I know she'd seen the picture.

After what felt like minutes, an idea finally hit me. "I was just thinking that there aren't any lesbians at the sorority, or none that are out at least. I was just wondering how that would go over. I was thinking about maybe doing some sensitivity training this year. Be more open about things, get a little more diversity." I shrugged and looked down. "When you were in school, were there any, you know, ...?"

"Lesbians?" Now it was my mom's turn to look askance. "There were certainly a few gay men in the drama department, but they kept it quiet. It was the early nineties in Kansas, not the most forward thinking of places. Everyone was scared of AIDS, and being gay meant AIDS. At least as far as the rednecks I was around were concerned."

"So you never experimented in college?" I put a joking lilt into my voice, which made mom blush.

"Uh, no. Sorry to burst the fantasies of men everywhere, but not every girl fools around with their roommate in college." She looked down. "I mean, for some it was an open secret, and probably for others it was just a secret. But I'm sure they all felt they had to hide to some extent. It's a good thing you're doing, I think."

"Thanks, mom."

I smiled at her and she pulled me into a hug, which felt wonderful. "Oh, such a good heart." She gave me an extra squeeze and let me go and I lay back down. I just lied to my mother, point blank. I tried to tell myself that I had a plan, that I was going to discuss it with Sadie first, but it didn't work, not completely. Taylor assumed that when it came to it, I'd sacrifice her for the safety of normalcy. I wondered if I'd just proven her right.

I felt a tear well up, and I grabbed my sunglasses to hide it. I stayed there, lost in my own thoughts until about an hour later, when the gate opened and Bethany came in with my sister, and the two leapt into the pool. I watched them splash around innocently, trying to remember if I'd ever been that carefree. Yeah, I think I was, just a week ago. It was amazing how quickly life could become complicated.

***

Sadie arrived a little after five-thirty and I was waiting for her on the front patio when she did. Most of the nervousness I was feeling fell away as my best friend unfolded herself out of her old blue Toyota, and I ran to embrace her.

As we hugged it felt strange. I was far more aware of her physical presence than ever before. Not attraction, not really, but it was definitely different.

Sadie could feel it, and she pulled away. "You okay?"

"Yeah fine, just..." I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. Senior year. Adulthood looming." Lying was starting to become a habit, and I didn't like it.

"I know! I can't wait!" She pulled her overnight bag from the front seat. The rest of her stuff was piled in the back and trunk. She took in a deep breath. "Ah, the perfect combination of sea and smog, I'm home. I didn't miss dinner, did I?"

I laughed. "No, dad's making salmon. I think he remembers how much you raved about it last year."

"Hell yeah, I did. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get decent seafood in Central Texas?"

"You've told me. A lot."

"Well, don't forget it. Excellent, first dinner, then gossip. I have stuff to tell you."

"Stuff about Noah?"

It was her turn to blush. "Maybe. Definitely."

Giggling, we went inside.

***

"That was incredible, Mr. Winter burg. Thank you."

"Yeah dad, that was great."

My dad was beaming. "You're very welcome girls. Now you run along, Kelsey will help clean up."

"Dad!"

"Your sister has a friend in town."

"Bethany's here!"

"Yes, but Ally hasn't seen her friend in months. You see Bethany every day."

Bethany stood up. "I'll help, Mr. Winterberg."

Kelsey glowered at her for a second, but mom cut the mild tension forming. "Thank you, Bethany. If you could just clear the table, bring things into the kitchen? Kelsey, you help."

She sighed. "Yes, mom."

Sadie and I didn't stay to question our good fortune, but we did carry our plates and glasses to the sink before escaping upstairs to my room. As soon as we entered Sadie tossed her bag into the corner and flopped down on my bed. "Ohh, this is nice. I think that mattress I slept on last night was literally made out of crushed gravel."

