I'll Be Home for Christmas

"Dunno, but you're sweaty as hell."

"Duh. I was wearing that disgusting suit all day with little kids and you in my lap." He pulled on his clothes, grimacing at having to wear them over his sweaty body. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get it back in order. We gathered the outfits and stepped out of the cottage to find Karen waiting for us.

"Thanks so much, guys! You were great. Everyone loved you. Sweetie, would you like to keep the outfit? I have nothing to do with it." She blushed again, "And it looked way nicer on you."

"Oh, sure. Thank you!"

"It's the least I can do. Now, I wasn't supposed to do this, but here." She handed us an envelope and took the Santa suit from Ryder, and she was off again. Seemed like she was always running around! I opened the envelope. A hundred bucks. Not bad, considering it was a volunteer thing.

"Guess since she thinks we're a couple, it's supposed to be for the both of us."

"Want to go out after dinner and get drunk? We can definitely do a lot with a hundred bucks." I raised my eyebrows. My brother was suggesting he take me out and condone underage drinking? Fine with me!

"Um, hell yes." He put his arm around my shoulders and we walked out towards the car. "So what did you mean when you said you were glad you were wearing the suit?" He glared at me and squeezed my shoulder, apparently deciding to skip answering the question. That's when I realized the only thing he could have meant. "Oh! Gross!" I laughed, punching his shoulder. "Why would you have something to hide?"

"Doesn't matter that you're my sister, you're still a chick with a nice body. And you heard what I told you earlier." He shrugged. "It's biological." I grinned and poked him in the chest.

"You got a hard-on because of me! That's hilarious." I got in the passenger seat and buckled my seat belt.

"It's not that big of a deal. It happens when any good looking girl sits in a straight man's lap!"

"Suuuuuure." I teased him as he got in and closed the door firmly, putting the key in the ignition and buckling his seat belt.

"Look! I don't feel anything for you like that, okay?" As if to prove a point, he pulled my face into his and kissed me hard, taking my breath away. His lips parted as he deepened the kiss, one hand sliding to the back of my neck into my hair and pulling it firmly. I whimpered, half-surprised and half taken over by the moment, my hand fisting in his t-short as the tip of his tongue brushed my lower lip. His tongue slid over my bottom lip and against mine. The sensation jolted me and I pulled away, panting slightly.

"W-what the fuck was that?!"

"See! N-nothing!" he exclaimed, turning the car on and peeling out of the garage. My lips were on fire and my stomach was full of butterflies. My nipples were rock hard and my panties had dampened. It certainly hadn't felt like nothing to me. It had felt like a horrible, bad idea. I didn't even know what to say. I was so shocked that he had done that, it had sent my mind whirling.

 He didn't look at me or say a word the entire drive home and all I wanted to do was get out of the car and get away from him. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. Why the fuck had I kissed him back? Why had I let him do that? Why in the world would he try to prove that the weird feelings he was having were nothing by kissing me? As soon as we pulled up to the house, I opened the door and jumped out before he'd even fully parked the car. I ran inside, yelling at my mom that I was going to take a shower and get ready for dinner. Once under the hot spray of the shower, I screeched in frustration. That had been the most amazing kiss I'd ever have and it was with my stupid, awful brother. After washing my body thoroughly and keeping my hair out of the water, I turned off the faucet and leaned my forehead into the cold shower wall. In a few minutes, I was going to be stuck at the dinner table with my family and Adrian for several hours and then most likely stuck in the living room for a movie or two until everyone passed out. At least, that's what Christmas dinner was normally like.

I wrapped a towel around me and scurried across the hall to get some clothes on. I dumped my sweaty clothes into the hamper and picked out a pair of Christmas panties. I decided to go sans bra and just put on a red sweater and a pair of dark jeans. Running my fingers through my hair, I listened for the sound of the shower and only once I heard it turn on did I walk down the stairs and sit down at the table. Everyone was already seated except Ryder, but nobody had started eating yet. "How was the gig, honey? Thanks for doing that."

"No problem. It was an interesting experience. I'm hungry." I said matter-of-factly.

"Just wait till your brother comes downstairs. He went to wash off after wearing the Santa suit all day." I shrugged and played with my fork along the edge of my plate.

