All Comments on 'In The Death Cell Ch. 01'

Follow up will be interesting

Very good. I am looking forward to part 2. I hope he sticks to his guns and finds someone who can be faithful. 4 stars

You lost a whole point for this LW cliché.

Then another point for saying it again in the last paragraph.

So far, I'm enjoying this. I don't normally read chaptered stories until they're all in so I hope you don't take a long time to post the remaining chapters. I gave this one a 5, hopefully, the rest are worthy as well.

Good story. Not sure if reconciliation makes sense here. It may be possible, with couples counseling and a very strong pre-nuptial greement - i.e. she cheats again and 1) he gets the kids (maybe) 2) she leaves with only what she brought into the relationship.

Hope the author is not one of the pathetic ones (RAACuck !! ?). Hope he doesn't make Jim cuckold and wimp. Carrie is a whore and a prostitute who has been cheating on him for months. She sent him to jail. She took his son and daughter from him and put their health and life at risk. It's all out of greed. There is no way a real man would trust such a calculating whore.

Finally some true man action. Though at his expense, he did what needed to be done.

Great characters, believable actions and dialogue, wonderful writing! 5 stars! Cant wait for next chapter.

So so .

Hope he sticks to his guns and and doesn't get back with the whore.

finish it please

You basically lost me at the beginning. No explanation for why wife had a restraining order against him before the incident with her new lover, or why in fact he would not have shared custody. All this is to basically set up the loss of his life. And where were the rest of her family when the shit went down but now feel that they can pressure him into acceptance. They should have been totally pissed with their daughter and no way welcoming of her new arrangements. None of this is really believable.

Basically who cares how this ends up. I'm not invested in the MC.

Horrible. Not very entertaining or engaging.

Interesting start so far. Looking forward to the next chapter. I do hope he sticks to his guns and doesnt take her back. That she could be so easily seduced and leave him like that shows her character. If he took her back he'd be wondering the rest of their lives when the next pretty boy would come along. But the worse thing for me personally is her taking his son away from him completely, that's unforgivable and also damaging to the boy.

Wow. Now that is what I think about manning up.

He listened the Carrie's justifications of her cheating but told Carrie straight away -- NO.

The way Carrie told her justifications seems to me that she was remorseful she got caught but not quite sorry she had the "fling" with Greg and that she's almost demanding that Jim receive her back and give her financial security for the sake of Jimmy and Allison.

Man, what an entitled female.

Nice one IABH. At least one from the whole batch of new stories today isn't a cuck story.

I hate cuck stories.

Wonderfully put together. looking forward to the next instalment of what hopefully will be a '5' for each episode.

A well written first chapter. I look forward to the follow up.

It's a beautiful start ,but smell like raac

I thoroughly enjoyed that.

The writing was solid af and the characters believable.

This story could well end up a reconciliation without losing any quality if the rest is written the same was as this chapter.

5*

Well written in general, a few typos but that didn't distract from what was a decent story. The biggest issue for me was it felt like reading an episode from a soap opera, there was nothing erotic and this is a site mainly for erotica in various forms. So far we've had an unfaithful wife leaving her husband and said husband's attempts to come to terms with it, the only drama was the assault by lover boy and that was over almost before it began. I wonder if more can be made of Greg's reaction or his involvement with Carrie, he seems to have been dismissed rather easily considering he was the catalyst for the whole thing, perhaps something to up the stakes as it were, because at the moment I'm not sure theres enough here yet to hold the readers interest.

A good story and I'll check the next part because there is potential but I'm hoping for a little bit more.

IDK

feels unfinished for some reason?

but otherwise not bad, not bad at all

Great start! Please post the next chapter soon.

So far no real explanation about why she took up with a guy that everyone knew was a total jerk. All the neighborhood women stayed away from him except her. The guys barely tolerated him. But she went to him over and over. Need an explanation.

Too bad I smell RAAC being built up to.

Author has Jim’s angry attitude exactly how I’d imagine myself in a similar situation. His emotional state and thoughts and attitudes, I think, would be a mirror of me. And just because the baby turns out to be his doesn’t fix ANYTHING.

But the pressure from both sets of patents and little Jimmy seems pretty high. How are you going to get Jimmy to understand? And, not being a father myself, I don’t know how much little Alison might tug at his heart strings. I mean Jim’s feelings towards Alison seem exactly right. Except for about 30 seconds of euphoria he experienced immediately after Carrie said she was pregnant, except for that small instance, for the following 9 months he’s hated the fetus and baby. A DNA test saying you’re the daddy is supposed to trump 9 months of hatred?

