How I REALLY Met Your Mother Pt. 01

Eventually we made it to a large building that I assumed had to be a hotel. It was hard to tell since thanks to antigrav technology the Larnians had started treating their buildings more like a performance art than an actual building (seriously, why do they need rooms that go diagonally?).

We went inside and Vectress secured us some rooms while I played the role of a Master who's just too lazy to bother with taking care of these petty details himself. I don't know if I was fooling anyone, but it didn't seem to matter as soon we were given keys and were able to head to our room.

Now we've come to the part I've been really dreading. As much as I really, and I mean really, do not want to talk to you about this, unfortunately I do. Beyond just the fact that I have to talk about this because Vectress and I having sex was foretold, it's also important to the story. The entire event was pivotal in making what happened with Zagron possible at all. Plus, well, you'll see. Anyway, back to where we were.

The hotel room was massive. I mean, imagine one of those penthouse suites you see in movies. No imagine one twice as big. The place itself was done in silver and blue, giving everything a somewhat metal feel to everything. There was a hot tub that was literally the size of an olympic swimming pool, and several strange devices either on the walls, or artfully placed around the room. Sadly I didn't have time to figure out what any of these things did, because it was time for our little play to begin.

I walked over towards the bed (a bed that I stress to note was bigger than my apartment) only to be stopped by Vectress. I looked down to see that Vectress had reached forward and was lightly grabbing my hand. I turned to look at her with my best attempt at annoyance and she quickly moved her hand back as though she had been given an electric shock.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Vectress seemed to hunch down upon herself, as though she could somehow just make herself disappear if she could just get small enough. After staring at her menacingly for as close to 3.2 seconds as I could get (seriously, Vectress used a stopwatch to show me exactly how long she thought I should do this), I finally responded. "Speak!" I barked at her.

Vectress jumped when she heard me, before finally responding back. "Um, Master..."

"Yes."

"It's about Princess Nuetronia."

I frowned when she said this. "What about Princess Nuetronia?"

"Do we really have to enslave her too? I mean, you have me Master, isn't that enough?"

Hearing this I let out a low growl. "You seem to have forgotten your place. Perhaps it's time to remind you."

I grabbed her by the arm and led her towards a full length mirror. "Look," I commanded her.

Vectress stared into the mirror. At the moment she was still wearing her costume. "Now, who do you see in that mirror?" I asked her.

"Vectress," she responded after a brief moment.

"Oh really, is that what you see? Vectress is a hero. She's a mountain of strength who would never allow herself to be controlled by any man. Now what are you?"

Vectress looked down towards her feet. Before she could respond I grabbed her chin and forced it up so that she would be looking directly into her reflection. "No, you stare right at yourself. Now, what are you?"

Vectress' entire body tensed up and she seemed to almost begin to fight back, before sagging back down and replying, "I'm just a hole for you to fuck."

"And what would you call a hole to fuck?"

"A cumdumpster."

"So what are you?"

"I'm your cumdumpster."

Inwardly at this moment I was marvelling at Vectress' ability to act. I still couldn't believe that even with a week to practice this out, she'd not only been willing to perform this scene at all, but that she'd actually come up with the entire script for everything we were doing here. I knew she really cared about Nuetronia, but I was still shocked she was willing to go through this for her.

Still, I couldn't let any of that show on my face. After all, I knew that from the moment we set foot on this planet, we were being watched. I couldn't let all that Vectress had sacrificed go in vain now. Instead I simply said my next line.

"Since you're just a cumdumpster, and not a real hero, you shouldn't be wearing a hero's clothing. Take it off."

Vectress slowly reached her arms up and grabbed her costume by the shoulderpads. She then pulled them sideways until they came over her shoulders before letting the costume fall to the ground. Now she was standing next to me completely naked. I reached over and grabbed one of her breasts. "What is this?" I asked.

"My bitch titties," she responded.

"And who do they belong to?"

"They belong to you."

I let go of her breast and reached down until I had put my finger inside of her vagina. "And what is this?" I asked again.

"My bitch cunt," was her reply.

"And who does this belong to?"

"It belongs to you."

