All Comments on 'In the Spider's Web Ch. 05'

Hey, all. Just wanted to let you know that this story was brought to you by my supporters on patreon, who vote on what story I work on. There's a poll going right now, actually, for March's story. If you want to vote on what I work on next, check me out there. I'm charmscale there as well.

Dwarves. As in not humans that happen to be short. Fantasy dwarves. Since when did the main character know about them? She certainly didn't react as if they were a surprise to her. We, the reader, had no evidence of them before. I feel like you skipped too much time, or you made it up on the fly. I also feel you need to be slower and more descriptive in general. I feel like I'm reading a newspaper article. Needs more character telling body language, slower and meaningful introductions to important characters, more context for scenes (was that sex scene in a bedroom? Was she on a bed at some point?) Everything in general feels like it doesn't have any emotional weight to it. It's written as if nobody's experiencing anything, too fast and too emotionally distant. I think it's best for you to keep writing. Practice makes better.

As a fellow reader, I'm going to be putting forth my own opinions but they seam reasonable to me (but of course they do).

Dwarves- This woman has survived her city being transformed into a kind of hellscape. Hearing from her Drider lover that dwarves exist and can make jewelery doesn't really seem like much of a surprising event. In addition, since it was mentioned that she has been learning magic or at least its principles from Mattias, there has been plenty of time to discuss lineages in the background.

For me, there are enough descriptions for the events that matter. During the sex scene, it wasn't really important to describe what the surroundings looked like, because in that moment the only thing that really matter was us seeing her not just give herself to him, but to call for him. To ask for more closeness, which up to this point has been something that has been more forced on her. So having a detailed account of their surroundings, imo, would detract from the significance of that.

I'm feeling plenty of emotional weight from the events. I agree that this seems a faster paced/ smoother story than some others on this and other sites, but the ease of it to read doesn't make it less significant. Besides, the more significant events are yet to come, or at least their potential is there. Will Bell and Mattias fill the hotel with refugees? Will the conflict come from within their groups or more from other outside threats? Will they become leaders or stay as a smaller tight-knit family unit? These and other possibilities are far more interesting than reading about carpet patterns or furniture. Though if those descriptions were to appear to make a stronger clear picture of their living spaces, that would not be amiss either. In the end, it comes down to the writer, and I am far more interested in seeing where this story goes from them, rather than us. Because if we could do it better... why haven't we?

Though again, this is just imo.

Anyways, thank you very much for the next chapter charmscale. Glad to read that she's getting into a better headspace. Not just because that's easier to read, but also for her and Mattias' sake. Honest care and affection are good things.