I Know What I'm Doing Ch. 04

I kissed her forehead, "Your mom is brilliant, Melon. SpongeBob SquarePants was the perfect choice."

Aiden laughed even harder at that; then groaned when his stiff ribs protested.

*

Aiden was discharged a few days later.

His bullet wound and ribs were healing well and the post-operative x-rays of his shoulder came back clear. But I still think the main reason the doctor discharged him was to curb his nagging. The grey-haired doctor winked at me as he signed the release forms, asking Aiden why he was in such a rush to get to his own bed. I dragged Aiden away before he could answer.

Maybe it was embarrassment at what personal details he might share with that doctor. But it was also the fear of hearing that it wasn't me he was anxious to be with. Seeing him, awake and smiling, was awakening my hunger for him again and I didn't know if I could bear hearing that he'd gotten over me in our time apart.

We'd had painfully little privacy since he'd woken up. He managed to tell me that Carolynn had been kicked out of his house because of her lies. The baby had been nothing but a lie. I couldn't conceive of the type of psyche that spun lies and toyed with lives the way Carolynn had. Aiden looked like he wasn't at all interested in trying to understand her. I watched the outrage darken his eyes as he spoke and was torn apart by the idea of ever being rejected by him.

I found that I couldn't celebrate Carolynn's departure because I still didn't know my own fate. I spent those days painfully aware that Aiden had given no indication of wanting me, despite the developments he'd shared with me. The apprehension inside me grew as my doubts multiplied and I knew Aiden had to be sensing it.

His brace and subsequent sling had been removed and all the necessary paperwork dealt with before we left the hospital. My heart had seized a little as he'd signed the release forms and I couldn't help wondering how much longer I had before I'd be expected to let him walk out of my life as well. We drove to his parents' house for a late breakfast, while talking about the friggin' cable car up friggin' Table Mountain. I gripped the steering wheel and made sure to avoid meeting his eyes in the quiet intimacy of the car.

Aiden directed me to his parents' home which turned out to be a sprawled out Spanish-style villa in Simonstown. He opened the front door and led me inside before I'd managed to take a good look around the lush garden. Melanie was sitting in the lounge, watching tv.

"Oh, thunder!" that was Mike.

I was startled but no one else seemed affected. Kyle calmly entered with two bowls of cereal and handed one to his sister. They both dug in, eyes zeroed in on the leopards on their favourite nature show.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Mom," Kyle answered, eyes still glued to the television. "She thinks she's making pancakes. It never works."

Michaela appeared then with smudges of strangely yellow batter on her. She kissed Aiden and me then went to slump down on the couch next her children.

"All clear then?" Greg missioned in, already wearing an apron, as if he'd been biding his time. "Ah, you boys are here; good, good." He hugged us before heading on towards the kitchen.

Aiden showed me around the beautiful house, kissing his mother hello along the way. He then sat with his grandparents to tell them what the doctors had said after running their final tests. Melanie climbed into his lap and kept trying to feed him her multi-coloured cereal. Feeling a little out of place, I decided to step out onto the terrace and... uh, hide. I couldn't see the ocean from where I stood but I could smell it. I leaned on the terrace railing, taking extra deep breaths.

I sensed Aiden's approach before I felt his warmth behind me. I craved him enough to feel my tongue slipping across my bottom lip the moment his scent reached me. I stood straight and still, hoping some clever line would come to mind. Anything would be more impressive than my unvoiced panic.

"Kiss me," his words were soft yet rough.

I shook my head, at his command and at my desire to obey it, "No."

I felt his front caress my back and tensed up. His strong hands came down on either side of me, gripping the railing. His skin was lighter from his time spent in hospital, more honey now than bronze.

"Kiss me."

I shook my head again, my racing heart taunting my shaky resolve, "Aiden, stop this. You don't know what you're starting. I'm not kissing you with your family a few steps away. They might be fine with hearing that you're gay but, believe me, seeing it will be a whole other challenge. The children are in there, damn it."

"Kiss me."

Frustration finally made me turn in the circle of his arms, "Why?!"

