All Comments on 'Independence Day - She objected'

A better personal finish than the original, but I liked the original version of leaving the country, reducing the money available to the errant wife and at least by implication disinheriting the children.

" I can't cook, clean, or wash my clothes"... This is obviously preposterous. He can do all these things. This "story" is poorly thought out and badly written.

Yes, the ending was a bit rushed. But this version has two creative elements I appreciated. The first was the POA angle with the kids (dang they were nasty in this version!)

The second was the medicine dosage. Did Josie manipulate the dosage to make him impotent so she could get some strange? We may never know, but the fact that we're pondering it-- that's the key, and a nice element to leave hanging.

I really liked that!

Enjoyed this ending better. This MC was never a willing cuck. 5*

The story idea was interesting, with a medical issue causing an issue with a marriage. This happens in real life, and often is not black and white. When a spouse becomes truly disabled, like with MS or ALS, what happens to the spouse? In this story the spouse is a bitch, IRL stories sometimes the disabled spouse tacitly supports something like this.

The problem with the story is obvious, that she saw herself above him. The kids bothered me,they are quite frankly cardboard cutouts. It is true adult kids would be horrified at the parents divorcing,but you never explain how they can be so one sided,..if they were this bad, he would have known long ago. The daughter especially is wacko land..and the spouses? If I saw my spouse act like the daughter did, there would be hell to pay.

There were legal and medical problems here:

- the doctor gave him too high a dose bc the wife insisted it was healthier? Any doctor doing that would lose their license. Not to mention the guy likely told the doctor he had ED, and doctor would review his meds. Sone BP meds are anti androgens, like spironoaldactone. The doctor would have figured out right away he needed to change his meds.

- a POA like the kids had can only be invoked if the dad is literally out of it, where doctors for example need to make medical decisions because he is clearly out of it. If claiming he is mentally unfit , there would need to be a hearing to determine his status before the POA is in force.

The way he was dragged to the hospital would trigger a shit storm, the cops involved, the hospital , would face massive lawsuits over basically kidnapping him. The lawyers for the family would likely end up being suspended or disbarred, if the judge through this action, itself illegal, he would refer them to the bar for disciplinary action.

I realize this is story but when a story goes way outside reality it is a problem.

I liked this. A better ending would have bumped this from a four to a five.

Hooked

In a competency hearing, the person whose competence is being challenged, must be represented by an independent attorney. The judge will make sure of that before the proceeding begins.

Blood pressure medication can play havoc with your sex life!

5

Never understood how the author wants her female protagonist to be understood? Irrespective of her not allowing husband when she denied, not only she wants to do adultery openly but also wants to stay married forcefully opposing di orce even violently through her daughter.

Could not place her in any type of woman who cheats or commit adultery openly butasks forgiveness to save marriage or remorseful accept divorce as effect of her acts.

And the daughter not only interferes in mother father matter (she never would have tolerated fathers interference in her matter) and plays eith mental and physical health of father violently?

And why didbith ladies want to avoid divorce? Some property angle or just to assert that they had right to fuck around? Even in that case, divorce would grant them right to fuck around. Right to fuck around while staying married forcefully!! What is that. Divorce is taken for reasons much less than adultery in name of irreconcilable differences?

Good story. Ending was too abrupt but 4* nonetheless.

A good alternate reality to a great story, but theres just not enough of it. Wife in effect poisons husband leading to his ED. Was it intentional? Did the kids know? What about the in-laws? Where's the closure with Rebecca who is clearly the only rational family member other than dad? This is a good start of a story, but theres too many unanswered questions for it to be the end of one.

The abrupt ending ruined it, also didn't Leo's wife say they were badgered into agreeing with Kristine. I remember seeing a better ending where Kristine's husband was tempted to dovorce her and she didn't know what to do, and he basically told her that's what she wanted

I really enjoyed this take on the story, but there needs to be some kind of punitive action against Josie and the family. Luke needs a 3 wood implanted in his temple, and then that body bag.

I prefer this to the original conclusion

"It turned out Josie had demanded the medication be kept at a high level, thinking it was better for my health." - No, she wanted it high to keep him unable to perform. giving her an "excuse" to cheat.

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I liked that the first one got the son and/or s-i-l understanding how Josie's attitude could impact their marriages.

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demander Re: the doctor, if he saw the doctor and cured his ED by changing the meds, she would have just found some other excuse.

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@Creeperclaw, yes, there needs more info on the how and why of the medication, and WTF was up with those kids.

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Where were Eric (Kristen's husband) and Rebecca (Leo's wife)?

