I Call Dibs

She pulled out a big bag of food from La Hacienda from one of those mega purses some women carry. Margaret's purse was more mega than any woman I knew. I was pretty sure she parked her car in the damn thing.

Two more cars arrived as Javier and Manuel got out of their cars and started walking toward the house then four more cars arrived. Everyone from work had arrived to support me. I guess I wasn't as alone as I thought. Do unto others... and they will do unto you. For me, that was a good thing.

Some of them brought food. Javier and Manuel were Arby's addicts and brought two bags and Mike brought some Chick-fil-A. It's odd as hell but, damn that was a good meal and surprisingly, I was famished. Between everyone, I had a La Hacienda soft taco, half an Arby's Roast beef, a few Chick-fil-A grilled nuggets, and waffle fries. We all sat on my back patio and ate. Javier quietly came to me and asked me if I wanted some unpleasant company for William. He knew people who knew people. I declined and knew damn well it would all come back to me. I thanked him though. He was a top-notch electrician and was the most willing to work weekends on call.

Amanda kept me company, trying to keep my spirits up. We talked about hiking and it turns out, that some of the old coal railroad lines in her hometown had been converted into rail trails. She was an aficionado and loved hiking in general. She studiously avoided talking about my soon-to-be whore wife, and for that, I am grateful.

Manuel kept grumbling that he knew people who knew people. Just like his brother, I told him it would all come back to me and that I appreciated his loyalty. He looked me straight in the eye and told me, "You are my brother from another mother. The day you got my brother off those charges and proved him innocent, you became family to me!"

I smiled at that, it was the first smile I had since before I had read the first note that was passed to me by that man. Eventually, everyone left except Margaret who helped me clean up the kitchen and take out the trash from the evening's meal. At eight that night, I got a call from my brother. I asked him, "Did you follow them to find the room number?"

He laughed and said, "Naw. No need. I was in a chair sitting facing away in the lobby. Room ten oh five. Penthouse. The guy is loaded. Fifteen hundred a night! I have pictures and video for proof! I followed behind them walking to his room with my GoPro attached to my belt buckle. She was too busy giving him a tongue bath going to the room to notice."

I said, "Thanks, bro!"

He said proudly, "I beat them to the lodge by ten minutes. I was wearing a ball cap and sunglasses so they had no idea. Don't want me to fuck him up? I could beat his ass easily. You could beat his ass easily. Fuck it! Margaret could beat his ass easily."

I said, "No. I have to pick up my life and start over. The drama will only slow that down and a prison sentence would slow it even more. Her boss is an evil man, but not a stupid one and he owns the governor."

My brother sounded disappointed. He belongs to an MMA gym and while not any kind of champion, he has enough training to beat the shit out of anyone without any training on how to fight if someone starts on him.

Margaret announced in no uncertain terms that she was spending the night and needed to know which of the spare bedrooms she was going to sleep in. I was going to argue, but Margaret gets her way ninety-nine percent of the time and I didn't have it in me to fight her. Late that night, after Margaret had retired to my spare bedroom, I pulled up my phone and with slightly trembling hands, hoping it had caught my wife's confession about trying to plant evidence. I played it and it was there. I put it on my Apple Cloud space, made a Google Drive space, a box.com and sent a copy to my brother. My evidence was secure.

I did call in four pizzas for Billy's room that night, paid on delivery of course. Yes, I am mentally twelve years old. Sue me. I was pissed off.

I sat in huge mental pain and... hope. My office manager was sleeping in the next damn room and her husband had no problem with it. Everyone knew I would never hurt their marriage and everyone showed up as my life fell apart. They would not leave me alone... in a good way.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

I woke to the smell of bacon cooking. It was half past six in the fucking morning. The door opened at seven and Margaret marched in without knocking. Shit. I sleep bare ass naked, morning wood is a thing, and here comes my office manager who says, "Sit up."

I carefully sat up, making sure Sir Lance-alot was covered. Margaret brought in a very nice 'breakfast in bed' tray. She giggled and asked, "Uh. What are you wearing?"

I glared a bit though I wasn't evil about it, "Never mind."

I ate as Margaret left for ten seconds then came back with her mega-purse and pulled out a ten-inch tablet. Yeah, she does park her car in that purse and it would not shock me if there was a kitchen sink in there also.

