Hoff and Hols, a Romance Ch. 12

Emma held my hand.

"Shelia, I think you had better explain. As you can see, Pixie is upset."

"I am sorry, so sorry. I did not mean to upset you. It's just I saw you there. I wanted to say something last year - but couldn't."

"Why don't we get a coffee?" Emma suggested.

Sheila accompanied us on the short walk to the café. Once settled in the warmth with coffee, Sheila told us her story.

She and my father, she told us, had known each other at university back in the seventies. They, and my mother, had been part of the same circle of friends. After graduation they had all kept in touch as they had all ended up working in Canterbury. She and my father got engaged, and for a while everything had seemed good. Then she, Sheila, got cold feet and broke off the engagement. At that point my mother, who was always the competitive sort, had begun a relationship with my father who, on the rebound, had fallen for her. But, once she had won my father's heart, she wanted to move on - but discovered she was pregnant. She had wanted an abortion, but her parents and my father had all advised against it, and he offered to marry her. Delaying too long for an abortion, my mother got married, but resented having her freedom curtailed.

As Sheila spoke, my heart felt like breaking. Now, now I began to understand why my mother was the way she was with me. To her, I represented an end to the life she had wanted. I was grateful for Emma's squeeze on my hand.

"Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got married and moved to Australia. My husband died five years ago, and I came back to the UK. It was Facebook, oddly, that brought Hector and I back together. Your mother was away at a Conservative Conference, and he and I met - here as it happens. I could see he was deeply unhappy, and well, one thing led to another, and we became lovers."

I was, for once, quite lost for words. But it was, I reflected, good to know that my father's final years had some love in them.

"Of course, we kept it from your mother, Hector was very clear that until you had finished your education, nothing must happen that might create a scandal or problems for you. But his sudden death like that, well," and I could see the tears starting and held her hand, "I just did not know what to do. So, I did nothing. But seeing you there now, well I could not help it. I am sorry!"

"Don't be. I am glad my father had your love for the last few years of his life."

"Thank you for that," she said, "and I suppose that your mother has told you about the legacy from her parents now?"

I must have looked as stunned as I felt, as Sheila exclaimed:

"What, she hasn't?"

"No, nothing. I have, literally, no idea what you are talking about."

"Oh gosh! Well, your mother's parents left money in trust for you when you reached the age of twenty-one, or when your father died, whichever came first."

I could only reiterate that I had no idea what she was talking about. A shiver ran down my spine. I felt sick as I realised I would have to have a conversation with my mother at some point.

Emma was able to steer things to greener pastures, asking Sheila about her life and how she was. I was grateful to her. Chit-chat was about all I was capable of by this point. As we prepared to go, Sheila thanked me:

"You know, Pixie, talking with you, you remind me so strongly of your father. You have the same calm, listening gift, and you know, he was so very proud of you. He spoke often of you, and never with anything other than unalloyed love. He never understood how your mother could be, and pardon my French, such a bitch!"

I gave her a hug as we left.

Emma held me. Just held me. I needed that. I needed her. It all felt too much.

We drove back to Oxford in almost total silence. Just when I thought my mother could do no more harm, I had been proved wrong. Well, as I told Emma, I would be twenty-one next year, and that was time enough. By the time we got back I was determined to put it to one side. There were two priorities for the new year - AK and Issy, and my degree.

"You're a remarkably resilient Pixie, you know, my love!"

"I have had to be, my darling, but having you in my life makes all the difference."

And so it did. She was my rock.

New Year's Eve was a splendid occasion. Lady F held an open house, and Footy turned up early, bringing some food, with her husband in train. She was followed by Chloe and her boyfriend, Colin, and my friend Lisa and her boyfriend, Damian. Footy was the life and soul of the party, and by the time we came to ring in the New Year, we were all in the best of moods.

"Well," Footy said loudly (she said everything loudly, of course) "this new year will see dear AK add another to the monstrous regiment of women of the North Parade and will mark, I hope, a new start for her. So, here's to AK!"

AK was not easily moved to tears, but she was that night. Turning to me later she thanked me.

