Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 076

"Has Bigfoot checked in?" he asked.

"No." Abella replied. "But I can explain to him what is happening when he returns."

"You aren't coming with us?"

She shook her head sadly. "What Emery has promised me will take many days. I do not move quickly, and will not be able to fight for you. Not this time."

"Besides that, we have a problem. Even with the barrier down, we've somehow managed to end up with no way to contact the others to have the rats chew us a portal." Dana pulled out her broken cellphone. "I could call Eulalie if we get our hands on a new phone, but that means heading into town. Then we'll have to find a phone place, and then hope she answers calls from unlisted numbers. Find somewhere good for the rats to chew a portal...shit, can they even do that if Reggie is trapped? Don't they need his permission?"

Quetzalli sighed and sat down at the table. "If you are planning on running off again, then I will just slow you down as well. This body is far too jiggly to run for long, and I hate all the sweat that comes along with it. Time is of the essence, and this is a wise decision."

Mike looked at Abella, and then Quetzalli. "Thank you for coming here with me," he told them. "The selfish part of me wishes you could come with us, but there are important things to do here as well. As for getting home, we'll figure something out, but it won't be by standing around here."

It was agreed that Quetzalli and Abella would assist Bigfoot in keeping Leeds locked away until he could return. Dana and Yuki got their stuff together and were waiting for him outside as he told the others goodbye. Emery seemed particularly choked up at his departure, but he promised the imp he would return.

When he hugged Abella, she surprised him with a small envelope. It was sealed shut and had Eulalie's name written on the outside.

"This is for her," she told him. "It's about her sister. Once I knew that I wouldn't be coming with you, I needed a way to get Eulalie a message. These are words that cannot wait for my return."

He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "It must have been hard to write," he said.

She nodded. "It was. Now go. I have plenty to protect here without worrying about you." She wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him in for a hard kiss, then hugged him hard enough that his back popped.

"Come back to me," she whispered. "Or I will make you regret it."

"I have no doubt," he replied with a smile.

Once outside, they ran toward the nearest clump of trees and came to a stop as Mike put his hand on the nearest one.

We need to go home, he thought toward the forest. Will you help me?

A portal appeared off to their left. He pulled the straps on his bag tight and they ran through it together. Animals on the other side led them through the woods for half an hour until they approached the next portal. The miles became easier as the snow disappeared, and Dana carried Yuki in her arms as they ran. Even in fox form, the kitsune had finally hit the wall for physical exhaustion and needed some help.

Several portals later, he stood on the edge of his property. He could feel the land beneath his feet, vibrating with energy and magic as he stepped off of it. They took a break while he drank some water and ate another can of soup. His arm throbbed with pain, but he did his best to ignore it.

"So where to from here?" Dana asked.

"I suppose we could hitch a ride to the nearest airport," he replied. "Maybe charter something private, I don't know." He looked back at the boundary and wiped some tears from his eyes. Only a few days ago, he had walked into that place a completely different person. In such a brief span of time, he had loved, lost, and walked the boundary of death itself. It had been a crucible of sorts, and he could only hope that he had come out strong enough for the trials yet ahead.

An owl hooted from a nearby tree. He turned his attention upward and was surprised to see a familiar face up in the branches. The spectral owl clicked her beak at him several times, and then Bigfoot emerged from the shadows beneath.

"The forest told me you were leaving." Bigfoot spoke softly as he approached Mike. "I would not see you leave without saying goodbye."

Mike nodded. "I would have waited for you, but the situation at home has taken a turn for the worse."

"You're a busy man, Caretaker." Bigfoot put his hand on Mike's shoulder. "Tell Eulalie that I'm sorry."

"The blame falls squarely on Leeds," Mike replied, his hand slipping into his pocket to squeeze the dog tags reassuringly. "His actions are not your failures."

Bigfoot licked his lips and nodded. "Then if nothing else, tell her that I'm sorry I could not be the one to tell her about her sister. The forest has done its best to imprison Leeds, but he still has allies among the forest children. I would not see him escape."

"Nor would I. Abella and Quetzalli have agreed to help, they're back at the cabin. When I'm done fixing things at home, I'll have the rats open a portal and come right back to help you figure out what to do with him." Mike narrowed his eyes. "I promise you that the punishment will be fitting."

"I would like that." Bigfoot stepped toward Dana and pulled her in for a big hug. "Make sure you get that to Eulalie," he told her.

"I think you broke a rib," Dana muttered from beneath his fur.

"That's why I gave it to you and not him. He looks too soft." Bigfoot winked at Mike, then put Dana down.

"I'm not that fragile," Mike muttered, then yelled in surprise as Bigfoot lifted him into the air and squeezed him tight.

"You sound like a squeaky toy!" Bigfoot declared loudly as Dana and Yuki laughed. He put his lips against Mike's ear and dropped his voice to a whisper. "You ever call me a yeti again and I'll rip your arm off and fist your asshole with it."

"Don't threaten...me with...a good time," Mike gasped in response.

The sasquatch laughed and set him down. He offered Yuki a fist bump and headed toward the trees behind him. "As for how you're getting home, just ask the trees. Looks like you've learned their language without my help." With that, he vanished into the woods without a sound.

Mike contemplated Bigfoot's words with a smile, then looked up at the owl. She hooted her agreement and flapped her wings.

"What are you looking at?" Dana asked as she scanned the trees.