He studied my face for a long while before leaning down to touch his forehead to mine. His words fell on my lips as he spoke, "Because I don't know how else to convince you that I love you. I have felt my time with you running out since we left the hospital and don't know how the hell to keep you here with me. Since the day you left me, I've been tormented by your desire to move on, your last message... I've wasted so many chances to tell you, that all I have left is showing you. Please let me show you, baby. I know that's the only shot I have at getting you to come back to Plett with me. I have to make you see that you belong with me. I love you."

I couldn't believe it.

I'd faced enough disappointments in my lifetime to have learnt that I never got gold. I had chosen to put myself under emotional quarantine all my life because I'd accumulated a string of judgments and ridicule long enough to teach me my worth. And now the most beautiful man I knew was standing in front of me, promising me everything.

Aiden loved me. I felt a little smile begin to show.

"No," I responded firmly.

His broad shoulders bunched at that small word, making the muscles in his arms tighten and brush against mine, "'No'? I'm too late then? You're telling me you're prepared to just walk away from-"

I brushed my fingers along his stubbled jaw and rested them on his lips. I loved that I could touch him like that any time I wished. "No. I'm telling you that your love is only part of the reason I'll be coming back home with you. The other part is that... I love you too."

Aiden's heat enveloped me the instant his lips met mine. His kiss was bruising, his tongue unapologetic. I pulled him to me, welcoming every mark. He was finally mine and I wanted all of him. The taste of him made me feel more at home than any house ever would.

I held him in place and slid my tongue between his lips. He leaned into me, towering over me, wrapping his strength around me. Strength that had seeped into me over last few months.

I spun us around and pushed him against the railing, smiling at his surprised exhalation. My eyes held his as my palms slid down his torso then up under his t-shirt. I watched his green orbs narrow the instant my touch skimmed across the heat of his abs. I savoured the sense of power I got from his reactions.

"I, uh, came out to, uh... Mom wants to... Breakfast is ready," Chris' voice froze my exploring hands, "but I'm not so sure scrambled eggs will hold much appeal for you two right now."

I turned my head in alarm. Chris was standing in the doorway, his neck a deep red and his eyes trained on the rosebushes growing just beyond the terrace. I suddenly remembered my hands, still beneath Aiden's t-shirt, and snatched them away.

"We'll be right there, bro," Aiden's tone was amused.

"Right."

Minutes later we were all seated around a large table, digging into a hearty breakfast. I found it difficult to meet Chris' gaze, but had plenty to watch as Michaela rescued the maple syrup from Melanie who'd been about to drizzle some on her bacon. Montgomery chaos, I loved it and had years more to look forward to. Years and years with Aiden – the thought made my little smile grow.

I turned to Michaela who sat to my right, "There's something I've been wondering for a while..."

"Shoot."

"Why 'Mike'? Why not something that sounds more feminine, like 'Mickey'?"

"Kyle," she prompted, biting into her sausage.

The boy didn't hesitate, "Mickey's a squeaky rodent that wears tasteless shorts and clogs."

I looked back at Mike, "Good point."

Melanie grinned at me. Yes, decades more of this would be a dream come true.

We finished up fairly quickly as Dan had contacted Aiden to let him know that we had to be ready to leave by mid-morning. A few minutes before our booked transport was due to arrive, Aiden went out get his bags and Gwen hugged me, refusing to let go.

"Oh, Axe is definitely going to want that back, mom," Chris stated.

"No," she replied, clinging tighter. "I don't understand why you boys can't just stay the weekend. Aiden, you need some rest; a six-hour drive won't do you any good after being released from hospital a few hours ago."

"I won't be driving," Aiden said behind me. "Daniel's sending a chauffeured car. And we can't stay because I want to take Ethan down to the beach before sunset."

Everyone went quiet at that, even Gwen eased up her grip, finally letting me inhale again. I took in their wide eyes and Aiden's smile and felt like the only person in the room who'd missed the punchline.

"The beach? Our beach?" his father asked.

Michaela shrieked and hugged him before he could answer. Soon Gwen was laughing and crying and the kids were jumping around excitedly – though I was fairly certain they were as clueless as I was.

"Wow, I thought Aiden was the only one who loved the beach that much," I told Chris who stood beside me. "I guess all you Montgomerys are a little obsessed with it then?"

"You could say so," he smiled, hugging me for the first time.

