Homeomorphism - Step 1

Hayley was sporting a reluctant smile. "Leave it to an engineer to explain happiness in mathematical terms."

Charlotte giggled.

"You don't think that's all a little hedonistic? Always seeking to maximize pleasure?" Hayley continued.

"I don't know. Call me cynical, but I think that's all life is. Even people who devote their lives to others do so because it fulfils them more than anything else. It makes them the happiest. Everybody just has their own balance."

"What if I've already found mine?"

"Hayley, you're one of the smartest people I've ever met, but a 5^th grader could see that you haven't found yours."

Hayley scowled, but Charlotte could see the curiosity behind her eyes. More than curiosity, in fact. Fascination.

"What if somebody's balance is never-ending gluttony? You think it's truly in their best interest to eat 10,000 calories a day and be bedridden?"

"If that's their true balance," Charlotte shrugged in acknowledgement. "But I don't think there's anybody out there who's actually like that."

"That feels like a cop out."

"No, I think it's just inherent within the equation. Present happiness is linear, future happiness - delayed gratification - is exponential. Great amounts of present happiness - indulgence - will always be outweighed by the corresponding loss of future happiness."

"What about repeated, small amounts of present happiness. Take your cake example. One slice of cake tonight has a negligible impact on my future happiness, sure, but if I approach every night with that mentality, the cumulative effect of eating cake every night for a year will certainly leave me worse off."

Charlotte nodded, reworking her analogy. "You're right, so maybe the equation takes into account that cumulative effect. And that's why so many people have trouble finding the right balance, they're unable to look at the big picture. But you," Charlotte playfully prodded at Hayley's outstretched legs, "are clearly capable."

"Hmm," Hayley squinted, reluctantly acknowledging Charlotte's words. "And what about behaviors that increase both present and future happiness? Like working out? Doesn't that break your scale?"

"First of all, bold of you to assume going to the gym increases present happiness. But more importantly, you're getting lost in the weeds."

"No," a faint smile was beginning to form on Hayley's face, "I think this is very important. I mean, is there a third axis? Is it a different graph all together? Does the future happiness function include a second variable to account for beneficial present happiness? What are the parameters here, Professor Thompson?"

"Shut up," Charlotte giggled, shoving Hayley playfully.

Hayley giggled back, but her grin quickly faded. "I still don't know, Charlotte."

"That's okay," Charlotte nodded, understandingly. There was clearly something else, something deeper, that made Hayley feel this way. Something even she, herself, wasn't aware of. But Charlotte was still glad to have the conversation. To spark a sense of doubt in Hayley's brain that would hopefully grow into acceptance all on its own. "I just...I need you to know that I...I..." Charlotte's gaze dropped, embarrassed. Hayley thought she saw her blush. "I...care about you. And I want you to be happy."

Hayley sat back up, taking Charlotte's hand in hers. "I know you do. I care about you too, Charlotte." She leaned forwards, giving Charlotte a quick kiss on the forehead before turning around and sliding her legs off the side of the bed, taking her tea from the nightstand. "Come on, lets watch some more Breaking Bad."

"Wait!" Charlotte called out, stopping her before she stood up.

Hayley looked over her shoulder. Charlotte looked afraid. Small.

"Yeah?"

"I...I wanted..." Charlotte looked nervously around the room, clearly working up to something. "The reason I brought all this up...I mean...no...what I was saying earlier..." she took a deep breath, trying to steady her breath. "I admire what you're doing, Hayley. Taking control of your body. Your...orgasms..."

Hayley turned all the way around, raising an eyebrow. There was a clear discomfort on her face, but it was overpowered by her curiosity.

"I...I know how hard it can be, so I just...I thought I could help..."

"Oh yeah?" Hayley smirked. "And how would you do that?"

"You know...I'd keep you honest? Make sure you're not sneaking in any secret orgasms or...neglecting the orgasms you need. Plus," Charlotte grinned mischievously, her confidence coming back. "I could tease you."

"You could tease me? How exactly is that going to help?"

"Progressive...overload? Isn't that what it's called? The point of all this is to build up your resistance to arousal, right? That's hard to do if you're not horny."

"So, you're going to keep me horny?"

"Think of me as your personal trainer." Charlotte reached forward to grab Hayley's tea, placing it back on the nightstand along with her own, the two girls face to face now. "And, if I'm not mistaken...today is our first session."

