I Only Wanted You

"Damn, she's moving away? I'm sorry about your friends. You seemed tight."

"We are, it's just... people's lives move forward whether you're there or not. I met them after moving back here, so I've really only known them for that long, but it feels like it's been years."

"Yeah, I get it. I've pretty much lost touch with a bunch of old friends because they got married, got a job, or moved away. Or some combination of those."

She hunched forward. "We're just at that time of life, right? Running into you was totally perfect timing. I'd be lonely as hell and miserable with my friends all gone."

"It'll be okay," I said, trying to reassure her.

She gave a wan smile. "Oh, I'll be fine. This just isn't how I envisioned our relationship would go."

The week passed quickly, and we spent a lot of time together. We made out a lot, which was awesome. I did my best to follow her lead and not push for anything, though that was difficult. She was really hot, and sexy, and she had turned into a damn good kisser, and all those things, combined with my young man's body, led to a lot of untouched erections.

I jerked off every night before bed to take care of the constant problem. My body was getting way ahead of the relationship itself. It didn't help when we watched movies that had nudity in them, and I caught Natalie's sly glances at me, like she was getting a thrill watching them with me. I could swear she was picking increasingly racy movies, too.

At any rate, the time for the long trip to Dallas was upon us. She dropped me off at the airport and wished me good luck. I told her to enjoy herself, and we parted.

The Dallas project was more of the same as Seattle and L.A. A lot more. Two weeks of long hours, returning to the hotel exhausted, talking to Natalie to lift my spirits, and then dead-to-the-world sleep. But I got through it, and on the final day, the CEO himself showed up to thank us in person. I figured that boded well for the possible bonus. I headed for the airport and called Natalie to let her know the updated schedule. It was another delayed, late flight, so while she picked me up, she had to work in the morning. Other than a nice long kiss, we didn't spend any extra time together. She did, however, ask me to come get her at her place after work for a date. I immediately agreed, then I went home and went straight to sleep.

Chapter 6: A Hole-y Development

Work was easy, with a relaxed, triumphant feeling. We had done well and everyone knew it, and they made it clear that our feedback had been crucial to our success. I left pleased with the world in general and called Natalie as I neared her place.

"Hey," she said. "I'm not quite ready, so just come on up and I'll let you in."

That was new. She was going to finally let me in to her place. We'd hung out a ton at this point, but always only at my place. She had her phone, but she didn't have a TV yet, or internet. She was going to get them, she explained, but with spending so much time at my place, it just hadn't been a priority, and she'd been able to save some money.

I rang her doorbell and heard Natalie yell from inside, "It's open!" I let myself in and looked around her apartment for the first time. Sparsely furnished with second-hand things, it had an eclectic look. The walls were still mostly bare, but she'd brought precious little with her when she moved.

"I'm almost ready," she called from down the hall. "Just gimme a minute."

I flopped down on the couch. It was old-fashioned but in pretty good shape, and smelled like it had been in someone's attic for years, though only mildly. I pulled out my phone and messed around while I waited for her to get ready. After a bit, she emerged from the hallway looking fantastic, of course, and gave me a big smile. "How do I look?"

"Amazing," I said automatically, but then the reality of what I was seeing hit me. She was dressed in tight jeans and a tight red t-shirt that really showed off her curves in ways I'd never seen before. "Hey... that's a new look for you."

"It's nothing special for someone else, but for me, it's a big deal. My parents would freak if they saw me dressed like this." She raised her arms and gave me a slow spin so I could check her out from all angles. "They would say I either need to wear a looser shirt, or a cardigan over this one. They'd say I'm showing off my chest."

"Well, I mean, you are," I said, pointedly staring right at her breasts in a way I hoped she found comical. "And it's fan-flippin'-tastic."

She instinctively moved to cover herself, but then stopped halfway through the motion and forced her arms back down. She gave a rueful shake of her head. "So ingrained. I hate it." She tossed her head. "Well? Notice anything else?"

I studied her, searching for whatever else was new or different. Simple necklace, but she'd worn that before. Sandals with bare feet and painted toenails, but again, she'd done all that before. Her hairstyle didn't immediately strike me as anything new, and she hadn't dyed her hair or anything like that, which would have been blatantly obvious. She brushed her hair behind her ear and kept her head turned for what seemed like an abnormally long time, which was when I finally spotted it.