I like how the author is exploring that facet of the relationship with Jim and Carrie and Alison. So often the writers on LE have the husband’s emotions flip 180° towards love when they find the baby is theirs. I’ve always found that totally unrealistic. And, so far, Jim isn’t falling in that direction.

But I definitely feel an RAAC coming along.

Queen?

THE ANSWER TO THIS LITTLE CONUNDRUM APPEARS TO BE A CAREFULLY WORDED "postnup agreemeent" following some straight talking and, I would suggest the inclusion of both sets of parents. I must confess to a reluctance to remarry the selfish slut. a VIDEO OF THE MEETING AND A CLEAR STATEMENT, COPIED IN WRITING, SIGNED BY ALL PARTICIPANTS, THAT ANY FUTURE ATTEMPT TO 'TRADE-UP' CARRY STRICT AND WELL-DETAILED PENALTIES! Good story so far but the bitch needs to learn her lesson. Thank You 4****

Interesting.

Waiting for part-2

The woman needs to suffer more for her affair before any reconciliation. The Jerk needs a few more bones broken.

Well written

Look forward to the conclusion.

Great first chapter.

Carrie is a self-centred whore... it was entertaining to see her suffering the consequences of betraying her husband. Greg being made impotent after getting a righteous kicking from Jim was brilliant, especially as that turned Carrie's relationship with the lover into a nightmare.

I hope Jim meets a new woman who is younger and hotter than the ex-wife. That's the ultimate way of getting revenge on a cheating wife, replacing her with a new girl that makes the ex feel old and ugly. It'll be even better if Jimmy likes the second wife more than Carrie.

Let's see where this ends....3* for now

Ohh Jesus this is part 1 and the infidelity has been covered in the first paragraph and the unfaithful spouse has realized what they have lost and that on the grass is not really that greener on the other side by the end of book 1. So now I assume that the potential other entrants by the author will be arduous, emotional laden dialogue of the inevitable RAAC.

There's no denying your ability to write a good story. With the circumstances, as they are, I find myself in a moral, and emotional tug-of-war as to what action the main character should take.

Now that you have this reader invested in this story, please don't make us wait too long for a resolution.

5 stars...Thanks for your efforts...

I loved it at least he didnt turn out to be a cuck. Please, after all she did to him and his dont let the story be about him taking her back. That is if you are thinking about writing a 4th chapter. I think if you leave it alone right here it is an excellant story.

This feels like the next chapter is going to be a disappointing RAAC where everyone but Jim lives happily ever after.

Don’t turn Jim into a pussy, keep the divorce and Jim emotionally distant from his ex.

Would be great if Jim moves away and cuts off communication because of everyone pushing for him to take her back. Just send the child support through his lawyer each month and let everyone be miserable.

Still a way to go, but real people treated well by the author...refreshing!

Great story so far. I hope you don’t rush it or RAAC it either. If there is to be a reconciliation make her earn it. Don’t do it by tearing down the moral high ground that Jim stands on.

Great start.

I smell a long drawn out RAAC coming...

The 'father' wasn't involved in naming his child.

Come on, that boy is not 10 years old.

After 3 pages, still didn't understand why she cheated. But, I'm already suspecting reconciliation.

Convince us readers that she DESERVE it, then you may bring reconciliation in.

After wrecking a neighbor's marriage, asshole still invited to neighborhood party?

Next, return favor by getting restraining order against asshole. Or will it work this time, after that bogus first time.

-Anon767577

Its going to need an ending

Wow, tough love. I'll start by saying I gave this 5* because it was gritty, it was real, and I think most male readers will agree it hurt to read it. It earned 5* because it represented a man with his pride still somewhat intact and with a mission to get better. I wouldn't say they would never get back together but right now, I don't see it happening.

As he's quoting from Billy Joel songs, maybe that line from what I think was a Joni Mitchell song. "Don't it always seem as though, you don't know what you've got 'til its gone." Of course the song continues "So they tear it all down and put up a parking lot!" I hope his construction project goes well.