Needs an Epilogue……

Ridicolous. Standard plot Wife-dumb-and-extrashelfiss-with ridicolous pretensess. Nothing new, a copy of already written stories. Ridicolous and boring

Everything was going well, but the very end things got a bit rushes. Some kind of a postscript with what happened to his ex wife and daughter, plus her lover would have been welcome. Plus a bit more about the new relationship and return to health. Just a suggestion. Otherwise I liked it.

I really liked that he didn't hesitate, but immediately stood up for himself. In that respect, it was a much better story.

That said, there are some issues. First, I feel you overdid it with a 7 year hiatus in their sex life. That's too big of a portion of their life for his wife to have conveniently forgotten about it. Had you kept it around the 3 year mark you started with, it would have been much more credible.

Second, having Kristine barged into a counseling session with zero repercussions or even threats of repercussions was unrealistic. The reality is that the receptionist would have already been on the phone with the police as a precaution as Kristine was clearly deranged.

Third, the legal maneuvering wasn't even plausible, much less credible. Sure, it was mostly fun, but it still hurt the story.

So, the story itself was a better version than the original but the ending, while nice, was not as good as the original. Thanks for the story.

So you took up on yourself to make an alt finish to a story and you left it unfinished? Bad move.

A well-told story that you could have made even better if you had expanded the ending a bit. What happens to the wife after the divorce and, above all, what reaction does his new "girlfriend" and his stabilized sexuality provoke? 4*!

Only thing missing was him sending a pic of his hard dick in his girlfriends mouth

I liked the ending of the original much better.

I enjoyed it, and gave it 5 stars. Yes I do agree the ending felt rushed, but it still "worked". As a heart attack survivor myself, my wife and I are still doing it too. A lot of it like mentioned in the story is medications. A little too much of one or two can make a huge difference in being able to "get it up". Myself I found the first 3 months were the worst as I had suffered a heart attack, followed by a stroke and then had a seizure. I also had trouble being able to stand without something to lean on/support myself. This was ALL from the combination of medications I was on (not everybody responds the same to certain drugs). My general practitioner told me that when you get discharged from the hospital, they give you max doses to make sure your body gets them into your system, and eventually they'll taper them off or down to lower doses (why the hospital makes an appointment with your GP as a follow up). Now 3 years later I take about half of what I was originally taking, and I also take a daily dose of Viagra to help lower my blood pressure (what it was originally designed to do). It also helps with our weekly sex activities too. ;-)

Like in the story, my wife and I dealt with her not wanting sex (due to menopause), and we worked thru it with lubes for dryness, having the ac on high for the "hot flashes", and slowly working her up to get her excited with oral sex. We didn't give up, and it didn't last 3 years either, as it was more like 7 to 10 years, as the menopause came on early for her (mid 40's), and my "widow maker heart attack hit me at 59.

So yes, I liked the story, but felt the original version hit a few things that were left out, like Luke was a predator and often stole the woman's money after their divorces, leaving them broke and heart broken. In the original version, the dad called a meeting at the table, and brought out ALL of the info on Luke, like the police looking for him in connection for a couple of deaths, and some money thefts to some of the women he had been seeing before he met the mother (Josie).

I've read several versions of this story, and in the one I described, the father got into his motor home with a Jeep attached and drove away once he was done speaking. In another version, he hooked up with a woman that had her own motor home and he had been working on getting it ready for road tripping, which is what they did. There are others of that story as well, so the ending while short, wasn't unexpected.

If you read enough of the stories on this forum, you can literally build a story with the cheating wife's lines of why she did it and or doesn't want a divorce, to how it happened (most seem to work for a lawyer or in a hospital, and met a doctor), and how good the sex was because the husband is working an ungodly amount of hours and is tired all the time, to the how of it ends, even the 750 word versions.

That said I like how writers like QHML1, or Other2other1 or Saddle Tramp 1956, or even Cindy TV or No Talent Hack will build up a story, adding the characters and some back story along the way, Throw in a plot twist or two, then build some more on the story, creating the real cause of the break down and then work on the resolution. Some are working on making it subtle, while others like SuperStang 06 have a cute red head jump him and then they get in the Mustang and drive off into the sunset or at least it seems like that. It's almost telegraphing how it'll end. I'll admit, yours didn't do that, but you knew the divorce was going to go thru eventually. Whether or not the kids would do some jail time was another story.

You did a great job formulating an alternative ending to Big Guy's original story. I liked it and voted a 5. Thanks for sharing!

An interesting story but one I've big problems with. The wife's a bitch, the kids are all under her influence. He can't perform due to his low blood pressure from his medicine, so his wife, using that excuse, commits adultery for her satisfaction. But it's let out that SHE wanted him on the large amounts of the BP meds that forced the case. What type of doctor would do that for a mentally aware patient?

