All Comments on 'Incubus Pupa Ch. 12'

I wondering what's next.

"MORE"

I love how Adam is able to bring out the best in his mates. You did a really good job of showing us Christine's upbringing, insecurities, and her plans for the future. And I think you've done a great job setting the story up for Adam to help. Not so much Adam being the solution to all her problems, but Adam being the advocate for her future. I'm looking forward to seeing them all grow as people because of each other.

As far as the body sculpting, I'm all for giving Christine a boost. But if that were to happen, I don't think she'd want to have them as big as Ia or Sandy. Just a bit bigger; enough for a handful, a bit of a jiggle, and for some curves up top. But that's just me being a tit-man, so I may be a little biased...

The flying is cool, I had forgotten he had gotten wings. I could see some of the girls yelling at him for being reckless. [Mrs. Weasley voice] You could have died! You could have been seen!

Wear a helmet next time, fool.

Still loving it, waiting for more, can't wait...

You did a great job taking advantage of Christine's screen time in this one, differentiating her from the other girls. Just as I took back Ella being boring, I officially take back what I said about Christine being a toned down Sandy. Christine definitely made herself a star here. I love the simplicity of it and her relationship with Adam. She may not have things as together as Ia, but she clearly has a maturity and femininity about her that sets her apart. I love the way that you put it. That she makes Adam feel masculine and that was shown throughout this chapter. Everything from her cooking to their banter just made their relationship so sweet and what one would expect from a very masculine/feminine dynamic. It also makes me curious if Ia or Christine is the better cook, or if Ia doesn't really cook that much because she doesn't usually need to.

Though I would say one thing that spoke to me almost from the beginning it was the way Adam said something along the lines of his relationship with Christine being more relaxed than his relationship with Ia. That is so fucking true. Being the Dominant in that kind of a relationship, especially where the dominance needs to be a constant thing, it does take a lot of effort. You have to constantly be in that dominant state of mind and make sure that you're fulfilling the submissive's needs. And as satisfying as those relationships are, you don't realize how much thought you're putting into your actions and words until you're in a relationship where you don't have to do that. It's very, very different from a "normal" relationship and I'm glad that you're getting into that aspect of the dynamic.

I also liked Christine's somewhat...teasing of that relationship, and wanting to know if she'd have to be as submissive as Ia to keep him. I'm also curious what will come of Christine's desired body modifications. That sort of thing can be very intriguing but also very cringey if done the wrong way, but I can tell that you put a lot if effort into these parts of the story, so I'm not overly worried about that. I'm definitely more excited to see what will come of it and if any of the other girls will want any changes to themselves, short of Sandy who's already getting them of course.

Speaking of Sandy, that was a really cool way of using Adam's powers. I love that it's technically the same thing he did with Ia only a more powerful version of it. And the limitations that everything happening is technically in her head was explained very well. It did make me chuckle a bit as of what it would have looked like to anyone walking in on it. I'm assuming the visuals of him being there are all in her head as well. But it's definitely a very interesting ability that could be used in a lot of ways. And speaking of ways to use his powers...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for having Adam try to fly with his wings. Also, Christine being terrified of him makes me ridiculously curious how the other two will respond when they eventually see them as well. It added more weight to the relatively more subdued reaction from Ella. Though I'd also assume that because of the way Christine responded, he'll be a lot more cautious in the future. But back to the flying. As happy as I am that he tried to use his wings as wings, I also love that it wasn't as easy as just doing it and that he had to actually take aerodynamics into consideration. You did that part very well. You didn't get too bogged down in the jargon and yet it all still made sense, especially with Adam needing to alter himself to make it all work right. That was really cool and also opens up a lot of possibilities.

All in all, this was a great half of a chapter and I'm very much looking forward to the other half.

I love the way the story is progressing and all the thought you've put into how things need to work. It was great seeing Adam trying to figure out how to fly; and it reminds me of how he still hasn't seen the connection between his fast progress as an incubus and his relationship with Ella.

The way you've explained it, and I could be wrong, Fey no longer produce energy of their own and get power from outside of them to fuel their powers . . . if that is true with the dryad link then Adam has been feeding TWO fey all along.

Obviously with only a single bond mate a Dryad has to be somewhat less powerful than an Incubus, but Ella still has to have been getting a lot of her energy from Adam ever since their bond formed.