"Earrings!" I said triumphantly.

"Extra earrings," she said with emphasis. "You're usually so observant." She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Oh, right." I got up and moved closer. She turned her head this way and that so I could see both ears. "Three in one ear, four in the other. That's definitely new."

"Yeah, I did it while you were in Dallas. My parents would freak!" she said, grinning. "I mean, they eventually relented and let me get a single pair, but that was it. One pair, simple, nothing ostentatious. That was the rule. But I'm done with all that. I'm breakin' the rules, left and right." She turned her head to match her words and giggled.

"Hell yeah you are." I put on a fierce expression and said, tongue-in-cheek, "You are one badass girl."

"That's right. I'm a badass," she said, grinning.

I pointed with my thumb over my shoulder. "So do you always leave your door unlocked?"

"Nah. I unlocked it when I saw your car pull up. I wanted to surprise you with everything," she said, flicking one of her earrings with her fingertip.

"Well, I like it all." I glanced down. "It's chilly. You sure you wanna wear sandals?"

"I'll be fine, Rob."

I shrugged. "The movie starts soon. You ready?"

She grabbed a hoodie, I noticed, rather than a cardigan, and her bag. "Let's go."

I opened the door for her, but as she tried to go through, I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her in close. Our lips met and I pushed the door closed with my foot to keep the cold out, because we were busy for a few minutes making out.

"Doesn't the movie start soon?" she eventually asked, smiling up at me, her arms wrapped around my waist.

"I suppose it does," I said breathily. I opened the door again, and this time we managed to get out.

She closed the door behind us, then very obviously took her key and locked it while giving me a pointed look. "See?" she teased. We got in my car, buckled up, and left.

As I drove, I said, "We were talking every night. You didn't mention the earrings."

"Or the new clothes. I wanted to surprise you."

I nodded thoughtfully. "Huh. I guess I like it when you surprise me."

"Good," she said, grinning. "There'll be plenty more of that, then. It's fun for me, too."

"What else you got planned?"

She gave me a playful smack on the shoulder. "What part of surprise--"

I laughed, and she joined in.

The movie was actually pretty fun, but watching it with her at my side just made the whole thing better. She'd loosened up since we first met, and after two weeks apart, it was wonderful to have her there next to me. She grabbed my hand during tense parts, leaned on my shoulder during quiet parts, and the general sense of her being so comfortable with me made me feel good.

We left the theater talking about the movie and holding hands. She really seemed to have relaxed, in more ways than one. I commented on it at dinner, which was at a new restaurant that had opened while I was gone.

"Having two weeks to myself was kinda nice," she said, then she quickly placed her hand on mine. "Don't get me wrong, I missed you really bad, but we talked every night and I knew you'd be back. Your first trip was way worse. I spent the whole time wondering if you were just ditching me in a really elaborate way, but you've had two more trips since then and I guess I've gotten used to it."

The waitress came and took our orders, then brought us our drinks. Taking a sip, Nat said, "Anyway, being able to focus on myself, without having to worry about dating, or anything else, has really helped me figure things out in my head."

"Yeah, I get that," I replied. "Sometimes a person just needs some alone time. Though I'm glad to hear you missed me."

"Oh, as if that's news," she said, giving me a playful roll of her eyes. "I said it, like, twenty times."

"Well, anything you've figured out that you want to report?"

She flicked an earring again. "This, for one."

"Whoa, where'd those come from?!" I exclaimed in shock. "That's amazing!"

She smacked my hand with the back of her spoon. "Dork."

"Geek is the preferred term."

She gave me a comical stare. "Really."

I shrugged and she playfully jabbed me with her spoon.

"Anyway, you dork-slash-geek, I had a lot of time to think. Remember when we had that talk about sex?"

"Yes. Yes I do." I wanted to joke about it, but she'd wanted me serious back then, so I didn't want to spoil things.

She gave me a look, like she was waiting for me to joke. When I didn't, she went on. "That was over a month ago. We were going to continue the conversation, but we never did."

I shrugged. "I wasn't avoiding it. There were a lot of distractions."

