Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 091

Hi, all! Annabelle Hawthorne back at you with another round of "What else could go wrong this holiday season?!?"

New reader? Let me catch you up. Once upon a time, Mike Radley fucked a nymph in a bathtub. 90 chapters later, he is battling the Krampus.

Returning reader? Welcome back! This chapter is on a low simmer for you as I get ready to dial up the heat to 11, but there's still plenty to enjoy. With the Krampus finally making his move, team North Pole and team Santa's Helpers are going to have to figure out moves of their own. As for our beloved catgirl, Kisa, we're going to catch up to her in just a little bit!

Thanks again for your continued support, this book has been fun to write, but it certainly takes up a lot of my time. It makes me super happy to know how much joy it's brought you, and your enthusiasm is contagious and keeps my ass in the writer's seat! Make sure you Check Out My Bio to see when the next chapter is going to release if you want to stay current on the story, I super try hard to keep my posts punctual.

In fact, you could say I'm very good at

Holiday Planning

The sleigh hovered in the air over the Atlantic, just east of the Florida coastline. Christmas Present and Dancer were doing some reconnaissance to see if the Krampus had already been in the area. If he had, then it would be safe for them to proceed. If not, he was far faster than they were, and it wasn't worth getting caught.

"Do you really think it's worth it?" Lily asked, staring at the distant lights of Miami. She rested her head on crossed arms on the side of the sleigh. With the Krampus stealing presents, their only option for prolonging belief was making personal visits from Santa. Deep down, Lily was afraid that the Krampus had already visited these children, scaring the poop out of them or telling them Santa wasn't real. "If Christmas Present is right, these visits won't amount to much in terms of Christmas preservation."

"Absolutely." Death was next to her, his eye sockets on the dark waters of the Atlantic. "From our point of view, we gain very little. Each special trip exacts a toll on us, and an imbalanced one at that."

"You're not exactly selling it," Lily muttered.

"But to that child, it means everything. Perhaps our efforts buy us scant minutes in the long run, but Christmas has never been about our own personal gains. It is the season of giving, that moment when someone's face lights up in joy. The best gifts aren't things you can hold with your hands, dear succubus, but rather things we can cherish in our hearts for years to come."

Lily sighed, turning her head to see the Reaper better. He had a point, but it was one she had trouble coming to terms with. The debate the team had on the way had been largely one-sided. Lily was in favor of going to the North Pole to kick some heinie, while everyone else, including the toaster, wanted to finish the list.

It was selfish of her, she could admit it. She missed Mike. She hated being Santa's Helper and playing cat and mouse with a literal giant cat had gotten old. She wasn't built for generosity or kindness, but sensuality and murder.

"I disagree." The part of Mike's soul that lived inside her was now rubbing her shoulders. It was rare to see him out in the real world, but he had appeared shortly after she had lost her argument with the others. At first, she had been terrified that Death would see him and react poorly, but it turned out that Spirit Mike was still just a hallucination brought on by stress.

As he worked the muscles in her shoulders, she couldn't help but wonder what it would look like if someone else was watching her skin. Would it look like it was being kneaded from the inside? Her body was capable of it. Or was it just part of the illusion?

Please. How many people have you watched me kill and eat? She spoke with her thoughts alone. Just because Death couldn't see Mike didn't mean that he wouldn't overhear her talking to herself.

"People don't judge a lion for eating a baby gazelle." Mike paused for a moment. "At least, realistic people don't. It's a predator, that's what it was made for."

Nobody expects that lion to go out and play Santa's Helper for months on end.

"You are far more refined than a lion." He worked his hands along her outer arms, then slid them around her torso, squeezing her from behind as he moved in to snuggle her. "I think what bothers you is that you see the wisdom in the decision, and it goes against everything you've believed up until recently."

Eat me. Lily kept her features neutral, her eyes flicking over to Death. The Reaper was wistfully gazing at his empty mug of cocoa, probably dreaming of how wonderful it would be to have tea instead. This had been maybe slightly entertaining, but now it's a fool's errand.

"You were having plenty of fun until the Krampus pooped on your parade." She could feel Mike wiggle his lips. "Darn, that really is annoying."

