I Call Dibs

The trail was a lot of good fun and ten miles of hiking was both enjoyable and helped keep me from turning into a fat ass.

Friday, March 30, 2018

Hank, Ed, Javier and Manuel all took me to Mr. Juggs. I still hate fake tits and I paid more attention to the Premier League soccer match going on on the big screen to the side of the main stage.

Ya know what I don't care about? Premier League soccer, but it was more interesting than the fake road cone tits on display in front of me. Still, I appreciated the effort and faked it.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Amanda called and asked what we should do. I must say she and Margaret are excellent company and honestly, I enjoy my time with them more than with the others; Hank especially. I like tits, but the fake road cone tits of the women at the places Hank keeps taking me to do literally nothing for me. I would rather see a topless A-Cup woman who has what nature provided her than the fake misshapen oversized lumps on most of the strippers.

It was going to be unseasonably warm and a beautiful day so it should be something outside. She wanted me to come up with an idea so I suggested we head to Fleet Park and just walk around on the trails. It was a beautiful day for very late March with bright sunshine and temperatures that were going to be near eighty for a high. Damn, she looked nice, wearing a cute red pair of sports shorts and a top that looked like a cross between a crop top and a sports bra.

It was odd but it was hard to not notice her nipples were poking through. By the way, I like pokies. She said nothing and I tried to play it cool.

We got to the park and Radio station FM 104.9 was at the parking lot setting up. Warren 'Weasel' and Mike Tubbs 'of Lard.' had just sat down to do a live broadcast and they had a camera guy filming us.

Mike took one look at Amanda and said, "Young lady. How would you like to earn up to one thousand forty-nine dollars for yourself and one thousand forty-nine dollars for the Wilhelmina Wilkins Breast Cancer Fund?

Amanda looked at him suspiciously and asked, "What is the catch?"

They both smiled and said, "You have to play soccer. You two play soccer against Mike Tubbs and our 'Permanent idiot intern Fat Freddy.'

Mike Tubbs 'or Lard' and Fat Freddy likely tip the scales at over four hundred pounds each.

Amanda sighed and said, "What is the catch?"

Warren Weasel said, "Well first, we go on air in forty seconds after this song ends."

Mike started the segment by saying, "Welcome listeners! We are at Fleet Park to play soccer! We have..."

He put the microphone over to Amanda who said, "Amanda" then to me and I said, "Joshua"

"To play soccer against Mike Tubbs 'of lard' and Fat Freddy. They get fifty dollars for every goal up to one thousand forty-nine dollars and an equal amount to the Wilhelmina Wilkins Breast Cancer Fund! We start at midfield and they have fifteen minutes to make as many goals as they can. Fat Freddy is the goalie and any time he stops the ball, they have to start at midfield again. Fat Freddy is sooooo fat..."

They played a clip of a crowd saying, "How Fat Is He!!!"

"That he blocks the goal by simply standing in it!"

Warren broke in, "So Amanda, you and your boyfriend tell us briefly about yourselves."

Amanda said, "He is not my boyfriend. He is my boss... and my friend. He is the best."

Warren and Mike looked at each other. Mike said, "Okay. THIS I have to hear. Your boss is your friend?"

Amanda nodded emphatically, "Yes. He is the best boss and everyone at work loves him. He is like family to us all."

Mike said, "Er. Okay. That is unusual coming from any employee."

Amanda said, "Well. I don't hate Mondays. I love my job. He has paid for many classes for me at Mitchell Community College and then gave me a raise for every class I passed. He has been there for all of us employees in ways... like family."

Warren looked serious and said, "Snark aside... keep going."

Amanda said, "I came to Charlotte from a dying coal town in Eastern Kentucky with my ex-boyfriend. He got drunk at a company picnic and hit me in front of his employer. He got fired then he got mad at me for his stupidity and kicked me out. Joshua..."

Amanda looked at me fondly, "Joshua loaned me the money for my security deposit for a place of my own. No interest. Just fifty dollars a week to pay him back, interest-free. Then he gave me a raise of a dollar an hour so I really wasn't paying him back much. Joshua... is a leader, not a boss. He is also a friend."

Mike nodded, "Damn that is cool! Cool bosses should be able to advertise on the radio for free. Amanda, where do you work?"

Amanda said proudly, "J Calvert Electric!"

Warren said, "So listeners! I think anyone needing electrical work should call J Calvert Electric for all their needs!"

Amanda said, "Call on Monday. We get weekends off except the one guy on weekend call."

