How Do I Write the Next Line?

"Clarissa ..."

"Please? For me?"

"Dealing the guilt card is playing dirty, kid."

"I know, which is why I only do it once in a while." She sniffled. "Dad, I hate this ... the family being torn apart. I know it's mom's fault but she's gone and ... will you call?"

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I will."

"Thanks. We're going to drive up Weds night and stay with her and the kids."

"That sounds good, Sweetie."

We said our, "I love yous" and "goodbyes." I stared at my cell, not wanting to call, but I've always tried to be a man of my word.

Josie answered on the third ring. "Hi, Dad. I guess you heard."

"I heard that Lucas moved out, if that's what you mean."

"Yeah."

"Josie, I--"

"Are you happy now?"

I blinked--not just at her words but at the naked hostility and venom. "What?"

"Turning my husband against me and our family." Josie's laugh was as rancid as bad coffee. "Lucas said he, 'needed some space to think,' whatever the fuck that means."

"Josie--"

"Mom had a secret lover she saw twice a year. Big deal! She never treated you any different or loved you any less. If she ever had to choose, she would have picked you in a heartbeat. It was nothing! But nooooo, your ego couldn't handle that, so you had to tear everything apart, run her name into the ground, and make my husband think I'm some kind of slut-in-waiting, even though I haven't looked at another man since I met him. Mom would have wanted us to draw together after she was gone, not let your insecurity rip the family apart." Her words slurred, infused with tears. "I'm glad she isn't alive to see what a bitter, old asshole you turned into."

Looking back, I am sure her reaction was born of anxiety and fear for her marriage. Josie was always the most emotional of our children and for her to lash out in a moment of stress was nothing new. But for me, that level of rationality came after.

In the moment, every word cut into my spirit, bleeding my love for her. My throat was so dry all I could manage to croak was, "Take care of yourself, Josephine." I disconnected, wondering if she and I would ever speak again.

After I'd calmed myself, I begged off my lunch date with Vi the next day but I should have known she wouldn't have let that lie. I'd barely put down the phone from sending the text when the phone rang. I answered.

"Ted? What's wrong?"

I told her what had happened.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Are you going to be okay?"

"Sure."

And despite the immediate hurt, I thought that in the long run, I would be okay. Josie's words had hurt. I had no idea what had happened to the little girl I used to bounce on my knee and laugh with. Somewhere along the way, she'd turned into someone I really didn't like. There was nothing I could do about it, though. I'd mourn our relationship but I still had my own life ahead of me.

Vi took a deep breath. "Change of subject. I was going to ask you at lunch tomorrow."

"Ask me what?"

"Would you like to join me for Thanksgiving dinner? I have some friends--two couples--who are eating together. They're all good folks, who I met after Carolyn and I had our disagreement. Like us, all their children are out of the house and can't come back this year. They told me I could invite someone and I thought I'd ask if you were interested. I knew you might be doing something with the kids but you just told me you aren't."

"Uh ... sure, that sounds great. What can I bring?"

"Nothing. I'm making mashed potatoes and a pumpkin pie, and getting some wine, which will cover us as a couple." I heard the grin in her voice. "If you want, you can come over and mash the potatoes with me."

"Only if you let me buy the wine. Casual dress?"

"Yeah, they're not stuffy. I'm wearing a skirt and a pullover blouse. So you're in?"

My smile welled up from my heart. "Wild turkeys couldn't drag me away."

#

I showed up at Vi's modest home on Thanksgiving morning with breakfast and knocked. It had been over three years since I had been there and it looked exactly as it had before.

Vi answered the door in a tee shirt and yoga pants. She'd pinned back her lustrous black hair and a smudge of flour decorated her cheek. She smiled and hugged me. "Hey, there. I was just about to pop the pie in the oven." She glanced at my hands and sniffed. "Bagels and coffee. My hero. Come on in."

I followed her into her kitchen, keeping my eyes level. After she had mashed her breasts into my chest just then, the temptation to stare at her round ass had been all but overpowering. I managed to behave myself but just barely. It was also a reminder I hadn't been with a woman since my last time with Carolyn, which was the longest dry streak in my adult life. I hadn't felt any real desire since her death but for the first time in a while, my cock woke with a vengeance and grew until it strained against my pants. Fortunately, my polo shirt helped hide it.

