Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 108

Hi, all! Annabelle Hawthorne here, and I have once again returned to demand stars in exchange for new chapters of HFHM!

(I was addicted to those shiny star stickers as a child, my therapist said it wasn't a bad thing inherently, but it was really unusual that I kept eating them)

New Reader? Welcome to the madness! We've got a little bit of everything for you, but the best way to consume it all is to start at Chapter 1 and gobble down several books worth of backstory until you get back to this point. It took me 6 years to write it, but you can absorb it all in just 6 days if you push yourself!

Returning Reader? Welcome back, I missed you! The last month has been pretty busy for me, but I've kept up the grind. I always slow down a bit over the holiday season, but that's usually due to spending time with family and being unable to sneak away and churn out more words away from prying eyes.

I want to take a moment to thank those of you who took the time to send me letters this last month. I'm not going to lie, the holidays stress me out, and that's when self doubt finds me at my weakest. Getting those little feedback forms usually puts a smile on my face, especially when it's someone who just discovered the story and they're 30/40/50 chapters in and simply can't put it down. Those people never would have found me without the help of my Returning Readers. Your enthusiasm for my work and all those lovely stars you once left me became an investment in my future career as a writer, and I can't thank you all enough!

We've officially reached the third act of Book 7, which means things are going to heat up in more ways than one. As with every story that requires rising tension, allow me to present to you my

Opening Salvo

Mike frowned at the Queen of the Fae. Though her entrance was dramatic, he was far more concerned with the mysterious visitors who had poked a hole in the sky directly up above. The amorphic entities squeezed around each other like beads of oil trapped between panes of glass fighting for a better view.

"So those things were in Ingrid's head because of you?" he asked.

"No. They were in the mortal's head of their own accord and natural curiosity. They are attracted to madness. It calls to them like a beacon. However, their proximity meant they sensed my arrival." She looked at Mike meaningfully. "The less we acknowledge or interact with them, the better."

"What even are they?" he asked.

Titania smirked. "I could tell you for a price," she said. "But I know that you would feel cheated. This is a mystery that you are quite capable of solving on your own."

Mike looked up at the eyes again, then remembered he was supposed to ignore them. Dropping his gaze back to the regal figure on the beach, he thought about what Lily had told him regarding the strange entities she had encountered in the Dreamscape. They typically lurked in dark, undefined locations, and rarely interacted with the dreamer. On the few occasions that they did, it was typically to pull them away into the dark and expose them to sheer terror.

The Dreamscape was a place that hovered right on the edge of reason. Time and space were malleable, and he could only think of one thing that would exist just past its boundaries. With their current interest in a divine being, they could only be--

"Don't say it aloud," cautioned Titania. "Nor even think it, not under such inauspicious stars. To do so may bring further attention upon yourself."

He nodded his understanding. "Under these circumstances, is any conversation here actually safe?"

The faerie queen moved toward him, her wings fluttering briefly as she hopped down a dune. "The things we would speak of are beneath notice. Predators care not what sheep think unless the sheep conspire against them. I have two concerns that I would share with you."

"Is one of them the army on my lawn?" Mike asked. "Because that's a concern I have."

Titania's lips became thin like ribbons as she studied him. "That is one of my concerns, yes. I have many subjects who have brought official complaints to my court in regards to their behavior. The Order and the Sons of Sin have not treated my people very well."

Mike nodded, but didn't apologize. Taking the blame for the actions of others was always a terrible idea in regards to the fae. "The Order agreed to stay on my lawn and keep my home safe from harm in my absence," he replied. "So while my hospitality extended to the grounds of my property, it did not include my home."

"But you were aware that they would betray you?" Titania lifted an eyebrow and walked past him, the churning surf of the Dreamscape swirling around her ankles.

"I was." Mike turned and followed the Queen of the Fae. "They gave their word, after all. Have they brought any harm to your subjects who live in my gardens?"

"Not yet. However, these mortals have been quite pushy, and more than a few have harassed the Little People. I took it upon myself to invite some to my realm. I hope you don't mind."

