I Only Wanted You

"I don't know." She was tense and gripping me hard.

"You've basically cut them out of your life. That's pretty hardcore."

"Yeah," she agreed. "But I just don't care anymore." She noticed how hard she was squeezing my arm and let go, leaving white marks on my skin. "I'm twenty-one and they can't control me." She rubbed at the mark on my arm. "I moved away, I have a job, I have my own place, and now I have a date."

I gave her a look. "Do ya, now?"

She grinned. "Oh, I suppose nobody's asked. Wanna go out with me?"

My stomach flipped. "Hell yes," I said.

She gave me a beautiful smile. "This will be my first date ever. I'm excited!"

"Hey! What about our dance date?"

"That was high school. I mean a real date!"

I laughed. "I think you just insulted every high schooler in existence. Well, don't let your expectations get out of control. Normal dates don't typically blow your mind."

She giggled. "Whatever we do, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm so glad I found you!"

"Technically Brooke found me," I said jokingly.

She laughed. "She said to check out the hottie. She had no clue it was you. It's not like I had a picture to show them."

"I guess we'll have to chalk that one up to amazing coincidences."

Natalie looked up at me, her eyes intense. "I want to make up for lost time. All those dates, all that time we could have had... if only I had normal parents. I want to get to know you, for real this time. Not the way high school kids do."

"Maybe things wouldn't have worked out for us at that age," I said. "I mean, we didn't think of ourselves this way back then, but now I realize just how young--"

"Oh be quiet and kiss me," she insisted, reaching for me.

I obliged, happily. Our lips met for the very first time. I'm pretty sure I heard someone cheer.

Afterward, she took a big, slow breath, then let it out luxuriously. "I've waited so long for that."

I held her in my arms, basking in the moment. It didn't feel real. The girl I'd been carrying a torch for, but never thought I'd see again, was in my arms and kissing me. I was half afraid I was about to wake up.

Then I happened to notice the time. "Oh sh--" I said, cutting myself off. "I have to get back to work!"

We exchanged phone numbers and I promised to call her when I got off. With that, I hurried back to my car and managed to make it back only a little late, but wearing a huge grin.

My co-worker noticed. "Man, where the hell did you go? Must've been some amazing food."

Chapter 2: Our (Second) First Date

I called Natalie as promised, and we set up a date for that Friday. We would have liked it sooner, but we both had busy schedules we had to deal with.

Friday couldn't get there fast enough. Following the directions she gave me, I drove to her place and picked her up. I barely paid any attention to the area, too focused on her to notice much else. She wore a white cable-knit sweater, blue jeans, white tennis shoes, and a big smile.

"So for your first real date," I said as I drove through the city, "this is what you want? Dinner and a movie?"

"Yep." She grinned. "Never done it. I need the baseline experience."

"With what we're doing, I'm sure there'll be tons of people on dates around us. We'll fit right in."

"Perfect," she said, smiling.

I parked and got out of the car. I came around to her side, and she climbed out, then blinked as she glanced up at me.

"How tall are you, anyway?" she asked. "I don't remember there being this much of a height difference."

"Six-three. You?"

"Five-six."

I smiled. "Nice. May I take your arm?" I held mine out, elbow crooked, and she giggled and slipped her arm through mine. She blushed and gave me a big smile. I didn't react, but inwardly I wondered about it. I mean, it wasn't even holding hands. I had to reminded myself that if what she said was true, almost every single thing we did was a first for her.

We found ourselves back in the same mall, in the same food court. It was far more crowded on a Friday night, with lines at every restaurant. "Let's do dinner after the movie," I suggested after a quick glance around.

She agreed, and the movie wasn't going to start for a while anyway, so we ambled slowly out of the food court and into the rest of the mall, where the crowds disappeared. Just a few people here and there.

"So no dates," I said. "No double dates, no school dances, no nothing?"

"Nothing."

"No secret hanging out at school? No illicit making out under the bleachers?"

She laughed. "Secret hanging out, yes, though no illicit making out."

"Ever kissed a guy before me?"

"No."

"A girl?"

She giggled. "No!"

I shrugged. "Hey, they say these things about all-girl schools..."

