by Regguy69
All that build up and a rushed ending. Could have been amazing instead meh.
Hated it; but it's a well written story. Realistic twist. But "fixing your MC up" ending is cheap and unsatisfying. Gave it 4.
I'm surprised he was trusting her without verifying. She was finding guys when she was supposed to be working at a school?
Ok story. Felt kinda rushed.
A 20+ year marriage ends with Oh shit. It just sorta happened. I'm sorry.???
Yes, it often happens that in the middle of our lives, partners no longer have the same aspirations, the same desires, the same projects.
Agree with other comments, the ending is rushed.
The epilogue is only a few lines long and it makes the end of this marriage appear simple, emotionless, cold.
I really liked the “eating roasted puppies” image as a line that should not be crossed.
For me there was a lack of emotion at the end. She "loved" him but the marriage ended with a whimper.
What did their kids have to say? What life did she have after divorce? Did the kids disown her? Amy's husband had warned her - what did he think? So many things left unfinished. However, I still gave 4 stars for the majority of the story.
Great story! Tge wife got what she deserved. She was given a second chance and blew it.
Good story, 4****, but how could hubby not insisted that she have zero to do with Amy which essentially meant that they would move. I get it that it's not easy insisting on anything with one's wife, but this was a disaster waiting to happen, which sadly is exactly what happened. Plus, to get 5 stars, Amy needed to suffer some pain.
You cheated us all of the good stuff. I for one would appreciate Cindy not getting off without shit from kids. Jim needs to beat the shit out of Ted who in turn divorces Amy. This is a definite redo and I ask please. At least let Cindy catch Herpes.
Not too sure about this one. I think that after the first little probe into changing the rules of their marriage it was all over bar the shouting. I would guess that he should have burned them both to the ground but it isn't nice to hurt mentally challenged people. Too bad he had children with her, I hope they are doing well at the out reach home.
The whole storyline was going somewhere but in the end, it crashed and burned... This could have been a nicely done story but we were shortchanged... Cindy becoming a slut like her mentor, Amy. There was no real revenge against Any or his ex-wife, Cindy, just a divorce and a simple goodbye, I guess. This is in need of another chapter...only 3 stars for an incomplete tale of influences, trust, and fidelity...
Seriously? Within 6 months he’s shacked up with the first woman to pay him attention and he marries her?
What fucking tool. No wonder she cheated on him.
Boring. Realistic. I don’t read here for realistic stories; I’m looking for sexy entertainment. I will avoid this author.
Loving wives women are always so stupid lol. Enjoy your new life now Cindy, alone and sad that no one will ever love you again.
That’s why you never give a cheater a second chance it will always come back to bite you in the ass
less than half a story gets less than half a score
I'd have taken a knife to Amys face and let her know I had done to her what she had done to my wife, made it so every time someone looked at her their stomach turned
not a fan of the abrupt ending without word on whether the ex ended up happy slutting or was miserable
I'm beginning to wonder if LIT authors honestly believe that wives are inherently stupid and incapable of rational thought. I mean seriously, his wife understood their marriage was on the line and she still fell under the influence of Amy again down the track.
Next, their next door neighbors are not receiving any crap from her husband especially, when Amy is obviously pushing her values on his wife?
The story did end too quickly, almost as if the author became bored with the story and just provided a quick exit with no repercussions.
While acknowledging this story is only fiction, it is still portraying a possible reality and therefore, the outcome of the wife's transgressions, the recrimination of her children for behaving so outrageously, would have a huge impact on her choices.
(Stepping off my podium now).
@Lecheman, it may be that you're confusing the baying pack in LW to the rest of Lit. The audience here responds well to certain stereotypes and tropes so authors tend to give them what they want, or to leave lit altogether, as Matt Moreau did.
It's not a requirement that you write simplistically, as many of the top 50 authors, especially Todd172, prove. However it does make for good scores irrespective of the quality of writing if that's what you're aiming for.
I enjoy some of the authors but tend to hang in Romance more these days. Or on that other site. :)
Cheaters all think they can get away with it but in reality all it takes is a loose word and the loose cheats gets caught. Well worked story, 5* for me.
This was going along just fine then sort of if just stumbled to a quick bland ending.
This was doing well, then such an abrupt shift right at the end is like you got the the last bit and just decided you where fed up with this story and finished it as far as possible. The rest was looking to be a decent story.
