All Comments on 'His Sky Blue Eyes Ch. 02-03'

The story is really hard to follow.

You desperately need an editor...

At the beginning, the narrator states she is eating at a diner. Then they're going to Glenn's office - is this the next day since he found her at night in the park? But then because of the rain (not sure why he can't drive in the rain?) they're at his Grandma's for dinner - already? It's clear time is passing, but what's not clear is when/how the time is passing - the diner was breakfast? lunch? Is this the same day he picked her up or is it the next day? (I don't recall any mention of her falling asleep.)

The story idea itself is interesting, but needs some tightening to make it coherent and easier for readers to follow (I did get the switch to the flashback after she locked herself in the room).

Yes I really need an editor since I'm having a hard time to filter my thoughts and sequence it right. Apologies.

I may or may not continue this story since I am still busy with my work and can't find enough time to finish this. So thank you for all the constructive criticisms. I will put this on my mind as I write another story for Literotica.

Thank you again!

It has great potential, however perhaps use proper words; I found the use of 'coz' rather distracting. Aside from that, I love it!! Please continue writing, really looking forward to the next chapter!