"Oh, there was some of that, but I wasn't involved."

"Whoa," I started, but she interrupted.

"I'm not telling you any details."

"Fine. Ever kissed anything at all?"

"A pillow. My own hand. Look, Rob, it's not like I didn't have thoughts and feelings, I just wasn't allowed to act on them for fear of punishment. I learned the hard way to hide it. It took years for me to get up the courage to stand up for myself."

"Fair enough. So, you look fantastic. Do you work out?"

"Yeah. It was something my parents actually allowed me to do, and I had a lot of anger and resentment that needed dealing with, though at the time I thought it was normal. No matter how hard I tried, it was never enough for them. Turns out, working my ass off in the gym helped a lot." She gave me an obvious once-over. "You look good, too. What's your story?"

"There's a free gym at my job, so I've been making good use of it. Before that, I ran track in high school and somewhere along the line I decided I liked being in shape, so I kept it up after I graduated."

She smiled. "I remember you wanted to go out for the track team. So you made it? Good for you!"

I shrugged. "I made the team and competed at track meets but I wasn't quite good enough to get a scholarship anywhere. I kept barely missing out, so I drove trucks for a while. Ended up in computers."

"Still. I would have liked to watch you. That would have been fun."

By this time, we had wandered to the far end of the mall, so we turned around and started heading back.

"Back at your place," I said, "which car was yours?"

"I don't have a car. I take the bus."

"How'd you get here from L.A.?"

"A Greyhound bus. Took forever."

"What about all your stuff?"

"I didn't have much. I brought one duffel bag, and the rest I had a friend ship to me. She went to the girls' school, too. She was a lot like me... I lived with her for a while before I moved back here."

I glanced at her, trying to gauge her mood. My next question was the sort that could go wrong. "How are you doing financially? Do you need any help?"

She stiffened slightly, but quickly relaxed. "No. I mean, yeah, I guess I could, but no, I don't want help. I need to do this on my own. To prove that I can. I'm getting there, it's just... with first and last month's rent due when I signed my lease, that ate up a bunch of my money. I also had to buy a few basic pieces of furniture, like a bed, a couch, a table..."

"Wow, you really did show up with nothing. At least in my case, my parents gave my some furniture, but I still had to buy a bunch of stuff I hadn't even realized I would need or want. They tried to tell me, but I think I didn't listen very well."

She nodded. "Yeah I'm still doing that. My first night, I had nothing to sleep on, so I dumped out the clothes I brought and slept on them on the floor. That sucked. The next morning, I realized I didn't have a shower curtain, so I took a shower anyway and got the bathroom all wet."

This, of course, made me think of her naked in the shower. Ah, young male brains. I shrugged it off and laughed. "I let my dirty dishes pile up until I was eating cereal out of a skillet."

"Oh man," she said, laughing with me. "I can picture you doing that."

We made our way back to the theater. The movie was set to start soon, so we went inside and found our seats. It was a new blockbuster movie on a Friday night, so the theater was already pretty full and filling up fast.

"So anyway, I'm fine," she said. "I might not be able to afford a car for a while. But it's okay, I bought a bus pass and I don't live too far away. I'm still in the part where I'm just enjoying being independent. I mean, I live on my own, in a place I found and paid for by myself. That's pretty cool. Hopefully by the time I really want a car, I'll be able to afford one."

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Your world opens up, nobody's telling you what to do... it's great. Kinda overwhelming at first, but still great."

She traced lines up and down the back of my fingers as I spoke, which was a little distracting. "It was scary," she said, "doing some of those things for the first time. For my apartment, I met the landlady and she interviewed me. She's this nice little old lady. Just simple questions, really, but I was sooo nervous."

We chatted about that sort of thing for a while, then I went back to an earlier thread. "So you didn't rebel? That kind of parental pressure, most kids would burst. Squeeze too hard and you shouldn't be surprised when something pops."

She made a face. "Gross. I did rebel a little, but I was afraid of my parents, so only in small ways they couldn't find out about."

"Like what?"

"When they weren't around I'd listen to music they wouldn't have approved of. I'd watch TV shows and movies they wouldn't have approved of. But practically everything was blocked, so it's not like there was a lot to choose from. Nothing R-rated, or even PG-13."