Good story, nice beginning, you rushed the final last three paragraphs. Only a 4* for the overall content.
Agree with Karn9, you rushed through the back half. As a result, I didn't feel anything when it blew up. I did like the twist of how he found out about here cheating, although he'd have to be clueless to ever let his guard down.
Was a very good story but you kinda zapped the ending.
Also a 4*. But it was well written.
Good story and good writing. But you left the story unfinished. What happens to the slut former wife? What are her regrets? How did the former husband really deal emotionally with the end of his 20 year marriage? This is screaming for a part 2. So as I say way too often in LW.....FINISH THE DAMN STORY!!!!!
Is it an American thing that peppers a lot of stories here, hubby says “I didn't want to dance, but I didn't want to be rude.” If you don’t want to dance don’t fucking dance, this nonsense of being polite…well look where that gets you.
Built up an intro then stopped. What husband trusts a wife after she has crossed a line.
I'm kinda worried that Bill accepted her apology for kissing and being rude to his feelings. Now that makes sense that Snake shows its ways of thinking. He should have kicked her to curb when she over stepped and argued on the same. Now he was pained and be fooled for his kindness.
After all that drama all he gets out of her is “I’m sorry” no tears, no regrets and no remorse which just proves she was a disaster waiting to happen. It appears the phrase ‘Modern Woman’ is what was referred to as a ‘Slut’ in happier times and whilst it’s a truism that word usage changes over time the core meaning remains the same.
Cindy came out of her cheating scott free. She won. Hubby lost. She stuck a stick up his ass, and he accepted it.
Whoa - I feel like I just got slammed into a wall going 75 mph. You had a very good story going there, well- characterized, well-plotted and well-written. Then it just abruptly ends. No emotion, no confrontation, no payoff for having read that far. The story became bloodless and lifeless - just suddenly “we got divorced” with no more feeling or pain or regret than if Bill and Cindy bought a used car. WTF?? This is lazy writing. It reads like you got bored with your story and so you bailed. Look up “denouement”. Write one.
1 star - this story is just not my kind of story - especially the 'open marriage' idea.
The instant the SLUT tried to convince the idiot husband to let her fuck other guys - was the end of the marriage.
Plus the dialog sucked, and the plot was pretty thin - there was no flow to the words.
It was going great until the ending.
Seems @Regguy69 ran out of ideas on how end this story. It was beginning to get tense when hubby confronted Cindy and then quickly the tension dropped and story ended. Nice work @Regguy but it coukd have been more. Thiugh I don't care about the cheater's POV but naybe Cindy's POV might fikl sone gaps
Had to laugh at the comments. You fleshed out the angst your main character felt. Your MC was in an untenable situation. He could not control his wife (nobody can) and keep her from cheating and he could not live with cheating. He thought she'd got herself back into the marriage and when he found out she hadn't he cut her loose.
Yeah, the confrontation could have been a bit longer. Maybe her getting angry or even be contrite for a few minutes. Nothing from the family about it. Just they were polite at family functions. I docked you one point for that and gave you a 4.
These same readers give a whiff of a good story that is half finished a great score.....
What was that? A race to see how fast you could finish the story? It was going great until the quick end. 3 stars.
Like others mentioned. Was going great until the rushed ending. Maybe a rewrite to expand on it ?
Anyway 4 from me
I don't know what it is about this story, but it really got under my skin. 5*****! What a foolish woman. When she cozied up by the fire and had a make out session with another man, she was cheating and the marriage was dead. It was just a matter of time.
And I thought the ending worked. He learned the truth and the marriage ended as quickly as the story.
I want Ted to feel some of this pain and Amy too. Ending was a little rushed. What did the kids think? Always like your stories.
Some complain the ending was rushed, I don't see that as a problem. However, as soon as Cindy pulled out the don't be a prude, so I kissed a guy so what, you don't own me, it was clear that the spouses had different ideas and feelings about what a marriage meant. The marriage was dead. She shouldn't have easily had a second chance and if she did Bill should not have been trusting her so as to be blindsided by her cheating. The story went on longer than makes sense to me. I gave it 3 stars.
Interesting read. Yes, I would have like to see how you handled the end. It however really wasn't needed as this isn't the first story like this I've read. It does however give the story a a unemotional feel.
I liked it. Not the ending I would like but we can't always get what we want. 4-stars.