This is either going to be a really sad story or a RAC story... to bad... It is pretty well written though

You did an excellent job pulling us into your world and your world could be anyone of us reader's world today. Where children are involved, both parents should go to extraordinary means to keep the family unit together. However, there are certain lines that can be crossed with no return path back and your story arc is likely one. You give us some hints that she regretted her decision but it's so intertwined with Greg being so flawed that the reader is left with the belief Jim is Plan B. We still don't really know WHY she had the affair other than he "seduced" her. What were the cracks in their marriage that Greg was able to pry apart? Her conversation at the end of this chapter with Jim didn't sell me that she truly loves him and would never do it again. It's your story, I'm just trying to point out stumbling blocks you need to overcome in writing chapter 2. I have my own definition of "cuck" and for me it only applies if you know it's happening and allow it to continue. Jim didn't and if through a lot of soul searching, you decide to have them reconcile, he still wouldn't be. My only reservation for reconciliation is will us readers think it's plausible given our world view of life and experiences. Doable, but tough cell with the current story arc. 5* for part 1.

I have no problem with the way he handled this. He will support his kids and do the best he can with what he has but no way does he take her back. So the guy got abusive probably because he never could get a hard on again. So her life sucked and she figured she would go back to her ex. Then when the guy ends up in jail she goes full blown get the ex back. Like he said, he was plan B. What is Greg was a nice guy and did have money? She would keep the baby and stay with the new guy anyway.

As the kids get older they will understand. The mom did make a mistake but it was her intent and what she wanted and he will see Dad is right.

If you're setting this up to be a RAAC, please don't submit any further chapters. The wife does not deserve a second chance. Yes, it might be better for the kids, sort of, but for the love of fuck, why would poor Jim need to suffer and be the fallback plan here?

Another Disney story for losers.

Blah blah blah. Perfect husband, never did anything wrong. Faithful, hard-working, good father, great neighbour. Practically walks on water.

But his faithless, cheating, deceitful, slur of a wife is horrible and irredeemable. Why, she will probably die alone, unloved and unwanted while her ex-husband will be treated like the king he is and countless women will fall over themselves to be his wife.

Does this about sum it up? Because that’s how this bullshit goes.

B T B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont take her back. Raise ur son but dont let her back in

I don't understand the point of these types of stories. Jim comes across as a man who can't handle his emotions. He has anger issues. He lets matters fester inside himself.

And yet the story is written as though he is the good guy, the saint. And, given the conventions of this type of story, the wife is written as the evil one .. the attempt to "explain" her behavior notwithstanding. She still comes across as an immature idiot, whose only justification in the story is to provide a reason for Jim's suffering. Forgive or not, that dilemma is a red herring. The core problem is Jim himself. The guy needs to go to therapy.

So, the only real 'truth' in the story is the hell that Jim wallows in .. his own death cell indeed.

Many writers can create a conflict. The test here will be the ending, as it always is. LW stories in chapters tend to start out with some strong emotional conflict, but often fad by the time the reach the stopping point. For the most part, I think LW stories should be posted in their entirety.

Please don't take forever to finish thus tale, one way or the other.

Enjoying it very much

Real quick if someone has restraining order on you and they show up somewhere you are already present, you don't have to leave

Great story. Realistic. Including the stupid, non-thinking parts where he attacks her fuck-buddy. Really, really, idiotic. Yes, I think we all know where the story is going. The only way for him to ward off his ex-wife from wanting back into her relationship with him is for him to "hook up" with a girl friend. Oh, make sure he is fucking her, not just some bluff. Of course, he is in no state of mind to go out looking to hook up. Plus, both his and her parents seem to on the cheating sluts side with trying to get them back together again. Plus, his son is also doing everything a young boy can do to get the family back again. So unless he gets off his arse and lands a GF quickly, he's going down with the ship against the onslaute.

Very well written story and a pretty unique take o with the child turning out to be his. It’s pretty apparent a reconciliation is coming. Based on what she did and how she did it, I don’t think it’s deserved, but he’ll do it “for the children”.

Still, a great set-up in this chapter.

Wow. What a shitty situation. Please get control of your anger before you blow any chance with your kids.

I like realistic stories, true to life. This is an excellent example of one of those. The dialogue is pot on. Every character, from the main character to the ex-wife to Jimmy, the grandparents, the neighbors, shit head Greg, the judge and the police, all spoke and acted like normal people do in this world. It is the subtle little word choices in brief conversations that reveal each character's motivations. You even got the female's effortless ability to act in delusional self interest exactly right. Thanks for the story.