It also explains his near obsession not just with her, but with being good enough for her. She screwed up as a child because she didn't realize these connections are two way and neither of them realize how that impacted Adam's personal growth and sense of self worth.

I'm looking forward to that realization, just as I'm looking forward to seeing them both grow as people/fey.

Woah, great comments! This is truly the stuff that drives me to write, so thank you. I'm honored that folks would take the time to pull together such an insightful analysis of my work. I wanted to address a few points that were brought up:

1. Body modifications - these are still something of a work in progress. But rest assured that I'm not going to get crazy with this, and will do my best to fit these within the character personalities that I've attempted to build for Adam's girls. I see this more of as a bit of mystery and titillation, but they will not be a main focus of the story.

2. The flight scenes - I'm glad to hear that this scene was well received. I had some reservations that I was taking too much of the reader's time away from Adam and his ladies, but I hope that it's clear at this point that this is Adam's story of transformation, not just the story of how he builds a harem. This was a somewhat pivotal moment of discovery for him that I had planned for quite a long time (and was finally presented a good opportunity to write in with the new house). I didn't want to give it short shrift by throwing a couple of paragraphs at it. I'm glad it at least worked well enough to convey to the reader what I had intended.

3. Anon's comments about Fae energy and the implications for Ella - excellent points, but bear in mind the bits I've tried to lay in here and there hinting at the differences between Fae. I probably do disservice to myself in giving information outside of the story, but what I *can* say is that Fae are probably more dissimilar than they are similar. Just as Adam can draw energy from sources other than his bonds, I would expect that other Fae have their own unique sources also....

4. Regarding bonds - this is largely my fault for not explaining or codifying them properly, but it should not be a foregone conclusion that the bonds that an incubus makes with his mates are the same as another Fae make with their bonds, nor would I assume their mechanics to work similarly. Though I'll say that the ideas you present are deep and well formulated; some of which I hadn't really thought about.

Thanks again for reading, and the comments.

Nexte100,

I like stories that have adventure in them, the flight sequence at the end was very interesting, you managed to suspend my disbelief. Also, there is this thing of too much sex, sex act after sex act gets boring.

May you and yours enjoy the best of health.

I'm really enjoying the story so far, so thank you for all the work you do in order to bring this story to us readers at no cost to ourselves!

Here are my personal thoughts so far:

Christine is by far my favorite girl. She's short (which I LOVE), as well as having a more normal breast size. Too many authors insist that all the female characters have DD or DDD size breasts. I don't find huge melons attractive at all. Give me a C or B cup and I'm good with that. I certainly hope that Adam finds time to tease and suckle Christine's nipples and does not modify her breast size in any way. Christine also seems like the most fleshed out character so far.

Sandy just seems like the typical cliche' cheerleader airhead and to top that off, now she has DDD breasts. Ugh... In the beginning of the story Adam was thinking about how Sandy is a very intelligent girl and used to be more of a 'normal' type of personality, until she got mixed up in the 'cheerleader mindset'. He wondered if it was possible to somehow help her regress to the "Old Sandy". After the super-long conversation she had on the phone with Adam, going on and on about nothing while Adam tuned her out, I was hoping to see some change for the better at some point. So far she doesn't seem to have any redeeming characteristics that would make her an interesting character. Right now she's basically a typical "bimbo character", IMO.

I was happy to see Ianthe's personality shift back to "business mode" when she lectured Adam about how her money was now his also, as well as the way she acted in the scene where she met Christine. I don't think she should lose the original "strong, driven, outspoken business woman" personality that she had at the very beginning. Disliked the Saturday meeting where she had to contact Adam numerous times to seek advice/support. She knows her business, Adam doesn't. She shouldn't have a problem handling work, IMO.

I'm a bit confused about Adam's "drinking Vitae" from his lovers every time he sexually satisfies them (except for the one time you wrote that he purposely turned it off). I'm fairly certain that Adam's incubus mentor at the nightclub warned him that he shouldn't be constantly draining Vitae from the same lovers. It seems like he uses a lot more than he's been gaining also. I think you may need to clarify some of this information. For example: That one time when he was 'hungry' and he took the 4 women at the school multiple times (when he first got his wings). Is this what he needs? If so, how is he surviving snacking on just his 3 girlfriends?