C'mon dude.... wrote a decent build-up, then just fizzled it to an absolutely dry abrupt and boring end.
It was good, but you rushed the ending.
There should've been a much more emotional confrontation when he found out she'd been seducing into being a slut.
Also, most cheaters are self-centred assholes. Despites his puppy analogy, Cindy didn't see what she was doing as disgusting or wrong. So when Bill dropped the hammer, she should've been begging him for forgiveness and not to "throw away their marriage"... the usual cheater's bullshit.
I liked the ending too, but again it was rushed. You should've written about the Donna romance, then them getting together. The first meeting between the ex-wife and her younger replacement always makes for a great scene.
I'd like to add I find quite interesting what Cindy's daughter and daughter -in-law relationship would be like? Will they have alone girls time together? Will their husbands limit their wives' interaction with Cindy thinking Cindy' might be a bad influence to them. I kinda get worried if I'm one of the husbands as the wonenn are more curious about this matter and Cindy might unconciously convey the fun in having multiple men and it might plant some bad longings in the wives. Man, I can feel the revulsion Bill had felt. Also it is interesting to know if Cindy continued the lifestyke with Amy and did she have threesome with Ted and Amy?
It's a shame to be influenced by a worthless slut. But it sounds like he found a good faithful woman.
See? This is why i don't go to neighborhood barbecues.
Anyshits, the only thing more limp-dicked than Bill was this ending. Out of nowhere, knowing what Bill would do if she cheated, Cindy just spontaneously fucks some dudes with Amy. No drinking, no build-up, no narrative for the 2 year gap betwwen Bill's ultimatum and Cindy's fucking around at The Fremont.
Although I graded this 4 stars, towards the end, the story took a bit of a dive. Around & after the divorce, more give & take in discussions, maybe Cindy trying unluckily to stop ending the marriage. A bit more during the family functions with them talking. I'm not implying a page or so, but a couple paragraphs would help the story.
Meeting his PA's daughter & from there was too quick. Well, that's the way I see it. Still, the 4 stars. Bob
I think Amy and Ted needed a little "enlightening" as the root cause of her POV change, but ultimately it was her choice and the pull of skankhood was too strong for her.
Last dew paragraphs turned onto a rush job.
Something bad should happen to Amy and Carol.
Terrible ending... how about... Bill decided not to be even an unknowing cuck. He invited Bill and Amy over for dinner one night. About half way through the evening six masked me entered. They overpowered Amy, Ted and Cindy while Bill looked on and grinned. "What is happening Bill?" Cindy cried in fear. "You whores like fucking so much I decided to make it a wonderful evening for you. By the way Ted, you're such a sissy I decided you'd like getting fucked too. Four of these men are straight and two are gay. I don't think any of you will be walking very well by the end of the weekend." "No Bill, please, I don't want this. It is degrading." Cindy cried. Bill laughed. "Yeah skank slut, like you've been degrading me. Welcome to the party." By the end of the weekend the three pieces of trash had been fucked so many times they couldn't count. They were completely used. Cindy cried and cried when Bill then had her served with divorce papers and kicked her diseased pussy to the curb. Her life in ruins, she moved in with Amy and Ted but shortly after, Ted divorced Amy and the women were forced to turn tricks to get by. They both ended up with a wide range of STD's and shitty lives.
The build up was great and roling along nicely . And then in a flash it was all over .
What happened around their divorce ? No arguing , pleading , refusing to sign the papers ?
And after the divorce ? Nothing ? None of the family offering opinions or trying to get them back together .
Nothing from Amy or Ted ?
Total lack of drama right at the end .
Like you couldn't wait to get published and start a new unfinished story .
3 * only .
Unfortunately rushed endings are a rampant, out of control disease on this site. Writers, please take the time to think of a suitable ending before you post. Thanks.
Thank you Lecheman. You put my feelings into words so well. This story is just pandering to the misogynist Literotica crowd. Too bad they won’t understand the big word I used.
Not enough damage to Cindy. Surely their kids would have castigated her?
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And no consequences for Amy?
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At least Bill found someone new. Surely you could have had Cindy a bit jealous?
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I did like something I don’t think I’ve seen in any of these — a swinger with a conscience: Ted. I liked how he went after Amy for messing with Cindy. Maybe you could have had a final encounter between him and Bill where Ted expressed his regrets that he didn’t stop Amy from corrupting Cindy?