"I had thought Cris's death the end of my life. Now I can see it differently. Squirt, you've been the best friend a girl could ever have."

I hugged her.

"And you, AK, are the same for me. What's up?"

She had suddenly gone white.

"Either I have pissed myself or my waters have broken!"

I don't know whether she had meant to say it that loudly, but she had.

"Right, Pixie, where's her bag?"

Footy stepped up to the leadership.

"I'll get it!"

"Ralph," she said, turning to her ever-patient husband, call a cab to the Radcliffe."

He did, but indicated there was a problem. She took the phone:

"I have an emergency here and you are coming - unless you want my college to cancel your very lucrative contract?"

The taxi was with us in minutes. You had to admire the way Footy steamrollered her way over opposition.

Emma had given AK her coat, I had the bag, and with blessings from Lady F and the rest, we departed for the John Radcliffe.

New Year's Eve is not, I can confirm, the best time to arrive at a hospital waiting area, but despite the plethora of drunks, they whisked us through.

As Emma and I were AK's "birthing partners" we were allowed the privilege of being there for Issy's birth. I knew AK had a rich vocabulary of expletives, but she surpassed herself.

"Fuck, fuck, I know why you are a lesbian now, Pixie," she announced to the startled midwife, "no fucking danger of this."

The midwife had started by encouraging AK to have a "natural birth," but by the seventh hour AK had had enough:

"Fuck this! Drugs, I want drugs, Epidural, whatever it fucking takes. God, how the hell am I supposed to push this through that!"

I mopped her fevered brow and stayed with her, as did Emma.

Then, just when the medics were saying it could take another few hours at least, Issy gave the first signs of her life-long tendency toward impatience. As though she had had enough of the delay, she decided to come. It took another quarter of an hour, but then, there she was!

"Give me her!"

The nurse wiped a squalling Issy down and, wrapping her in a shawl, handed her to her proud Mum.

As AK took Issy to her breast, I met Emma's eyes. There were tears in them, as there were in mine. She confirmed later that her thoughts had been where mine had been; AK was not necessarily right about being gay and not having a child.

Issy went straight for it, and with a bit of help from the nurse, an exhausted AK was soon feeding.

"Squirt, thanks. Fuck, she sucks my tit like you do!"

"Too much information, AK!"

"I'm high on drugs, I have an excuse!"

We left her and Issy, who looked like an adorably tiny version of her mother.

And that was how we spent New Year's Day!

By the time we got back to North Parade it was supper time, and Footy, bless her, was round with something for us all. She was, it transpired, a great fan of babies. I gave her a big hug.

It was very kind of Issy to arrive so early. At five pounds two ounces, she was on the small side, but the medics found no problems, and within a few days, AK and Issy were back home.

As Hilary Term progressed toward Easter, our lives seemed to settle into a steady rhythm.

Anne and Issy were at the centre of a web of love. Emma stayed much more often, and Lady F seemed delighted. At our Friday night get togethers everyone fussed over Anne and Issy, and it became clear to me that something was going on with her and Chloe and Colin.

One Friday in mid-term, Emma and I sat with Anne as she fed Issy and got her off to sleep. Emma had to get on with her sermon for Sunday, so Anne and I were left alone. She looked at me - amused. I asked her what was so funny.

"Two things my darling Squirt. The first, the look on your face when you watch me feeding Issy - it is so obvious you'd like the other tit. Go on, deny it!"

I felt myself blush.

"I could, but I'd be lying," I giggled, a little embarrassed, "besides, I don't want to deprive Issy."

It was AK's turn to giggle.

"Squirt, I produce enough bloody milk for quads, look at the size of these things!"

As she bared her breasts, I felt a pang of longing. I had always loved those breasts, and at 36EE, well, what can I say? Size matters.

"Put them away!"

"Sure you don't want to suckle, Squirt?"

"No, I am not, but I am sure it would be cheating on Emma. What's the other thing amusing you?"