She ignored my uncomfortable grimace as I was sitting under the covers stark-ass naked with morning wood while she pulled up a chair and started talking, "Okay. Javier had a hole in his schedule Monday after lunch so he is going to take care of Barnstaple Baths for you. You are going to meet with Tanisha Grace of Grace Law then. She is the one that took down Mr. DeBaugh's cousin in divorce court last year so she is doing it for only four hundred dollars an hour. She has a special place for anyone taking on that family."

She continued, "Tuesday, I moved Manuel to take your day to finish Barnstaple. You will have to be there at four in the afternoon to make sure they are happy and schmooze. Old man Barnstaple understands and is fine with you not doing his work this time."

I asked, "He knows what happened?"

Margaret nodded and said, "Only that your wife is cheating and that is why you are indisposed. He said he understood and hoped you came out okay. He also said that you were getting his new Gastonia East store as long as the rates were the same. I took care of it for you and signed the documents this morning."

I asked, "This all happened this morning? It's Saturday."

Margaret nodded and said, "Mr. Barnstaple gets up early on Saturdays. I called him and explained. He is totally on your side."

I sighed and looked down. Life sucks.

Margaret brought her hand under my chin and brought my chin back up, "He remembers when you finished wiring all night overnight after his original electrical contractor failed him the literal night before the grand opening of his new flagship store in downtown Charlotte. You have friends and Allies, maybe not the governor, but there are a ton of people on your side. Everyone from your company owes you their livelihoods and we all love our jobs. You have friends, Joshua, more than you can imagine."

Margaret left. I ordered an Elvis impersonator to serenade them at lunch to, 'Hound Dog.' Yeah, I'm a dick and out four hundred fifty bucks.

I amuse me.

It was three hundred for the impersonator and an extra hundred fifty for someone to come with them and get video. I called my brother for any updates and he had none. I found the Elivs thing funny and my brother complimented me on creativity.

As I was ending the call he told me, "Funny thing. I heard a rumor someone pissed on the backseat carpet of Billy's car last night. Bet that will smell very nice in a few days."

Yeah, my brother is interesting and knows how to break into cars without setting the alarm off. I did not ask for details anyway.

Hank came over at six and said we were headed to Mr.Juggs, a titty bar. It was only topless so there was alcohol involved. I'm not a fan of fake tits so the view was not that great. I remember the Uber ride home... mostly. Hank said I was a lightweight. He's right. I'm not much of a drinker. Still, he's kind of a dick sometimes.

Sunday, February 25, 2018.

Hank had spent the night in the spare room and got up at eight like I had. I was getting up, when he walked by the door without knocking and said he had to leave. Does anyone in my fucking company fucking knock!?

He just barged in my bedroom door as I was getting up with full morning wood, said, "Nice pecker" rolled his eye,s and said, "Gotta go. Amanda is going to look after you in fifteen minutes"

Yep, he's definitely a dick.

I got dressed then Amanda arrived. Damn, she's cute. Five foot-ish with smallish boobs, shoulder-length natural blonde hair, and a smile that could light up a city. She was dressed in jeans, a white top, and one of those long sweaters women wear when it is cool but not cold.

Her million-watt smile greeted me, "Come on! Getting you out of your shit mood. Move it!"

I stood a second. She sighed then said, "Move it mister!"

I grabbed my Milwaukee Electric hoodie and headed out the door.

It was ten when she stopped at Mcdonald's and told me we were having breakfast. Yeah, my subordinate employee was bossing the boss. I went with it. I told her I was paying and she laughed and said, "Yes you are."

She had Margaret's company credit card in her hand. It was a clear plot, but I went with it. I won't complain about hotcakes and sausage as that is always a good choice then she took me to a rail trail in Gastonia and we walked for five miles then doubled back. She kept everything light and avoided the elephant in the room except at the end when she said, "Everyone at J Calvert Electric loves you, you know. You make our lives better and treat us like family."

She kissed my cheek as she dropped me at home around three. I ordered from Papa John's and called it a night and sat in my office making sure all my ducks were in a row and my internet history would provide no clues to any would-be hackers that Billy Douchebag would hire.