"What transpires between you and my guests is none of my business as long as they were given the choice to leave." Mike thought his statement over, making sure he hadn't left any technical landmines for himself. He also wanted to ask what had happened to them, but wondered if that would cross some sort of boundary. Ah, the fae. "In all honesty, the Sons of Sin were never invited. The Order took advantage of my hospitality. As far as I am concerned, the mercenaries are uninvited pests. If not for very pressing matters here, I would have given them more of my attention. I had to make a choice between two difficult tasks and only I could properly attend to the one I decided upon."

Titania nodded. "On this, we agree." The queen knelt down and picked up a seashell that looked like a child had bedazzled it. "You are perfectly aware that the fae take the rules of Hospitality very seriously?"

"I am." Mike and Beth had poured over several tomes with Sofia before allowing any of the smaller fae creatures to even consider taking up residence in his yard. It was meant to be a relationship of mutual benefit, the natural magic of his home giving the fae a chance to return and live on Earth for as long as they chose. In return, they helped to care for the land along with the centaurs. "If you believe I have erred in this matter--"

"Stop." Titania's voice chilled him. "There is little you could say next that would not bind you."

"I was going to say that I would not mind hearing your wisdom on the matter should you offer it freely." He was at the queen's side now.

"Hmm." Titania tucked the shell into one of her sleeves and turned to face him. "In some ways, you think very much like my people."

"Your words are kind," he replied. This made Titania smirk. "You said you had two concerns. Certainly you did not come all this way to speak of the bad behavior of my guests."

"I did not. I speak now of the..." Titania paused, then her golden eyes flicked toward the sky. "Hmm. Perhaps I've underestimated them. How odd."

Mike looked up to see that the hole in the sky had been stretched wider, and was packed full of shapeless entities. He reached out with his will to pull the hole shut, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"I wouldn't," she said. "Don't let them know you are aware they're here."

"They're looking in my head, though."

"I shall keep this conversation brief, then." She tilted her head so that she faced the ground. "Even my presence here should not have collected so many."

"That makes me feel..." Mike had been about to say better, but remembered who he was talking to. "Uncomfortable."

"As it should. It has come to my attention that you finally discovered what the dragon Di has been up to these last few centuries." Titania smiled, showing plenty of teeth. They looked sharper than usual. "I was curious to know what you were planning to do with them."

He shrugged. It wasn't something he had given much thought to. Between the information being new and the problem of Captain Francois, there hadn't even been much time to discuss with anyone what he actually wanted to do with the eggs.

"I haven't planned anything," he said.

"Of course you haven't." Titania sighed. "Are you even aware what sort of treasure you currently possess?"

He bit back a sarcastic reply. "I will admit I know very little," he said, casting a wary glance skyward once more. "But if what I've been told is true, it sounds like I could theoretically reset the world with them. Use them to restore magic to the land, or something similar."

Titania nodded. "With those beings, it would be entirely in your power to once again lift the veil covering the eyes of the world, to bring back that which Merlin once sealed away. Yours would be a world of science and magic, a place capable of producing wonders both great and deadly."

"But wouldn't that just gather more...attention?" Mike flicked his eyes upward for emphasis.

"It would." Titania scowled so hard that she and the ground beneath her feet darkened in color. "The fae realm is considered a safe haven from the outsiders, but your world would cease to be. Should you choose to re-establish that which was lost, they will come for the mortal realm once again and I fear there would be no stopping them."

"Why is your realm safe?" Mike asked.

"It was built long before your world dared to breathe, Caretaker. Whereas your world is carefully constructed from the fabric of time and space, ours simply is. The only way they could get to us is through your world. Even then, you would witness the Seelie and Unseelie united in a manner that has never occurred before. Our world is built on truths, and beings without shape or logic would have to conform."

"So if they invaded you, they would die?"

"Death is a strange word for such creatures," she replied. "Logically, they would simply return to the Between place they came from."

"Why worry about what happens to my world?" he asked. "If your world is safe, that is?"

"Do you think we would not see a flood of creatures from your realm?" Titania shook her head. "The dragons were hard enough to accommodate, and they were wanted. Every creature in the fae realm is tied to the land in some way. It is part of our magic. Mortals, cryptids, and even divine beings would force themselves into my realm to escape annihilation. I cannot have gods wandering my realm and becoming tied to the land, Caretaker. It was never their world to begin with, and we would be forced to hunt them down as they begin acting on their own designs."