Had trouble with the start as some sentences just didn't make sense. It did turn out to be a very emotional and good story. I agree with the story she Carrie, dumped him for a better life and taking her back isn't in the cards. Now I know that they will get back together in part two of the story when there's a problem with Alison.

needs closure for children

Really good. You did a great job of getting the reader to feel Jim’s pain.

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Carrie sounded like the proverbial victim of the always handy Martian Slut Ray. She never really explained how and why she succumbed to the asshole’s charms. And she was all too eager to really stick it to Jim throughout the whole ordeal. She was portrayed as a very weak individual.

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But you’ve got me hooked, and very interested in how you will play this out. Great job!

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4 ****

She is a selfish whore. He will never be able to trust her again. This is a good start. I like that he is standing his ground so far. Looking forward to part two

Very good start. Please continue soon before I forget it.

Ready for part 2. He’s already BTB; now we’ll see what kind of a man and father he is going forward.

Good story.

A great first chapter. Look forward to the next installment.

chapter 2 please and soon .he does take her back .

What this is not an end finish it I will read more

good story but needs a part 2

Man up.

Noice! Please don’t let it become a RAAC

Well written and totally believable. Please continue with it.

Gave you 5 stars for the first chapter of a story I sincerely hope you finish. Jim is certainly in a hard spot. To be a Dad for his kids he has to have contact with the bitch.

The only way to let her back into his life would be a contract something like a pre-nup (since they are now divorced). if they re-marry if she cheats, he gets the kids and almost all the assets. I imagine her half of their stuff (money anyway) was squandered during their separation.

He might allow her to live in the same house with or without sex. It will be interesting how you work it out.

قصة جميلة

PLEASE no RAAC here!

Excellent start. Five stars

He is a god man. Dont take his spine away, by making him mellow or god forgives, or stealthy cuck, and neither burn her. A clean cut is best

Enjoyed your story! Can't wait for the next one!

great start ,, looking forward to more , thanks for sharing

Interesting. I initially thought it was unfinished - being so used to BTB or RAAC ending. But after a few moments of reflection, it clicked this was an appropriate ending. Nice story.

very good first part.

5⭐

the divorce must be pronounced, and the separation effective.

it is necessary to mark the end of a period, the end of the respect of the matrimonial commitments.

After that, anything is possible, and everything is open.

It's life. there is no single, universal answer.

On the other hand, it seems to me that she did not explain: 1) why she had cheated if it was not for a change

2) why it took so long if the guy was such an asshole.

To be continued.

Thanks for sharing your talent.

Well-written, imaginative story. The MC's angst and ennui might be a little overdone, but he's probably just a product of 'everyone-gets-a-trophy' education and socialization.

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Please continue the excellent series and your talented writing.

I like it, It was good. Hopefully it will not be one of those RAAC shit.

Intriguing first chapter. Looking forward to more!

You title makes no sense in the context of the story thus far

i like it for a RAAC in Chapter 2

Nice, 5*.

Good story and an even better man. She cheated, disrespected, and upgraded to a "better" man. BTB and toss her to the dung heap she deserves. But wait!! I'm sure in Chapter 2 he will cut his balls off and take the egotistical, hateful bitch back. There is no reason to take her back. She cheated with the neighbor everyone hated but her. End of story. Just waiting for Legio to bring the RAAC Cabal wimps in to say he should take her back and be the ball less 21st century "man".

Great story. I look forward to the next part. 5 stars from me, just a little more detail on the asshole's background. What does he do for a living? I have a vested interest in the hero, as I am a retired aircraft mechanic, and I like to think that there is some way out of this for him and his ex-wife. Awful hard, seeing has how her 'couple' of times was not my definition of 'a couple of times'. The Bear definitely approves. Keep writing.

The BEAR

Waiting to see if you make him a cuck-pussy

I assume that this story has not ended. Well told so far, no nitpicking here

Why don’t women ever take the consequences of their choices?!?

ZK

Nice opening.... but there ae only two ways this goes.

This is a great start, especially for a rookie. The question is... will you be able to follow up with equal quality?

Hooked

Depending on what happens in the next chapter or not, I think I would like to see a reconciliation here. IF it can be justified. Carrie definitely seems repentant and it's believable. But she needs to get to the bottom of why she went with Greg in the first place. Just saying she fell for his crap is not enough. She seems adamant it wasn't about money. So what gives? Was it the sex? What?