"Fair enough, Squirt, I take your point, though Chloe says I am delicious. And that's my other point. I have seen you looking with suspicion at Colin; don't. He and Chloe are fine with me playing with him. For fuck's sake, Squirt, it's ages since I was fucked, and unlike you I need cock, real live cock in me. Chloe shares your taste for being a cuckquean, and Colin is only too happy to oblige! You disapprove?"

"Oh AK, course not! I can't imagine what it has been like for you, and I am the very last person to object to a bit of voluntary cuckqueaning!"

I related the chat to Emma as we got ready for bed.

"Do you want to suckle her, Pix?"

"I can't say I am not tempted, but no, it goes back to remaining Galadriel."

"Well, if I may say so, darling, I have noticed you do have a thing for Mum bodies and bigger tits!"

I could not help laughing out loud.

"You noticed?"

"Just a bit. Why don't you come here and suckle on my tits then?"

"As there is no answer to that except 'yum, yum' count me in!"

I snuggled up to her and as she stroked my hair, I sucked hard. I pulled away and looked up.

"You sure this is a good idea darling?"

"Why not, what worries you, my love?"

"It, it's just that, well...."

I trailed off, unable, for once, to formulate my thoughts into words.

I cuddled Emma, searching for an answer in which to clothe my concerns.

"I suppose it worries me. You are my lover, and if I start down the route of treating you as a Mama substitute, who knows where it might lead? It's not like I have any thoughts like that about my Mama!"

"You know, my love, did I ever tell you that you overthink things? Come, suckle my big Mama tits."

Thinking, 'what the heck?' I did just that.

But, instead of the regression I had feared, a great searing fire of desire rose in me. I played and suckled her wonderful tits until she was moaning loudly. I suppose because mine were so small, and I tended, knowing no better, to model what I did on what was done to me, to neglect her breasts. I made up for it that evening.

I tried sucking in pulses, and Emma loved it, as I pulled each nipple out to her full length, she gasped and said:

"Yes, yes, Pix, oh yes, knead them!"

So, helpful as ever, my hands played with her breasts while my lips sucked in her nipples, one after the other, and my tongue teased them.

"Bed, now!"

We went over to the bed, and lying her down, I concentrated on her breasts with my mouth and left hand, using my right hand to cup her sex. Bracketing her swollen lips with two fingers, my middle finger slipped between them, finding her juicy entrance, and sliding the finger in. I sucked harder as I did that, letting my teeth graze her nipples, not quite biting, but scratching; she gasped and groaned.

Sliding two fingers between her inner lips, my thumb pressed gently against her clit as I sucked her right nipple, before moving to the left. Aroused as I was by her arousal, I bit it. I felt her arch her back and thrust onto my hand as she came. It was one of those shuddering hard climaxes with aftershocks, and I carried on sucking gently as she came down.

I felt her hand stroke my hair as I sucked.

"That, my darling," she whispered in a soft moan, "was delicious - don't stop!"

Nor did I.

As her breathing calmed down, I began to suckle again, using both hands to fondle her breasts.

"Yes, oh Pixie yes, like that!"

I loved the way they seemed to mould themselves to my hands - not to mention her reaction to my ministrations. Emma had been right. Far from regressing, breast-play had actually pushed me into a more active role.

As we lay together in the aftermath, Emma asked if I wanted pleasuring, but as I was about to come to that painful time of the month I smiled and said that what we had just done was pleasure enough for me; and it was.

Life at North Parade nourished us all. Lady F just loved presiding over what Emma called her "nunnery", and AK and Issy flourished, and it turned out, (who knew?) that I had an unexpected talent for being an aunt. Issy would sometimes be calmer with me (once fed) than with AK, and so the latter, being an enterprising woman, would sometimes take some of the milk she expressed, give me the bottle, and tell me to get on with it. She could see I loved it - and Issy. It brought us even closer. Emma enjoyed the atmosphere so much she almost took up residence. The one serpent in this Eden was the information from Sheila about the legacy; but I kept putting off any resolution.

Coming back early one Thursday after a class, I found AK in tears.

"Oh, my love, what is it?"

I held her.