Charlotte placed a gentle kiss on Hayley's lips, her hands slowly creeping up Hayley's tightly clothed body. Hayley kissed her back, but eventually pulled herself away.

"I don't know if I'm in the mood tonight, Charlotte."

Charlotte smiled sweetly. "That's okay. But only if it's the truth. Promise you're not just denying yourself?"

"I promise," Hayley offered her pinky finger as proof, "maybe my efforts are finally starting to pay off."

Charlotte hooked her own pinky onto Hayley's. "In that case, I have a request."

"Mmhmm?"

"Don't masturbate tomorrow."

Hayley looked at Charlotte with surprise. "Why?"

"Because I want to be there when you cum. But only if you think you can last that long."

Hayley wasn't one to back down from a challenge and Charlotte knew that.

"What if I really want to? I thought I wasn't supposed to deny myself?"

"You can blame it on me."

Hayley gave Charlotte a satisfied smile. "Alright, I'll wait."

***

Hayley was greeted by Mia, beaming ear to ear, as she walked onto the track for Friday's practice.

"Hey Hayley! How was your day?"

"Productive," Hayley smiled.

"Did you finally get that group project turned in?"

Hayley rolled her eyes in exhaustion. "Yes. Finally. I just decided to do all of Max's work for him."

"Ah shucks, I'm sorry."

Hayley smiled. Things had been weird between the two of them for the past week or two. At least, for Hayley, they had been. Mia was just as friendly as ever.

Hayley still had a crush on her, still felt butterflies in her stomach anytime she talked to her, still hoped Mia felt the same, but Hayley wasn't sure if she was allowed to feel that way anymore. She and Charlotte hadn't formally addressed their relationship, Hayley too afraid to do so and Charlotte seemingly disinterested. It left Hayley feeling guilty, especially given the fact that Mia and Charlotte had become friends too. An excited voice interrupted Hayley's thoughts.

"Oh! I finally listened to The Low End Theory!"

Hayley couldn't help but smile. Since their very first conversation that felt so long ago now, Mia had become fascinated with Hayley's taste in music, requesting recommendation after recommendation, approaching each one with just as much excitement as the last, reporting back to Hayley as soon as she could with her thoughts, opinions, and a new request.

When she moved away for college, Hayley had lost the one and only person she spoke to about music, her father, leaving her stranded among a sea of endless songs with only the occasional phone call to satisfy her. Mia was the first person in over two years that Hayley could really talk to about it. And while her knowledge of the subject was certainly limited, Hayley admired her willingness to learn, and even enjoyed the opportunity to teach, treating it almost like she would an exam review.

"You were totally right. It was way more chill than I was expecting. I was thinking something totally different when you said jazz, but it was just, like, mellow. Ya know? It also reminded me of this show my older brother and I used to watch when I was little called Samurai Champloo, so it made me nostalgic which was super weird but cool. I obviously haven't listened to very much rap, but I can totally get what you were saying about how it changed the sound or what not. Overall, I'd give it an 8 out of 10," she said, beaming like she was a child that had just answered her mother's question correctly.

"I'm glad you liked it," Hayley smiled, looking at Mia with pride. She was so cute.

Hayley felt another pang of guilt. She wasn't allowed to think that anymore.

"So, whatcha got for me next?" Mia asked with curious eyes.

"Hmm," Hayley sorted through the countless albums stored in her memory, looking for the right one.

"Hey! Hayley! The voice of Rachel called out from across the track where she and Bella stood alone. Hayley glanced at them before turning her attention back to Mia, desperate to find the right recommendation.

"You think about it for a while. Tell me after the track meet."

Hayley nodded, thankful for the extra time.

***

Sophia and Melanie were already on the couch when Hayley got home, having a conversation about a boy. Mia's latest fling, no doubt.

"Give me 20 to shower then I'm yours," Hayley said, walking straight towards her room.

When she emerged from the bathroom, the girls already had Love Island queued up, and Hayley took her seat between them. She waited expectantly for Sophia to lay down on her lap as she always did, but as the episode began, Sophia remained squarely planted in her seat. Hayley felt a light panic settle in, glancing over at Sophia. Had she done something wrong? Was Sophia mad at her? Was she really that upset that Hayley had been spending so much time with another girl? Sophia looked back at her with an excited smile. She didn't seem mad.

It suddenly dawned on Hayley.

You idiot. Of course that's what it's about.

