How I Met Sheri Pt. 06: Going on Vacation

"I have NO purple bikini." Melissa said.

"You don't?" Dave asked.

'She does." Melissa laughed, as she pointed to Rachel.

"He was over a lot during the summer, so he's seen all our bikinis." Rachel said in Dave's defense.

Dave was over for hours at a time during the summer. We'd all just hang out in the backyard, and went swimming. Plus Dave is not obsessed, maybe more like he's infatuated with Rachel, and everyone knows it. Even Melissa makes fun of him for staring at Rachel's body.

"He was always looking out the window at you girls." Melissa said. It doesn't surprise any of us, we all know he's a voyeur.

"We know, we flash him all the time." Sheri laughed.

"Were you a peeping Tom?" Eve asked Dave.

"Don't go analyzing me!" Dave laughed.

"I'm surprised you didn't ask them to send you the picture." Melissa said to her husband.

"I would've, but I was shitting bricks 'bout what Jay was going to do." Dave admitted.

"I was calm." I said.

"The fuck your were, you had them Tyson eyes goin' on." Dave said. He did tell me that night that my eyes reminded him of how Mike Tyson would stare down his opponents.

"Mike Tyson is..." I tell Sheri.

"A boxer, I know who he is!" Sheri said, as she slapped my hand.

"Yeah, them eyes are scary as fuck." Marcus added.

"What'd you do?" Rachel asked me.

"I politely asked 'em to delete the photos."

"But 'fore that, Jay puts away his short iron, and decides to go for the green." Dave said.

"He was panicking 'Jay don't do it, it's 180 yards away'." I laughed. I still get a chuckle when I think how nervous Dave was about the shot.

"I'm tellin' you, from where he was hitting the ball it had to be a perfect shot, if it's 190 the ball's goin' in the water on the other side." Dave explained.

"It's an island green." I tell them.

"As he's swinging the club, he's telling Dunbar that when we get to next hole, those pictures of you better be erased." Dave tells my fiancées

"How was the shot?" Marcus asked.

"Six inches from the hole." Dave said.

"Is that good?" Sheri asked.

"It's like this close." Dave said, as he held up his fingers.

"But isn't it supposed to go in the hole?" Sheri asked seriously.

"Well, yeah, but when you're 180 yards away...wow...you REALLY don't know anything 'bout golf." Dave cracked up laughing.

"I know the ball has to get in the hole." Sheri said in frustration.

"I'm telling you it was the best shot I've ever seen." Dave tells Sheri.

"Did you make sure the pictures were gone?" Eve asked.

"And I was nice 'bout it." I said. I really was considering the situation, I wanted to wrap my golf club around his throat.

"Dunbar showed him the deleted pics." Dave said.

"What 'bout the Twitter account?" Eve asked.

"Is this when you're gonna tell me how you knew how I felt at the moment?" I asked.

"Patience my patient." Eve smiled.

"Nice one, see what she did there?" Sheri laughed to me.

"Yeah, she's hysterical." I said sarcastically.

"Jay took his phone, and..." Dave began.

"Please tell me you didn't throw it into the water." Rachel said.

"Give me a lil' more credit than that." I laughed.

"Jay opened Dunbar's Twitter account, and gave him back his phone." Dave said.

"Yeah, and?" Marcus asked.

"Without even bein' told to, Dunbar deactivated his account, that's when I knew that Jay wasn't the kinda guy you wanna fuck with." He said.

Dave told me the same thing that night. He made me promise him, that if he ever does anything to offend me, to please come, and talk to him so we can work it out. I told Dave he didn't have to worry about it, and that he already had my respect.

"Now the Twitter account doc." I said to Eve.

"You have such a strong sense of right, and wrong that there was no way you'd let that slide. When you saw the pictures they posted, you related to them, and felt their pain." Eve said.

"Damn." I said, that's exactly I felt in the moment, and still do. I didn't know any of the girls that they posted on social media, but I felt bad for them

"You know, when he was a kid, and he saw someone else getting picked on..." Christie began.

"I'm sure he jumped right in the middle to try to stop it." Eve said.

"He'd never threw a punch, and got his ass kicked every time he did it." Christie said.

"I did get beat up A LOT!" I laughed.

"And I'll bet each time you knew what the consequences were, and you did it anyways." Eve said.

"What the fuck? You're like a witch." I said. I did everything that Eve's said. I knew when I stuck up for other victims that the bullies were going to turn on me, but it didn't stop me.