"So tell me, is there any part of your body that doesn't belong to me?"

"No Master."

"What about your mind?"

"My mind is yours Master."

"So if I tell you to wear something..."

"I wear it Master."

"And if I tell you fuck someone..."

"I fuck them Master."

"And if I tell you to help me turn Princess Nuetronia into a cumdump just like you..."

"I turn her into your personal cumdump Master."

"Good. Now get me ready, slave."

With that Vectress knelt down and began to pull my penis out from my pants. It took a little effort but she eventually freed it. She then put my penis into her mouth as she gave me what could only charitably be called a blowjob.

Still, it did the job of getting me hard, so after about a minute of this I motioned for her to stop. "Now, present yourself," I told her.

Vectress stood up and walked over to the bed. She laid down with her legs over the edge and reached down to open up her vagina, giving me a clear look inside. "This cumdumpster's bitch cunt is ready for you to use Master," she said with a passion that really seemed like genuine desire.

I walked over to the bed, until I was looming over her. "Position yourself," I commanded.

Vectress responded by using her ability to fly to slowly float over the bed until her vagina was perfectly lined up with my penis. Grabbing onto her butt I then rammed myself inside of her.

There was no tenderness or foreplay. I simply pounded into her like she was just a hole like she had said earlier. Vectress for her part simply screamed in pleasure and pretended that I was making her cum over and over again.

It wasn't long before I couldn't take it anymore. I was about to pull out so that I could try and avoid getting her pregnant when her legs wrapped around me. They pulled me back inside of her and before I could react I came deep inside of her. Vectress shuddered as she screamed in one last fake orgasm before collapsing on the bed.

I just stared down at her as I realized what we'd just accidentally done. I'd just cum inside Vectress for the first time in all of this. What was I going to do if this ended up getting her pregnant? But before I could begin to panic over what had just happened, the door to the room burst open and a dozen fully armored officers armed with what looked like gatling guns came bursting into the room. The Emperor's elite guard had arrived.

You might have thought that the sight of me standing over a naked Vectress who was still pretending to be blissed out from just having had sex might have caused the officers to pause, at least for a moment, however they were far too professional to let anything like that distract them. Within moments Vectress and I were grabbed and ushered out of the hotel and into separate vehicles.

I sat in the back of what I assumed was the Larnian equivalent of a van, trying to pretend like I was unfazed by any of this and failing miserably. One of the guards looked at me and barked something in their language. "I'm sorry, I don't understand," I responded while trying desperately to keep the fear out of my voice.

The man responded by repeating himself only louder and slower, in the time honored tradition. I simply kept silent which only angered him, until another officer moved forward and inserted something into my ear. After watching that, the first officer spoke again and I was surprised to find that this time, everything he said was in plain english. "Can you understand me now?" he said.

"Yes," I answered, almost in a daze.

The man in front of me smiled before continuing, "Good, now what are you doing here?"

Figuring the best idea was to keep to the cover story I answered, "I heard Princess Nuetronia was going to be sold as a slave. I came to buy her."

The man smirked in response. "You want to keep telling that lie I see. Fine, we'll have the truth soon enough."

From there I moved to a cell. There's not much to say about anything that happened then. Mostly I just sat around waiting to find out what they were going to do to me. After about a day I was grabbed and taken to the palace. I wasn't really able to get a good look at anything as they were moving me far too fast for me to take anything in. Eventually we arrived at our destination.

The room was surprisingly small, and most of it was taken up by the massive throne at the end. Seriously, I think the throne had to have been 2 stories high, as though the emperor was some sort of giant. It actually was somewhat comical given the fact that it made the man sitting on it look like a child trying to pretend he's big enough to sit on the grown-up chairs.

Emperor Zagron looked, feminine. I guess that's the best way to describe it. Unlike the guards surrounding the room, he was thin. His dark green hair was held in a long braid down his waist and his face had a far less angular look to it. Frankly if he'd been wearing long voluminous robes instead of the tight pants and shirtless top I might have confused him for an actual woman.