Mike said, "Being on call does not sound like fun."

Amanda said, "The one on call always makes time and a half with a four-hour minimum if no one is needed."

Mike said, "I stand corrected."

Warren said, "I tip my hat to you, sir!"

His hat said, 'Bikini Inspector.' Yes. I am rolling my eyes.

Amanda said, "Then there was the time he bailed out a coworker who was falsely accused of attempted murder then paid for a PI and proved the coworker was innocent."

Mike looked at Warren, "Damn!"

Amanda said, "Then there was the time our office manager's husband was hit by a drunk driver so Joshua bought a computer so she could work from the hospital and not burn her sick time or vacation time."

Mike said, "Okay. Anything else from the ultimate Boy Scout?"

Amanda said, "Well he did hire this sixty-six-year-old guy who only wanted to work less than a year, so Joshua gave him a good job instead of forcing him to work retail."

Warren sighed and said, "Okay. We get it. Joshua is a saint. Well, Saint Joshua, the game is soccer. You have fifteen minutes to score as many goals as you can in ten minutes. We are taking video of course. We start at midfield and we defend against you making goals. It will be Mike Tubbs 'of lard' and Fat Freddy.

Amanda said, "They probably can not play very well due to well..."

Warren finished her sentence in plain language, "Them both being so fat that they have moons orbiting their fat asses!"

Amanda sputtered, "Well, I did not say that."

Warren laughed, "Yes. I did and the idea is that you have a chance to make enough goals at fifty dollars each that the charity gets the money, and so do you."

Amanda sighed and said, "I know there has to be a catch."

Mike, Warren, and Freddy all smiled and said, "Of course! I promise that we will not mark or hurt you in any way."

Amanda sighed and said, "Okay."

I said, "Wait!"

Warrant faux clucked at me, "Now now, Joshua Calvert of J Calvert Electric, you wouldn't want to stand in the way of a charity making over a thousand dollars."

I sighed and said, "You are evil bastards."

They both smiled and said, "Absolutely"

Warren smirked, "Okay now for the giant catch!"

I groaned, Amanda liked their show. I did not listen to them. This was going to involve Amanda's tits somehow. They had a reputation.

Warren said, "So just so it is clear who is on whose team. We are playing, shirts and skins! Mike and Freddy are shirts! Joshua and Amanda are skins!"

Amanda thought it was funny. I did not.

I said, "This is not fair to Amanda. She could be arrested."

Amanda laughed, "Joshua. Relax. I did the New Orleans beads for boobies thing the year I turned eighteen with my ex."

Amanda said, "So basically, I play topless for fifty bucks a goal?"

Warren and Mike nodded, "The station has the arrested part covered. It won't happen."

Amanda lifted her top and damn she had beautiful B-Cup breasts with perfect quarter-sized round areolas and nipples poking straight out at me."

I looked away. Mike, Warren, and Freddy stared.

Warren chastised me, "Joshua. Stop being such a goody-goody."

I said, "This is not appropriate for me to stare."

Mike laughed, "Well, Joshua. I need you to describe it to our radio listeners. How big are they? If you don't, the deal is off and Amanda is already live on video on our webcast."

Amanda laughed, "Joshua. I'm not that shy. Go ahead, look, and describe them. I assure you, they are very nice!"

I looked. Damn, they were nice, "Uh. She looks like a B-Cup."

Mike prodded, "How big are her areolas? We want details!"

I said, "Her areolae are about quarter-sized and round. Her breasts are very, uh, perky."

Amanda laughed, "Joshua. Relax. I'm not bothered by this."

Amanda dropped her top on a chair and walked out to midfield

Fat Freddy went to the goal while Mike stood next to me. Turns out Amanda had played soccer as a teen as had I. We were not great, but had basic skills. We took the ball down the field. Evading Mike was easy but Fat Freddy easily caught Amanda's first attempt.

Damn, it was hard to concentrate. Amanda's boobs are exquisite.

We went back to midfield. Turns out that we only had to make it to midfield to start again. Mike did not even bother trying to get back to midfield. The second time, Amanda managed to make the goal in the right corner of the goal.

It took fourteen minutes and forty seconds for us to make the twenty-first and final goal. We had made the max.

We walked back and Amanda picked up her shirt. Mike said, "Not so fast!"

Mike said, "We need an interview!"

Amanda laughed, "Topless I am sure!"

Warren said, "Surely sure! Topless!"