This is a guy every woman in town avoids and the men barely tolerate. Why in the world would you choose him? And then to be so irresponsible as to get pregnant by him. (Which thank goodness wasn't actually true but still. The possibility was there.)

And what really gets me is her keeping Jim away from their son. Yet placing him in an abusive, unhealthy environment! Only leaving when others intervened. As soon as Greg was abusive she should have left. Baby or not. Or at least put Jimmy with his grandparents if she was unwilling to give him to Jim.

Also, where was her guilt? Her conscience? This wasn't a drunken one-night stand. They repeatedly met every week. Then stopped for a month or so and started again?!! I'm sorry but in that intervening month she should have realized her actions were wrong. How could she rationalize continuing? And doing so with a man who constantly disrespected her husband! Instead of that turning her off, she joined in?

She NEEDS counseling individually and maybe they could go as a couple also. If they don't get to her motivations there's no way to say it won't happen again.

She should also be willing to do whatever Jim needs to help regain his trust. She hasn't been written as an evil woman as some wives are here. But she still needs to put in A LOT of work to get her husband back.

Thank you! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Please, a follow up story.

Great start, heart rending in parts, cant wait for the conclusion. Hope you posted consecutively, and we dont have to wait for months for the continuation.

I See the RAAC coming already.

Is it the right thing *shrug* maybe. But she sure as shit doesn’t deserve it.

She fucked around, then stopped during the winter break, then immediately started up at the earliest convenience.

Fuck her, pay the extra child support and go on with your life and visitation with both kids, don’t jump back into that cesspool, she’s just gonna fuck around again.

Good story, but where else is there to go?

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If this follows from what you set up, they will remain apart. The only story is maybe how the find someone new. That could have been covered in a few paragraphs.

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The only reason for a second chapter is a reconciliation, and, based on what you established, RAAC is the only path. No realistic reconciliation is possible based on this chapter. His, "Were you loving me..." items clearly showed the death of his live and pretty much showed she never really loved him.

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Being together just for the kids is a bad idea and the only reason for a reconciliation.

There are a number of authors who would be playing with this just to set the stage for the reconciliation....the baby was his, it was just one affair, she'd changed, being together would be better for the kids....all the usual reasons that he should swallow his destroyed life, the time in jail, the humiliation of being a cuckold, the financial and emotional damage from the divorce. Here's the rub, he would NEVER forget it. She came back to him because her new husband was beating her and not because she loved him and repented of her mistakes. The idea that staying with someone who cheats on you is better than divorcing them is nonsense if you can't well and truly forgive and forget and nothing in this story deserves forgiveness. He can be a great father to his kids and provide the ideal role model they deserve and never be married to his ex-wife again. Statistics say that the kids would actually be better off with him as the single dad than with her in the picture. Do your homework....RAAC is nonsense most of the time.

Very well done, excellent writing. You certainly have me invested in the rest of the story

Hopefully you've already written the full story, and submitted the next part if not all! There's nothing worse than a great chapter 1 (and sometimes more) that just . . . stops.

Great start, don’t let comments steer you toward a conclusion. Take it where you see it going.

Loving it so far, but I don't see any credible reconciliation. And I'm a hopeless romantic, and a sucker for a happy ending.

But . . . "I fucked up when I CHEATED ON YOU and BROKE MY VOWS" is in no way a reason to take her back. Especially after

a. The inexcusable disrespect of "grease monkey" -- literally taking her lover's side. Cheating on someone is bad, but it's also a "having a cake and eating it too" selfish circumstance. But setting aside the cheating (difficult as that may be) her integrity and her true feelings toward her husband were tested several times. Using the perjorative "grease monkey" means she failed the first hard test.

b. A FALSE restraining order !!! Perjury because her lover wanted it, directly at the expense of her husband. Another failure in the "does she support her husband or her lover" test when she only got a single choice..

c. Keeping him from his son. UN-FUCKING-FORGIVABLE. That one act is so despicable as to render a reconciliation impossible.

Great writing as I'm able to invest myself in the story enough to actively hate the dishonest ex-wife. There were so many times when a single honest act could have redeemed her. Instead, she lied every time when the truth would have served her -- and HER SON -- better. So she sucks not only as a wife, not only as a mom, but as a person as well.

Can’t wait for follow up.

Don’t expect any reconciliation what with the title.

After coming back to read the comments, I wonder if chapter is going to be the same story written from her POV and the third chapter the true ending?