Brittany arrived with Billy Douchebag at seven that night. I was expecting them at nine like they said, but probably wanted to ambush me.

Brittany came in and explained the same stupid shit she did on Friday and to deal with it. Billy Douchebag stood beside her with a giant smirk and tried to egg me into doing something stupid, "See. I brought her back after... well, you know."

I ignored Billy Douchebag then Brittany did manage a new cliche when she mentioned my fragile male ego. I'm pretty sure she had covered most of the cliches. Bravo.

Bitch.

I told her we were getting divorced and she made her threats again. I played the audio of her making the threats. She whined about me recording her. REALLY? You threaten to set me up on false charges leading to a prison sentence measured in decades and you whine about being recorded?

Billy Douchebag made threats about recording others and I reminded him we live in a one-party consent state. I also told him he would never find all the copies of the recording and that others were aware of the situation if anything happened. Billy got less cocky and I told him I wanted no part of him or his whore.

I had moved her shit to the spare bedroom. I was hoping the bed was still full of Hank's germs. Actually, I was hoping he had jerked off and spewed all over the sheets. I know, dream on. Regardless. She didn't notice anything about the bed.

Yeah, I know you all want me to go nuclear. He partly owns the fucking governor. I'm not messing with that unless cornered and I was no longer cornered. People in his circles get to buy their own law, but I don't have that luxury.

Part 2. The end of the beginning or the beginning of a beginning?

Monday, February 26, 2018

I had my meeting with my lawyer. She was pretty dour until I told her I had a recording of Brittany making threats. She said the threats could be used but would amount to little unless they were actually carried out. It was good insurance in case Billy tried anything, but would lead to little since Brittany could say it was all a bluff.

Brittany came home at her normal time that night. She was rather sad and said, "I have talked to my lawyer and he says that William thinks this is best handled in a quiet no-fault divorce."

Damn, I was hoping William was acting as her lawyer. That would have been illegal and I would have loved to nuke him on that. No dice.

Brittany said, "William wants all copies of the audio destroyed."

That was funny and I shook my head, "That will happen the first of never."

She sighed, "Well. He wants things to go smoothly and wants to know what guarantee he has against this becoming messy."

Messy!? Dubya Tee Eff!

Bitch.

I've had my heart ripped out and I'm on the way to divorce court after she got a weekend fuckfest at a high-end resort. I didn't say part of that and simply said, "I have no intention of fucking around in his world as long as he AND YOU stay the fuck out of mine. I know that he is buddies with the governor, mayor, and heaven knows who else and I want no part of the trouble he can bring. Just leave me the fuck alone!"

She had the gall to ask, "That is it?"

She is an audacious bitch, I'll give credit there.

I looked at her in disdain and said, "Unlike you and Billy Douchebag, my word means something."

She sighed loudly and then went to the spare room. I heard her voice on a phone call as I went past into my office, but I did not spy on that one. I was suddenly exhausted. I watched some travel stuff on The Southwest Coast Path on YouTube. One of the things I wanted to share with Brittany; a 600-plus-mile long hike along the scenic coast of the West of England. Maybe it was for the best, she hates hiking. Maybe someday.

After that, the night was quiet. I went into my room which was OUR room. I looked around sadly as my life fell apart then fell into exhausted sleep.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

I was at work when I got a call from Margaret paraphrasing some papers that had arrived. They were a divorce petition. Straight up no fault dull. 50/50 and no spousal support. I kept the house and she kept her bigger 401K. The prenup was enforced, I kept J Calvert Electric and she kept her trust.

I know everyone wants me to get into my attack helicopter and shoot hellfire missiles into Billy Douchebag's house. I don't have an attack helicopter and the whole mess was costing me my sanity. In the end, I wanted to keep my sanity and agreed. I kept the evidence well hidden and secured, just in case I ever needed it.

I had dinner with Margaret, Ed, and Amanda. La Hacienda again. Good stuff and they kept the conversation light.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Hank took me over to Mr. Juggs again. I still don't like fake jugs. I like big tits, but only ones naturally grown. I'd much rather see a nice pair of B-Cups over road cones any day of the week. I didn't drink that time and drove myself home.