"Just a spirit of the woods," he replied with a grin. Though he was leaving this place behind, he knew it would be in good hands.

The owl flapped her wings and flew back into the woods, disappearing through a tree. Mike took one more swig of water and thought about home. A portal opened to his right, about thirty feet away.

"Looks like we're taking some shortcuts," he said, then looked at the others. "Who's up for a run? Should just be a couple thousand miles."

Yuki groaned and turned back into a fox. Dana ran ahead of Mike, her ponytail bouncing on her shoulders.

"Try to keep up," she hollered as she sprinted ahead.

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Beth looked up from the Grimoire in time to see Kisa snap awake dramatically. The catgirl clutched her head and dry heaved over the side of the couch as Lily's tail twitched back and forth. They were sitting in the front room so that they could keep an eye on what was happening outside.

"Well?" she asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"Success." Lily smirked as she stroked Kisa's back. "We made contact with Romeo."

"Finally some good news." She closed the Grimoire and turned to look out the window. Murray was hovering in the air, his mouth stretched wide as the mist swirled around him. He and the others now stood between Death and the house, ensuring that nobody could go to the Grim Reaper's aid. "Any idea how long it will be?"

"No," Kisa groaned. "But he's coming right now."

Sighing, Beth looked back at the grimoire and focused on the spell she had chosen. The words weren't complicated and she felt a rush of energy move through her body as a ball of water formed over the table and then fell. It made quite a mess, but did fill up all of the coffee mugs they had set out to catch the moisture.

Reggie picked one up and slurped greedily, his tail twitching as he did so. When he got toward the end of his mug, Jenny (who was sitting next to him) tipped it up far enough that water ran down his face.

"I don't even care," he declared as water beaded up on his whiskers. He wiped his face off and flicked the water at Jenny.

Smiling, Beth picked up a couple of mugs and drank it down. The house was much warmer without the priestess, so they had that going for them. Summoning water made a mess, but she didn't dare move away from the front windows. The horsemen occasionally wandered, and she wanted to know where they were at all times.

"Any chance you're gonna make snacks later?" asked Kisa as she picked up a mug.

"Spontaneous generation is trickier than expected," Beth replied. "This was just a way to condense the moisture already in the air. If I do it enough times, the spell won't work anymore because of the lack of humidity."

"Think we'll live long enough to run out of water?" Kisa asked. "Once we're back on Earth, I don't see these guys being content to just chill on our front yard."

Beth frowned, then looked back outside. Unless she was mistaken, the swirling mists circling the house had thickened.

"Doubt it," she replied, then turned her attention to Opal. The slime girl was only a foot tall right now, and had crawled under the table to absorb the moisture from the carpet. As Opal sucked the water out with a wide mouth, Beth watched the slime's body expand a little.

The ooze had emerged from her crystalline core a couple of hours ago and had signed some seriously foul language in regards to the priestess. Apparently her consciousness resided inside of the crystalline vial. Whatever spell had latched onto the vessel had caused it to create a little bit of primordial ooze every day. Any type of moisture could be absorbed and used to create more slime, allowing Opal to be far larger than the contents of a magic jar.

This little fact had actually inspired Beth to attempt the spell in the first place. She was already getting dehydration headaches and had seen the bags under her eyes while looking in a mirror.

She looked at the others, then back out the window. The mood was grim, and she didn't like it.

"We're going to need a plan," she declared. "For when Mike arrives, or maybe even before. I have no idea what he's going to do when he gets here, but I want to have something ready in case we need to buy him time or create a distraction. Any ideas?"

"You're not gonna get a lot of opportunities," Lily declared with her arms crossed. "As soon as you step out there, I bet you get blasted. Or stabbed. Or both."

Beth looked down at Opal, who paused to return her gaze.

"Maybe...that's something we can use?" she asked the slime.

Opal gave her a thumbs up, then signed the word for thirsty. Without delay, Beth summoned another sphere of water. The inkling of a plan had formed in her head and she was fairly certain that she and Opal were in agreement.

"You've got something, don't you?" Lily grinned and leaned forward. "Let's hear it."

"Oh, it's a good one. Like everything else we do, it'll be dangerous, borderline stupid, and cause a lot of chaos."

"I'm in." Lily put her hands together and leaned forward. "I'm not sure what I can do, but I'm itching for action."

"Same." Kisa looked out the window. "Wouldn't mind a second crack at that bitch."

Beth looked at Jenny and Reggie. The rat king gave her a thumbs up while sipping some more water. Jenny nodded, then tried to slap the mug out of Reggie's hand.

"Excellent!" Beth said, clapping her hands together. "First thing's first--it's time to teach the new girl how to walk."

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Two chapters left in this book, people! I'm gonna wrap it all up with a bow like the girl scouts do at the mall to raise money (is that even still a thing?)!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was very cathartic to write about Mike getting lost in rage and pulling himself back from the brink of a bad decision (I've been there, and I'm sure some of you have, too). These characters live and breathe in my head, and I know I mourned the events of last chapter and really wanted to depict it through Mike's eyes. But that's just an author thing.

Don't forget to rate after reading, tip your server if you've been sitting in a bar drinking this whole time, and I will see you next time! The holidays can be hard for everybody, so above all else, be kind to yourself and to others!

~Annabelle Hawthorne

p.s. The book is ending, not the series. I get so many emails whenever I bring this up, figured I would head them off is all. (To clarify, the HFHM universe does and will have an actual ending, just FYI)