"'Cause you're a protector, it's hard wired in your brain." Eve said.

"Sounds like you should be a Superhero." Christie joked.

"Actually it's called 'Superhero complex'." Eve said.

"I'm Batman." I said in a gravely voice.

"Oh Jesus Christ, you're so damn weird." Rachel laughed at me.

"Can I be your Cat-woman?" Sheri asked.

"Mmmm, you in all black leather." I smiled.

"Can I get a divorce already?" Rachel joked.

"When I asked you how golf was that day, you never even mentioned anything 'bout the pictures." Sheri said.

"When I got home, that's when this happened." I said, as I motion at the three of us. That afternoon we went from being good friends with Rachel, to what we have today.

"But you wouldn't have told 'em anyways." Eve said with certainty.

"I would've..." I tried to say.

"No you wouldn't, it's just like how you never told anyone 'bout playing in the NHL, you don't look for affirmations from others." Eve diagnosed me.

"Is that bad? I asked.

"Not at all, it's just unusual nowadays with all the super-promotion caused by social media." She told me.

"You really want him on your couch, uh?" Sheri asked.

"I could write so many articles on him." Eve said.

"That ain't happening." I said.

"They ever find out what's wrong with your stomach?" Melissa asked me.

I've been having bad stomach pain for a couple months, and like the typical guy in his mid-20's I just ignored it. There were times when I couldn't stand up straight because of the pain. I was losing weight.

A few weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the violently vomiting, and in severe pain. I wanted to just stay home, and ride it out, but the girls wouldn't let me. They took me to the ER where Christie works.

At first they thought my appendix exploded or gallbladder, but that wasn't the case. I spent the next five days in the hospital, they ran so many test, I had tubes shoved in my orifices, and it was humiliating.

While I was in the hospital, whenever visitors were allowed, at least one of the girls was always in my room. They weren't the only ones, Renee, Alex, Mary, Rhonda, Tyler, Dave, Melissa, Marcus, and Eve all came to see me.

I've never felt that kind of love before. I always that when I did die, that only Christie would care enough to show up. That was always a very depressing thought.

The last night I was in the hospital, I got a little emotional, and told the girls that. When a nurse walked in, and seen us all in tears, she thought we got some terrible news. We didn't tell her why we were crying, but I said it was actually good news.

"Yeah, I have Crohn's disease." I said.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, my brother has it." Melissa said.

"Thanks, but it is what it is." I said.

"It's a nasty disease." Eve said, which the doctors told me too.

"It better be, 'cause I'm gonna kick its ass." I said confidently.

When they diagnosed me with Crohn's I went home to look it up, and it sounds like it's going to be a lifelong fight. I am never backed down from a challenge, and I'm not going to start now.

"We were there with him while the doctor told him, and we're crying, but he's just rolling with the punches." Rachel said, as she patted my leg under the table.

"I'm not gonna sit around, and bitch 'bout it." I said.

"I've never heard him complain." Christie said.

"'Cause everything's a fight for him, just like it's been from the moment he was born." Eve said.

"Damn Slim, you've gotten so much shit thrown at you in life, but you don't let it break you." Marcus said. He's called me 'Slim' since we were 13 years old, and I dyed my hair blonde like Eminem.

When I'm alone, and deep in thought, I do wonder why I've had to struggle so much in life just to survive. It just doesn't seem fair to me, but for some reason I also thrive best when the odds are stacked against me.

Then I think; would I be me, if I didn't go through all these trials, and tribulations? Probably not. I used to hate being me, but now I think it's awesome that I'm wired the way I am. I survived hell, got bullied everyday, I made it to the NHL, I quit, I'm worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and most importantly, I have two of the greatest fiancées in the world. So in my opinion, I'm way ahead in the game called life.

The girls have taught me a very important lesson; I should be proud of what I've accomplished, and who I am as a man. In the past I did have problems acknowledging that to myself, but now I am proud of myself.

"Thanks, but I do have my share of bad days." I admitted, there's some days I'm so depressed that I need to be left alone.

"May I ask; how do you deal with him when he's having a bad day?" Eve asked the girls.

"We let him do his thing for a few hours." Rachel said.

"He'll go to the basement, and shoot the puck around or listen to music." Sheri said.

"Then we find ways to make him smile again." Rachel said.

"Sex?" Eve asked, like that's what she expected.

"Actually, no...they'll do stupid shit to make me laugh." I chuckle, as I think of the things they've done to me. Including attacking me with silly string or putting filters on some of our photos to make us look...well stupid.

