All Comments on 'I'm My Brother's Keeper Pt. 01'

Hot n sexy story so far. Well written so please keep going.

A good story (I think). I liked the premise and the plot. I think the characters should be brought out more. I like the story more if I find the characters interesting. That's just my opinion. Thanks for your time and imagination.

I’m going to try and build more on the characters as I write more parts to it!

Congratulations on your first incest story. The characters in any story have to convince the reader to suspend disbelief and enter into the fictive dream. In erotica the dream should take the reader into a scene where unbelievable sex becomes believable. This story falls short in this regard. Joey's belief that masturbation causes blindness is okay if Joey were ten years old. Vivian should know that PLAN B is available at most pharmacies without a prescription. Why would Bruce offer to leave his wife for someone whom he has no respect? The narrator's misuse of the verbs lie and lay also disrupts the fictive dream. BUT, in this regard, few authors on this site consistently make the proper distinction among lies/lays, lay/laid, and laid/lain.

Other than these "bumps in the dream. I enjoyed the story, Thanks for sharing.

These are the things that I need to know if I’m going to get better at it.

Ive already submitted part two for publication, so in the event that it contains similar issues that you may have found with part one, I'll do my best to have them corrected when I drop Part three. Thank you all for your kind words and critiques.

Great story please continue. Thanks

Part 2 is coming!

Keep it going

I hope to read part 2. I thoroughly enjoyed reading part 1

Different is good obviously as I gave it a 4. I like the stories best where they love another. A little violence in the right context is fine. Bruce deserved what he got. Kepp it up I'd have liked more back and forth between Vi and Joey. It seemed a little rushed to me. Even the sex was a bit fast.