His Last Deployment

"Airman, what do you think you're doing?" the doctor asked.

"You don't even know who I am, do you?" I asked right back.

The nurse whispered in his ear I headed out the door. He ran around in front of me. I stopped looking up at him.

"You better get the fuck out of my way... Captain or I will put a hurt on you, you will not believe."

He took one look at my eyes and stepped aside. There just happened to be a base Security Police car outside the emergency room doors. I walked up to the Airman sitting in the car.

"Airman, do you recognize me?" I asked.

Looking up at me, his eyes got wide as he nodded.

"Yes, Ma'am, I do," he said.

"Good. Take me to Major Jackson's office, please."

"Of course Ma'am," he replied.

I went around to the passenger side. He cleared the passenger seat so I could sit. We were off when I saw Linda rushing up the walk.

"Stop!" I said. He did. "Linda!" I shouted.

Linda came running over to the car.

"What the hell?"

"Get in," I said.

Nodding, she got in the backseat. The drive took minutes. I turned to the Airman smiling.

"Thank you, Airman," I said getting out. I had to open the back door for Linda.

The Airman just sat there looking at me. I smiled at him even though I didn't feel like smiling. Grabbing Linda's arm we walked into the building where Allen worked. We marched right by the two airmen at the desk checking people in. One was about to say something when the other poked him in the ribs and shook his head. When we got to Allen's office, his receptionist was waiting with the door to his office open.

"He's expecting you," she said sweetly.

"I bet he is," I said testily. I would apologize to her latter.

As I heard the door close behind us, I suddenly ran out of steam. Allen ran around his desk and helped me to a chair along with Linda. Allen pulled his desk chair around so we wouldn't have his desk between us. He didn't smile. He looked as sad as I felt. Linda took my hand in hers. It comforted me.

"How?" I asked.

Allen dropped his eyes to the floor. He cleared his throat. Looked back up at me. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"He... ", Allen started. "They were finished with the mission yet were still in a hotspot. As they were exfilling to the choppers, Dean was hit by fire from their left flank..."

I waved my hand at him.

"Speak English please?"

Nodding, he continued.

"They were getting on the chopper when the enemy opened fire from Dean's left. He was hit in the chest just under his arm where his vest didn't cover him. He was dead before he hit the floor of the chopper. I'm so sorry," Allen said softly.

"When will he be home?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"I want to be there," I groaned.

"I figured."

"I bet you figured a lot of things, didn't you?" It was a rhetorical question.

Allen just dropped his eyes. He knew he was wrong for denying Dean's transfer request. Not only was he an officer, but he was also an officer with twenty-five years of service with an impeccable record. He should have been able to have his pick of assignments at any time he wanted them. If he wanted out of the unit, Allen should have reassigned him to the local police unit and cut orders for where Dean wanted to go. He didn't. And I would see that he paid. And he knew I would.

"Jill, I made a mistake..."

"Yes, you did. You might want to think about putting in for reassignment, soon," I said standing.

Allen just looked at me with sad eyes. Linda was beside me and guided me out of his door. I stopped as the door closed behind us. Turning to Amy, Allen's assistant, I nodded as I spoke.

"I want to apologize to you. I was a little snarky with you. I'm sorry Amy."

"No need, Missus Manning," she said sadness in her eyes.

"Who?" I asked.

"My brother."

"And yet here you are?" I said.

"I am. Military brat my entire life," she said.

She stood, came around her desk, and hugged me. I hugged her back.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," she said softly.

"Thank you, dear," I replied.

After that, Linda and I went home, my home. I wasn't repulsed by being there. In fact, I could feel Dean here. Everywhere I looked, he was here. Linda made some coffee. We sat at the kitchen table talking.

"Where will you go?" she asked.

Her question didn't surprise me one bit.

"I guess I'll go home. Mom and Dad would want me too."

As I sat there, I realized for the first time that my fear wasn't consuming me. Sadness, yes. Anguish, definitely. Loss, yes loss, filled my heart and my being.

"Are you okay, Jill?" asked Linda.

"Yes. Yes, I am. I will miss Dean for the rest of my life."

"And...?"

"And right up to this minute I was the happiest woman in the world. And I will not let his death go unnoticed by the higher-ups in Allen's world."

"You think that is wise?" Linda asked.

"Hell if I know? I do know they don't control me. No one controls Jill Manning, no one."

"Ain't that the truth?"

"Sure is. Now..."

I suddenly didn't know what to do. Now everything was up to someone else. I didn't have control until Dean came home.

I, along with Bucky and Linda, and a whole lot of other people were standing on the tarmac as the plane rolled to a stop before us. We waited until the engines were shut down and the props braked to a stop. Then we were led around to the rear of the plane where Dean would be offloaded. There was an honor guard there to move him to the hearse. As the back doors started to open, tears started to stream down my cheeks. Linda put her arm around me. I took a deep breath as his casket rolled into sight. As the rear ramp came down the two crewmen pushed his casket to the end. The honor guard moved into position to take over. I walked up to him and touched the casket.

"I love you so much," I whispered.

Stepping back the honor guard picked up his casket and moved it to the hearse. The wake would be held locally for two days. Then he would be moved to Arlington Cemetery for burial. Yes, I wanted him to be buried there with all our other fallen heroes. I was proud of him and what he had accomplished. I loved him for serving his country and dying of his fellow Americans and freedom. Linda, Bucky, and I road in Allen's staff car.

Everyone on base came to see him off. Many people eulogized him at the wake. On the third day, he was moved once again to the tarmac. Another C-130 was waiting for him. I would be flying in an Air Force Passenger Jet. Linda and Bucky were going along as was his team and their significant others. Once in Virginia, we were all transported to Arlington National Cemetery. The ceremony was spectacular and solemn. I cried my eyes out as officer and friends once again eulogized him. They even gave him a 21-gun salute. I sat there tears rolling out of my eyes for the man I loved.

I was handed the flag that draped his casket by the commanding general of Air Force Security Forces. He saluted me. I nodded at him. He turned and stood by my side as I sank to my knees looking at my husband's casket for the last time. Linda knelt with me, Bucky standing by her side. The General then knelt beside me. Then everyone was taking a knee. I said a silent prayer for my Dean, then stood, wiping the dirt from my knees.

"Thank you, General, you honor not only my husband but me also," I said looking down at him.

He slowly stood, followed by everyone else, turned to me and looked into my eyes.

"Your husband was a proud, heroic man, and I was honored to know him. And you," he said saluting me once more.

I nodded. Then Linda was helping me to the limo waiting to take us to the base and back home. I would miss everyone when I finally moved back to my hometown. I would miss Dean most of all. I was sad that we never took the time to start a family. I would have liked having a little Dean running around. But it was just one of those things that happened for us.