Almost an hour passed before Dancer appeared in the sky, descending from above. Christmas Present was astride the reindeer's back, her hair flowing behind her in the moonlight in a pose that gave Lily's tummy butterflies. Her mind flitted back to their interlude, and she wondered if there would ever be an opportunity for a second round.

"Wow, she really is breathtaking," Mike muttered.

Maybe we should do something similar in the Dreamscape, Lily replied.

"If so, I call dibs on being the little spoon."

Lily snorted.

Death looked at her, then turned his gaze toward the returning duo. "Ah. You have returned to us."

Christmas Present took a deep breath and let it all out at once. "He's been through here. Terrible cookies and no gifts from Santa."

"But we haven't been here yet." Death patted the large sack behind him. "We could still deliver these."

"That we can." Christmas Present looked at the two of them. "But there's no guarantee he won't swing through again. We also don't know what he's doing with the gifts he takes."

"True." Death tapped the edge of the sleigh, deep in thought. "Perhaps it would behoove us to follow the original plan. We could find somewhere safe to hide these gifts until the Krampus has been taken care of and Santa restored."

Christmas Present shrugged. "I'm kind of on the fence, honestly. Part of me wonders if we should go north, after all. See how we can help there."

"I see." Death looked over at Lily. "But what about the children expecting a visit?"

The giant shook her head. "I do not know. If Santa is truly lost to us, it would only delay the inevitable."

The group sat in silence for several minutes. Lily hadn't seen such a defeated look on either Christmas Present's or Death's face before. It was really sinking in that they were way over their heads.

"I would like to continue." Death pulled the list from some hidden pocket inside his own black robes beneath Santa's red coat. "I know not what I can even hope to accomplish against a being such as the Krampus, but helping children believe is something I know I can do. It makes just as much difference to them as any fight I could partake in, for this is not the season of violence, but of hope and new beginnings. I would not begrudge any who choose not to come with me. If you wish, you may take the sleigh and move it to safety."

"How will you get around?" Lily asked.

"I shall walk. I do not tire, for death is inevitable. There are plenty of children I can visit in the Americas alone, though I do not look forward to swimming all the way to Hawaii."

"You're really planning on walking? Just to keep some kids believing in Santa for a little bit longer?"

"There are still hundreds of children on this list." Death tucked the list away. "And though it may take me decades to visit them all, I will ensure that their needs are met."

Ahead of them, Cerberus turned around and snorted, sending a jet of flames from each head. They fixed everyone with a stern gaze, then turned their heads toward Miami and grunted. It seemed like they wanted to continue on as well.

Christmas Present shook her head. "You assume that you have decades left. The sleigh is already slower than before, which means the magic is weakening. Nobody knows what will happen to it should the Krampus win, but I imagine all of this comes to an end. It's clear he wants to damage Santa's image, and you would become a liability. I would be surprised if you got more than a few days, if I'm being honest."

"Then drop me off somewhere good!" Death shook his list and pointed. "Look, right here. There are a couple of children in New Jersey, only blocks apart, who need Santa. From there, it will be several hours, but a little girl wants a bedtime story. Her father died this year, and she just wants--"

"Hey." Lily put her hand on Death's arm. "I'm not letting you do this on your own. We're not letting you," she corrected at a huff from Cerberus. "Let's keep using the sleigh, put some smiles on their faces, yeah?"

Christmas Present nodded in agreement. "If anyone should feel bad for abandoning the task, it should be me. It's hard to remember how to be selfless when you have so many new feelings on the inside, screaming to get out. When the time lock ends, I will be everywhere at once, compressing lifetimes worth of memories into a single day. But for now, I am so far removed from my task that my thoughts have wandered. I am sorry."

"Then it's settled. Let's go make some dreams come true." Lily rolled her eyes at Death. "Besides, you would have scared the snow right out of those kids. You're too boney to pass for Santa."

Death opened his mouth as if to say something, then clacked his jaw shut. "Thank you, Lily. I did not expect you to be swayed by my words."

Lily looked at Mike, who sat on the edge of the sleigh and was giving her a thumbs up. "Let's just say I was recently reminded how refined I am."