"Yeah. But you're back and I have you all to myself again. So let's talk."

I looked around. It was a Saturday evening at a new restaurant, so the place was pretty packed. "Here?"

She grimaced. "I was okay with it until you said that."

"Whoops."

She sighed. "Fine, let's wait until we're somewhere private."

Our food arrived, so we turned our attention to eating. This place was pretty good, so we decided to add it to our list of restaurants worth a second visit.

We finished eating and paid the bill and headed out to the car, holding hands in the crisp November night.

"So, what else did you do while I was gone?" I asked.

"I went shopping. Obviously," she said gesturing to, well, her whole self. "Clothes, earrings, et cetera."

"Was that fun?"

She smiled. "Yeah, it totally was. I was buying all this stuff that I never would have been allowed to before. This sort of freedom is pretty awesome, I gotta say."

"Yep, being an adult and acting like it are two different things. Buy what you want, when you want, and damn the consequences!"

"Well, not entirely damned," she said, laughing. "It cost, like, a whole paycheck. But it's okay, my place isn't just empty rooms anymore, so that's done. For now. And, I've got a few more paychecks under my belt, so I could afford it."

We reached the car. "Wow, that much? What all did you buy?" I asked as I unlocked the doors.

"I went through my closet and evaluated every single thing. I replaced probably ninety percent of it."

"With what?"

She took a breath, then shook her head. "No, there's a lot and just talking about it is... tell you what. Let's go to my place. I'll show you."

"Cool," I said, buckling up.

Before I could start the car, she placed her hand on my arm. "Wait. We need to do our sex talk."

"Uh, sure, though when you put it that way, it sounds so clinical."

She laughed. "You probably had a sex ed class, right? I sure never did. At my school, they pretty much tried to pretend sex doesn't exist. Babies apparently just magically appear."

"That sort of thinking is where the stork stuff comes from," I said. "But you've looked this stuff up on the internet, right? I mean, you had lots of time to yourself at my place."

"Nope."

I stared at her for a couple silent seconds. "Huh. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't believe them. Okay, so, what sort of talk do you want to have?"

She looked unsure. "I don't know."

I realized I didn't know how to handle this, either. "Uh, do you have any qu--"

"Have you had sex?" she blurted out.

I hesitated, but decided honesty was the way forward. "Yeah. I have."

She bit her lip. "I figured... I mean, you've had at least one girlfriend..."

"Three girlfriends, maybe four, depending on who you ask. But I've only had sex with one. The last one."

"The one you broke up with a few months before we found each other again."

"Yeah."

"How many times? What did you two do?"

I shook my head slowly. "I don't think that's a good direction to go. Maybe someday, but not now."

She looked at me, then eventually nodded. "Right. I shouldn't ask you about that."

"Not necessarily," I said, trying to reassure her. "I mean, there are certain questions you definitely have a right to ask. For example, did we use protection? We did."

She made a noise low in her throat. "I have to tell you it hurts hearing this. In here," she said, pressing her hand to her heart.

"I can't change the past," I said carefully. Given her upbringing, I was now worried about the future of our relationship. I knew marrying a virgin was really important to a lot of religious people. From our previous talks, it sounded like she'd put some or all of that behind her, but I didn't really know for sure.

"I know," she said. Her face was tight. Her breathing had definitely picked up. She found my hand and squeezed it. "It's not fair of me to push my issues onto you. It's just... my whole life..."

I decided not to beat around the bush. If this was going to be deal-breaker, I'd rather have it over and done with. "The virgin thing... it's way overblown. A huge amount of importance is placed on something that turns out to not really matter. Look, what I'm saying is... at some point, you'll have to decide whether you believe the things you were taught."

"I thought I had," she said. "But I guess there's some stuff deep down that's still there." She sniffled. "I think that's enough for now. Let's just go."

"Where are we headed?" I tried to sound casual as I started the car.

She was silent for a few very long seconds. "My place," she said at last. "I want to show you what I bought."

My heart had been racing, I realized. I looked at her and caught her wiping her eye with the back of her hand. She noticed and grimaced. "Rob, I can get past this. This is my problem, not yours. You've been so supportive of me, and we've had such a great time together. Don't let my hangups ruin this for us, okay? I can deal with this."