Maybe it's time to think about getting back out there, I thought. But is that what I want? I'm in no hurry to get married but maybe just get laid? I don't know.

"Ted?" I blinked and saw Vi staring at me. "You okay?"

"Sorry, just daydreaming." I shucked my jacket. "Let's peel some potatoes."

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that a euphemism?"

My cock twitched. "Of course it is, but I think we have to make some actual mashed potatoes first."

"So ... later?"

"I'm your willing servant."

She plucked the bag of bagels from my hands. Her eyes narrowed and her lower lip caught between her teeth. Her voice was sultry. "I'll hold you to that."

I swallowed hard. She didn't sound like she was joking. Our banner often contained low-level flirting and innuendo, which I always considered the kind of harmless fun that occurs between good friends. In all the years I'd known her, neither of us had ever done anything that I would have considered inappropriate.

I cleared my throat and sat at the kitchen table, looking everywhere but at her.

But when she slid into the seat across from me and handed me a five-pound bag of potatoes and a knife, her demeanor was as carefree as it had been before, without a trace of the vamp that had been there a second earlier.

I must have been imagining that.

We ate breakfast, then peeled and sliced potatoes, laughing and talking the whole time. Despite the mundane nature of the task, I really enjoyed myself, drinking in Vi's company. Her eyes sparkled and she accentuated her banter with soft touches to my arm. As much as I tried to fight it off, the attraction in me was growing. I told myself that was foolish, that she was just a friend ... a beautiful friend, for whom I cared deeply ...

Before long, we'd produced a big pot of creamy mashed potatoes and the pumpkin pie emerged, just browned at the edges. We cleaned up, packaged everything, and headed to her friends' house in Vi's SUV.

The hosting couple, Chris and Stephanie, were nice enough people, who greeted me warmly and invited me in. The other couple, named Adam and Eliza, were already there. Introductions were made all around. As these things happen, the ladies migrated toward the dining room, where Stephanie could keep an eye on the turkey, and I found myself with Chris and Adam. Chris got me a beer. Conversation flowed easily enough.

At one point, Chris said, "Ted, I have to say I'm glad you came."

"Why is that?"

"Because it's all Vi and Steph have talked about for the last few days." He smiled. "I haven't seen Vi this happy for a while."

I took a sip of my drink. "We're just friends, Chris."

I caught a glance between them but before I could pursue it, Adam changed the subject and I figured it would have been rude to try and force the conversation back. Still, their words stayed with me.

What is Vi really thinking? Is she ... I mean, she's fantastic. I love her to death. I considered that for a moment. Yes, I do actually love her, a lot. She's very special. I never would have acted on it before ... I felt a momentary twinge of guilt, and just as quickly smashed it. I don't owe Carolyn anything now. But does Vi feel the same way?

I thought back on the past few weeks since we'd renewed our friendship. It felt stronger than ever. I thought of all the hints and flirting, and of my own growing attraction. The guys might be right.

Dinner was great and we lingered over dessert and coffee. I watched Vi but she was her normal, ebullient self, touching my hand as she talked. She had always done that but now I wondered. I did note a few small smiles between Stephanie and Eliza.

And I have to say, I was warming to the possibility.

At last, we had to say our goodbyes. I drove back to Vi's place, got her dishes from the back seat, and followed her to the door. She fumbled with her keys, flashed me a smile, and plucked the encrusted pie plate and glass bowl from my hands. "Thanks, I can get those from here."

"Not much left to clean up. Everything we made was a hit."

"We worked well together."

I stepped closer. "I thought so too."

Vi stared at me and I found myself tumbling into those deep brown eyes. I cleared my throat. "Uh, thank you for inviting me."

"Thank you for coming." Her voice was a whisper. Breeze drifted around us. Vi shivered and her lock of white hair fell across her face.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I thought.

I brushed it aside and leaned toward her, tilting my head.

Vi closed her eyes just as our lips met.

We stood almost perfectly still for a moment, with only our lips moving against each other's. Hers were soft and warm and I reveled in the sensation.

Without warning, Vi broke away. Her cheeks were flushed and her breathing was heavy. She mumbled, "Ted, we can't." She twisted past me, slithered through her front door, and closed it, leaving me stunned on the porch.