"Now that we know what we're doing, I'll check in with Mrs. Claus and Mike. I'm going to fly oceanward for a bit to throw the Krampus off if he's tracking me. I'll see you two eventually." Christmas Present winked at them, then headed east on Dancer's back. In only a few minutes, they were gone.

Death flipped through the pages of the list, humming to himself as he did so.

"We're needed by a little girl in north Miami." He tapped the paper, then tucked it away and picked up the reins. He paused, contemplated the reins, then handed them over to Lily. "Would you like to drive for a while?"

"Heck, yeah, I would!" Lily took the reins and snapped them hard, eager for less talking and more doing. Cerberus launched forward, towing them toward the glittering lights in the distance. Lily stood in her seat, putting one foot on top of the sleigh and spreading her wings wide to flair out dramatically behind her.

Unseen by the others, Mike's soul fragment wrapped arms around her waist and hollered in delight as the wind blew through his hair.

❄️❄️❄️

Mike sat on a stool, contemplating the swirling mass of Jack/Freya's soul before him. Outside the window, the snow was frozen in place, making the mountain scenery appear as if it was painted on.

When they had left the North Pole, Holly had brought them to a ski town deep in the Rocky Mountains. There was no shortage of apartments to be used, and the one they had picked was a really nice one overlooking the mountain. It had two bedrooms, and time had frozen while the occupants were outside using the hot tub. There were four of them, three men and one woman, splitting a bottle of champagne.

There were occasional debates as to who was paired with who, but Holly had declared that maybe the additional two men were the woman's Christmas present. Mike had pointed out that it could easily be the other way around, and that they were a gift for the man.

Yuki had gently reminded them both that the world was full of people who just enjoyed each other's company and didn't just fuck each other all the time.

Jack/Freya sighed, then turned their head to look at him. He typically sat behind her so that the experience was a little less creepy. "It's been three days, Caretaker. Are you going to do something, or are we going to piss away the hours while the Krampus ruins everything?"

It was Freya's voice, but Mike had learned early in studying them that Jack and Freya weren't actually separate people. In a long Dreamscape discussion with Naia and Lily, it was decided that Jack was simply the remnants of whatever Freya used to be. Ratu believed that Freya wasn't actually complete herself, and what they were all experiencing was just another facet that didn't know they were incomplete.

So though Mike felt like he was looking at two separate souls, it was just an illusion. When the Krampus had antagonized Jack, self preservation had brought the violent side of Freya forward. Based on research Yuki had done at a nearby library, Freya wasn't just the goddess of war. She had actually been associated with several other things, like gold, love, and fertility.

"Hey." Holly put her hand on Mike's thigh to get his attention, then handed him a cup with some hot soup. It was impossible outside the North pole to properly cook anything, as appliances didn't work. However, the flames in every fireplace continued to flicker, giving off a warmth that absolutely violated the laws of thermodynamics. When questioned about it, Holly had rolled her eyes and declared that Christmas magic was complicated and they shouldn't worry about it.

"Thanks." The soup was straight from a can, but he was already tired of sandwiches. Holly and Yuki had taken turns raiding the nearby grocery store, stealing food they could consume without cooking. He ate a beef stew that was okay, but wouldn't hold a candle to clam chowder.

"Are you just going to ignore her?" Jack turned to look at him. "Because even I'm getting impatient."

"I'm only going to get one shot at this," he told them, for perhaps the hundredth time. "When I went to bed last night, I spent over a week in the Dreamscape getting lessons from Naia, Lily, and Ratu on soul magic. I feel like I'm just now understanding how to hold a scalpel, but you're demanding I scrub in for brain surgery."

"It isn't exactly comfortable only having control of half my body," Jack replied. "Last week, I could frost a town in moments, and ride on the wind with arms outstretched and a cold front in my heart. But now? I'm crippled, physically and spiritually."

"You were already crippled," Freya replied. "In a metaphor even you can understand, you are nothing more than a lump of leftover snow from a melted snowman."

"Enough, both of you." Mike could see their soul folding and stretching above them, as if trying to tear itself apart. The temperature of the room had dropped drastically, and he could feel the chill through the sweater Yuki had stolen for him from the ski shop in the town square below. Yesterday, Freya/Jack had argued so much that the whole apartment had frosted over.