I gave her a slow nod, then put the car in gear and got moving.

Chapter 7: New Clothes, New Nat

We didn't speak on the way to her place. She took the time to get herself together. I don't know what went through her head, but by the time we reached her apartment, she'd managed to climb out of the low place she'd been in.

She unlocked her door and let us in. She flicked on the lights and tossed her bag on the kitchen table, which she had found at an estate sale and was weirdly ornate. It wasn't huge, though, and I suspected it was actually some other type of fancy rich-person table. But whatever, it fit her needs.

Since I'd barely set foot in the place earlier, she gave me a tour of her apartment. It wasn't large. The front room was a combined small kitchen and dining and living room, smaller than mine. A single hallway led deeper, with a bathroom on the right, a small bedroom, mostly empty, at the end of the hall, and her room on the left, which is where the tour ended. Her bed and a dresser were the only pieces of furniture in it. A lot of bags were scattered on the floor and on her bed, full of clothes.

"It's not much, but it's mine," she said. Her smile twitched from shy to proud.

"You lucked out. You have a second bedroom. This is a nice place for the price. And the neighborhood isn't that bad."

"I think the landlady felt bad for me when I told her my parents kicked me out. I mean, that's not exactly true, but close enough."

"She sounds nice. I'm glad you found this place."

"Me too," she said. "I still need a bunch of stuff, but I'll pick it up bit by bit. I'm being very careful with my money, learning to budget and all that." She glanced at me. "Yeah... other than the shopping splurge that cost me a whole paycheck. But it was important to me."

We were standing side by side, so I reached around, put my hand on her shoulder, and pulled her close. "You don't have to justify it. You've got a good head on your shoulders and if you say it was important, I don't see why I would argue."

"Well, enough sentimentality. Lemme show you what I bought."

"Right. You gonna do a runway show for me?"

She tilted her head to the side. "Sure. Why not. Go out and sit on the couch. I might be a while."

I turned to go, but she said, "Wait. Since I'm already wearing this, I'll start with it. All new," she said, giving me another slow spin of the jeans and red t-shirt outfit. "Including the sandals I wore," she said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the front door where she'd left them.

"All new? New underwear, too, then?" I asked jokingly.

"Yep, those too," she said, finishing her slow turn.

"Oh yeah? You should show me."

"Mm, you'd like that," she teased.

"Yes. Yes I would."

She gave me a lopsided grin, then changed the subject. "Remember how I used to dress when you first met me? That was my mom's style. Influenced by my dad, I assume. I mean, the clothes were nice, but loose blouses, cardigans, loose capris, sensible shoes... I kept the ones I liked and got rid of the rest."

"What'd you do with it all, anyway? Just out of curiosity."

"Donated. I'm not wasteful. No point in throwing away good clothes." She rubbed her hands together. "Okay, out with you." She made a shooing gesture. "Go relax. Get a drink if you want."

I left and settled on the couch, then pulled out my phone and started idly browsing the internet. After a long while, she called out, "Ready or not, here I come!"

I put the phone down and waited. Soon enough, she emerged from the hallway wearing a sleeveless sundress tied at the waist with a blue sash. Completing the outfit was a pair of strappy sandals with low heels. She'd pulled her hair up into a pony tail.

"You look lovely," I said, smiling.

"Sure, but I also look fun," she insisted, giving me a full 360 view. She had nice, slim shoulders, I realized, and nice legs, from what I could see. She used to dress very conservatively, so this really was a big change for her.

"Agreed," I said, settling deeper into the couch and enjoying the view. I still had my phone in my hand, so I unlocked it and took a picture of her. She saw what I was doing and posed for me with a smile.

"Now, I went through all the new stuff--that's what took so long--and I decided I'm not gonna model every single thing. It would take too long and would probably be boring to show you all four similar t-shirts I bought, and the other sundress like this one but with a different pattern and colors." She cupped her hand around her mouth and said in a loud whisper, "They were on sale."

"Whatever you want. It's all good to me."

"So I'll give you a good sample of the new me." She grinned. "See? Bare shoulders! Scooped neckline! Strappy toeless sandals! New fun underwear! It would all be so controversial for past Natalie, but new Natalie loves how she looks."