I Love You from Afar

I set up my laptop and pulled up my chess page, hoping she would log on for a game like she usually did. When it drew closer to the time she usually logged on, I heard the bell over the front door ring. My head snapped up, and there she was, standing in the doorway with a scowl on her beautiful face as she stared daggers at me. The adrenaline and excitement that rushed through me at that point rendered me dumb, and I just stared at her. She eventually rolled her eyes before walking across the room to put her stuff down in the far corner in front of the window. In the past, she would sit there to keep me from sitting behind her. I almost burst out laughing. She looked angelic as usual, but I knew she could be a devil when provoked. The fluttering in my stomach eased as she proceeded to ignore me. I planned to avoid the bathroom while I was there, just in case. I kept my focus on my Bible until a notification popped up on my chess page. ChloeHoneybuns said,

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was bad. Also, an ass from my past is here. I may not play long if he starts bothering me again."

I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing and drawing her attention. I quietly pulled my laptop closer and replied,

"What are you talking about? Is someone harassing you??"

"Not yet. It's a long and stupid story. He got my hopes up and then broke my heart. I wanted to be his friend, more than friends, actually, but he got really weird about it because he's MARRIED. It was like that. It's depressing to think about. Anyhow, you play black first. I want to show you a new starting move."

"Sure..."

I felt awful after reading her reply. It was the first time she simply explained how she felt. Then I felt extra guilty for not telling her who her chess buddy was. I feared I was being a creep again and wondered if I should come clean. But, the last time I was honest with her, it cascaded into the sordid event in the men's room, so I decided not to tell her. We finally had something simple between us, and I didn't want to ruin it. We played three quick games, and she crushed me every time. I still had a long way to go. She thanked me for the games before logging off to get some work done. She glanced over her shoulder at me as I pretended to read. Her gaze always excited my heart, and I feared she was planning something again. To my relief, she looked away and focused on her writing, completely ignoring me. I didn't know why I was surprised. She had said she would leave me alone for good, and she was doing it.

I forced myself to focus on my work for the next thirty minutes, and I eventually ran out of things to do. I stole a glance at Chloe to see her typing away. I hoped she was writing another wonderful story. I decided it was time to leave and not come back for a while. I might check on her again in a few months. I gathered up my things and headed for the door. I couldn't help noticing the sad glance she gave me before I stepped outside. I sighed in frustration and took the long way to my jeep by walking in front of the shop window. I stopped at the patio table in front of Chloe's seat and sat down to tie my shoe. No one inside the shop could see me below the bar except for her. I pulled my notebook out of my satchel and wrote "sorry," big enough for her to see it. Then I glanced up to see her reaction.

Her brow was furrowed as she stared at me, then she shrugged as if to tell me, "so what?" I sighed in frustration again. Then I wrote, "You are beautiful and amazing. Please keep writing! I'll leave you alone for a few more months. I promise. Goodbye until then!" She smiled after reading that, making me smile too. Then she kissed her fingertips and waved them in my direction as if she were kissing me goodbye. It was a very sweet gesture. Her large eyes turned sad as she did it, and it caused a wave of hurt in my chest. I nodded and quickly looked away before the hurt appeared on my face too. We had said our goodbyes. It was time for both of us to keep our promises and leave each other alone. I still planned to anonymously play chess with her online. It was a safe and distant connection that I would eventually tell her about, but not yet. I couldn't stomach the thought of losing that last thread of communication with her, and she would likely cut it if she knew it was me being a creep again. Our relationship was complicated like that, and every time I tried to make it honest, it would go to hell, so I planned to keep my anonymity for a while.

That's how I learned to love someone from afar. We continued to play chess together online, and after seven months of non-stop losing, I finally won a game against her. She congratulated me, and I used the momentous occasion to tell her who I was. She cursed me to hell over the chat and refused to play with me for a month afterward, but she eventually came around and challenged me again. The fact that I had won still bothered her. She corrected that, of course. She continued to mercilessly beat me at every game after that. I think she played better when she was angry. I was thrilled she would still play with me. We chatted more freely once she knew who I was. She asked how my family was doing, and I reported they were well and that we were all happy. I asked her the same, and she said she was doing well and enjoying her new job. That's why she was writing less, but she planned to get back to it when she could. I eventually read every story on her writing page. Her writing range offered something new at every turn and a satisfying glimpse into her mind. I checked in on her at the coffee shop more frequently as we grew comfortable with our limited friendship. As usual, we kept our distance and only offered each other quick glances. I was still cautious about restroom breaks in her presence. I never knew when the angel would turn into a devil. I kept holy water in my pocket just in case.

The end.