Hayley was in a relationship now, at least, that's how it seemed. As much as Sophia enjoyed flirting with her, she knew better than to flirt with somebody else's girlfriend, or to touch them without permission. Hayley thought about telling her that it was okay, that she was still allowed to rest on her thighs, but suddenly Hayley wasn't sure if that was the case. Would Charlotte be mad if she found out? Would Hayley be mad if she found out Charlotte had been doing the same thing? Hayley decided against it, returning Sophia's smile before turning her attention back to the television.

The episodes they watched were full of surprises. Charlie recoupled with Layla, his ex. Angela stole Devon from Cayley. Francis got sent home. The girl's least favorite couple, Alex and Alice, finally got the keys to the hideaway, their intimate night met with nonstop gagging and boos from all three girls sat on the couch. By the time the third episode ended, it was late, nearing Hayley's bedtime, but she was having too much fun to go to sleep. Tomorrow was Saturday, after all, she didn't need to wake up early.

As Hayley reached forward to begin their fourth, the remote was snatched out of her hand by Sophia.

"Nope. Sorry. I can't wait any longer. I need the deets on your week."

Hayley looked to her left at Melanie, hoping for some support, but she was met with a shrug.

"Sorry. I kinda want to know too."

Hayley looked back and forth between them, her mouth agape, "I...there's nothing to tell."

"Um, bullshit," Sophia held up a sassy finger, "you didn't sleep here last night or on Tuesday night. There's lots to tell."

Hayley didn't know what to say, but she couldn't deny that there was a part of her that had been dying to update her two best friends on everything that had been happening.

"Come onnn. We're both super proud of you for being a slut! Right Melanie?"

"It's long overdue."

After several more minutes of pleading, Hayley finally gave in. She told them the big things, like how she and mystery girl still hadn't actually had sex, but had done more hand stuff on Tuesday, or about the argument they had on Thursday. She told them the little things, like how they had started Breaking Bad, or about mystery girl's incredible pasta sauce making skills. Sophia and Melanie even got Hayley to confess that mystery girl was on the track team, something she regretted telling them right away.

"I told you!" Sophia shouted at Melanie, "it's totally the white-haired girl!"

"You said Hayley said it wasn't her!"

"It's not her!" Hayley interjected with a laugh, "I promise."

"So, what I'm hearing is that you have two college track stars all over you? Checks out." Sophia said nonchalantly.

It was almost one o'clock in the morning by the time the girl's conversation ended. Hayley had relayed all the information she could (at least all she was willing to), and Sophia had caught her up on all the events of the apartment Hayley had missed. She and Melanie had started a new season of Love Island: Australia to satisfy their reality show cravings when Hayley wasn't around. Melanie had started her med school applications, eliciting an excited cheer from Hayley, but had also started "seeing" Kevin again, prompting a disappointed eye roll from both her roommates. Sophia told Hayley all about her classes, updating her on all the drama that had taken place in the last couple days, and recounted two hellish dates she had been on, one of which had been at an amateur MMA fight, making Hayley laugh.

By the time Hayley was crawling into bed, freshly showered, it was 1:30, but she didn't regret it one bit. It had been a lovely night.

***

Saturday moved at a sluggish pace as Hayley waited to see Charlotte, who was spending the day with Avery. She took the time she had to get ahead on her homework, beginning next week's CS problem set and a case assignment for neuroscience, but as the day progressed, she found it increasingly difficult to focus, distracted by thoughts of Charlotte. What they had done earlier this week. What they might do tonight. By the time the oven clock showed 6:45, Hayley was unable to think of anything else, walking quickly downstairs to her car, driving just as quickly to Charlotte's house.

Charlotte opened the door in a pair of fuzzy pink pajama bottoms and a white tank top, colors she rarely wore. "Hey Hay-"

She was abruptly silenced as Hayley lunged forwards and, holding Charlotte's head in her hands, began to kiss her deeply. Charlotte was frozen, having never experienced such aggression from Hayley before. She often forgot just how much taller the other girl was. But it didn't take her more than a moment to relax, letting Hayley hold her, using her foot to nudge the door closed.

Only after Hayley had been satiated did she pull away, biting her lip apologetically but unable to hide the feverish anticipation behind her eyes.

"Somebody's excited," Charlotte teased, grabbing Hayley's hips and pulling her back. "All this because I made you wait one extra day?"