"So, how was being Mrs. Clause?" Adrian asked me with a smirk. He was sitting on one side of me, while Ryder's empty chair was on the other.

"Good." I said with a smile. I just wanted to eat and get through this dinner. I knew as soon as Ryder sat down, the questions would start. We hadn't all sat together for more than a few minutes at a time since he had been home and my parents would certainly want to chat it up with him and Adrian.

Ryder finally came and sat down next to me and I inhaled sharply. He smelled like my shampoo again, but had spritzed cologne on himself, likely in an attempt to hide the smell of me all over him. His cologne was earthy and manly and it confused my head to have him sitting right there, refusing to look at me or acknowledge anything. The fact that he smelled so good didn't help anything.

"Can you pass the potatoes, please?" he asked Adrian, even though they were right in front of me. Adrian shrugged and handed them over me to Ryder. Yep, I could tell this was going to be a long night. And as if it couldn't get any better than that, my phone buzzed with a text from Jordan, "Your brother called me today and ripped me a new one. Maybe you were right. And maybe we should take a break." It took everything I had not to scream at Ryder right there at the table, but not making a scene was more important at that moment. The last thing I needed was my mom thinking I was any more volatile than she already did.

After two hours of conversation mostly consisting of college talk, plates and second servings of food, pie, and three bottles of wine, my parents suggested we bring our plates in and put on a movie in the living room. I practically leapt out of my seat to gather plates and help clean up. The tension between me and my brother was palpable, and somehow much worse than when we yelled and fought. I helped my mom in the kitchen, scraping off plates and loading the dishwasher. I hoped desperately my parents wouldn't go to bed early. The last thing I needed was to be stuck downstairs for a movie or two with just the guys.

I walked into the living room and plopped down on the side of he couch. My brother and Adrian had gone upstairs to find a movie and my parents had sat sown in the love seat, already looking droopy eyed. My stomach clenched when Ryder sat down on the couch next to me, his forearm brushing the outside of my bare thigh. We both looked down at my leg before he yanked his arm away.

"Bro, hurry up already!" Adrian was trying to figure out how to use the new Blu-ray machine and having a lot of trouble, leaving my brother in awkward silence next to each other. He eventually got the movie on and turned out the lights, coming to sit on the other side of me.

"I chose Nightmare Before Christmas."

"Fitting." I said under my breath, rolling my eyes, despite loving the movie he had chosen.

I must have been shivering during the movie, because all of a sudden my brother rubbed the side of my arm, "You want a blanket?" my brother asked, the first words he'd spoken to me since the mall parking lot. "You're wearing shorts."

"Um, okay." he grabbed a blanket off the floor and threw it over me. Whatever lived in my brother's head would never make sense to me, but I was thankful he'd spoken to me. I looked over at him, but his eyes were on the screen. I glanced over at my parents. They were awake from the nap they had fallen into and waved a polite goodnight as they headed to their room.

"Merry Christmas." my mom whispered with a smile as they passed the couch. "Check under the tree in the morning!" she kissed my brother on the top of his head and a minute later I could hear the faint sound of their bedroom door closing.

Adrian leapt over to the loveseat and spread out, giving my brother and I the length of the giant couch. He looked at me nervously, but didn't move to take up more room. I put a corner of the blanket over his lap, noticing he had goosebumps on his arms. He smiled half heartedly and pulled it over himself, leaning into me just slightly. I shivered at the feel of his warm thigh through his jeans against mine. I felt his hand slowly move from his leg to mine, resting it on top of my knee gently. I looked at him and he squeezed lightly. "I'm sorry I ignored you at dinner." he whispered, "I've been an idiot since I got here and I never know how to deal with the consequences of my actions, babe." I shrugged and looked down, wondering how long he planned on keeping his hand around my thigh. "Do you think maybe we can talk tonight before bed? Since our drinking plan didn't really work out."

"I don't think you need any more alcohol," I teased lightly, "You had almost an entire bottle of wine to yourself." I could smell the wine on his breath and I knew he was pretty intoxicated, so maybe that explained his hand on my leg. Thinking about having someone's hand that close to my leg gave my brain all the wrong signals, though. Anytime Jordan put his hands there, he was going for something a little more centered, which is what my body certainly remembered. I shifted slightly, the back of my neck feeling hot from the awkward way my body was responding.

