All Comments on 'I Own Myself - Pt. 01'

I very much welcome constructive criticism. I feel like I could have written better. The story reads a little choppy to me.

Not bad. Kind of clunky and jumps around a lot. It would be nice to "hear" more of what our MC thinks about everything. More build up with a more descriptive climax. Also, if he's never been fisted before he should have been in pain. Especially because there was no mention of lube. It's a excellent start, but needs a bit more substance and polish

The story’s unique due to Noah’s plan to rent himself as a slave and his naivety on what he’ll be required to do under the contract. I did enjoy the fact that all three men treated him like a slave, even when Canmore and Finnegan claimed to not come across slaves before, they know what can be done to them. Noah didn’t pick up on that making him extremely vulnerable to anyone finding out he’s a slave.

As for constructive criticism, the first chapter didn’t allow readers to know a lot of what Noah was feeling/thinking inside his mind as he went through the slavery medical exam process. How did he feel about being naked the first time, in front of his lawyer, the loan officer, the medical examiner and being told he could be naked all the time? The way they were checking him out, did he like or dislike the idea of men looking over his body in a sexual way? Canmore had revealed that Noah will be the first slave where they’re from so he’s going to be very popular. What changes about his idea of self-slavery now that everyone in their town will see him naked? What are his concerns about the slave poses and having to remember to do them? What was it like to have his penis, balls and asshole touched by other men?

Noah’s in a position where he placed himself in slavery as opposed to those who are reluctant and forced. This leaves him being unaware of how bad it can get even though the story appears to have him be a sex slave than working hard like the wealthy people getting their money’s worth. His attitude isn’t the same as those he’s heard about although he had been under the impression he would be worked hard as a slave. I will add that one reaction that should’ve definitely been written in about Noah’s mindset was when he was told he couldn’t get out of the loan he no longer wanted.

I would have liked more stories in the series

I am still working on it. I do feel like I rushed that first chapter and although I like what I wrote, for the most part, I do wish I had written a lot more in that first chapter. I do plan on going back and rewriting.

As for a second chapter, I'm taking my time to think it out a little more instead of rushing through it like I did chapter one.