All Comments on 'His Submissive'

So... Blah. Very. Want to be.. ?going for 750 words or 1000 ? Short. Please either more description.. Or longer stories please don't stop please try again ..

anonymous comment could’ve done better in explaining how to make your writing more intriguing, so i’ll help. i think the main thing you need to work on is the buildup — focus on the feelings she feels as he’s pleasing her, elongate it, so us, as the reader, can truly enjoy each part before you move on. and seduction is another main thing too — as much as it’s a dom-sub story, you mentioned the character as being a loving, caring husband, so throw in some loving, dirty phrases, no harm in doing so, it’ll make it seem more realistic, and truly passionate, and also slow things down a notch, focusing on the kiss and, repeating myself i think now, the feelings the character feels. but overall, as your first story, this was a lovely beginning! i’m excited to see more from you, and i hope you take my comment into consideration <3

much love, ally