Hayley looked at the floor between them with embarrassment. "N...no." Her tone wasn't very confident. "I just missed you."

Charlotte chuckled pridefully, "I missed you too Strickland." Charlotte stood on her toes to plant a quick kiss on Hayley's forehead. "I was thinking we could snuggle up on the couch and watch Breaking Bad? I bought some low-calorie hard candies for you to suck on."

Hayley's eyes betrayed a momentary disappointment, despite her best efforts to conceal it with a smile. "Yeah, that sounds nice."

"Orrr..." Charlotte began, avoiding eye contact and rocking back and forth on her heels in a display of pretend sheepishness, drawing out the moment, "we could...go lie on my bed and make out?"

Charlotte's eyes snapped back to Hayley's, pleased to see the excitement that had been there a moment ago returning. Hayley just nodded.

As she always did, Charlotte ran quickly into the bathroom while Hayley got comfortable on the bed. The towel that she sat upon, the one that tickled the undersides of her legs, felt strange to Hayley. Uncomfortable. As she sat there, Hayley felt unsure for the first time all day. Unsure if she could really do this. Unsure if it was even what she wanted.

Hayley shifted uncomfortably on the bed. Why was she here again? Was this really the only reason she came? Why had she been so eager at Charlotte's doorstep? That wasn't like her. Was her body winning again? Was it tricking her into this? Was she giving into her weakness?

Why is this towel so fucking uncomfortable?

All of Hayley's thoughts were silenced in an instant as she heard the bathroom door click open. It was like Charlotte's room was only big enough to fit the two girls, nothing more. So as Charlotte stepped into the room, all of Hayley's thoughts - all of her fears - were forced out the window. There was no room for them anymore.

Hayley's eyes were immediately drawn to Charlotte's enormous bulge, visible even from across the room, the lose fabric of her pajama bottoms providing no resistance whatsoever. She watched, transfixed, as it swayed gently from side to side with each one of Charlotte's steps, shamefully withdrawing her gaze as Charlotte stopped beside the bed.

"I want to talk with you before we do anything, okay?" Charlotte said sweetly.

Hayley nodded.

Charlotte crawled onto the bed and laid down, encouraging Hayley to do the same so they were facing each other. Charlotte took Hayley's hands in her own, kissing them softly.

"No matter what happens tonight, no matter what we do, I want you to know that I am so fucking proud of you, Hayley."

Hayley brow furrowed and her lips formed a small pout, looking confused, almost fearful.

"You lasted four days. Four days straight!" Charlotte was laughing with joy. "I knew you could."

Hayley looked away with red cheeks and a tiny smile. Charlotte drew her gaze back with a gentle hand.

"See? You control your body, Hayley. Not the other way around."

"It was only because-"

Charlotte quickly slapped her hand over Hayley's mouth, muffling her speech.

"Don't you dare. You did this. Nobody and nothing else. You."

Hayley relaxed in Charlotte's grip, admitting defeat.

Charlotte gently released her. "Say it."

"Charlotte," Hayley whined, "I don't like-"

"Say it. Please."

"I...I did it."

"Yeah, you did," Charlotte said with a grin. She pulled Hayley close, and, between light, intermittent kisses, continued to speak.

"I'm also...very proud of you...for kissing me...at the front door." She pulled away, looking at Hayley with a sultry gaze, her voice lowering to a whisper. "For taking what you want."

Charlotte encouraged Hayley to roll onto her back, pulling herself close and resting her hand on Hayley's chest, tracing her fingernail up and down the contours of Hayley's collarbones.

"Is there anything else you want, Hayley?"

Hayley was used to praise. She took pleasure in it. Praise from her friends. Praise from her professors. Praise from strangers on the street. They would compliment her beauty, her intelligence, her drive, her elegance, and she would accept them all graciously, never expecting anything less.

But Charlotte's praise felt entirely different. It felt...softer? Deeper, maybe? Hayley wasn't sure how to describe it, but it filled her with a satisfaction that she rarely felt anymore. She wanted more.

"I want...I want to kiss you."

"Yeah?" Charlotte said with a smirk. She traced her finger up Hayley's neck to her chin, drawing Hayley's face closer to hers. She kissed her gently but with passion, listening with satisfaction as Hayley exhaled a moan. Charlotte slowly withdrew, giving Hayley one last small kiss on her upper lip as she left. "Is there anything else you want?"