"Yeah, we don't try to cheer him up by sex." Sheri said.

"Ewe...no, that's wouldn't be right." Rachel said to the psychiatrist.

"Yeah, that would be very unhealthy." Eve said, it seemed like she was impressed with the girls.

"That's how we found out he's scared of clowns." Sheri laughed.

"I damn near jumped out the window." I said, as I shook my head.

"He screams like a lil' girl when he's spooked." Rachel said, as she poked at the dimple on my face. I can see that's what she'll be doing quite a bit.

"I've gotta tell 'em what happened." Sheri said to me, and I knew what she was talking about.

"I'll take that ring back so damn fast." I said, but I think everyone saw through my bluff.

"Take the chance." Rachel laughed.

"Do I know 'bout this?" Christie asked.

"You're gonna be mortified." Rachel laughed.

"No she's not, 'cause nobody's hearing it EVER!" I said.

"Babe, it's too golden of a story not to share." Sheri said.

"We were waiting in his room for him to get back from his colonoscopy..." Rachel began, and my face turned pink.

"They bring him back, and he's out cold." Sheri said.

"Did he say anything good?" Marcus asked. He was dying to get some dirt on me.

"I wish." I laughed.

"He rolled onto his back, and there it was..." Rachel said.

"All glorious nine inches, hard as a rock making a tent of the hospital gown." Sheri busted out laughing.

"Oh you poor baby." Melissa said sympathetically.

"Fuckin' priceless!" Dave laughed, as did everyone else.

"Please tell me nobody saw?" Christie said, she's worried because she works in the hospital where this happened, and they all know I'm her best friend.

"We tried hiding it, we used pillows, threw our jackets over it, but it's fuckin' huge." Sheri continued laughing.

"See for yourself." Rachel said, as she showed them the pictures of me on the hospital bed with my cock poking straight up. There's one of Sheri kneeling down next the bed giving the camera a thumbs up, and you see the large tent in the background.

"This might be the shortest engagement in history." I joked.

"So you're the 'Long Dong' the nurses were talkin' about." Christie said, as she dropped her head.

"Oh, I like that name." Sheri said.

"Absolutely not." I said.

"Anyways...Long Dong was laying there, and the one nurse...Jenny came in..." Sheri continued.

"Oh fuck me, she's got the biggest mouth." Christie said, I can tell she's a little nervous about what happened.

"She started bitching at us 'cause we covered him up with all this stuff, and she starts removing it." Rachel said.

"We were dying, just waiting for the big reveal." Sheri laughed at her own joke.

"I heard her whispering to other nurses 'bout some big dick, I just didn't expect it to be you. How is it that your cock is gonna fuck me?" Christie laughed.

"I thought nurses don't talk shit?" I asked. I've always heard the doctors, and nurses don't comment on their patients, that the human body was no big deal for them. They've basically seen it all.

"Them bitches always gossip 'bout 'medical oddities'." Christie said.

I shouldn't be too surprised, Christie's told me some wild stories about the things she's seen. She wouldn't betray the patients names or anything, but she'd told me about a severed finger or the time a guy lost a potato up his ass, and he couldn't get it out himself.

"Jay Long Dong medical oddity, somebody's gettin' a new nickname." Marcus laughed.

"She played it off cool, telling us it happens all the time, but her eyes were glued to his cock." Sheri laughed.

"Well, thank you for not getting him off at the hospital." Christie told them.

"It was tempting not to hop on for a quick ride." Rachel said.

"Send me the pics, so I can post them." Marcus said to the girls.

"Oh hell no, this is only for our amusement." Sheri said, as she patted my hand.

We talked, and laughed throughout dinner, before we went to get ready for Club Mannequin.

"What's the dress code?" I asked. I was looking at the clothes I brought; one pair of jeans, shorts, bathing suits, and a few pair of sweats.

"Alex said there isn't any." Sheri said. Her uncle Alex owns the club we're going to tonight. He owns nightclubs, pubs, and restaurants all over the place from Toronto to Buffalo to Miami.

Rachel came into the closet to help out her fashion challenged fiancé. She looked at my clothes, and picked out maroon Nike sweats, and a white fitted t-shirt.

"You'll look hot in this Long Dong." Rachel said to me.

"Bitch." I laughed, as I pushed her out of the closet.

Yes, my idea of dressing for a club is wearing Nike sweats, it's all I ever wear. Luckily for me, Sheri has a little fetish about guys in athletics wear. Rachel has grown fond of it as well, although I think she just likes the easy access to my dick.