Friday, March 2, 2018

Margaret announced that she and Amanda were taking me to some dance club. Margaret had to call off at the last moment. I danced with Amanda on a few slow songs. When I dance a fast song, it looks more like an epileptic seizure than anything else. Amanda thought it was funny but thanked me for trying. She kissed me on the cheek. It was a very chaste kiss and she ended the night with, "Your work family loves you, Joshua. Your life will get better. I promise. All of us at work promise."

Saturday, March 3, 2018

I woke up early because it was moving day. Billy Douchebag had wasted no time in hiring movers for Brittany. She had not spent the night at our place so I assumed she spent it getting plowed by Billy. I was a mess mentally, but the sharp pain was more of a dull ache by that time. Manuel arrived early and sat with me, telling me was there to take care of his "Brother from another mother" and make sure nothing bad happened. When the four movers showed up and two were oversized, Hank, Javier, Manuel, and even Margaret quickly showed up.

Ya know Margaret keeps her car in that giant purse, right? Ya know what else she has in it? A gun, which she made sure she, 'showed me' in front of the two gorillas. She then went on to tell me how she went through forty-three different guns to find the one she was most comfortable with then told me she could hit the center of the target ten for ten times and how she and her husband practice at least once a month. When one of the gorillas mentioned how he was good with a gun and made a Clint Eastwood joke, Margaret told him a gun was a dangerous tool and not a penis extension for big dumb assholes. He smirked. Margaret didn't and he backed off. Ten minutes later, her husband showed up and sat next to his wife. I have no idea if he was carrying at the time, but he wasn't smirking either.

Of the four movers, two of them looked more like shaved sasquatches than movers. They were HUGE. After Margaret explained things, Manuel simply suggested he knew people who knew people who could make even shaved sasquatches disappear. It was three that afternoon when Brittany did her last walk-through of the house. I was terse with her but told her if anything on the list was not on the truck, I would bring it to her office and leave it with the receptionist. If anything was still in the house, it was small and could be left at the front desk.

Once the gorillas were gone and the truck had pulled away, Margaret kissed her husband and her mood was much less serious. The day ended with Brittany taking only what she was due. We had La Hacienda for a late lunch or early dinner at half past three. By the way, their Steak Ranchero is uh-may-zing!

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Margaret announced that she and Amanda were taking me to some dance club again. I was increasingly wondering if I really was the boss as pretty much everyone else in the company was telling me what to do after the workday ended. This time Amanda could not make it. One of Margaret's friends was there. Her name was Sandy. She was kind of pretty, but had a very nice smile and was very flirty. She was about thirty--five whereas Margaret is forty years old.

Idon'tt remember much late that night other than I fucked Sandy twice on Saturday and once in the morning on Sunday. Yes, I know the whole thing was a setup. Hey, it beats dealing with Mr. Hand.

Friday, March 16, 2018

I had an interesting weekend and spent the weekend fucking the crap out of Sandy who was very eager to oblige me. Sunday morning she pretty much admitted her mission was to fuck me blind but that was the end of it.

She looked at me as she dressed for the final time Sunday morning and said, "Joshua, I hope you enjoyed our time together and I showed you that you really are a great guy and a pretty damn good lay. I'm mostly into bad boys and that is the opposite of you. Have heart, you will make a woman a great boyfriend, just not me."

I nodded and she chuckled, "As easy as I am, I have never cheated on any man in my life. Not all women, fuck, most women don't cheat and extremely few pull such a dramatic betrayal like your soon-to-be ex-wife. When you meet the right woman, let her love you because I can tell that you are a great catch for the right woman. I'm simply not the right woman for you."

I sighed and nodded.

Sandy kissed me on the cheek and said, "If you remain a hermit and alone the rest of your life, your ex-wife wins. She is surely moving on and you need to do the same."

With that, I never saw her again. She did wonders for my ego. Faking a vagina that wet is not an easy thing to fake and she really was very wet when we got together and had sex in many different positions and ways. Women think queefing is embarrassing. I take it as a great sign I'm doing something right.

Friday, March 23, 2018

Amanda told me we were going dancing again then teased me she liked my seizure dance. I was sober the whole time and took her home at midnight. For the first time, I really did have a good time and didn't care that much how shitty my dancing looked. We decided to meet up and do the Kings Mountain circular trail on Saturday.