The interesting thing I noticed was the lack of witnesses. Normally you would expect a massive throne room full of hangers-on everywhere. Instead, apart from the guards, there was no one here besides Zagron and myself. I got the feeling that whatever was going on, Zagron didn't want any witnesses to this discussion.

Zagron himself was holding a piece of melted metal in his hand. He then threw it in front of my feet. "That's what's left of your ship after my men attempted to seize it. I wonder what you had in there that was so important that you felt you needed to set the whole thing to melt itself down rather than risk its capture," he said.

That ticked off a small bit of panic in me. Our ship was destroyed which immediately raised the question of exactly how we were going to get home now. The only reason I didn't completely freak out was the simple fact that I knew Helen must have seen this coming, so hopefully she'd already secured us a way home. At least that's what I was telling myself over and over again in my head in order to keep from curling up into a little ball. Realizing this wasn't going to get us anywhere, I decided to try to take control of the conversation myself. "Where's Vectress?" I asked.

"I must say I'm impressed," Zagron said "I had believed that your capture of Vectress was no more than an elaborate ruse to trick us into letting our guard down. After all, it's well known just how strong the mental defenses that put into her mind are. But my people have thoroughly tested her and they assure me that somehow, you've managed to successfully brainwash her into becoming your willing slave. I must say, I am curious how you pulled that off."

Wow, full points to Vectress. I don't know how she did it, but somehow she'd managed to trick Zagron's guards into thinking she actually WAS a brainwashed slave. I needed to capitalize on this and fast. "Trade secret I'm afraid," I said.

"I can offer you quite a bit," Zagron countered.

Inwardly I was cursing. I think Zagron was offering me his sister in exchange for the secret to bypassing mental defenses, which would be great, except for one problem. It doesn't really exist, which means I had nothing to trade with. I couldn't tell him that however so instead I said, "Sorry, but I prefer it if no one but me knows how to do it. If nothing else it makes sure it can never be used on me."

"Regrettable, but understandable. Oh well, you can go. I'm sure someone of your, resources, can find some way home."

WIth that he waved his hand for me to leave. Two of his guards moved forward then to reach out and pull me out of the throne room. Inwardly I was panicking. Whatever it was I needed to do, I clearly hadn't done it yet, and now I was about to be kicked out. I desperately spoke out, my mouth moving faster than my brain. "Wait," I said. "What about Princess Nuetronia? What are you going to do about her?"

Zagron lifted his hand again to motion his guards to stop where they were and I could see a sly grin begin to form on his face.

Fuck. He'd been bluffing and I'd played right into his hand. Now he knew I was desperate for Nuetronia, which meant he had the leverage to try and force my hand, which at the moment might as well have been garbage.

"I'm sorry, but my sister is no longer on the market. I'm afraid I'm just going to have to execute her."

I know he was negotiating with me, but one question had been nagging me. I'd been pushing it down, but Helen's words resonated with me. I decided since I had nothing to bargain with anyway, then fuck it, I was just going to say whatever I felt like. "So why did you put her on the market in the first place then?" I asked.

Zagron sighed when he heard that question. "Because despite what you might think, I don't really want to kill my sister. But she's too beloved. If she changed her mind about the throne, most of the empire would side with her. That is a risk I can not take. I'd hoped that by selling her off the law forbidding slaves to take the throne would be enough to discourage people from continuing to push her for the throne. Sadly it seems the people's love for her runs too deep. Even if she were to become a slave, they would simply throw the law away so they could place her on the throne."

This was unexpected. Maybe I'd watched too much Game of Thrones, but it generally hadn't occurred to me that Zagron might just not WANT to kill his own sister. But right now he was trapped in a conundrum. Removing Nuetronia in any way would cause riots in the streets, but if he didn't, he'd always be wondering when someone would try to remove him for her anyway. There didn't seem to be a third option, or at least, there hadn't been. An idea popped in my head. It was stupid and everything depended on our ability to keep Zagron believing that I actually COULD brainwash her, but if it worked, I might just be able to make everyone happy.

"In that case," I started, "I might have an idea."