"I just wanna talk." he looked over at Adrian, who was engrossed in what was now the ending of the movie. "I'll wait till he's asleep, okay?" he squeezed my thigh again and leaned in closer to my ear to whisper, "I'll be a gentleman, don't worry. No more fighting, Kenz." I bit my lower lip and nodded in agreement. What was I going to say, no? The past few days had felt like weeks and I just wanted to move through the rest as smoothly as possible.

"You two done chatting so we can pick another movie?" Adrian remarked with a laugh, stretching as he stood up from the chair, removing the DVD from the player.

What must have been a couple hours later, I woke up on the couch. I felt warm and cozy and it only took me a second to see the reason for that I had fallen asleep against my brother and he had slipped an arm around me to keep me warm, the blanket wrapped around my small body.

"Thanks." I said shortly, pulling away from him. "I missed the whole movie?"

"Pretty much. We watched you snore." I smacked him hard in the chest and he grabbed my wrists, "Calm down, calm down! I am just kidding. You slept like a little angel. It's late though, we should get to bed. Lord knows mom is going to wake us up early." I nodded and got up from the couch, walking past Adrian and hoping to myself that my brother had forgotten about wanting to talk.

Brushing my teeth and getting in bed was enough time to tell me that he had not forgotten. He knocked quietly and stepped inside my room without asking, locking the door behind him. I got out of bed, arms across my chest. "What do you want?"

"He's asleep. We need to talk."

"Do we need to talk about the fact that you called Jordan? Or is there something else you wanted to tell me?" My brother didn't expect Jordan to tell me by the look on his face.

"I am not sorry, Kenzie. You know the rep he has and he's too old for you."

"Yeah right! You've fucked way more girls than he has. And he's not sleeping with anyone else while we are seeing each other."

"You told me you weren't going to lose your virginity to some asshole."

"I DIDN'T!" I glared at Ryder, who looked shocked. He opened his mouth to respond and stuttered.

"You're still a virgin? Holy shit."

"Yeah, I'm still a virgin and Jordan is the only guy I've done anything more than kissing with. Makes me a pretty bad 'slut', huh?" I could tell the words stung, but I didn't care. My brother acted like I slept around and I hadn't even slept with anyone. I raised an eyebrow as he stepped close to me. "Why did you kiss me in the car? Why are you acting like this?"

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't do anything stupid."

"You're such a bad liar!"

"Did you ever think maybe I just didn't want anyone else to have you like that?" He asked angrily, grabbing me around the waist, "Did you ever think that maybe you're confusing me, too?" His touch felt hot and his words hit me hard. Maybe the alcohol was just jumbling his thoughts and he wasn't being coherent. "Maybe the reason I've been acting like an asshole and avoiding you as much as possible is because I'm confused as to how my sister got so beautiful and smart and funny and seems like a real woman and why my body and mind are responding to her like she's any other hot girl besides my baby sister."

He took a breath, running his other hand through his mussed hair, "Maybe it's been taking everything I have not to want to kiss you all the time and yesterday I broke trying to prove myself wrong and it felt so, so right." His grip on my hip tightened as he leaned in, "Maybe we should just try again and see that it's really nothing. That I just haven't had sex in such a long time I'm imagining things." Before I could respond, he leaned down and captured my mouth again with his, his free hand gripping my ass tightly. I trembled under his touch as he kissed me deeply, teeth scraping my bottom lip as his tongue touched mine and for a few moments, I lost where he ended and I began. He broke the kiss, surprisingly, and let go of my hip, breathing hard. The hand on my ass disappeared and he stumbled backwards, "Holy shit."

"You shouldn't be doing this. We shouldn't be kissing. And it shouldn't feel like this." I whispered as my head spun. It had been even better than the first kiss in his car, which was the last thing I wanted. "You're the meanest person I know. Why did you have to come home so hot and start being weird and kissing me to prove yourself wrong? How selfish are you?" My legs felt weak and I leaned against the dresser for support. "You didn't even talk to me for practically three whole years. And before that we fought like an angry couple. When is this going to end?"