"So war, then." Mike nodded in understanding. "You really think they wouldn't play nice?"

"Immortal beings never play nice," she said. "Eternity is a long time to get along."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I have no desire to end my own world." He looked out at the ocean and pondered the dark shapes out there. Here in the Dreamscape, they couldn't hurt him. But in the real world? Would he be driven mad at the very sight of them? Could he even take one on? He had a vague recollection of the time he and Ratu destroyed a piece of one. Sometimes, when he was just drifting off to sleep, he remembered screaming until his throat was raw, stabbing at a piece of flesh that shrieked when he punctured one of its many eyes...

"Give them to me," said Titania. Mike realized he had tuned her out, and turned in her direction. "My world would be a safe place for them."

Mike contemplated the queen, wondering if this was just a suggestion of hers or a command. He really wished he hadn't drifted there for a second. The air felt heavy with expectation now, and he wasn't sure how to reply without offending her.

"The Kahu protected this treasure for generations," he said. "And it has been in my care less than a full day. It would be wise to make any decision regarding their care only after speaking to the dragon and goddess who still guard them."

Titania regarded him coolly for a moment, and he wondered if he had fucked up. Suddenly, the air felt light again, and the weird crimson light around her body faded.

"It's a pity you aren't fae," she said, moving toward him with her hands clasped in front of her. She placed one hand on his chest and studied his eyes for several long moments. "If the court would allow it, I would make a proper consort of you."

"I have other duties," he replied. He inhaled her scent and was reminded of long summer days in fields of wheat, the tops of the grass tickling his chin as he ran from an oncoming storm. The memories weren't his, but such things mattered not to the fae.

"As you do," Titania whispered, then placed her lips to his. A shock ran through his body, and the Dreamscape fractured like wet sand, falling in clumps around him as light tore through the broken sky above, chasing the others back into the darkness.

Mike took a deep breath and awoke, his eyes scanning the room. Ingrid was sitting up in bed, clutching her temples and breathing slowly as Pele held a bottle of water for her to drink. Lily stood by Mike, fierce annoyance on her features as she stared at him. Ratu was on the edge of the bed, rubbing Ingrid's ankles.

"It worked," said Pele, her eyes on Mike. "You brought her back." She sniffed the air and tilted her head to one side. "Why do you smell like honey?"

"That's a good question." Titania's visitations were meant to be a secret, and he intended to keep them that way. He looked at Ingrid. "How are you feeling?"

"I have a splitting headache," Ingrid whispered, then sipped some more water.

"She's also dehydrated." Pele helped Ingrid drink some more water. "You've been out for almost a day now."

"Almost...a day?" Ingrid looked up in confusion. "The last thing I remembered was seeing..."

Mike cleared his throat and sat next to the mage, then took her hand in his own. Even now, he couldn't help but picture the small hands he had held in his mind not so long ago.

"You saw a dragon," he said, watching Ingrid's eyes widen in alarm. "She sensed you three crossing the boundary and retrieved you from the cave network to figure out who you were. Her name is Di, and she is very kind, and quite beautiful."

"Her name is...Di?" Ingrid looked at Pele next. "You're not...her, are you?"

Pele chuckled. "The dragon? No. She cannot take human form. I'm just an old woman who has been around a long time."

"Ingrid." Mike squeezed the woman's hand. "You had quite the shock yesterday. Do you remember anything else?"

"I...no?" She screwed up her face in concentration, then seemed to realize where they were. "Wait, you said we crossed the boundary? Are we here?"

"My property? Yes." Mike studied Ingrid's features, then looked past her physical appearance to her soul. The colors shifted and swirled around her, but he couldn't help but notice there was a piece he hadn't noticed before, sitting calmly at its center. "You are here, and you are safe."

Ingrid took a deep breath and sat back against the bed, her eyes closing. "I'm safe."

"You are." He stood, the mood in the room suddenly shifting. "I have something I need to take care of and will be back in a bit. Is there someone who can bring her some food?"