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4 ****
"Ted and I have a more modern view when it comes to uh, making new friends." - There's nothing "more modern" about slutting around.
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"I shouldn't have done that in our driveway." -She shouldn't have done it at all! If she did it inside the limo it still would have been wrong.
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"Well, what's wrong with that? You'd be free too! If you take that stick out of your ass." - That's marriage ending right there. She obviously wants to fuck around, and while she might drop it to keep peace, you KNOW as soon as she thinks she can get away with it, she'll do it.
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"I actually think it might have been fun, but it's not worth ending our marriage." - She says that now, but "trust but verify."
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"How do I know you're not just saying that to keep me here while you sneak around behind my back?" - My feelings exactly.
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The ending was maybe a LITTLE abrupt, but Cindy at least had common sense enough to not drag him through "fighting for the marriage" with forced counseling, etc. She obviously didn't wast the same kind of marriage that he did, so why prolong things.
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I don't get the calls for a beat down on Ted. He tried to get Amy to butt out of Cindy's marriage.
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@Anonymous Re: second chance, a passionate kiss isn't far enough over the line to deny a second chance.
I agree with Rockdoctor that there could be more details at the end. Kind of abrupt.
I like your stories mainly because you hate cheaters. I wish the wife suffered more but I can see she really didn’t love he. husband so this ending was realistic.
Pretty shit for you. Punishment for Amy slut? I can assure that if this was me given appropriate time both Amy and Cindy sluts would have regretted their decision. MC is also something of a moron, sluts and whores always have their own agenda, that’s why u need to watch them
Good story and easy to read. Like many, the wrap up was too quick. I would have like to have known what happened to the slag. The excitement usually wears off pretty quick when she has no one to bring her charged up lifestyle home to and usually her friend would get tired of hearing her whine about her ex.
Good story but why in all these stories of this type does the wife always say "If you loved me enough, you would let me do this," and "you don't control me, I can do as I please." The husbands in these stories always get disrespected. I thought couples respected each other. I guess in Literotica land the wives do not respect thier husbands.
It started out well, but ran out of steam and had a contrived ending. Maybe a rewrite. 2*
So, zero remorse, zero punishment for either the cheating bitch or her fuckface "friend". There's happy end for MC, and zero reconciliation talk or thinking, so I'm giving it 4 stars instead of a 2.5 it'd earn otherwise.
I wish we had neighbors that were a bad influence on my wife. So exciting thinking of my wife coming home after getting fucked and grinding her freshly fucked cum filled pussy on my face.
Bill is a fool, first he should have gone after the man Cindy was kissing, then divorce her fast, because the marriage was dead from that moment... still a nice story with a somewhat short ending, 3 stars
After Bill had the first confrontation with Cindy, he should have gone out and bought a puppy, presented it to Cindy and then sat down and started sharpening his carving knives.
Good right up until the last ending paragraph when you wrote a whole story in one, short paragraph. Seemed a bit fast to me.
It would be nice to hear that Ted divorced Amy not for being a slut but a disrespectful, lying, manipulative, uncaring asshole that would engineer the destruction of his friends marriage.
Should have grabbed Amy, dragged her over to the grill, and shoved the left side of her face down onto it. Let it sizzle and enjoy her screams. Make sure to hold her down for at least one minute while fighting off the guys trying to pull you off. Let her live the rest of her life showing her two faced nature to the world.
ZK
Aww man you coulda really fleshed this out. Brought Ted back in. Went through he consequences of everything that happened.
5 stars tho
43* decent story but mostly repetition of classic LW stuff -- you should have brought Ted back in, tension with Amy screwing up another marriage. The gist earlier were they moved because Amy screwed up someone else's marriage. - so many opportunities to elevate this story.
wow, thought she was going to be smart and then.... great stories must have a surprise and yours did.
There seem to be a lot bored wives out there. Mine got bored with me after 13 years and two daughters. She told me one day she just wanted to go out there and look around and see what's there, but could she come back if it didn't work. I got up and left, we divorced not long after that. 4 stars
What is up with all the rushed endings? spend time with build up and then boom! Done!. would have liked to hear what happened to Cindy. Regrets? still making new friends? how does Amy and Ted feel about breaking up the marriage? Good story that left us flat and unsatisfied. 3 stars.