All Comments on 'Infall Ch. 09 - END'

I LOVED this. Thank you for continuing to post it.

I tried to like this story.

This story is not about Atlantis.

This story is not non-con.

This story is not BDSM.

Indya comes across as a childish simpleton, and the men are just magical dicks.

I'm glad you finished posting it until the end. Thanks for sharing this story with us.

I LOVED IT! Who cares which category. I really look forward to reading your stories. You're one of the most imaginative and original authors on the site. You just keep creating and ignore the critics. LOL

I’ve noticed you made a couple comments about poor feedback on this story so I just want to say thank you for posting and I absolutely love it. I think it’s a really interesting and accurate exploration of the interaction between people raised in two different societies. The men seem like assholes from our POV because they are from a patriarchal society, but they are clearly good people. Indiya is very clearly not a childish simpleton, you’ve shown numerous times how intelligent and emotionally intelligent she is and I loved her as the female lead.

I loved this story, the world you create, and especially the characters. Thank you! ❤️

Harp, I love your stories. They stand out from anything else published on Literotica. They are rich, layered, nuanced, and literate. The vocabulary is a nice touch, as is the progression of Indya’s speech as she learns her new language. I hope that you keep writing for a long time. Many thanks.

This is a great story ❤️❤️

What a great storyline and characters, they all seemed so real

I think to simply ignore the critics is a silly thing to do. To grow as a writer, one must learn from feedbacks. Granted, not all feedbacks are constructive or valid but I think you are smart enough to differentiate between the good ones and the trolls. Anyway, as I mentioned before, Indya is endearing, and in this last chapter, you managed to make me like the two Ris much more. I realised that I was more emotionally attached to other male leads in your tales when you've written from their perspectives. Having the insights into your characters' inner thoughts make the bonds that much stronger.

I like this story very much, although I doubt a solar flare could push human civilisation back that much. To me, that's a plot hole but I will ignore it as I like how the story turned out, it's only funny when the land below is that ignorant.

Thanks for story, it was a fun read.

So I love all your stories. Always have. But DANGGGG making me laugh and cry, you fatada individual! This was great. Like great great. You are super appreciated. 😘

Such an interesting story! I really enjoyed it. I will say I agree that it isn’t really a story about Atlantis, more Atlantis adjacent. Wonderful nonetheless. The characters are well developed, even the dogs and horses. You managed to breathe life into Indya’s friends although they weren't present often. I’d say this needs to be a novel. There’s so much to explore! I was a little disappointed that they never actually visited a city. It would have been great to see Indya more in her element, describing, explaining and trying to activate old “mechanisms.” But I felt, at the end, you had run out of steam. It was all a bit rushed, and that Alonso part seemed a little thrown in for plot convenience. There were also many time jumps between chapters and sections that were very abrupt and sometimes confusing.

So, a couple of comments:

1) There is a huge difference between technical knowledge and actually building something. For example, you can know how a house is built - all the manpower required, all the different skills necessary, all the quantities of materials, the timeline, etc., but that doesn’t mean you can actually build a house with your own hands or even design it well on paper. Her ability to make a microscope, telescope and cannon seemed very far fetched, especially considering she wasn’t a mechanical engineer, designer or physicist. It would have made more sense if you had explained how Atlantians chose their work when they came of age. Are they trained to take their parents’ places, are they screened somehow at some age to find their aptitude then trained in that field, or are they genetically altered to be slated into an empty slot of work? If she was slotted somehow to be a mechanical engineer or physicist, then her training would have accounted for some very specific technical knowledge needed to actually build these devices. Which leads to a second point:

2) Designing and building a cannon, making ammunition and manufacturing gunpowder is very, very difficult… And considering she was from such a long-time peaceful society, it seems odd she would know how to do it. To me, a counterweight trebuchet would have made more sense. Basic physics used, simple design, could be quickly designed and built, has a further reach than a catapult, and it’s very destructive. Plus, it fell more in line with the genre of things she was building. Gunpowder seems too extreme.

3) Going backwards, in terms of family, it would have been helpful to get to know Indya’s family and a bit more about how the ship functions as a whole before Indya left. That way, you had more of an idea where she was coming from and who she missed. And, I thought it odd she never considered that someone else would have been knocked off of the ship when it fell. Another pod. Also, at some point, the Ri’s father said he would tell Indya about the Ris’s mother, but never did. I think this would have helped developed them more as characters. Honestly, I’m not even sure there needed to be twin brothers. I don’t really see the need for it beyond sexual fantasy. I didn’t see the need for it. But I’m on the fence about that one.

4) “So-called ‘killer flares’ do not exist and although solar flares can significantly disrupt the technological world, they don't contain enough energy to do any lasting damage to Earth itself.” "Even at their worst, the sun's flares are not physically capable of destroying Earth," NASA says. May 17, 2022 Not that you said they destroyed it, but outside of knocking out a lot of satellites, I don’t see how they could completely cripple earth. An asteroid seems dumb, and I’m assuming they are too advanced to be destroyed by global warming events or war. Maybe a crazy earthquake + aftershocks + tsunamis?