Mike said, "So one thousand forty-nine dollars divided by two is five hundred twenty-four dollars and fifty cents each!"

I said, "Give it to Amanda. She provided you with your entertainment."

Amanda asked, "Really?"

I nodded, "Yes. I was a bit player. I guarantee the webcast video is all about you."

Amanda jumped up and gave me a topless cheek kiss. Damn, it was hard to keep little Joshua from springing free. Those were damn nice boobies and Amanda is so cute she is adorable.

Monday, April 2, 2018

The phone calls resulting from the park adventure started early. I had five estimates to do and I had to enlist Hank to cover two others. Margaret and Amanda were talking quietly among themselves then stopped when I walked into the room.

I looked at them both, "What are you two plotting?"

Margaret said, "We are talking about female issues. Would you like to talk about female issues? Perhaps you can enlighten us about our cycles and fun stuff like that."

I shuddered and said, "I think I will take a pass on that."

Margaret teased, "Oh come on Joshua. We could both use your insight about our monthly cycles!"

I shuddered and firmly said, "Never mind!"

Friday, April 27, 2018

By the end of April, I was better emotionally. The shock had worn off and Brittany had moved out to her own place. I think it annoyed her that she had to have her own place. I have no idea where she got the idea that I would willingly take sloppy seconds and let her live with me. I walked into my office after doing another estimate. A large white envelope from my lawyer was on my desk. Inside, the top page was an official receipt for all services rendered. The next sheets were the formal divorce that had been finalized. Ten minutes later it was four o'clock and time to head home. Margaret came in and said, "Come on."

I asked, "What?"

Margaret said, "I know what that envelope is. Your divorce is final. Your family... your work family is taking you for a steak dinner tonight, then we are taking you out drinking."

I said, "I'm not much of a drinker."

Margaret laughed and said, "You are tonight. Your truck will be fine here overnight. We have designated drivers."

We went to the Outback Steakhouse in Cornelius and I walked inside behind Margaret. She said, 'J Calvert Electric'

Instead of going to a table, I was led into a back room. There were twenty-five people in the room. Margaret said, "You wonder why we all supported you through your troubles. This is why. This is what you have caused. This is your employees and their wives or girlfriends and their kids. All of us have our lives because of you, Joshua. You don't seem to understand. We ALL HAVE OUR LIVES because of you. We are your family and tonight is a celebration of the end of a sad time and the beginning of a new chapter for you."

I was kind of losing it, but managed to say, "Uh. Wow. No words. Thank you."

Javier said, "Way to go boss!"

Manuel exclaimed, "Mi hermano!" (My brother!)

Dinner was good. They pooled and divided up the cost of my steak. Yeah, I was going to add the night's estimated cost to the gift cards I gave out at the Christmas party. Yeah, we all knew I would.

After dinner, we filled the bar. I drank too much but Margaret drank me under the table. Holy shit the woman had a wild past. She is definitely different when she is drunk. She was a dedicated mom now but she was a wild girl starting right after she turned eighteen. She admitted she was on a VHS tape from the 1990s walking stark ass naked with her then fiance now husband during Fantasy Fest. Mental note: Quietly look that up on the internet.

The highlight of the night was Margaret, Amanda, and Javier's wife Maria taking their tops off to sing 'Pour Your Sugar On Me.' It was the first time I had ever seen Margaret drunk or seen her tits. I had seen Amanda's that one time already and they were still very nice and pert. Margaret's were decent for a woman for a forty-year-old, big too, with half-dollar-sized areolae and nips you could hang a shirt on. Funny thing, at the end of the night, she did not bother with the shirt or bra. She walked out topless, then had her husband drive her car which I still think she parked in her mega purse.

Manuel's wife, Ana drove me home... Well, me, Manuel and Hank.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

I woke up on the bed in my clothes. I had drunk pretty heavily but not into Blackoutville so my hangover consisted of a mild to moderate headache.

I went with Margaret and Amanda back to King's Mountain and had a great time showing Margaret the trail Amanda and I had walked previously. I was surprised that both women were so open about what had happened the night before. Margaret even bragged, "I have a nice rack."

They both kept their tits covered all day and I was fine because I want to keep Margaret's husband on my side.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Margaret sighed and said, "Uh. You have five dozen pics of my boobs from, well everybody in the company or their wives. Seems my coworkers are handy with their phone cameras. UH... look... they aren't going away and you can keep them, but please... uh don't further distribute them. Please!"

