How to Become a Gooner Master

Good news! If you're naked, excited, and on a porn site (like this one!), you're already halfway there!

More good news! I've already done the research for you. Follow these tips and you'll be a drooling, mindless gooner (or goonette) in no time!

What's the value of turning into a full gooner/goonette? Hell, probably none at all. If done correctly, you'll become a mindless, drooling porn addict. Sound like something you want? Then follow along!

Gooners love two things - porn and being excited. In fact, most gooners love being excited more than actually having an orgasm. Crazy, I know! But think about it for a moment, what is the BEST part of sex? As good as an orgasm feels, it's a temporary and fleeting experience. Once you shoot your wad, there's nothing left except the cleanup. But as a gooner, there's NO CLEANUP! Instead, you're like that dumb bunny on the battery commercials: you just keep going and going and going...

There are a couple of keys to becoming a successful gooner. Let's start with being addicted to the thrill of being excited. Sure, you can always have an orgasm, but save it. Save it for as long as you can. Instead of working on getting off as quickly as possible, work toward getting as excited as you can and maintaining that level of arousal. Trust me, it's an absolutely sublime sensation.

Are you nice and hard yet? Or, if you're working on becoming a goonette, are you nice and wet yet? Remember, you're in this for the long haul, so triggers are important. What gets your motor going? What reminds you to get excited, be excited, and stay excited?

Ah, the pathway to enlightenment! Know thyself and to thy own self be true! You've got this! Here are a few hints to help along the way.

• Try living without underwear. Going commando is always fun. As a gooner, it should be damn near mandatory. Keep yourself accessible, the more accessible, the better!
• Consider a butt plug! Aside from being exciting as hell, anal stimulation does a great job of keeping those good feelings flowing. Find the right size and practice wearing it as much as possible.
• Water-based lubes are your friend. You can use any lube you want, but for this gooner, I prefer the ease of a water-based lubricant. A bit of moisture can recharge it. Like a bit of spit, a few droplets of water, or even a few droplets of pre-cum. Also, water-based lubes don't stain as easily as oil-based lubes.
• Keep the porn flowing! Change your desktop background to something sexy. Change the background on your phone. Put porn on every screen you see. Go old school and print out some porn to display in every room.
• Chating regularly about sex can help. Literotica has several great chatrooms. Getting into a text-based chat with other horny people keeps those fires burning.
• Push yourself to consume different kinds of porn. You'll never know when or where you'll find your next kink.
• While this feels contrary to the one above, it's not. Your favorite porn matters, too! Find as many sources of it as possible to keep the flow fresh.
• Keep yourself shaved down there. It makes the lube easier to use, makes you feel sexier, and looks damn better, too!

Here's the most controversial tip - and the most fun one - let other people know that you're gooning! Your friends, family, or even your significant other. Let them know that you're working on becoming a mindless, drooling porn addict, and ask for their support. While many will try to push you away from the idea, not all of them will! The ones who endorse your new lifestyle are the ones you want to keep closest. Those are your true friends!

One tit out rule: It's a fun and simple rule, if one of the ladies in your life flashes a single boob (nipple included), then that's a signal for you to immediately start gooning. If you're a man, that means whipping it out and to start stroking yourself into a mindless, porn-fueled, drooling gooner. If you're a chick, basically the same thing, expose that sexy, needy pussy of yours and start frigging away!

Give yourself some time to learn your new place in life as a full-time gooner or goonette. Start slow. Consider giving yourself a full hour of uninterrupted porno time. Get comfortable, get naked, start stroking, and start absorbing as much porn as possible. As you get yourself into the zone, you'll feel the porn seeping deeper into your brain and consuming you.

As you begin to master that single hour, add another hour. Keep going until you can spend an entire day in a gooner's trance. It's fun and life-altering. Soon, you'll be skipping work and avoiding your friends and family for more time to goon. In time, you'll develop dozens of triggers that will put you right into that powerful frame of mind. You've got this!

Be sure to share your tips in the comments below. There are other wanna-be gooners and goonettes needing YOUR advice!

Now start gooning!