Nuetronia was standing in the middle of the room looking at me and Vectress. She was still dressed in the slave girl outfit they were going to have her wear for the slave auction before it had been cancelled. The outfit was basically a green bikini, but with some silken cloth on the sides for added style.

"So let me see if I understand this," she said, "I'm going to be your slave, but we're just going to tell everyone we're married?"

"The slave thing is just a legal fiction. By signing it, you're assuring your brother that you'll never try to take the throne," Vectress responded, pleading with her to sign the contract.

I guess I should explain what the plan was. The whole idea is that Zagron would give Nuetronia to me as my slave, but what we tell the people is that I have some unique genetic code that the royal family wants for themselves, so Nuetronia agreed to marry me ensure that my powers would be used to benefit the empire.

Not very many people would believe this of course, which is where Nuetronia comes in. We'd need her to sell this to the masses. Doing public appearances and interviews, basically letting everyone know that she was fully onboard with this plan from the start.

But why would Nuetronia agree to this? Well, officially, it's because we'd be lying to her. The idea is that I would masquerade as an agent from the League who had found a compromise to get her back. To appease her brother she would sign herself to me as a slave, but then lie to everyone about marrying me. She would just have to hold to this story until we got back to Earth, at which point so long as she stayed on the planet she could live her life as normal. It was a legal fiction, but one that would let her live her life the way she wanted to.

Funnily enough the only story I told Nuetronia was mostly true. The only parts I made up was that Zagron had agreed to this fiction and that I was an agent. The rest was basically the truth. No, it was Zagron we were lying to, not that we could tell her this, because we were being watched at all times. I could only hope that she either believed us, or decided to play along, because otherwise we were screwed.

Fortunately after a few moments she sighed and put her thumbprint onto the contract, which formed her signature. For a moment I saw a look of confusion on her face before it settled back down into the normal friendly girl next door look she'd long since mastered. "So what happens now?" she asked.

"Now you need to get changed so you can get out there and start selling this to the public at large, because if they don't buy this, then this whole deal is off."

Nuetronia seemed a bit flustered for a moment as when she responded she started speaking a bit too fast. "Oh of course," she said, "Don't worry, I'll make sure everyone believes that I'm your happy little wife Master."

"Peter," Vectress interrupted. "Always call him Peter. If people hear you calling him Master, even if you are just joking, they might get the wrong idea."

"Oh yes, of course. I'm sorry, Peter."

Looking back on it, this was the moment I'd started to notice that something was wrong. Fortunately however I was too stressed out from everything that had happened and I just wanted this to all be over. I decided that it wasn't my business, so I'd just let Vectress figure out whatever was wrong with her. Instead I just stayed quiet as I watched the now former Princess Nuetronia gently sashay her way out of the room.

I have to say, when it came to selling this whole lie, Nuetronia was even better than her word. Seriously, I may think you know what a Nuetronia charm offensive looks like, but until you've seen footage of her selling this marriage to the Larnian people, you have no idea. She did interviews, gala events, even appearing with her brother for hours long Q&A sessions. They couldn't hide the fact that Zagron had been planning to sell her into slavery, but she instead twisted it as more of a misunderstanding that they had already worked out before I even showed up. Yes, I'm aware that seems stupid, but she was so good at this she even had me almost believing it and I knew what the truth was.

All in all it took us another month to get everything settled down. That was when I was given the pleasant surprise of Helen showing back up again. As you would expect, she knew that Zagron's people were going to be coming for our ship, so she rigged the thing to immolate itself and snuck out just as we were exiting it ourselves.

While we were dealing with the Zagron, she'd been spending that time securing us a new ship. I'd asked her why we couldn't have just arranged one from Zagron and she simply asked me if I trusted taking a ship from someone who would benefit quite a bit from us having a terrible accident on our 'honeymoon.'

So that's how we ended up in a hanger looking at a ship that was much bigger, and far less impressive than the Liberator was. The thing was apparently an old cargo hauler and it looked the part. The thing was long and thin, but with 8 massive containers hooked in at various points down it's center shaft. At one point the stuff looked like it would have had a red and black paint job, but the colors had mostly either faded, or chipped off entirely. "Are you sure this thing is going to be fine?" I asked.