I laughed and said, "Promise."

Margaret smiled and teased me, "Hubby told me to tell you that he knows you are jealous of him because he gets to play with them."

She thought it was funny. I was conflicted because any comment was very dangerous territory.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Hank told me we were heading to Mr. Juggs again for amateur night and Amanda had won something or another and needed me for it.

Amanda met me after I finished wiring the signage circuits of a new carpet store in Cornelius, "Hey Joshua. I have a real treat. I won a couples contest and I need you to fake being my boyfriend so I can get this massage I won from MooresvilleOnline.com."

I looked at her and asked, "What?"

Amanda rolled her eyes, "I won this couples massage from MooresvilleOnline.com and you are the only single guy I know that I could pass off as my boyfriend. Hank is too old and Javier and Manuel are married."

I said, "I'm your boss and I am not sure that is appropriate."

Amanda looked annoyed, "Ugh. I want the massage and you've seen my boobs already anyway. If you haven't figured it out, I don't care about that. I just don't!"

I sighed and tried to think of a way out.

Finally, Amanda said, "Don't make me beg because I want the massage. Please...."

She made puppy dog eyes.

She did a huge faux pout, "Pretty please!"

I sighed, "Ugh. Okay."

She jumped, "YAY! Four hours of being rubbed and pampered. It will be fun for you too. You could relax a little once in a while, you know."

Saturday, May 12, 2018

I picked Amanda up at her place and went to Two Peas in a Pod Spa in Huntersville and parked. We went inside and Amanda gave her name and said we were there for our one PM slot. She introduced me as 'Joshua my boyfriend'. Damn, that was awkward. I'm supposed to be her boss, but she has evolved into one of my best friends if not the best friend.

The woman at the reception looked us up and smiled then pointed at a door and said, "There are two robes in the room behind you. Disrobe completely and go out the door on the other side wearing the robes where you will meet your masseurs.

Uh, what? Amanda and I are going to get naked together?!?"

I started to ask, "But what ab... OW!"

Amanda kicked my ankle and then smiled at the receptionist again.

Amanda started pulling me to the door, and dumbass me let her do it.

She was a bit cross, "Hey, grow up already. You've seen my boobs and now you will see the rest of me. Big deal. It's just a body and I don't really have much modesty.. I did art modeling for a few months at the county college when I turned eighteen. It paid twelve bucks an hour when everything else paid seven twenty five!"

The things you learn about people! Sheesh.

I took off my shirt and put it down. I was facing away and shit... There were mirrors everywhere and nowhere to hide.

Amanda was pushing her panties down already as I tried to figure out how to not show everything.

Amanda turned and faced me. Shit, she had a nice twat. Bare vulva and a nice but neatly trimmed natural blonde hairy mons that I wanted to plunder right then and there.

Amanda rolled her eyes, "Oh strip already! It's just a body."

She put the robe on but did not tie it. The effect of unhidden nudity was not lost on me. Amanda was not modest at all.

I pushed my shorts and underwear down and heard her giggle.

Pro tip: When you see a man's junk, don't giggle.

I sighed, "Gee thanks."

Amanda giggled, "Oh my gosh. Cut it out. Your thingy is rather nice."

I sighed.

Amanda said, "Relax Romeo, you are not big or small. I was giggling because I was a bit nervous on seeing it. Honestly, why do men worry about things most women don't even think about unless the guy is a freak either big or small?"

I put the robe on and closed it. Amanda simply did not give a shit and left it open as we walked through the door into a room where I was greeted by a blonde Amazon named Anika and Amanda was greeted by a living Greek statue named Jens.

Amanda dropped the robe and laid face down on the table.

I removed the robe and laid face down. Fortunately, I was (barely) able to keep little Joshua under control. The Amazon draped a towel over my ass but Amanda shooed Jens away with the towel, "He's shy. I don't give a damn."

Anika was kind of scary but had me groaning when she worked my back. Fifteen minutes later Anika took my draping towel from me and I learned how fucking good an ass massage felt as she lectured me that my ass was mostly a set of muscles.

When it was time to turn over, both masseurs draped over our crotches. Swear Amanda was playing me as the crotch drape kept falling away from her. That is one luscious vajayjay and I had to work hard to keep from getting a major woody.

The masseurs worked every part of us except the crotch. Breast massage is a real thing and I had to think about anything but how inviting my personal assistant's body looked.

Once the massage was done, we got up. I went for my robe, but Amanda sighed, "Get over your shyness already."