Hit'n Those Notes Ch. 14

The long layoff from singing was marked by the most intense bouts of dysphoria I had ever dealt with since beginning my transition. I pretty much questioned every decision I had ever made regarding my transition. My desire to sing and do all those things I loved doing took a back seat while I dealt with righting that gray matter between my ears. Maybe there was a little healing I needed for my heart too. Whatever!

Thankfully, I was able to pour myself into my job, discuss some of what I was going through with mom and Kaley, and survived that low point in my life without looking for a permanent exit. Amen for my support network and being able to unload my internal strife.

Performing tonight, though, would be the real lift I needed to get back into being me, feeling normal and complete again.

In the thirty-two days since I'd left Las Vegas, the only word I'd gotten from there was that the PBS documentary would air locally on July 27th. Karen Cole had called me to give me the date a couple weeks ago. I didn't ask about anything else, and she didn't offer any other bits of news from the Grand Cayman Hotel I might be curious to know.

I was fine with that though; moving on was healthy. We'd already planned a big BBQ party for the PBS special. I was anxious to see how they put it all together and to see how Dana beat me given Bill's review of his performance.

Since I had flopped last week, well, not really flopped since I didn't actually perform, I had special guests in the audience tonight. Mom, Kaley (of course), and Charles were in attendance. Since they were here to see me sing, I wasn't going to pull out of performing tonight, even though I was resigned to singing whether they were here or not. I needed tonight to get my mojo back.

Their being here didn't add any pressure. Yeah, right! I chuckled to myself while I reached up and adjusted my In-ear monitors (IEM's). They were new, courtesy of mom. Damn, my mom was so cool... I guess I have no excuses tonight for being flat!

I looked across the stage at Gary, and he smiled back at me. I guess he wasn't mad about last week. That's good... The audience began applauding as the singer finished her fade. Gary joined her on stage; there was more applause for Bill when Gary waved a hand in his direction, and then I heard my name. That's my queue. Breathe. You got this...

I walked on stage, but instead of posting up at the microphone, I went over to Bill and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. I could hear Kaley whistling, and as I made my way to the microphone, I waved at the table she and my 'Team Breanna' were sitting at. Bill had chopped the song we were doing down from something over six minutes to just enough musical genius piano accompaniment to capture all the lyrics, with a little ivory-tickling homage to the original at the end to close it out.

At center stage, I took the microphone in my hands, looked at my hands, and Bill began playing... The piano softly set the stage for me, and the shortened intro would leave no doubt what was coming, even without the signature guitar riffs.

I looked out at the audience and began on the mark Bill and I had practiced...

"On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair... Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air..."

Friday, May 2nd, 8:17 p.m.

"Last thing I remember, I was running for the door... I had to find the passage back to the place I was before. 'Relax', said the night man. 'We are programmed to receive... You can check out any time you like, but you can...'" I held that note, dropped out of it, and sang to silence after a planned pause, "'Never leave...'"

Bill's fading solo at the end worked so well that the audience erupted with applause before he hit the last few keys. As soon as the song began, cellphone flash lights lit up the bar area, and by the end of the song, over half the audience was participating. The swaying lights were kind of mesmerizing as I was singing, but now it was comical watching them with their phones glowing and trying to clap at the same time!

OMG! What a rush! I looked back towards Bill, and he was all smiles. We had just kicked that song's ass! Between the applause and my feeling more alive than I'd felt in weeks, I totally missed Gary's announcing my exit or him calling out Bill's...

"Ladies and gentlemen..."

I could hear the voice through my IEMs, but the voice wasn't Gary's. I looked to my left... What the fuck!

"Breanna Calloway..."

Between the applause and seeing Blake on the microphone, I wasn't sure what was going on. I glanced back at Bill with a questioning look; he just smiled back at me. Blake motioned me to join him center stage and then was looking out at the audience.

What the fuck is going on? What are you doing here? My heart literally skipped several beats upon seeing Blake. To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the year.

"Good evening," Blake began, "You all know Bill Carter on piano..."

That garnered another round of raucous applause. I'm pretty sure I heard Kaley whistling again. Blake raised his hands, and the audience quickly fell silent.

"A little over a month ago, Ms. Calloway entered a singing competition in Las Vegas put on by the Grand Cayman Hotel and Casino. It was held over a couple days, and she missed third place by half a point. I'm here tonight to award Ms. Calloway five thousand dollars."

Blake had tried to say more but was drowned out by applause.

"Thank you... Yes, yes... Due to the disqualification of our third-place contestant, Ms. Calloway, she was moved up to third place." Blake pulled an envelope from his jacket and handed it to me. "Congratulations, Breanna Calloway everybody..."

There was more applause, and Blake put a hand on my shoulder, and then waved his other toward the right side of the stage. Gary was now addressing the audience and setting up the next singer as Blake followed me off stage. I watched Bill get up from the piano and head the other direction.

What? What the hell had just happened?! What's going on here?!

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I'm trying to grow as a storyteller; I'm far from perfect, so any help is much appreciated. Thanks for reading...

Rachel M. Moore