The gate's intercom buzzed before I could ask anymore and Chris nudged me towards the front door. Greg opened the automated gates while Aiden carried the bags out. A little dazed by the rising glee, I slowly followed everyone out into the summer sunshine. I could hear Michaela's laughter and the children's eager yelling and wondered what the excitement was about.

A limousine.

A black luxury limousine had arrived to pick us up; one Dan had commissioned to drive us all the way back to Plettenberg Bay. Aiden cursed softly in shock until I reminded him that the kids could hear him. It was unexpected, though, so I understood his reaction. I didn't even want to guess what he'd do to Dan once we got home. I laughed all the way to Sam's place where we picked up my things. By the time we were leaving the city, my stomach muscles hurt. But I still couldn't stop laughing.

#################

~Strawberry Sunsets~

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"You love me?" I had my ear pressed to Aiden's heartbeat. Despite our initial shock at its arrival, the lavish limo was turning out to be a wonderful idea.

He pulled me up till I was looking into his eyes, "More than I could ever express to you."

"Oh, I don't know, taking a bullet for me was pretty expressive," I smiled. "You're sure, though? They have you on some powerful painkillers. Maybe we should wait until you know what you doing before jumping into anything."

His hand wrapped around the back of my neck and pulled me forward until the tip of my nose brushed his. The light in his eyes was so intense I almost couldn't stand it.

"I know what I'm doing," he said. "I'm refusing to put off talking to you about how I feel. I'm staking my claim on forever with you. And I'm falling deeper in love with you the more time I get to spend with you. I tried to avoid my feelings in the past but that never stopped them from growing. I love you, Ethan Gray."

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

"I'm so sorry," Ethan murmured.

I had my head in his lap and he was running his fingers through my hair. I'd just started drifting off when he made his apology. I'd been thinking about how lucky I was to have the one man perfect for me coming home with me, when his words pulled my out of my bliss.

I opened my eyes, "What could you possibly have to be sorry for?"

"All the trouble with Mark," he said. "I very nearly got you killed."

"That was all Reynolds' doing," I told him, "that's why he'll be rotting away in lock-up for the next thirty-odd years. Look, I won't have you feeling guilty over something I'd do again without thinking twice. Okay?"

He focused on his fingers in my hair, "The day my mom died I'd asked her if she could come home early. My father had been hassling me and I was feeling really low. So that's what she did. She left work early and stopped at the bakery for my favourite brownies. The accident happened ten minutes from our house... If I hadn't called-"

"Her job was to love you," I said, "and I'm sure it made her happy that you believed that enough to turn to her when you needed her. I know I'd go wherever my love for you led me and be grateful for the opportunity to show it. Don't dwell on the end of your mom's story, baby; savour the joy and love in all of it instead."

His lips pursed thoughtfully, "You're right. I haven't had the best luck in any kind of love and it's made me bury myself in pessimism. Meeting you and Dan and everyone else in the last few months has been such a new experience to me... I want to learn how to let more good feelings in."

"We all have our obstacles to overcome, babe," I told him. "I couldn't even see mine for the longest time. I nearly let love pass me by simply because it came wrapped up in a man. For years I've wanted you more than I was willing to confess and it scared me. And even when I did start exploring my feelings for you, the fear remained – a new fear."

He snorted down at me, "You've never been scared a day in your life."

"I was," I insisted. "I faced the very real possibility that you wouldn't be interested in anything I had to offer. You're intelligent and kind, and people love being around you. I started worrying about long it would take for you to find a man who had no emotional baggage, no sexual identity issues."

"And no crazy fiancée," he added.

I laughed, "Gods, definitely no crazy fiancée... And you make more money than me. I'd fallen in love with someone who didn't need me to take care of him – all I had to offer was myself and I didn't know if that would be enough. Life had never been that complicated for me, so I guess I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to be good enough for you."

Ethan silver eyes were serious, "You love me. That makes you perfect for me."

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

"I'd always been a shy boy," I told Aiden.

I was sitting up and looking straight at him. If I was going to share my inner most self with him, I had to do it as directly as possible. He watched me tenderly as I sorted through my childhood and tried to present him with a collage he'd understand.