I chuckled inwardly. I wonder how she'd feel about lounging on my bed if she knew whom I'd been sleeping with this last week. It felt strange, almost a little like cheating, but not really. I mean, I'd realized that I had a type, and Sadie wasn't it. Sadie was only an inch taller than me, and we shared that curvy physique that got us both noticed by guys. I knew now that I liked tall, athletic girls, like Taylor. Mmm, Taylor. I got a little shiver at the thought of my new lover. How long till I could be in her arms again?

"Hey, where'd you go?" Sadie was looking at me steadily.

I spluttered a second before remembering she couldn't actually read my mind. "Nowhere. So how was your summer?"

"Good, dull, mostly. A few highlights."

"I take it the highlights didn't involve frying chicken."

"Oh, God, don't mention chicken. I swear I'm never eating fried chicken again for the rest of my life."

"You say that every year. By October you'll be begging for it. And don't forget, that fried chicken is paying for your school."

Sadie rolled over. "I know, I know. You sound like my parents." Sadie's Dad owned multiple KFC's in the greater Dallas area, and she had to work there during the summers. "But you don't get to say anything until you've spent a summer operating a pressure fryer. Not all of us got cushy internships."

Climbing onto the bed still felt weird, so I sat down on my dressing chair. "And the highlights? Do they involve one Noah Patterson?"

"Mmm, maybe." She was trying to be coy, but couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face. "God, Aly, I think I'm in love."

Perfect. Let's talk about her. "Did he actually come visit?"

Sadie shrugged. "No, but we went on a lot of dates, still."

I shook my head. "How'd that work?"

"The magic of the internet, my friend." She had a wide-eyed grin. "We went for walks, on a picnic, out to dinner." She laughed at my bemused expression. "So one night we both went to different Olive Gardens and skyped. I brought a picture holder, you know, one of those fold out ones? And I put my tablet in it so we could see each other, and we had dinner and talked."

"Wow."

"I thought it'd be corny, but was really nice." Sadie was blushing. "And we talked like every night. Even when I worked late he'd stay up 'til I got home. We'd be up 'til like, one or two. It was so romantic."

I grinned. "So, did you guys do the virtual nasty?"

Sadie's blush deepened and she looked down. "No. I would have, but he said he wanted our first time to, um, he wanted to really be able to touch me. He said he wanted to be the one who made me feel good." Her face got very serious. "I cannot tell you how horny I am."

I laughed. "Girl, you have no one to blame but yourself. That boy has been pining for you since we were freshman."

"I know!" She threw herself back onto the mattress. "He told me. How the hell did it take me three years to realize how great he is? No, I have to wait until two weeks before summer break."

I couldn't stop giggling. "When does he get in?

"Tuesday morning. Well, he'll be here tomorrow night, but he's staying the first night with his aunt and uncle." She sat up and ran her fingers through her long, straight, dark brown hair. "I'm going to go take out my contacts. Then, missy, we're going to talk about your new beau. Got it?"

She rummaged through her bag for her toiletries before heading into the bathroom. I had a few minutes to decide what I was going to say, and I could feel my heart starting to beat fast. When Sadie came out she was wearing her glasses and her jeans were draped over her arm, her white panties visible under her tank top, shapely tan legs stretching to the floor. My eyes widened and I looked away as she bent down to get a pair of pajama pants out of her bag and slipped them on.

What the hell was wrong with me? Sadie and I had been changing in front of each other for years. I'd seen her a lot more naked than that dozens of times, and there still wasn't any real attraction, not like when I looked at Taylor. But I was aware of her, just like in the driveway, and it felt strange.

I jumped up and got into my dresser, pulling out my own set of PJ's and heading into the bathroom myself. I sat on the toilet and tried to collect myself. I felt tears sting my eyes. I wasn't going to be able to tell her. I'd carried my phone in by force of habit and I looked down at it. It was 7:30, and I hadn't texted Taylor. A couple of notifications, a text from Evelyn, our chapter president, reminding me about the officer's meeting tomorrow, that was it. Nothing from Taylor.

I pulled up our conversation. I'd told her Sadie was coming tonight, so she was probably giving me some space.

Me -- Hey, how was your day?

The responding bubble appeared immediately.