Then there's all the stuff his wife & daughter did to stop the divorce, of course blaming his ego. To not repeat, I pretty much agree with what "njlauren" wrote below on her comments. The entire story is so fucked up I wonder why a lot was actually put in the story; did the author not know some basic facts?

To have some leeway in writing is acceptable, even with making things happen that wouldn't in real life. After all, it's the author's story. But when almost the entire story is making the unbelievable or impossible to happen consistently,, the story ceases to be good. As such, thinking about all this, I have to give it 2 stars. Bob

now that's a happy ending !!

Enjoyed reading this!

Too stupid for words. Hell, in 1950, before the elderly or mentally ill had any rights, this process was nearly impossible without multiple doctors, hearings, medical evidence, and the subject having appointed counsel. Now, MC would've had a court-appointed attorney, an ad litem, to represent him. Come on, California, Oregon, and Washington state are full of homeless drug addicts and mentally ill people because it's so hard to declare someone unable to care for themselves. Before you hang your whole story on this, check the billions of legal pages on the Internet. Sheeeesh...

A worthy followup plot idea, with a decent execution. You did report what happened, rather than letting the characters tell their own parts of the story. More complicated and longer, but A Lot more dramatic and compelling. I was curious why the cuck husband never asked the whore wife during the counseling sessions if she was still fucking her boy toy. And a power of attorney can be revoked immediately my verbal request. It also would have been interesting to find out what the whore wife did after the divorce. There was A Lot of potential drama and consequences left unexplored. Maybe later. Thanks for the effort.

The ending was both rushed and unfulfilled, and legal errors were rampant. I came close to awarding three stars, but went with four because of the unique take on it.

JPB

Four stars.

Good story. Fast start.

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Selfish woman. Kids that should mind their own business.

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Only thing I thought was missing was the 2nd judge applying more significant consequences to the attorney and his clients for the "naked attempt" to use the POA. If not some follow up action like fines, paying court costs, or jail time, at least an immediate ass reaming would have be good.

Good overall, but the ending was too abrupt.

A very enjoyable read, well done. 5*****

I think it was a good story with a bit of a different take.

There was one idea that you advanced concerning the over medication. I do know that this does happen all too frequently, but what stumps me as to why the doctor had not previously corrected the over dose as the evidence was already there that it was too strong (the too low blood pressure was an easy find).

Thank you for the story.

Never understood stories where kids are so depraved, onesided and mc is not happy about it. I mean, you raised them, didn't you? How come you've never seen it earlier, how come you've never tried to fix it?

FANTASTIC alternate ending!!!

Congratulations1 5 stars from here ;)

Great story, yes it was exaggerated, but so what? I have seen many strange things with families, especially if money is involved.

Hear hear!!! as a medicated senior on Blood pressure, prostate and depression meds... I CAN think and make decisions about myself!!!

The original was good, but I like this version better. In the original Ray stay ONE FULL YEAR as his wife fucks another man. No husband would ever put up with such blatant disrespect and purposeful humiliation.

Kirsten is a horrid monster. Her husband would have to be brain dead to stay with such a woman. The rest of Ray's family are barely any better

Great job as usual!

Damn good but some people needs some pain.

Thought you could have fleshed it out more. I take it that he never saw the kids again?

Great ending change to this story.

A very good read. Actually, I wish it was longer. I would have liked to have seen that the letter from Josie to Ray where she begged him not to get his “needs” met outside of their marriage be much more of a factor . I don’t. know exactly how, but I’m quite sure it could be done after a bit of thought.

Of course this is fiction, but I still empathized with Ray. Some years ago I suffered from Hypertension, I was put on one medication which helped considerably. Then another medication was added to my regimen. Not that long ago, my BP was so low that my doctor cut one med. in half, then eliminated it entirely. I was still getting very low readings. So the same thing was done with the second med. I keep a close watch on my BP, and it still kind of low. Needless to say, I’m very happy about it.

I think you ejected this story prematurely, nevermind the pun. The end is abrupt and nothing is given about the consequences of divorce on family and the wife. I think that deserved some more thoughts and elaboration in the plot. I liked the description of brutal aggression against the guy, this is likely more like a real situation. When you are down and out others would be kicking you harder, even your own family sometimes.

Very stupid quick finish.