Ryder glanced down at me with the most strained look in his eyes and my breath caught in my throat. I closed the distance between us, my eyes meeting his, "Maybe third time is the charm? Then this all can be behind us." he whispered, his hand cupping my ass as my nipples pebbled. He bit my lower lip hard, eliciting a cry from my throat, before lifting me and pushing me against the wall, his body between my legs, as he kissed me hard, our tongues tangling as his chest pressed against me. He pressed his lips harder against mine, hard enough that I was sure I'd have sore lips in the morning. His hands gripped my thighs hard, squeezing down as he deepened the kiss, before his mouth trailed momentarily from my lips along my jaw to my ear. I grabbed his hair and pulled him away, as much as my body begged me not to.

"R-ryder! No more!" He sighed loudly and rested his forehead against mine for a moment before letting me slide down to the floor, his body still pressed into mine, the feel of his rigid length against my stomach for a moment. "I don't think that worked. I think you should leave. It's really late and tomorrow is Christmas morning." He nodded and stepped back, blatantly reaching down and adjusting his erection, which judging by what I'd felt for a couple of seconds was likely very uncomfortable.

"Third time was definitely not the charm." His voice was thick and strained, and the way he was looking at me made me want to grab him and kiss him all over again, but I knew that was just my lust-addled brain and hormones corrupting my thoughts.

"You need to go." He nodded again. "I can't believe that this is why I stayed a virgin, because you have some sick crush on me." I turned away and got back into my bed, my knees weak and my heart thumping. I closed my eyes and shifted towards the wall so I wouldn't have to look at him. I knew he was still there, staring at me, and that I'd probably hurt him, but I didn't care. This was beyond fucked up. I finally heard him leave the room, shutting the door behind him. My phone buzzed and I grabbed it, reading the first text I'd received from Ryder since I'd gotten this phone over a year ago. "Sleep tight, meowzalot." Yet another nickname he'd given me when we were young and got along. I texted back quickly, pressing the keys angrily, "Don't call me that! Leave me alone!" and dropped my phone under the covers. That was the last thing I remembered before falling asleep.

***

Christmas morning came too early, and as I suspected, our mom came around waking us all up at an ungodly hour. I managed to get freshened up and changed into a crop top that was pink and came to just above my belly button and a pair of hot shorts before my mom came back upstairs to drag me to the kitchen. A typical family Christmas breakfast had been prepared and everyone was seated around the dining room table, the tree surrounded by presents that were untouched.

"Grab a seat." My brother said with a mouth full of pancakes, as he pointed to the only seat left next to him. I sat down and grabbed some food, hoping desperately that we could get through the day without fighting or anything embarrassing happening. If either of my parents knew what had happened, they would surely have a heart attack. "How'd you sleep?" he asked eyes apologetic and a sloping smile on that mouth of his.

"I slept great," I smiled at him and stuffed a bite of blueberry pancake in my mouth. "And yourself?" I let my eyes graze down to his lap, making a point of what I was asking him. He blushed and shoveled more food into his mouth, apparently deciding to drop the topic.

"So, can we open presents during breakfast?"

"Break tradition?! No!" my dad said with a laugh, elbowing my mom. She smiled at him and then at me.

"Enjoy your breakfast and be patient."

Getting through breakfast was hard enough. Opening presents took a couple of hours and although everyone seemed happy with the gifts they'd exchanged, including the presents I'd gotten from my mom, dad, and even Adrian, I felt so much tension between my brother and I, it was unbearable. And it certainly wasn't the type of tension that existed between us before. It was the kind of tension I'd only ever felt when reading erotic novels or watching a particularly well made snuff film. It was the bend-me-over-the-couch-and-fuck-me type of tension. I hadn't given anything to Ryder, so I wasn't surprised when there was nothing under the tree from him.

Picking up all the loose trash and wrapping paper into a big plastic bag, I glanced around at my happy parents and an even happier Adrian, who'd been given some pretty cool stuff by my parents and my brother. I took the trash bag outside to the side of the house, where I was surprised by Ryder grabbing me.

"What do you want?!"

"I promise I didn't forget to get you something."

"It doesn't matter. We were getting along horribly before you came home. I didn't expect anything." He touched the side of my face so tenderly; I almost started crying, before he pressed his lips against mine deeply and sweetly. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it took my breath away.