"That's it?" I turned to her and gave her an incredulous look, then immediately tried to wipe it off my face. "I mean, everyone deals with different things..."

"You believe me now?" she asked, face totally serious. "When I said they were restrictive?"

"You really were sheltered. Sh-shoot, Natalie. I don't know what to say."

"Start with whatever you were about to say," she said, raising one eyebrow at me. "Don't coddle me. They did that. I don't want anyone else to. Don't censor yourself around me. I'm not a baby. I want to experience the world."

"Fair enough," I said.

The movie started, so we shut up and enjoyed it. She was kinda stiff when it came to physical contact around other people, so I settled for holding her hand.

The movie was good and we had fun. By the time it was over, we were hungry, so we wandered back to the food court, which was much less crowded.

"So where do you work?" I asked conversationally.

She pointed.

I stared. "You work here?" And then memory returned to me of the clothing she had been wearing the other day, which I had noticed and then completely ignored. "Oh... right. The clothes."

"I was on lunch when you came in," she said, somewhat amused. "At least you noticed the uniform."

"I did, but I was totally preoccupied by some pretty face."

She rolled her eyes.

I grinned. "Do you want to eat at your restaurant, or would you prefer somewhere else?"

She glanced around. "I've eaten there a lot lately, if you can imagine, so I would honestly prefer somewhere else." She hesitated, then went on. "Also, I don't want them to see me. I don't need a friendly chat from my boss about showing company loyalty by eating our own food." She made a face. "He does that."

I ordered for both of us while she loitered away from her restaurant. We ate on the far side of the food court, and then we headed out to my car, where we talked late into the night. Eventually, I checked the time and let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well, as wonderful as this has been, I have work in the morning."

"Yeah, me too," she said, her voice quiet and content. "This has been a really great evening. Tell your friend thanks for me. If he hadn't suggested you try the food court, this wouldn't have happened."

I drove her home, and now that I was actually paying attention, I saw that she was right about it being near the mall. It was in an okay part of town, in a two floor eight-plex. She lived on the top floor at the far left end. She said I could just park in her reserved parking spot until she bought a car. I wondered if she would invite me up.

"You can walk me to my door, but I'm going inside alone," she said. "Just so we're clear... I can't rush things. This was a big, wonderful step for me. Let's take it easy and slow, okay?"

"Whatever you say." My silent question answered, I got out and walked with her up the steps to her front door. She retrieved her keys and turned to the lock, then paused and looked at me.

"Rob, I had a wonderful time. I'm really happy. I'm also totally new at... all of this. I don't even know how to say good night to you right now." She looked at me uncertainly.

"How about a hug and just a teensy little bit of a kiss?"

"That works," she said, smiling. She went up on her toes and we shared a small kiss, then she settled into my arms. She rested her cheek against my chest. "Call me tomorrow, after work, okay?"

"Absolutely," I replied, and we parted.

She opened her door and stepped inside, then turned back to me. "G'night," she said, and she blew me a kiss as she closed the door.

Chapter 3: The Next Day, the Next Date

The next day, I called her after work and we talked until her phone's battery died, but before that happened, we made plans to get together on the following Friday again. I would've been fine just hanging out at her place, or at my place, but she said she wasn't ready for that yet, so I waited impatiently for another Friday to arrive.

Work went very well, and I did my best to keep my mind on topic, but the wonderful fact that after five years, Natalie was back in my life, combined with the fact that she felt the same way about it, kept me smiling. We'd only had the one simple date thus far, so I couldn't really consider us a couple yet, but I was sure looking forward to seeing how things were going to develop.

At last, Friday evening came around and I picked her up at her place. She wore capris and sensible sneakers, and a loose blouse buttoned all the way up, with a flower pin at the base of her throat. She carried a cardigan draped over her arm. I studied the flower pin for a moment. "Periwinkle?"

She beamed at me. "You remembered!"

"How could I forget? It was my first attempt to find a flower for a girl. Which I failed at."

Her smiled turned wistful. "I didn't think so."