Guessing he doesn't have family anymore

A good story, and a good alternate ending to a great original, but it feels rushed. While I like the direction you tried to go (and prefer it to the original where he remains married for a full year before doing anything about her cheating) your story comes to an abrupt ending too soon. I would have loved to see it stretched out. In the original, Luke and his daughter-in-law have a good relationship, and she shows remorse for what is happening, and while his relationship with his son-in-law isnt as close, he tries to mediate the situation because he realises that if his wife is okay with her mum doing it to her father, whats to stop her doing it to him. What happens to them in yout story? His wife and children play prominent roles as villains, but what about his in laws? You've written a good story, with and ending I prefer to the original, but theres just not enough of it, and too many unanswered questions for it to be truly great.

Enjoyed the story. Thanks for the follow up tale.. Thanks for your writing.

It's hard to take antagonists seriously when they are so cartoonishly evil.

Interesting direction for the story. The story felt rushed and a little superficial. You left several loose threads that would have helped the story. For example, if the meds were causing problems, why did the wife insist on the stronger dosage? Also, why were the kids so adamant about the divorce? Was the POA their idea, or the wife? Things like that.

So top plot point is his doctor should not have a license.

Excellent. Well written.

Five stars

Well d go be but the end was rushed. Would have loved to hear about the kids and wife after...

There should have been more on the consequences for the wife and daughter.

You ain’t go after them kids was a waste

C'mon. The kids are in the middle of the parents in a divorce? Farcical...

Ok, I guess I'm too old to suspend the reality of if I EVER had the temerity to tell my father how he should treat my mother. I would be part of a plaster wall. I mean, seriously, is this how people let their children behave in reality? "Sure, son, tell ME how to fuck my wife while I keep feeding you Ho Hos and Red Bull..." No fucking wonder America is this ratchet. THE BEST outcome for this family, would have been that the State took over these monsters they've raised. Because it would definitely happen when they went to jail for whatever violent felony they end up being charged with were they to continue as a 'family'. I'm sorry, it's just sooo fucking offensive to my 20th century mindset: that children would be so coddled as to be allowed to have voiced opinions in "grown folks'" business. It's repugnant @ss sh!t that somehow seems lost on the majority of commenters.

They are banning all kinds of intellectually provocative literature by people trying to make sense of the world, but this inane drivel is allowed without even a cursory glance?! WOW

Wanted to read about more fallout for the traitorous bitches.

I liked the original. I also liked this as well. This was probably better in my opinion. It would definitely been better if you had expanded the story with conversations between family members and very definitely what happened after. All in all a really good tale. Looking forward to seeing more of your writing. BardnotBard

Loved it but could be improved with more on the original family and fallout.

I say this alot and feel another 1/2 of page or more would've tied this up. At the very end, it felt like it just went from 0-100 in an instant and should've expanded on the outcome of the divorce. (not saying another chapter but maybe an epilogue)

Unsatisfying to the nth degree. The children pull and illegal stunt lime that and there is no repercussions? No ending? No fallout? You want us to be satisfied with the fact that he can still have sex? 2* based on the rushed and lacking ending.

Looks to me as though there were 2 attacks on his heart.

The daughter seems to have inherited her mother's personality, only worse. More exploration - or explanation - of the father's relationship with each of the kids would have been interesting.

Thanks for the interesting story. 5*

A medical POA gives one the power to make medical decisions in the event of one’s incapacitation. It does not permit the holder to declare one to be incapacitated; that requires multiple examinations by one or more medical professionals. Otherwise, lots of evil, selfish children would seize their parents’ assets on a regular basis using this trick as depicted in the story. POA’s can be revoked by the principle party through legal representation with appropriate witnesses and a notary. So this story is a bit of a stretch. But otherwise it’s a good read. Four stars.

Story was well written but the medical, doctor and medication aspects and some of the legal goings on seem pretty sketchy to me. Also, why the family was so pro mom and anti dad need better explaining. Count me in believing the story needed a better full fledged ending explaining what happened to the family and to the mom/Luke relationship.

3 stars

Kinda just stopped. No ending. Would have liked to read more.

Great job. Well done. As a survivor of a significant heart attack taking 10 different medications for a year after the damage, the drugs while protecting the heart significantly affect increased ED which for me had never been an issue before. Now that the medications have been tapered down, things are back to normal. Some comments suggest that this effect is overblown or impossible. It is not, and as such, the story is even more compelling.

Great job

Your best so far,

A very nice story!

Great variation of the original. Too short though. I’d very much like to see it extended.

Hmm why did he never tell he’s kids about there mother forcing there doctor to up he’s ACE meds she knew what she was doing if the kids had known I not sure the kids would of backed there mother at all. Think there should of been a lot more to this story that never got told

A lot of loose ends

5 stars from Xluckylee

It was earning a five until the quick and unfulfilling ending. The wife needed to be challenged for forcing his dosage so high that his Willy couldn’t get the blood it needed. Did she do it on purpose to have an affair? The daughter needed to hear that her mother caused the ED so she could play around. I like your writing, but a hurried and incomplete ending is disrespectful to the readers. Sorry: 5 ended up a 3.