Taylor -- Hi, beautiful. I've had better. Did your friend get in safe?

I teared up at the word beautiful.

Me -- Yeah, she's here. What happened to you?

Taylor - I had to have a bunch of kids thrown off the beach. They were causing problems for everyone.

Me -- I'm sorry. Whatcha doing?

Taylor - Just got to the warehouse. Going to work on my sculpture.

Me -- The one of me?

Taylor -- Yeah. Can't concentrate on anything else.

I laughed as a tear rolled down my cheek.

Me -- Ok, work hard. I miss you.

Taylor -- Miss you, too. See you soon, promise.

"I miss you so much." I said this quietly to myself, another tear escaping. I sobbed once or twice. I was scared of going back out there. And I was terrified of failing Taylor. I wanted her here so badly it hurt. I'd been so sure of myself, and here when the rubber met the road I couldn't do it.

I washed my face and flushed the toilet, even though I hadn't used it. I put on my blue silk pajamas, and looked long and hard at myself in the mirror before walking back out into my room.

"Okay, so who is this guy?"

"Well, I told you, lifeguard."

"I never pegged you for muscle bound jock types. You like 'em sensitive."

"Taylor's also an artist. Studied at Pepperdine."

"How old?"

"Mid twenties. Short, bleach blonde hair, incredible legs and shoulders, ridiculous blue-grey eyes. You want more?"

Sadie had a wicked grin. "So, does he have long... fingers?" She spread her hands apart, leaving no question as to what she was actually asking.

"Everything is completely satisfactory."

"Just satisfactory?"

"Well, let's say very satisfactory."

"Stamina?"

"You have no idea."

The banter went on like this for a while, before I got the subject changed to what we were planning for the house this year. Eventually the sun went down and the long drive took its toll on Sadie. We always stayed in my room together, my king sized bed had more than enough space for the two of us. I didn't sleep well, as I was afraid of forgetting where I was and thinking she was Taylor, and the fact that I was in bed with an attractive young woman who wasn't Taylor bothered me. Would she be jealous? Would I if the situation were reversed?

- Taylor -

I glanced down at my phone, which was lying over by my desk. Still blank. The big red digital clock on the wall said it was ten till midnight, and I really needed to go home. The warehouse was buzzing with activity, and it would be until dawn. Artists generally were obsessive types, after all, with the ability to get totally lost in their work.

Just like I was. Aly's face was starting to take shape and I was enraptured. It felt so intimate, caressing and shaping her. When I started I'd wondered what exact expression she would take, but the more I worked the steel, the more I began to recognize it. It was the face she wore after we made love, when she was just gazing at me with so much adoration it made me almost break down.

I remember thinking that I could live in those moments forever, and if I got this right I guess somehow I could.

I'd made myself not contact her anymore tonight, since she'd be with her friend. I wasn't jealous. It was good, and I needed to work. Course I wasn't working, not on anything that I could actually sell. When I'd try, my eyes would just drag themselves back over to Aly's sculpture. Even if I had it covered, it didn't help. So I did the only thing I could. I sculpted.

"Damn, girl. That's... shit, that's good."

"Thanks, Bishop." I looked over my work. "It's not even close to being done."

He looked over at his own marble sculpture. "They never are, huh?"

It was over two hours later before I was on my way home. I probably shouldn't have been driving, but I needed distance. I'd slept at the warehouse before, but I knew that wasn't an option tonight. I'd have just kept working. I was already going to need a caffeine IV for tomorrow anyway.

I managed to drag myself into work, having already sucked down the biggest and most overloaded coffee Starbucks would sell me without a prescription. That and a small cooler filled with energy drinks were going to get me through the day, I hoped. Unfortunately they did not shut down my mind. It was a Monday, and local schools had already started back, so it was not too crowded, which did not help my concentration.

Nevertheless, people were counting on me to keep them safe, so I stayed awake and alert as best I could. When I finally made it home I checked my phone, nothing from Aly. That's okay. She was moving in today, probably swamped. It's okay.