We got into the car and buckled up. "You'll find that a lot of dating involves food," I jokingly told her as we got going. I assumed she knew all this, but I was having a good time. "So we're going to walk along the riverside and then have dinner at a nice restaurant there. One that overlooks the river. Plenty of time to talk and enjoy being together. I figured we should maybe ease you into things, right?"

She settled herself in the seat and adjusted the position of the seatbelt. "Perfect. It's all new and exciting to me. I'm just glad we get to spend time together."

"You know," I replied with complete sincerity, "so am I."

We found a place to park near the restaurant I had picked out. It was a nice, sunny day, though with October almost upon us, it was just barely warm enough to not need jackets. We headed for the riverwalk and I steered us away from the restaurant. We had plenty of time before our reservation, so a nice, long stroll was in order.

"Ever been here before?" I asked her as we got going.

"Yeah, though not since I was young, and not like this," she said. She smiled up at me and held out her hand, which I took in mine, glad that my palm wasn't all sweaty. Her smile broadened until her face was jubilant.

I didn't say anything, but I gave her hand a little squeeze.

She took a deep breath and let out a contented sigh. Her gaze wandered all over the place, taking in all the sights, but kept returning to me. I noticed and gave her my best smile.

We walked and talked and enjoyed the evening, meandering through an adjoining public garden with well-manicured bushes and topiaries, and there were even still a lot of flowers. It may have technically been fall, but the plants and trees hadn't noticed yet.

Eventually, after a discreet glance at the time, I gently turned us around and we started heading back. The sun was setting and the sky had darkened considerably, and the riverside came alive. Fancy lamps on tall posts lit the walk, and strings of lights decorated most of the bushes and trees in subtle shades of blue and white. A boat floated serenely down the river, lit in red and blue, with people drinking and talking and enjoying themselves.

Natalie leaned into my shoulder as we paused to watch the boat. "This is so romantic," she sighed. I let go of her hand and put my arm around her, pulling her in close. Her arm slipped around me, and we stood, side by side, holding one another and enjoying the night.

"Time for dinner," I said gently, getting us back into motion. Keeping our arms around each other was a little awkward, so we let go and held hands again instead. I steered us to the restaurant and gave the hostess my name. We waited for a couple minutes, then we were led to our table on a screened-in balcony right next to the railing, offering a fantastic view of the river and the night sky.

We talked as we perused the menu. Nat told me about what she did after she graduated. "There are all-girl colleges, too, if you didn't know that. My parents wanted me to go to one in the L.A. area but I refused. They didn't want me going to a regular college, because they assumed I'd, like, immediately get pregnant or something." She rolled her eyes and shook her head in annoyance.

The waitress arrived to take our order. "Anyway," Nat said when we were alone again, "we settled on online classes from a normal university. That kept me off campus and away from you evil boys. But you can't take everything online. So I started with generals. I'm heading toward a degree in general studies, though it'll still be a couple years because I can only afford to take one or two classes a semester."

"What are you gonna major in?"

She looked a little lost. "I have no idea. I don't think I was very well prepared for life after school, not with the stupid one I went to. I really think they just expected all of us to find a rich man to attach ourselves to."

"Well, you're certainly pretty enough for that, if you need a fallback plan."

She gave me a look. "Dork."

Our meals arrived, interrupting the conversation. We ate our food, which was delicious, and talked of more mundane things, and then dinner was done and we just sat at the table, side by side now, holding hands and watching the riverwalk below us. She leaned in and rested her head on my shoulder, and we stayed like that for a good long while.

"Ready to go?" I eventually asked, and she nodded. I paid and we left. We stood for a while at the very edge of the river, the sky now completely dark and full of stars, delicious smells wafting on the breeze, and then we left and headed for my car.

As we settled in, I asked her, "Do you want me to take you back to your place, or--" I cut off as she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to look, and her face was right there. She moved forward a little more, and I got the cue. I leaned in and we kissed, our lips meeting hungrily. Hers were soft and supple, and my body responded instantly to the experience. Her smell, her closeness, the very feel of her, rushed through me like fire. The kiss lingered, neither of us eager to break it off, but eventually we did and she sat back down.

"Thank you for a wonderful time," she said. "I loved tonight." She settled back into the seat, a contented smile on her face.