"The other kids were all so interesting and they had such fantastic stories about the exciting things they did with their dads. My father never spent much time with me, so I figured something had to be wrong with me."

He kissed my lips, "Not a chance."

"Tell that to ten-year-old me, please," I said. "I guess he just wasn't the fun-and-active kind of dad, but I didn't know that then. I took his distance as rejection and blamed myself. And then my feelings for other boys were growing and overwhelming me. That just made it all worse."

"Worse?"

I nodded, "I couldn't understand what was happening. The boys my age were all chasing girls and I couldn't stand them. I thought there had to be something really wrong with me for me to be the only one who liked the kids who looked more like me. I was the only one who had crushes on other boys... Then, when I was thirteen, I met Sam and he was fun and confident – and out. I was astounded."

Aiden brushed my hair out of my eyes, "He's the one that gave you the courage to come out to your parents?"

I chuckled, "Yeah. But he it took him two years to convince me to do it. In the end I did it because I was tired of being afraid of what the world thought, I was tired of hiding and stressing and wishing... So I just blurted it out to my parents one day. My mom asked me why I didn't want to watch Casablanca with her later that night and I said 'I'm gay'. I remember she had just come in from doing some gardening. She hugged me so tight she got mud all over my school blazer. I was all wrapped up in her scent of leaves and sunshine. And her love."

"What did your father say?" he asked cautiously.

"Nothing. He just walked out."

Aiden tried to pull me close, but I wouldn't let him. Not yet. I maintained eye contact with him, looking for signs of rejection but finding in none.

So I pushed on, "He didn't speak to me for weeks, wouldn't even eat at the same table at mealtimes. Sometimes, late at night, I'd hear my mom pleading with him but he never came around. I'd thought his silent treatment was awful, but that was only until he started talking to me again. He told me I was sick – and weak for not being able to fight my feelings. I told him I didn't want to fight them. That was the first and last time I defended my identity to him."

"How come?"

"He slapped me, again and again. He'd never raised his hand to me before that – then suddenly the blows wouldn't stop. I took it to mean he hated me. So I backed off. But he didn't. He'd... corner me. Whenever my mom wasn't around, there he'd be, taunting and condemning me. I never told her the things he said to me, I didn't want to worry her. But I think a part of her had suspicions. "

Aiden clasped my hands between his reassuring ones, "I am so sorry, baby."

"I'd spent my entire childhood yearning for my father's attention and when I finally got it, life at home turned into a nightmare. When my mom died I wished I'd gone with her. My father kicked me out at the end of my first university year. I spent that summer at Sam's then moved back into varsity res. I tried to contact my father a few times. I phoned home but he made it clear that I was no longer welcome in his house. I haven't had a home since, not a real one."

Aiden kissed me again, less gently than before, "Until now."

His statement filled my heart. I would have to warn him soon that all this love would eventually make it burst. I'd always had money, but had never felt this rich before. I was certain my heart couldn't take much more. One of these days it would just explode in a joyous display of fireworks. I would definitely have to warn him of that before it happened. But for now...

I agreed wholeheartedly with him, "Until now."

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

~Aiden~

The sky looked bluer as the limo made its way up the hill towards The Montgomery. To me it did.

I'd spent the last few minutes on the phone, speaking softly to keep from waking Ethan who dozed lightly beside me. By the end of our conversation, Dan was chuckling and I was more nervous than I'd ever been. He assured me that everything would be fine before hanging up. I looked over at Ethan. His hair was getting long again, covering his eyes as he slept. I brushed it back and kissed his cheek.

He turned to me, still half asleep, and sought my lips. I'd tried so hard to keep some distance until we got home because I knew I'd never be able to stop anything we started. But the moment his slumberous gaze met mine I knew I was lost. Our lips connected and I slowly leaned back against the extra-wide seat, pulling him with me, inviting him to explore me. We sank into the plush leather together. Gods, it felt good.

He lay across me, dipping his tongue between my lips, tasting me till my groin tightened. I licked him back, giving in to the needs my body had been screaming at me since leaving the hospital. My hands slid smoothly down his back and tightened on his hips when they started a slow gyration. He was getting me hard in the back of a damn car. I knew we should wait until we got to the house but every time I tasted him I didn't want to stop.