A lot of loose ends. The ending wasn't really an ending.

Not an ending, so why bother?

Sorry, I preferred the original storyline.

This story was too quick and jumped all over the place.

"It turned out Josie had demanded the medication be kept at a high level, thinking it was better for my health."

Explain how a wife, without the patient's permission got a doctor to change his prescription? Dr. should lose his license or be suspended.

How could he reestablish a relationship with his daughter? Lousy ending.

A 3 downgraded from a four. He had a problem with his sexual act, and nobody asked if it was his medicine. More importantly, hubby, seemingly, didn’t go to his doctor to find out any possible cures.

The wife was happy to have her boy toy help her sexually, also happy to be cheating on her husband. Evidently, she never asked if it could be medicine related. The children, where is bad off as she was, wanting to force him into a marriage That became not one.

That the wife and daughter would do all kind of things to not only stop the divorce, but get him grounded, so to speak, shows that they are really sub human beings. Thankfully, the judge was a thinking man and then for for their bullshit,

However, the author really did not finish the story as we don’t know what happened with his new meeting and his new apartment. Did they marry? Did they just remain friends with benefits? And what happens with the two bitches that were his wife and daughter? And then he future relationship they had with their father/husband. Bob

Very little satisfaction after a lot of shenanigans. Why make these over-the-top asshole family members, and then have them just drift out of the story after their latest (possibly criminal) stunt was thwarted? Thing is, if enough love isn't shown to your endings, the last thing the readers are left with is an unsatisfied feeling, and that's what the story generally gets associated with.

ALL the family needed to be taught manners in an extremely painful manner

Terrible ending. Did you leave a kettle on and had to finish it quickly? Nothing about the fallout, just old people boning.

Anti-climatic.... should have had a nice little package to delivery to the family as to the their involvement where they legally should not have been, something like mischievous influence creating emotional damage. I agree with others...

The idea that it wasn't REALLY a plot to cheat or do "indecent proposal", but instead a ploy to logically corner the husband into admitting that there was no reason to wait to start a family, is very interesting. She showed bad judgment but was not going to cheat: now she has a real problem on her hands. That's a cool angle. I'd like to see that explored more.

Please disregard prior comment! Wrong window: it was for another story.

Neatly tied-up tale. Known families just like that.

Between three stars and four; I settled on four. The ending was rushed and incomplete. There should have been consequences to the family, based on his new love and sexual capabilities. BTW, even his new capabilities would be inadequate for Jodie; just sayin'. Four stars.

The whore and her child needed a good backhand. Beat them until they understand. Jail is worth it

I can't believe that lover boy could walk out of the house on his own. And the daughter should have had a big handprint on her cheeks for her spouting such vileness.

It was an okay story, but the ending felt rushed and left out a lot of questions that needed to be answered.

Some explanation of why the daughter was such a cunt would have been helpful. Her character was just evil, nothing else. In what world would a wife be able to keep her husband's medication at a high level without his knowledge and consent? Then there was the drag race to the end. An interesting basis but poorly executed.

I'm guessing he disowned his kids. I mean with kids like that who needs enemies lol

Yeah that drug thing was a huge hole. That doesn't happen unless they are in a coma or unconscious awaiting emergency surgery well and a court order. But he would have been informed of the court order

I'm surprised they didn't have Luke use the force to stop the divorce...........Oh yeah, he was just a gigolo not a jedi knight. Guess his light saber only worked on cheating whores. As for the "children"......well some divorces allow for losing all the dead weight from your life. Best to make a clean start without all the baggage. No whore, no harpies, no beta males. Sounds like a good start.

Unimpressive. Children were over the top. Since when do spouses get to decide dosage over a doctor? My sarcasm wants to ask, "You call that an ending?"

This really could have gone longer. There are points that deserve more explanation. There’s also one decent sized hole: Lindsey witnessed Leo using force against his father and called him on it. Lindsey should have immediately requested a protective order against Josie, Kirsten, and Leo for hostile behavior and threats against a man known to have cardiac issues.

Alas, this story, while good in some ways, had a lot of holes in its context - as raised by other in previous comments.

In the original story, the MC had amended his Will - this story simply overlooked it completely.

Yes, the story should have been longer to sort out the his kids appalling behavior, especially Kirsten.

Where's the ending? Too rushed. That prevents me from giving it a 5.