"It's so bloody unfair Squirt. I loved Cris, and by rights I should be with him and Issy making our own little world. Don't, for God's sake, get me wrong. I just love North Parade, you, Emma, Issy, and," giggling she added, "Chloe and Colin. But I miss having a man, I really do. It's not just the sex - though it is that - it's the intimacies. And who the fuck is going to want a woman with a baby?"

I held her while she sobbed.

AK pulled herself together, and Issy kept her busy. But I was, as I told Emma, worried about her. Over lunch with Footy, we mentioned it, Emma wondering whether on-line dating might help?

"Sod that for a game of soldiers!" Footy declared. "Leave it to me!"

Just as we reached the Easter break, she turned up at one of our Friday soirées with a stranger. A tall, dark-haired man, who did not look a bit like a Don or a student.

"This," she said, "is Keith. Used to be one of my students, now with the navy. Thought it would do him good to meet some actual women. Mind you, Keith, hands off Pixie, she is gay, and Emma too, she's spoken for!"

I looked at Keith, who raised one eyebrow as though to say: "Yes, she is always like this, isn't she? But we love her all the same."

Chloe, to the annoyance of her boyfriend, paid Keith great attention, but it became clear he had eyes for only one woman - AK.

It was warm enough to have supper al fresco, and as usual, I ended up being wine waitress. Having ensured that Footy and Ralph had their fill, and that Lady F was topped up, I filled Chloe's glass and asked if she had seen AK.

"I think you might find her in the garden with that dishy sailor. I know you don't do men, Pix, but even you must admit he's a dish."

"Well, given the amount of attention you, and my Emma were giving him, I would say that the bi-girl vote is in his favour. And yes, he seems a nice man!"

I went out into the garden. Keith and AK were sitting on the seat near the apple tree. There was something about the scene. I went back in.

As we reached the coffee stage, I went out again, and they were still there, in animated conversation. I asked if they wanted tea or coffee - they both opted for tea, before immediately getting back to their animated chat.

I caught Footy looking like a cat that had swallowed the cream.

"Told you! Dating sites! No bloody use, she needs actual men. Keith's lovely. All the girls in his year used to chase him, but he was always fixed on a naval career - of a sort."

"Of a sort?" I asked Footy. She and Emma looked at each other.

"My darling Pixie, you are so naive. How do you think the Intelligence services get their people? 'Nuff said!"

At the end of the evening, I noticed AK and Keith go upstairs. They came down a few minutes later and I heard him say:

"Issy is adorable - a bit like her Mum!"

I saw AK colour and smile. From the look in her eyes - and Keith's - it looked as though Footy had done it again. If she ever decided to give up academia, I told Emma later, she could become a professional matchmaker. Emma giggled and said we were living proof of that.

Over the Easter vacation, Keith, who was on leave, became a regular visitor. He even came with us to Communion on Easter Sunday. He, AK and Issy looked, somehow, made for each other.

As we relaxed on Easter Monday, Vicars are at their busiest over Easter, AK asked me if I would look after Issy that night.

"Of course, there is plenty of milk in the fridge. Any particular reason?" I smiled.

"Well, I may not be back tonight, so would you do your little mother of all the world act with Issy? She is good with you, after all."

I smiled.

"Going sailing?"

"I bloody hope so Pixie. I can't believe I have met anyone that dishy. He seems to love Issy, who does not put him off me, and it's time to see how we are together!"

"In which case, take a few days with him. I can cope with Issy!"

And that was what they did, going off for a few days together.

North Parade was, of course, abuzz.

I loved looking after Issy, who seemed fine without Mum - as long as she had Mum's milk. Emma helped, and it was almost as though we had our own little girl. Lady F commented that we looked adorable with Issy. But of course, the gossip was all about AK and Keith.

The moment they arrived back on the Friday afternoon, it was plain it had gone well. AK looked radiant, and Keith looked like a man who was at peace with the world.

"Squirt, Lady F, Emma, we have an announcement!" Given that AK had a big diamond on her finger we were hardly surprised to hear Keith say:

"I have asked AK to marry me in due course, and she has done me the honour."

Good job, I thought, I had put the champagne on ice. So it was we toasted the happy couple.