How Everyone Saw My Dick

Short story but the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me.

Back in the early 2000's, I was looking for part time work in college. I swam for the college I was attending and at one of my meets that's where I was approached for some side money as a restaurant mascot.

I was just as confused, but the gist was I would be wearing a big ramen cup on my top half passing out flyers. The reason they were recruiting at a swim meet is that they wanted a 'sex appeal' as well and wanted the guys and girls to wear a speedo/bikini. It turns out it's hard to find men willing to parade in a speedo out in public outside of the swim community.

The pay was decent and after hearing that the ramen cup entirely hid my upper half, the anonymity sealed the deal.

The first couple weeks of work were fine. Past the first-day jitters, the job was pretty easy. The speedo they provided (yes I washed it first) wasn't affiliated with my swim team obviously. It had a picture of ramen on the back with the phrase "Grab some [image] today" and the front had a poorly clip image of an egg roll over my junk. Heavy eye rolls, but it was their restaurant.

The standard day was wandering around the main street near my campus handing out flyers, taking photos with people who thought I was funny (or sexy), and the occasional girl who would 'grab some' literally.

Then, about 3 weeks into this gig, it happened. To not drag it on, a couple of dudes wanted to take a group photo with me which I obliged to and as one of them took the photo, I felt fingers reach into the waistband of my speedo.

"NO!" I shouted in my mind but it happened so fast. My speedo was around my ankles and the camera phone snapped multiple times.

"Check out THAT egg roll!" someone said, and they all laughed.

I instinctively first went to cover myself but the costume made it impossible to shield my dick. Then in a fluster I tried to get my speedo but that too was too far to bend over (which the guys got a kick out of, one of them slapping me on the ass).

"Oh shit man! He can't cover himself up!"

"Everyone's gonna see his noodle!"

"Bigger than you, Ryan!"

"Shut up!"

They chided each other about the size of my dick and theirs as they laughed and walked off, leaving me in the middle of a busy street naked from the waist down.

I so badly wanted to rip off the ramen costume to cover myself but by that time so many people had seen my junk and even taken pictures! I had to fight the urge to cover up since this costume at least gave me anonymity.

I begged a handful of people nearby to help me but they just recorded everything on their phone. Pictures and videos of my dick, balls, and ass were being recorded from every angle. Finally when I gave up trying to seek help, I knew I had to get out of there.

I attempted to run but instantly tripped over my speedo that I forgot was bound around my legs. Luckily the costume broke my fall but the naked man falling down only incited more interest and cameras. I sat up and kicked my speedo off my legs and was at least able to grab that with one hand.

With that restraint gone, I ran. I ran and ran and ran, first with no clear motive other than to get off of the busy street. It turns out that was harder to do than I expected. I had never noticed how rare finding a secluded place is on campus before.

More screams and laughter followed me for a near half mile until I broke out of campus territory. Once the coast was finally clear I hid behind some buildings and took off the ramen costume.

Quickly I put back on my speedo, grabbed my shorts out of the little backpack I had under there and ended up ditching the costume.

I wasn't sure what story I was going to tell the owners but I couldn't be seen with that costume out in public or people would know instantly that it had been me under there.

It took me another day to get the courage to call the owner and the wife had picked up. I tried to lie and that it got stolen but she interrupted me to tell me she knew what happened. I kind of freaked out but she wasn't angry. She first apologized to me, which I appreciated, but said that it had done wonders for the business. Hundreds of students had come in over the past 24 hours to ask about the naked ramen guy and ended up staying for lunch or dinner.

Fear and curiosity got the better of me and I did a quick google search and sure enough, my naked bottom half was everywhere in jpg, gif, and mpv form. To this day my friends don't know it was me and I have to laugh along and play dumb whenever it gets referenced or someone sends the naked ramen guy meme around (which replaced bad luck brian for a while locally).

That same stunt had been pulled on another guy a few months later but he had done the (probably smarter thing) and taken off the costume immediately to shield himself. Because he showed his face he was able to press charges against the guys who assaulted him and the photos never made it to the internet. After that the restaurant stopped using that mascot but instead on their flyers AND their menus there's a high quality photo of me naked.

Apparently they got in trouble with the local police for it, I swear I didn't call them, and their solution was to put plastic stickers over my junk. The stickers though, as my friends told me, were easy to take off and put back on and so it kind of became a staple in my college town to visit the naked ramen shop and steal a peek at the mysterious guy's dick.

It took me months to get over the shame/humiliation and another year or so to look back and laugh about it. Luckily most people on the internet who commented on the picture had nice (and thirsty) things to say about my legs, ass, and junk. A lot of explicit offers too, like people who would 'die for a chance to nibble on that egg roll.' Unfortunately most of those commenters seemed to be men, but I'll take the compliment.

I still haven't told a single soul in my life that it was me and due to the original shame of the job I didn't tell anyone I had worked there. The owners didn't seem like they wanted to share the info either and so the secret identity of the naked ramen guy should remain a secret indefinitely.

I hope.