All Comments on 'I Lied Pt. 01'

Very good I hope it is as good as “What I Didn’t Hear”.

Great idea and story but maybe have someone proofread for you. An “IUD” makes sense for Birth Control. An “IED”? Probably not

Nice start, good storyline and the sex wasn't overdone or exaggerated. Seems, though, autocorrect snagged you when they were having sex for the first time, and Beth mentions an IUD, which resulted in "IED" in its place. Then again, having his cock exploding inside her, it may have just been a Freudian slip (and slide).

You need an editor -- either do it yourself or find somebody to do it. This isn't your first submission, so you should have learned that already.

If you're not willing to do your own editing, which is obvious you didn't on this story, and you can't find someone else, then you shouldn't be doing the writing either. Do it right, or don't do it.

New Story, I Lied Pt. 01

I’m posting this to my profile and the comment section on Pt. 01 of I Lied.

I've had a few comments and emails on the IED part of the story. Yes, you guys are correct. It should be IUD; I fixed it twice, but sometimes, using two programs to help you edit, it can get a little tricky when one does one thing, and the other does something else. Sorry about that. I’m looking for an editor and hope to have one soon. I will wait until I find one before I submit Pt. 02.

Thanks again for the continued support and understanding.

BHW

Good story. Negative comments are stupid. Trolls. Why be nasty to someone you don't know. If you trolls can do better. Do it, otherwise shut up.

An IED for birth control could have some rather explosive results for your plot development. Literally LOL here.

Loved the beginning. I always seem to find stories that I have to wait to be completed but I think it will be worth it. I do see you have another story so I'll start on that one until the next part is up.

Nice start. Looking forward to the next part.

Other than a couple of mistakes it’s an excellent start hopefully you find someone to proofread for you. I still gave you five stars everybody makes mistakes sometimes.

Not over the top and well done. You've earned yourself a follower.

Good story.

Really enjoyed the story. Thanks for writing it. I'm looking forward to the rest of it!!

Good start - won't repeat the already made comments, but I thought the narrative flowed reasonably well. The story arc is off to an interesting start but I'm not sure where his feelings are going and how you're handling it. It appears toward the end you indicate that he is finally falling in love with her, but I may have misread. Saying you are in love with your sister after she says it is something that you shouldn't lie about. The long term implications of ruining the sibling are too profound. That said, you have him saying it and hoping his emotions catch up with him without the additional thoughts of what he's doing and its implications. Good start...

Great story, hope you have a second chapter in mind. Don't take the complaints about editing get you down, this site is for amateurs to show their stuff. Keep it up.

Yeah, your writing is kink of herky jerky, you need an editor. Also, women don't really like a cock slaming in to their cervix........ just sayin..........

Thanks for posting your story. It was a good read. Sure there were a few typos, but it is an amateur site so who cares. Don't fret the small stuff. I look forward to your next chapter.

Love it but I really hope he is falling for her. if they both go to nashville I hope it is as a couple and they even make a baby.

enjoyed the story, light editing.

Hope it doesn't end like the first chapter started. Typos don't bother me as much as waiting a long time for the next chapter would.......

Good read. I was a fan of ‘What I didn’t hear’ and I really like how you build your stories. Don’t get all butthurt by negative comments, I feel like most come from a good place. Personally, I’m always going to tell you what I think, keep it positive and post under my own name. Take it or leave it. Having said that, be mindful of how often you use ‘shot back’ for replied and ‘sex’ for vagina. I felt as a reader, distracted from the plot by how much it comes up. You don’t necessarily need an editor to take the next step as a writer, but consult a thesaurus and mix things up. Above all, keep banging away. We’re all invested in these characters. Can’t wait for the next one!

Not bad. Too many typos though. Get a proofreader.

Outstanding

Rocking his gearstick to check he's in neutral before letting off the clutch - who taught you how to drive? You should leave it in first gear.

There's a lot to like about this story. The only thing that I'm not overly thrilled about is that the sister is older than her brother. But that's not important enough to really matter. I'm looking forward to reading more. I'm just hoping that you don't bring up tons of ink or smoking weed. Those are two things guaranteed to get a rating of a 1 from me. 5/5

Good story, well written.

Owens attitude to his sister is going to cause him lots of grief. Does he love her, no not yet. But he will when he loses her. That’s when the real story starts. I had read this earlier, but somehow lost track of the story. Will catch up now. Already scored it 5/5, but left no comment remedied that now.

OH CARP!!!!

I am re-reading this series (because of length of time between submissions)

I love the story-telling and depth that weaves through all your characters

Kinda wish there was a GOLDEN BUZZER... Very few writers, in this genre, have your ability script an actual, engrossing tale,....

also.. I am not into sibling relations.... This yarn was just too Hot to miss! Thanks for your work and time!

Man, your opening flashback staggered back and forth thru time more than Kennedy did on his road home after leaving Kopechne to drown in the car he crashed

Loved it.

For some reason my login's not working so having to send as anonymous .

Makes no difference though I loved it.

Devilboby.

Ah, you've given yourself away!

You must have been George Bush's speech writer - having managed to get both "shinned" and "agreeance" so close together in this story!

Story's not bad though.

It was a decent start. My only complaint is main characters who have insane dick sizes. It kills the flow of the story. Like did he get bit by a radioactive spider but instead becoming Spiderman he got a bat for a dick?