God what the hell was I doing? Sitting around like a love struck teenager, staring at my phone? This wasn't me, damn it. I stood up and went to the kitchen, tossing a pan on the burner and pulling a frozen stir fry bag from the freezer. I had to read over the directions three times, because my head was still going back to my phone. I decided to bite the bullet and pulled up my conversation with Aly.

Me -- Hey, did you get all moved in?

I set the phone aside and dumped the contents of the bag into my pan, almost spilling everything when Aly's responding bubble appeared.

Aly -- Yeah, I miss you. We're having dinner, then we've got an officer's meeting. Call you after?

Me -- Sure.

I wanted to add something. What? A heart, maybe a kissing emoji? I debated on it long enough that I felt sending it would be weird, so I chickened out, instead just tossing the chicken and veggies in my pan. After I'd eaten I flopped down on the couch and turned on the tube. The US national swim meet was on the Olympic Channel, so I settled on that, pulling my blanket over my legs. Breathing in I still sensed her perfume on the cover. I put it to my nose and breathed deep.

I remembered how she felt in my arms, the way she looked at me, her gentle laugh. I should've sent that damn emoji, anything to tell her she was special. Why the hell was I such a bloody coward?

I pulled the blanket around me and laid back, imagined Aly snuggling against me, my face nestled in her soft brown hair, and fell asleep. It was after midnight when I woke up. I had a text from Aly.

Aly -- Sorry, our meeting went real late. Call me if you're up, or I'll call you tomorrow. Miss you.

I blew my chance to talk to her tonight. Damn. I'll do better tomorrow. At least I didn't have to work. I'd get out to the warehouse early and be able to spend the whole day working there. And I was going to make myself finish some of the smaller projects I had. Really I was.

My heart leapt when I saw I had a text in the morning, but it was just from Jen.

Jen -- Vicky wants to know if you want dinner tonight.

Me -- I don't know. Depends on how much I get done today.

Jen -- Then work hard, 'cause I'll be the one in trouble if you don't turn up.

Me -- Fine, boss. I'll be there.

I did pretty well, all things considered. I actually got a couple of pieces done before I went back to working on Aly's sculpture. Granted it took me twice as long as it should have because I was constantly losing focus, but they were finished, and it looked like I was going to have at least a respectable display at the booth.

I started to work on the side of the face, smoothing and shaping. It was so intimate, touching her, and I imagined the real thing, the way her cheek felt resting in my palm, or on my shoulder, so soft and innocent, her eyes, soft and happy, gazing into mine. I didn't deserve those things. She was part of a different world, one she'd finally gone back to.

I continued to work. Eventually she'd realize it, but when that happened, I'd still have this.

- Alyssa -

I flopped back down onto my bed while Sadie sat in her chair and brushed out her long, dark brown hair. I groaned. "My arms hurt."

"I take it they didn't make you do much manual labor at your architectural firm this summer?"

"Ouch. No, they did not. I specifically chose my field to avoid such things."

"You did good though, good impressions and all."

"Yeah, box lifting is an important EKT skill." We'd spent the day at the freshman dorms, helping new coeds move in. It was an outreach we'd done for years. I knew it worked, as it had been an upper class sister helping me that had initially put EKT on my radar at all. After supper, we'd had an all house meeting that had lasted for two hours. I remembered my first one, as a Sophomore, I'd been absolutely brimming with school and sorority spirit. I remember looking at the officers, who seemed so mature and dignified.

Now I was sitting at the head of the table. Not at the very head, that was reserved for Evelyn Park, our president, but I sat at her right hand, and I knew their eyes were on me. I'd wanted to be up here since I first pledged as a freshman. Now that I was, everything was disconnected. I felt like an imposter, or a double agent, hiding in plain sight. It was Wednesday night, and I hadn't talked to Taylor in two days. I just never had a chance. I was never alone in this bloody house. I even considered going home for a night just for some privacy. Even with my exhaustion all I really wanted to do was crawl into Taylor's arms and let her hold me.