I also want to echo a comment that was made by a previous reader: There's such a thing as too many sex scenes. If there's something new or interesting (like first time anal), or a new girl with different desires... by all means write about it. But I don't think many people will want to read 10 paragrahps about the 20th time Adam screws Sandy. Just something to keep in mind.

I absolutely LOVE the fact that you're keeping jealousy in the mix, and having Adam try to figure out a way to deal with it rather than making all the women automatically bisexual (as you commented in a previous chapter, it seems that too many Lit authors do this exact thing).

I would love to see some side plots within the main plot. What if one of the women got into a car accident and got seriously injured? Would Adam be able to figure out a way to use his powers to help them, or not? What if Adam ran afoul of another Fae? Something... anything really... just to spice up the story with a bit of action not related to sex or relationships.

Lastly, I'm glad you responded to an earlier comment where it was hypothesized that Adam had been feeding on Vitae to supply both himself and Ella in the negative. I completely agree with your idea that Incubus and Dryad are different enough that Adam's Vitae-drinking has nothing to do with Ella. Ella has been a Dryad her whole life. Clearly she doesn't need to feed like an Incubus does.

Hello,

thanks for writing the story. Just to give a countervoice to Dark_Raven, I do not wish to undermine his opinion.

I do like Sandy and Ella. Sandy because the path you're taking with her (the deepening, the relation between oneself and the others and how they change eachother). And she sounds sexy. I do love curves, and especially big boobs (call me issei). The breast expansion coupled with the confidence in the sexiness in them ( like in ch. 08) and the way she accentuate them during the seducing fase is lovely.

Ella has an interesting potential. The way she's "bound" to the protagonist, the settling with the incubus nature makes it a lovely mix. Once again, she sound hot with her tallness and curves.

It would be be sexy for me (but please, write your story how you intend to) when there's a bit of "tug-o-war" going on. Of course, our protagonist would be the oh so poor victim of the advances of the ladies. A bit of jealousy to make it spicy, but not to much to give you diarrhoea.

I like the development of his abilities.

Can't wait for the next step. It's been so long since we've seen a new character though!

Good job as always.

@Dark_Raven

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts to words for me. This is immensely gratifying as a writer, especially given the genuinely constructive nature of your comments.

Re: the characteristics of the girls, I understand that everyone will have their favorites. This probably won’t shock you, but I happen to be a big tit fan. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy women with smaller breasts, but there's a bias there for sure. I've learned, as a reader, that writers will often write a certain kind of woman in their work, and in the past I’ve found that I needed to either get on board or read something else. I aim for a good amount of diversity, both of body and mind, but to put it bluntly, I'm not planning on changing the women's characteristics, body types, or progression from my plan. What I *will* say is that I’ll try to be reasonable in my approach. I've put out over 100k words of story at this point, and if you're still with me, then hopefully you can see something in my writing beyond body shape and character personalities.

Re: Christine, I'm sorry you feel she is such a blank. I suggest a reread of Chapter 8. It speaks to several of the points that you have made.

Re: Ianthe, I appreciate the praise, but you misinterpreted the business meeting phone call scene. All that was stated in that dialogue was that she needed his guidance. That doesn’t mean she needed him to show her how to do her business. I alluded to the fact that she had severe anxiety about going back to her former life in the real world without her master's guidance at the end of chapter 7. Her insecurity is heavily tied to her work and the real world. It does not mean that she is any less capable as a person at all (read chapters 9 and 11 as well for more evidence), but after ch 7 she is fragile on the inside, and would prefer to receive Adam's reassuring words and overall direction as she goes about her daily life.

