He's the Boss Now Pt. 02

Not that doing something about it ever worked.

My brain warred with itself for about ten seconds. Lust won out. I grabbed my vibrator from a nearby drawer.

Maybe this time it would happen... Maybe this time I would come.

Don't worry about it, I told myself. It's not something that can be forced. I let my thoughts wander back to Mark.

How can I make it up to you? Mark said in my head. I imagined him sitting there, on my bed with me, fully clothed. He did look so good in work attire...

I turned the buzzy device on its lowest setting and gently buzzed at my mound.

I can't be angry at you, not now, I thought. But you can make it up to me, sure... You can start by rubbing away my stress...

I lay facedown still, the vibrator nestled between my legs, sending nice little ripples through my outer lips. Mark's hands would begin with broad sweeps along my naked back. His hands would be hot, I knew, and strong; and he would stroke lower and lower until he was getting a handful of my butt.

I turned the vibrator up a notch and ground into it, just a little.

Mark, I would tell him, I know exactly what you can do to make it up to me...

But my brain stalled. I just couldn't imagine giving him any orders.

After several seconds where the vibrations were now just annoyances because my mind wasn't on board, I turned the device off. My chest felt cold and hollow. I burrowed under the covers, still on my belly, and let myself wallow in my disappointment.

Are you angry at me, Mark? my imagination piped up.

No, Nikki, he would say, his voice heavy. I would tremble at the heaviness of it.

His hands would soothe me. He would go on: I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed.

I lay on my belly and let my body burn with shame. I let my greatest fear bloom inside me: that Mark had abandoned me because something about me wasn't enough for him, wasn't enough to be his friend, let alone a lover.

Nikki, Nikki, he would say, his skin whispering over mine, It's okay, honey.

And I wanted with every cell not to disappoint him. Suddenly I was wondering what I could do, how I could make it up to him--whatever it was that I had done.

In my mind, his hands would tighten against me. He would shift his weight on the bed and pull my hips closer to him.

I turned my vibrator back on.

You can lie still, Nikki, while I take what I want.

Hearing him say that in my mind--imagining the feel of his insistent hands squeezing my buttocks--imagining him erect for me, wanting me, forcing me--I turned the vibrator to a higher setting and pressed hard against it, pretending he was pushing me down into the bed, pretending his weight was on me.

What would it feel like, I wondered desperately, to have him enter me? Would he go slow? Would he slam against the backs of my legs?

I started humping my vibrator. I could feel how slick I made it with arousal. I was sweating now, my nipples hard points against the mattress, my abdomen tight, my ass bouncing up and down as I started to feel pressure mounting inside...

What would his voice sound like as he lost himself in pleasure?

His voice was beautiful, rough, low, masculine; his voice was incoherent in my mind. I was biting my pillow as strong vibrations pulsed against my clit, as I pictured his penis raging and wet with me, filling me, finally erupting inside me.

Would he swear? Would he say my name?

Would I feel his dick throb as he came?

It took me by surprise, my orgasm, seeing as I'd never had one before. A fiery blossom of pleasure started in my pussy and ripped through my shaking body. My legs trembled. I could hear my breath, ragged, uneven, as I clutched the vibrator in both hands and shoved it against myself again.

Soon it was too much and I had to stop; it hurt.

I lay there for a few minutes, thinking wryly that I might need a shower when I had just bathed, finally letting my thoughts turn to what I seemed to want from Mark.

I didn't fully understand it--I couldn't have put it into words--but something about our dynamic clicked for me. And it left me uneasy, sad. If Mark had thought I was a disappointment before, surely this would drive him away completely--if he ever found out.

So he wouldn't find out.

I could hold it in. How hard could it be? He probably wouldn't even want to talk to me one-on-one after the disastrous lunch.

I cleaned up and fell into another restless sleep.