#

I spent the drive home trying to figure out where I had gone wrong. I replayed the events of the evening--of the past few months--over and over. I examined all our banter, the words of our hosts ... and concluded I had simply misread everything.

I guess I wanted it to be true. I really thought Vi was interested. I sighed to myself. Face it, old man: you've been out of the game far too long. She was just being the friend you needed, and you botched it.

When I got back, I sent her a simple text: I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say, so I left it at that. I tossed and turned and woke groggy and annoyed.

Since that Friday following Thanksgiving was a down day at work to make it a long weekend, I made a spur-of-the-moment decision and decided I'd drive to the coast and meander the highway south for a while. I'd made that drive with Carolyn many times and knew the route. It was pretty, relaxing, and would get me away for a few days. I texted David and Clarissa to let them know I'd be away from home.

The drive was typical for an Oregon November, in that it was raining and cloudy, which was fine. I stopped at places to gaze over the ocean, and ate lunch at a taco stand I loved but Carolyn had hated. I tried very hard not to think about Vi.

She messaged me around noon. Where are you?

Took a drive for a few days.

We need to talk.

I chuckled to myself, though it was more resigned than anything. Yeah, fine. I'll be home Sunday afternoon around two.

She didn't answer.

The more I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe staying in Oregon long-term wasn't the best solution anyway. Everywhere I turned in Portland, I was being reminded of my failures in marriage, parenting, and friendship. Moving was feasible; financially, I was in good shape. David and Clarissa's school accounts were funded, the house was paid off. I could go to remote mode for my office, as several other senior consultants had, and settle into a less hectic phase of my job. Getting a fresh start somewhere sunnier certainly had appeal.

If it hadn't been for the thought of never seeing my grandchildren, I think I would have been looking for houses before I even got home.

I was only half surprised when I returned Sunday afternoon and Vi's car was in my driveway. I saw her on the porch. This is getting to be a habit, I thought. I pulled into the garage with plans to move to the front door and let her in, but she had other ideas.

I'd barely killed the ignition and emerged from the car when she charged into the garage and into my face. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Parking."

"You know what I mean." Her eyes were full of flame and fury. "Why'd you run away?"

"I didn't run away, Vi." I closed the car door and opened the kitchen door. "Want to come in?"

She flounced past me, grumbling the whole way. I hadn't been looking forward to our discussion but now that it had arrived, I felt strangely calm. I left my backpack and laptop in the car, figuring I'd get them after she left.

Vi stood in our kitchen, still glaring, her arms crossed over her chest. As was so typical for her, she again wore a colorful top and a calf-length black skirt. For a moment, I was struck by how beautiful she actually was ... then snorted to myself. "Okay, the floor's yours."

"What does that mean? Aren't you even going to explain yourself?"

"Look, I'm sorry that I kissed you. It was clearly something you didn't want."

Her lip twitched.

"I misread the signals. I've always liked you, Vi. No, I loved you. You're gorgeous and a dear friend. Any sane man would consider you a catch. For me, it was muted while I was with Carolyn, because I loved her as my wife. But when she was taken from me--and betrayed me--my affection for her faded well below what I have for you. The last couple of months have only made me care about you even more."

I spread my hands and took a deep breath. "I thought you were starting to feel the same way. I misread those signals. Once again, I'm sorry."

She stared at me.

I stared back and the longer I did, the more I felt my heart swelling--and breaking, since what it wanted the most was something that couldn't be. I cleared my throat. "Say something."

"You asshole!" Her hands balled into fists. "You can't just dump all that on me like this!"

The situation felt like it was going downhill, so I decided to just let it play out. "How would you have liked me to dump it on you?"

"After our friendship was just starting to recover, how can you tell me you have feelings for me?"

"Easy, I opened my mouth."

"Ted--"

"Vi?"

Her cheeks colored and her eyes narrowed. She stepped closer, until she was right in front of me. Her nostrils flared and her lips quivered.

I half-smiled, as I figured I'd sundered any relationship beyond repair. Moving on was sounding better and better. I waited for her to tell me to go fuck myself with a cactus or something equally friendship-ending.

Instead, Vi closed her eyes and unclenched her fists. "Jesus, you always did make things so complicated."

"Yeah, it's what I do."