Re: Vitae, I've received a few comments about this recently, and by and large, I'll respond by suggesting that readers not take Adam’s exact state of satiety too seriously. This is not a LitRPG. I'm not playing to some kind of meter where each and every time I write that he accepted Vitae from a woman he increases points by X amount, nor have I worked out some kind of point system where Power Y costs B points, and Power Z costs C. This is fiction, and though I've tried to set up mechanics of the way things work with his powers in the broad strokes, I'm probably going to fudge things here and there to keep the narrative going. Sorry if this flies in the face of anyone's expectations. Specific the points I’ve seen raised, however: a) the reader should assume there is coitus occurring "off screen" from time to time; Adam may be gaining Vitae from the lovers he's with (or others) between scenes; b) the time at the school was an exception. I tried to convey the point that he needed far more than necessary for that stage of transformation. c) I received a snarky comment recently in one of my older chapters about the discontinuity regarding the words of Elias (i.e. "most incubi need to feed substantially once per week") and how this doesn't make sense given how much he needs to feed in the story. To that person and anyone unable to read between the lines, that statement has a whole bunch of qualifiers, but the larger point is that it says nothing about how much Vitae USAGE this statement assumes.

Re: Too much sex. Again, your point is taken, but I wouldn’t expect a massive change in tone going forward. No one likes reading mundane, detailed sex scenes with characters who have already fucked before. This despite the fact that there are a great many stories on Lit that provide exactly that almost unceasingly (no disrespect). I like *writing* those kinds of stories even less. But look back on the actual sex scenes in the entire 100k words of this story. In every single one of them, I tried to use plot more than sex: Scene in the band room? Vitae and spoke to Christine's rising desperation. Scene with Christine at the park? Bonding, new sexual experiences (titfuck), and completely different atmosphere (e.g. massage and soul connection vice drunken hookup). Ianthe scenes? All to a purpose of dominance reinforcement; some not even actual sex (e.g. ch 9). Ch 11 kitchen scene revealed bond connection mechanics without resorting to simple exposition. Not every chapter has sex in it (there is zero sex in ch 1, 2, 4, 9 and 10, though 9 is something of a technicality), but sex WILL be a plot device in the future. Some chapters don't need sex. Some do.

Re: Jealousy, I appreciate your feedback. As I've stated, I feel this is a real thing, and needs to be addressed, even if it's somewhat toned-down by the bonds they share. I do plan to continue with this.

Re: side plots, this is a valid suggestion, and one I've considered, but I've stated this before and I'll reiterate here: the primary story is about Adam's transformative journey as an incubus pupa. It's one that is told through his relationships and gaining an understanding of his powers, not high adventure, mystery or intrigue. That's not to say that Adam won't experience bumps in the road, but most of his challenges have (and will) relate to a) his own conscience as he navigates the unfamiliar territory of building and managing a harem, b) his relationships with friends and lovers, and c) his nature as an incubus. Keep in mind that third one is pretty broad, so there are definitely some...tangents that I have considered that will take him out of his comfort zone.

Hopefully these responses do not push you or others away, but please understand that everyone has a preference with a tale, and while I endeavor to write quality stories, I need to write what *I* find stimulating and true to the concept I’ve built, or I will lose my edge. Perhaps it's what separates amateur writers from professionals - the ability to write about topics and themes that we don’t find interesting.

Thank you again for your thoughtful response.

Hey man love your stories when is the next one coming I can’t wait

Are you gonna post anymore? I hope so I enjoy this series.

Literally in the case of the last chapter! I really hope you can find your muse and continue with this great story, thanks for everything you've been generous enough to give us readers so far!!

Just thought I'd check in: Happy new year, hope you had a good holiday season, are doing well (or as well as can be done in a global pandemic), and all that. This story is one of my most anticipated updates on the site, and I hope you continue to enjoy writing it as much as I (and others) do reading it.

Looking forward to seeing the continuation to this amazing story you've crafted.

Happy Wednesday!

I have been waiting over 6 months bro. I need more. I strive for more.

Love The story but you teased the connection With Ella and left it hanging. Do we get A satisfying conclusion to this arc or is this series dead?

Likewise, really hope for a continuation, it's great stuff!

One of my favourite harem series, I love the characters you've created. Can't wait for more.

Definitely not too much sex for me, in fact I think you've struck a really nice balance. The plot is progressing at a nice pace, and the sex is well written and engaging. Dialogue, feelings, and actions all seem believable and grounded in context of the story too.

My only critique would be that you sometimes skip conversations or events that would help aid development but are mentioned in passing after the fact, eg, finding out about Ella/faye, initial discussion with Christine about moving in, etc. But I understand sometimes these don't fit the narrative you're creating, or can help with suspense.

Please finish this story. Thank you

Hoping for much more!!!

Christine is my new favorite!!!