After I dressed, I rolled a few joints that Sheri put in her purse for me, and I put a blunt behind me ear. For some reason I was in the mood to smoke a blunt. The edibles I ate should be kicking in soon. The point being, I plan on get extremely toasted tonight.

I seen the chauffeur Hector standing next to the limo, he picked us up last night from the airport. I went over to talk to him, he's my height, and in his mid-50's. He's been working for Mr. Santiago for 30 years, and used to drive Sheri to school.

Just from listening to Hector, I can tell how much he cares about Sheri, just like everyone else on the staff. When she introduced us, there were genuine words in their voices, and not in the 'kiss the boss's daughter ass' type of way.

I hear the sounds of voices, and the click of high heels on the cement. I turn around to see my friends, and two sexy girls smiling at me.

Rachel was wearing a pink dress, that showed plenty of cleavage. The dress was just long enough to cover her ass, and with her matching Jimmy Choo high heels on her feet, it really highlighted her sexy legs. She wore her hair in a French braid, that she knows I like so much.

Sheri had a tight white dress that had mesh on the sides, she had to be naked underneath. She had black heels (I can't remember the name to save my life) that has those red soles that are so classy looking. Her jet black hair went halfway down her back. Both girls drew my attention so much, that I didn't notice everyone else getting into the limo.

"There's that dumb look again." Sheri laughed to Rachel

"I have a feeling he likes what he sees." Rachel said.

Sheri looked at my crotch to see if I did. Naked or fully clothed, I get a chubby whenever I see the girls.

"Without a doubt, he's gonna be hard all night." Sheri said, as she gave my semi erect dick a squeeze.

"If I am, then I'll make sure you are too." I laughed, as Sheri got into the back of the car.

"Oh boy, two hard cocks to play with, good thing I'm not wearin' panties." Rachel said to the driver.

I didn't know what to say, so I just shrugged my shoulders at Hector. There wasn't anything I can say or do, that'll make him forget what he heard.

Club Mannequin isn't far from the house, but in Miami it takes at least an hour to get anywhere. Dave was pouring drinks from the well stocked bar, while I smoked on my pen.

"You want some?" I asked Sheri.

"Not yet babe, I just had a couple gummies." She said.

"How many?"

"Only two, they're really small." Sheri told me.

"They're ten milligrams EACH!" I said.

"You had two." Sheri retorted.

"I'm stoned from mornin' to night, my tolerance is much higher." I said.

"This dress might've been a bad idea." She laughed.

Sheri gets horny when she's high, and if you have a penis that means you'll get an erection. Considering Sheri's wearing a short dress with no panties on, it could be a compromising situation for her.

"If they don't like it...fuck 'em." I smiled, as I kiss her soft lips.

"That batch of gummies are really good." Sheri told me.

When I began working at the dog shelter, I got to talking to one of our colleagues there, and I told her I've been trying to make edibles. Her husband Carl also a pot head like me.

One night they came over for dinner, and I got to talking to Carl about the edibles. Ever since then we've been experimenting with different recipes, and we've gotten much better.

The two of us went to different dispensaries, and fellow pot heads we know, and got our hands on as many different powerful strains a marijuana that we can. We'd combined different kinds, and seen what worked, and what didn't.

The main lesson we learned early on, was to record everything we did, because we'd get so stoned that we forgot what we just did. We broke the golden rule: we got high on our own supply.

We made a THC infused butter that we gave to people we know, and they all came back wanting more. They'll use the butter to make cinnamon toast, and get stoned in the process.

Right now we're trying to convert the buds into a liquid form, so we'll be able to make mixed drinks with THC. Our plan is to get a patent, so when marijuana becomes legal in New York, we'll be ready to put our products in dispensaries, and see if we can make something of it. Right now only medical weed is allowed.

"Wait 'til you try the oil." I said. Obviously me, and Carl try everything we make first, and the oil is a different kind of high. It really fucks you up, but we're trying to make it even stronger.

We have a lot of work to do with the oil though, because it taste so horrible. It's way to thick too, and is difficult to swallow. We need to figure out a way to make the taste milder, and more liquid base.

"I don't get how you guys are figuring it out?" Sheri asked.

"YouTube, there's all kinds of recipes on there." I said. That's where get the basic ideas, but we also add our own twist on things.

"Thanks for makin' strawberry-kiwi gummies." Sheri smiled. I specifically made sure that the candy's were flavors that the girls liked.

"It's your responsibility to come up with a name." I said.