She opened her eyes and we gazed at each other for a long, silent moment. When she spoke again, her voice was a whisper, "Now what?"

I shrugged, wondering what I could say that would make either of us feel better. "Now, we--"

My words were terminated as Vi launched herself against me, slamming her lips into mine.

I stumbled against the kitchen counter and VI followed me without breaking contact. She closed her eyes and her hands slithered around my head. Heated fingers wove into my hair, pulling us together.

Given her previous outrage, for a brief, confused moment I considered pushing her away. It was only a brief moment because I'm not an idiot. I had a woman in my arms for whom I cared deeply, who also happened to me kissing me with all the strength she had. Whatever fallout would come after, I figured we'd deal with it then.

And at her touch, my cock had hardened in an instant, and now strained against my shorts.

As opposed to our kiss a few days earlier, which had been gentle and warm, Vi's lips all but scorched mine with the heat of her ardor. She tilted her head the other way, still pressing her mouth into mine.

I slid my arms around her back, shoved off the cabinets, and spun us around. My motion broke our kiss and she gasped as I scooped her ass and lifted her to sit on the counter. I pushed between her legs and joined our mouths again. Her lower lip caught between my teeth and I gave a gentle tug before plunging my tongue into her mouth.

Vi made small noises as we kissed, that I interpreted as passion, excitement, apprehension, or some blend of all three. Her hands caressed my cheeks and neck, and her legs hooked behind mine and pulled me tight, as if she couldn't get me close enough.

I gently gathered her hands in one of my own and raised both her arms over her head, until I could pin her unresisting wrists against the cabinet door. With my other hand, I gave her heavy breast a swift squeeze. My fingertip brushed the already-stiff nipple, discernible even through shirt and bra. Vi moaned into my mouth as I massaged her chest. Her tits felt great in my hand.

I released her wrists and dropped both of my hands to her long skirt, which I hiked up with frantic motions. Our mouths broke contact again. Vi opened her eyes. I stared deep into her soul and saw nothing but lust and longing. My roaming hands reached her waist, encountering a thin strap of fabric at her hips.

Vi raised her rear, allowing me to tear her underwear down her legs. I all but dropped to my knees in my haste to pull them loose. I got the garment off one foot, figured that was good enough, and shot upright, kissing her again. Her anxious hands fumbled at my belt buckle, opened it, and lowered my zipper. I shoved my pants and underwear down to my knees.

Urgent fingers glided over my shaft. Vi stroked me as I worked her skirt up again. Her pussy came into view and I paused to just savor the sight of her thick, puffy lips--swollen, red, and shiny with her arousal--and topped by the manicured black hair of her mound.

"Ted!" Her voice was a hiss between pants. "What are you waiting for?"

I blinked. What, indeed?

For better access, I raised her right leg with my left hand. With my right, I guided my stiff prick to her entrance. Vi's breath caught and she tensed as I eased between her lips ... then whimpered when I slid inside. Then it was my turn to gasp. Vi's pussy clamped down on my cock, amazingly tight and warm and slick. I began hard and slow, almost pulling out at the base of each stroke as I hammered into her.

With each stroke, the back of Vi's head tapped against the cabinet and a small grunt tore from her open mouth. Her hands stayed wrapped around my neck and she continued to stare into my eyes. She rolled her hips in response to my thrusts. Her body quivered beneath my fingers.

I kissed her again and she moaned into my mouth.

Her body felt absolutely heavenly impaled on the end of my cock, like her pussy was a fitted sheath, made especially for my girth. Her flesh squeezed around me every time I pushed her apart, coaxing me to surrender to her bliss.

Gazing into Vi's eyes as I fucked her took my breath away. Her return stare was so intent. I had no idea why she'd changed her mind but it felt foolish to question it at this point ... and I knew I had to enjoy it, because once she came to her senses, it might never happen again.

I accelerated, increasing the tempo. Vi's groans increased in volume, becoming miniature shrieks. Mounting pleasure crept up my spine; the soft, velvety folds of her pussy clenched my cock in a silky knot of joy. The familiar sensation hovered on the edge of my awareness. I felt myself swelling and knew I didn't have long.

As I pistoned into her, I dragged my right hand to her mound, eased the pad of my thumb between the swollen flesh of her labia, found her clit, and rubbed it in rhythm to my thrusts.