5) Finally, (and I don’t think I’ve EVER said this…), it needed a bit more drama. There needed to be a bigger or overriding plot - a slow build to something greater. Without it, everything just sort of worked out all the time with a couple of bumps, and it made the story fall flat. Maybe something that ties it all back to Atlantis or the encrypted songs from the beginning of the story. Maybe in the city she finds a way to communicate with Atlantis. Or, when they travel to a further land on the boat, they discover a more advanced society that’s been squirreled away somewhere. Idk, I’m no story teller. 😂

But I don’t want this to seem negative. It’s a great story, the characters are likable and consistent, and Indya is a fantastic, strong willed heroine. I think she stays true to herself as do the other characters. You have an amazing imagination. I just thought I would throw my 2 cents in there.

This is the first time I have posted a comment. I have read every story that you have posted, even the ones that have been removed and published. I have loved every single one. You are a great author and don’t deserve the criticism given by some readers. Readers should remember that this is fiction. No one should tell you how to rewrite your plots or characters. These stories are unique because they come from you and your imagination. I have enjoyed all of them and this one just might be my favourite. I couldn’t stop reading. I loved all the characters. I thought it was great that Kathya and Zen, as twins were so individual.

I was wondering if indya could contact her family with the earpiece if she was near the ocean.

I live at the bottom of the world in Tasmania. Just thought you might like to know how far your stories go. I will keep checking regularly for new stories. Thanks Harp

I am never ever Ever disappointed with your creativity. These worlds, characters, languages, you create. I am AlWays hooked and engrossed from the very beginning. I did not know what to expect from the summary and the back and forth translation I had to do in the beginning but it was fabulous!! Got used to the language very quickly and the sweetness of your female characters and her chemistry with the MCs are always so so enjoyable. Wow forgive me if I’m remembering incorrectly (I’d be upset at myself too because I love every other story) but is this our first MMF?! Love it. Can’t wait for your next series, published and here!

I didn’t understand your notes about criticism/feedback but as I skimmed through comments, I see. While I did wonder throughout if we were going to meet her family or have a reunion of sorts, I didn’t mind at the end that we didn’t or that much of the world was left unexplored. As much as I would love for this novel to go on forever so we do touch on everything thoroughly, I enjoy your stories for what they are; the relationship, lives and roles of the main characters. Their details are enough. I look forward to more MMF material, you did a great job sharing and splitting the focus.

Another amazing tale produced in record time with lots of incredible depth. I expect nothing less from your writing and I am never disappointed. Make sure you keep having fun with sexy tales when the mood strikes, so that fun might spill onto lit :D

You should know how good you are by now, but just in case you don't, your lit ratings will always speak to it and remind you there is always an audience for your writing that will continue to expand when you let it. MWA~!

This is my favorite of your stories and if you turned it into a full book I would buy it.

As someone who read through this entire story all at once, I'll be quite honest I'm confused by the fact that you received such criticism. The plotting in this was so tightly woven, and i genuinely enjoyed binging every word of it. Looking forward to whatever comes next from you.

I love all your stories and this is no exception. Thanks so much for your wonderful writing

Jeez - ignore the overcritical comments! So digging your MMF stories!

Lovely story - I so enjoyed it. So romantic. I love the brothers sharing a wife thing.

Please keep writing your stories!

Harp, I loved it. Along with Clans of Luterati, Fearsome and The Huntsman and the Nix- one of my favourites. xx

Reading these posted series, I almost committed the crime of forgetting about the Vanata series. The worlds you create with their own lexicons. 10/10

I haven't finished reading yet, but I wanted to comment so I wouldn't forget: honest to god this is one of your best stories. I'd say it is your best but then I remember the vanata one and the siren one. Your world-building is so good, but this is on another level because it's not even world-building, this world didn't require that much to make, in the sense it's just post-apocalyptic society devolution. But the way the way the people interact, the way indya acts and thinks is so good and smart and believable is just so exciting. Your research and knowledge of technology is fantastic. I don't know how accurate her broken English is to someone learning, but it's perfectly seamless and works 100%. Honestly, and I hope you won't be offended, I've started skipping the sex scenes entirely to get back to the story. This is more a reflection of me than you but at this point I'm not even reading for erotica the story is Just That Good. You are a fabulous writer and I don't know how long this is but this should be published as a sci-fi novel with erotic elements. I could read about all the problems indya has to deal with in this world for the rest of her life. Although I've no doubt you'll reach a natural conclusion by the end. Like, I don't usually comment but I am Excited. This comment isn't a comprehensive list of all that makes this story great, I'm sure others can do a better job than I can. I could keep going, but I've gotta go. Thank you so much for sharing this.

JESUS, I HAVE READ 3 OF YOUR STORIES IN GREAT SUCCESION. Each one getting me more engrossed than the previous 2! 😭 I love how your mind wander and us getting a peak into your wonderful tales

I have enjoyed every single story that I have read, but really enjoyed this one for the relationships you describe. Indra is delightful, dealing with a horrible situation and educating a nation. I love the thought a strength of the characters’ voices. Never stop writing, even if the weirdos get you down, as I read several prefaces that indicated negative feedback. What doesn’t work for some, will almost certainly work for others. Loved, loved this story.

What a great story. I wish it would never end!