Pele smiled at him. "It is already under control, Caretaker. Go. Have your meeting."

Mike stepped outside and looked up into the cloudy sky above. It was raining on the other side of the volcano, the downpour forming into waterfalls on the opposite cliffs. He walked toward the edge of the precipice to get a better look. Down below in the lake, Mike noticed Leilani swimming wide circles in the steaming water.

"Is she safe doing that?" he wondered out loud.

"She is." Ratu stepped out from the cabin to join him. She closed the door just as Lily tried to come through, the door squishing the succubus against the frame.

"Bitch." Lily pouted, then squeezed the rest of the way through.

"Like I was saying, she is safe to swim there. This morning, she asked if there was anywhere she could swim and Pele gave her a special blessing that will protect her from the heat." Ratu took Mike's wrist. "What is the next move, Caretaker?"

He held out his fingers and ticked them off. "First, I want to go home and check in on everyone. It sounds like they have it under control, but I miss my kids. This has to be scary for them. Then I'm headed back to Paradise. I'll need Leilani and Ingrid for that to clear my name with the Order and the merfolk. I also intend to tell the Director to get his people off my lawn before I sic the Jabberwock on them."

"Preach." Lily put her hands up and swayed. Ratu frowned at her, the scales on her neck shifting in irritation.

"We don't need the Order anymore. They've done their part. The house is connected to here, now, which allows us to tackle our next task. While I'm talking with the Director, someone needs to get Beth out. When we're done, we'll swing by the house again and kick ass if we need to." Mike sighed. "And then we can come back here and figure out how to knock Jack Sparrow's teeth in."

"Who?" asked Ratu.

"Sorry, just another stupid nickname for Captain Francois." Mike didn't bother mentioning that Jack Sparrow would be upset that Ratu had never heard of him. "He might have an army of skeletons and a giant squid, but I'll be damned if I let him get that clutch."

"I like this side of you, Romeo." Lily leaned into Mike and stroked his bicep through his shirt. "I can think of something fun for us to do while everyone else gets ready."

"Ahem." Ratu was now openly glaring at Lily. "I think it would be prudent to--"

"Ugh, I hate that word. Prude." Lily smirked and stepped away from Mike. "But the snake is right, we should get moving."

Ratu made a soft hissing sound in the back of her throat, her tongue slipping free to taste the air for just a moment. "Are you trying to antagonize me?" she demanded.

Lily shrugged. "I'm just being me, the girl who had to stay behind and watch the fucking master suite instead of sitting on the beach with a mai tai and a team of servants."

"This has hardly been a--" Ratu's eyes widened when Mike cut her off.

"The answer is yes," he said. "She is trying to antagonize you. Lily, since you're the fastest one here, will you fly down and let Leilani and Quetzalli know the plan? Oh, and if Leilani isn't too heavy for you to carry, I would appreciate it if you gave her a lift back up here."

Lily snorted. "Oh, so I'm just your servant girl, now? What's in it for me?"

"Quetzalli is in the temple with Di. It will give you the perfect excuse to meet her."

Lily's wings extended from her back and she smirked. "Okay, Romeo, you've got a deal. Excuse me, snake girl, I'm off to meet a motherfucking dragon." She ran toward the nearest precipice and threw herself off, her leathery wings extending wide to ride the thermals. After making a partial circle, she folded into a dive and vanished.

"She's annoying," Ratu sniffed.

"Sometimes. But her heart is always in the right place." Mike turned his attention to Ratu. "But I want to know what's going on with you. I don't know that I've ever seen you this on edge."

Ratu turned her head away and scowled. "I spent decades underground, Caretaker. Decades in a place where I thought nobody could ever hurt me. I finally leave that safe place only to be hunted by a skeleton army and have another army move onto our front lawn. The timing of all these things feels...deliberate."

"Do you think the others can't handle what's going on at home?" he asked.

Ratu glared at him, her eyes narrowing into serpentine slits. "I don't doubt their abilities," she declared. "But I do wonder what we're missing. Everything that's happening now starts with Captain Francois coming for the eggs. The why of this doesn't matter. Rather, I'm interested in why now?"