Hollywood's Fallen Angels: Sandy 02

We arrived at the door to the dressing room. Em met us and gave me a hug.

"How'd it go, sugar?" She asked, smiling. "Did you have fun?"

The question caught me by surprise. I thought about it.

Did I? Did I have fun? To be honest, yes. I enjoyed posing. I liked it more than I thought I would.

"Uhh, well, yes," I said hesitantly. "Yes, I guess I did."

Admitting how much I enjoyed posing and masturbating for the camera felt wrong. Nasty. Slutty. Good girls from Oklahoma don't do those kinds of things.

So why the hell did I like it so much?

Emotions of guilt and excitement tumbled through me.

"Well I'm so glad. I knew you would!" She said with a warm smile. "You're all done, hun. It's time to get dressed, get paid and go home. I'll be at my desk with your paperwork and money. When you're ready come out and we'll get you all settled."

I dressed quickly and walked out to Em's desk. She handed me several papers and an envelope.

"Here's your copies of the contract and release. And here's your payment. Three hundred dollars. Please count it to make sure it's all there."

I opened the envelope and counted out a big bundle of twenty-dollar bills. Three hundred dollars' worth. Yes, it was all there.

Wow! All that in such a short time and having fun while doing it? This was all happening so fast!

I didn't even have time to process it all.

"Just a word of advice hun," Em said walking around the desk. "If you liked this and you want to do more, and I really hope you will, I'd suggest getting yourself an agent. They help you get shoots, handle contracts, and take care of all the details. I know several good ones if you want some names."

She walked up to me and gave me a hug. "I'll walk you out, sweetie."

We walked down the dark corridor to the steel door. At the door Em turned, asking, "Do you think you'd like to do another shoot?"

"Maybe," I said smiling weekly. "I'm not sure. I guess I have to think about it."

I hated to admit it to myself, but I was still turned on by what I just did.

And without a doubt that was the best orgasm in my life.

The thought caused an electric thrill to shoot through me.

Could I do this again? Yes, maybe.

Then I remembered these pictures of me posing naked and masturbating could very well end up in men's magazines. The timid Okie came roaring back.

I liked the sexy feeling of modeling, a lot. But I knew the results could be bad, especially if my brother or people I knew ever saw them. I didn't want to embarrass my brother, or make him feel disappointed with me.

"Ted told me whenever you're ready he definitely wants you back." Em said smiling as she opened the door. "And I'll create your first book for you too. Our little present."

"Thank you Em, please tell Ted I appreciate that, makes me feel good. And thank you for the gift, I'll look forward to seeing it! Y'all have been so wonderful to me, thank you for everything."

Em smiled, reaching out and squeezing my hand.

"He said you've got something special, Sandy. I've rarely heard him say that about any models. Isn't that wonderful, hun? I knew you had it in you!"

I gave Em a big hug.

"Without you Em, I'm not sure I would have gone through with it." I croaked, choked by my emotions, "Thank you. You're..." my throat caught as I tried to get the words out, "you're like the mother I wish I had."

"Thank you so much, sugar!" She said, hugging me back. "I love hearing you say that! And it was my pleasure. And I'm sure we'll be seeing each other soon." She winked as I turned, stepping out of my little fantasy world and crashing into the harsh reality of the outside world, now dim and growing darker as dusk enveloped Northridge.

Trembling with the excitement of being a model, yet shaking with the guilt of my pornographic poses I trudged under the twilight sky to my frumpy car.

Once in my car I paused, thinking, processing, digesting what had happened. I looked at myself in the rearview mirror.

"Oh my God Sandy! In just one afternoon you smoked pot, drank Champagne, posed nude, and masturbated like a slut in front of a camera. Are you fucking crazy?"

My reflection stared back at me, unmoved.

"But what a hot, sexy, steamy time it was. My hair, face and body were perfect. The excitement of posing was addictive, and being sexy, desired, and wanted, such a rush."

I burst into tears as I shook in my seat, awash in raging emotions. Competing sensations of excitement and guilt whipped back and forth like the tumultuous winds of an Oklahoma thunderstorm.

I tried getting control of myself by taking stock of my emotions.

Happiness in feeling pretty, sexy, wanted. Shock in the realization I masturbated in front of a camera and had pictures taken of the event. Fear my little brother might someday see my nasty pictures. Hope that modeling might morph into acting work in Hollywood.

"One thing's for sure," I said to the woman in the mirror intensely, "I vow to send my little brother ten percent of whatever I make, no matter what. He deserves something out of all this, and a way out of the hellhole I escaped."

Feeling mollified that I had a way to turn any potential negative into a slight positive by helping my little brother, I turned the key, started my car and headed home.

As I drove down De Soto Avenue the orange streetlights passing overhead kept time like bright metronomes, counting down my descent back to my uncertain real future. My thoughts turned again to the photo shoot.

In only a few hours of easy and enjoyable work I made more money than I made all week waitressing. But unlike waitressing there was no need for swatting away groping hands from leering, drunk men. There was no need to clean spilled food and sticky drinks off me. And there was no need to massage an aching back, shoulders and tired feet after a long shift.

Finally home, Kim met me at the door, her arms crossed, her brow furrowed. She looked ready to scream at me. Without speaking I opened my purse, pulled out the bundle of money and counted out what I owed her. Looking awkward and surprised she took the money and counted it again.

Guilt washed across her face as she glanced up at me. I assumed she was expecting me to flake on her payment.

"Wow. Umm. Thank you," She stuttered in surprise. "Uhhhh, okay, yeah, it's all here."

After a short, awkward pause she continued. "So, just don't be late anymore, okay?"

She turned to go up the stairs, then paused and faced me. "By the way, you have several messages. I wrote them down on the notepad by the wall phone." With that she turned and walked up the stairs while re-counting her money.

The first message was from my brother. He wanted to come out to visit me. I felt happy and warm as I thought about seeing him again. I missed him so much!

The next message was from Ted, he wanted me to call him back. I could guess why. I grew cold as I thought about doing another nude photo shoot.

Could I go through that again? Where might my pictures end up?

I thought about my options, I didn't have to pose nude again. And I certainly didn't have to masturbate in front of the camera.

So why am I getting all tingly and excited down there thinking about it?

I decided to go take a hot bath while I considered my next move, feeling again that mixture of fear mixing with excitement at the thought of posing again for Ted.