"No. I've had enough." Freya tried to stand up, but Jack's half of the body went limp. The goddess growled as they fell to the floor, the wood floors now covered in a thick frost.

The bedroom door opened and Yuki stepped out. She yawned, scratching at her belly as she crossed the room naked.

"What's a fox got to do to get a nap around here?" She shook her head at the sight of Freya/Jack struggling on the floor. "Felt them getting feisty, thought I would come check."

"Yeah, they need help again." Mike let Yuki pick them up. They had learned early on that it was unsafe for anyone else to handle Freya/Jack if they weren't calm. Even with Santa's coat on, Mike had gotten a nasty frostburn on his exposed skin from trying to move the goddess from one seat to another.

Freya and Jack were now going back and forth in a language nobody else understood. Mike half expected them to start punching each other, which would be regrettable because they shared the same face.

There was a loud sizzling sound, and then Christmas Present popped into the middle of the apartment, nearly hitting her head on the ceiling.

"Whoa, where the heck are you guys?" Christmas Present shrank herself down, then looked out the window. "This isn't the North Pole."

Mike took a minute to explain what had happened and their current plan. The spirit listened with interest to the events of the last few days, then filled Mike in on what transpired with the others. She handed him a letter which Lily had written, and he tucked it into his pocket.

Freya/Jack, silenced by the giant's sudden arrival, looked miserable to hear the news. Their soul had fallen into a contemplative state with no shortage of self pity. Mike had seen enough of it in the last few days to recognize the pattern.

"I shouldn't stay long," Christmas Present announced, looking around the room. "And neither should you. The Krampus knows I teleported here, but not why. If he sends someone to investigate, they will discover you soon enough."

"It was fun while it lasted," Yuki muttered, leaving the room to go get dressed.

Christmas Present patted Holly affectionately on the head, then blew Mike a kiss before baring her breasts and disappearing.

"Should have seen that coming." Mike couldn't help but laugh, then opened Lily's letter. It said pretty much what the giant had told him.

"So where should we go?" Holly asked. "If the Krampus is using his own sleigh, it will still take him hours to get here."

Mike looked outside and sighed. They couldn't return to Santa's house, they needed more time. But he also didn't want to spend forever trying to locate somewhere quiet to do their work.

"Could the Krampus track us through the fireplace?" Mike asked.

Holly shrugged. "I don't know."

"Shit. Sorry, Holly." He growled as he looked back out on the mountain. What was the best play here?

"I have an idea," Freya offered. "If you are worried about him tracking us, we could move somewhere nearby. Close enough that we can walk, but far enough away that it would be a waste of resources to search. He doesn't know why the spirit came here in the first place."

"So you're saying we should move to another building?"

"Maybe go a town over. Wouldn't be hard to find somewhere just as nice." Freya's eye moved in toward her nose, as if looking at Jack. "What do you think?"

"I could cover our tracks," Jack replied. "We just have to make sure we don't leave any evidence we were here."

Holly didn't bother asking Mike's opinion. The elf went into overdrive, picking up all the trash they had accumulated and putting it into the garbage bag. Yuki came out of the bedroom, carrying Santa's coat in one hand and a stolen backpack in the other.

"It's a good plan," she offered, tossing the coat to Mike. "Let's go."

They were fully packed and gone within thirty minutes. Mike gazed wistfully at the people in the hot tub, wishing he could be back home with his whole family. After seeing Callisto in the future, there was nothing he wanted more than to wrap his arms around his son and hold him. Granted, he would probably get kicked for doing it, but it was his fantasy and he was going to savor it for a while longer.

The trip out of the ski town didn't take them very long, but they were stuck with walking along the frost covered roads. Holly led the way, with Mike and Yuki taking turns carrying Jack/Freya as the goddess manipulated the elements behind them to hide their footprints.

The long walk out of town felt like an outtake from an apocalyptic movie. The streets were largely empty, but what few cars navigated them were frozen in time, their headlights on. Declaring that the main roads had served them well enough, Yuki led the group onto the icy side roads. They avoided street lights or any other illumination that might give them away, and it was a couple of hours later that Mike found himself hiking up the side of a mountain, following a curved road covered in snow. He looked back one last time at the lights of the ski village, then flinched when he saw a cluster of them flicker.