Intimate Blackout

Oh god...

"Jack, honey we have something to tell you." I noticed her knuckles whiten as she gripped the big man's hand tighter. "The doctors said you would never recover. I was so lonely and depressed and... well Carl was around to comfort me..." A tear rolled lazily down one cheek and Jill swiped at it in frustration. "We've been together now for well over five years and..." More hand gripping ensued. I could only nod stupidly. What could I say and how does one respond to the confession that the wife you worship, the girl you adore has spent five years with your best friend. She continued quietly. "We've fallen in love and..." More tears tracked lazy haphazard trails down those lovely cheeks. I felt faint...

Carl coughed as if tagged. "Jack, I regard you as my best friend, but as Jilly said, we thought you were a goner man." He paused, enabling me to digest the "Jilly" endearment. "We have two daughters Jack; two gorgeous little girls." My world started to darken. "Jess is four and Jade is nearly two. They'd really like to meet you, but first... we wanted you to understand the situation."

I was numb, desperately beating back the thick black curtain drawing out the light.

"Jack, we thought you would never recover and I'm so sorry, but I... we had to move on." Jill sounded utterly remorseful. But Carl had sounded so smug. Jilly?? Really! I mean I had no choice with regard to moving on. I'd been in hospital, imitating a vegetable for nearly six years whilst those dearest to me had 'moved on'! I did the math. She'd waited about six months before conceiving. How long had it been before she'd found comfort in Carl's bed?

I leaned over, grabbed my water jug and threw up. At least my guts worked!

And all Carl had to say was 'Oh shit, that's just gross man!'

****

CHAPTER TWO.

JILLIAN.

I wept. He appeared lifeless... only the monitors suggested otherwise. A cold looking machine pumped air down my man's throat whilst wires and probes delivered signals to other equally distant machines that beeped and clicked continuously. My hand rested on his, but he felt cold and lifeless. The doctors had purposely lowered Jack's core body temperature in a desperate attempt to combat his injuries which were remarkably unpronounced. Some swelling and bruising appeared on the back of his neck and a few minor abrasions, but that's it... and yet my poor husband lies here before me unresponsive and devoid of life.

The Doctors tell me he may never recover. Some injury affecting his ability to wake up has occurred to his neck and spinal column. The coma could last for days, weeks, months or even, in a worst case scenario... indefinitely. He might just evolve into a vegetative state forever dependent on others to care for him. This great mind, this caring and gentle man, reduced to nothing more than a lump of barely functioning human flesh.

I sobbed almost hysterically. What had I done!

Not more than a few weeks after I'd first met Jack he introduced me to his best friend Carl. The huge blonde Viking took my breath away and caused me to spark... down there, where it's inappropriate to spark when appraising another man. This guy was Thor blended with Hercules. Never had I witnessed two friends so magnetically polar opposite.

"Jill, this is my friend Carl Klum, Carl this is my girlfriend Jillian Tomlinson." Jack smiled at my gobsmacked surprise. My eyes darted between the two men.

"Um, it's good to meet you Carl." I extended my hand but Carl wrapped me in a hug and the giant half crushed me, kissing my cheek as I gasped for breath.

"Hello beautiful. Wow, how the hell did my man find you?" He chuckled in appraising me and turned to Jack. I was still catching my breath. "Fuck man, did you attend the Miss World contest and abduct a contestant?" Another deep chuckle coincided with my crimson glow. Carl turned back and shamelessly reappraised me. The LBD was a touch under modest and I knew I was popping out over the neckline a bit. Perhaps the hem could have been lower giving consideration to circumstance. Suddenly I felt exposed, and yet I never felt exposed in front of Jack. This was new! The other problem was that even in my heels I was still a half head shorter than the blonde body builder which kind of reduced my normal ascendancy over men. I felt small and a little insignificant.

He shamelessly continued his perusal of my body. "My god you're hot! So how the hell DID my man score you darling?"

"Oh for god's sake Carl, go easy. You've just met her!" Jack sounded exasperated.

I cringed in against my boyfriend. Jack had always made me feel 'comfortable'. With him, I was the eye candy and Jack seemed to love that. He enjoyed looping his arm in mine whist proudly and silently showing me off; as if he was announcing publicly... 'Hey guys, see... this one's all mine!'

But in that moment of introduction to Carl, I felt insignificant, exposed and vulnerable.

"Do you use that line on all the girls?" I tried for a touch of bravado.

"No baby, no chick I've ever been with looks like you." His eyes swept me again, taking me in. I felt naked. "Jack's always been a lucky guy and I think I hate him right now. I'm certainly jealous." He laughed, brazenly hooked my arm and announced it was time to 'go eat'.

That's how Carl is; he's brash, confident and totally lacking in decorum. His dominant aggressiveness speaks to my libido. During that first dinner date Jack barely got a word in because Carl and I just talked constant shit; spewing continuous innuendo that bordered above flirting but just short of intercourse. I loved discussing the arts, politics and world events with Jack, but the ninety minutes of brainless bullshit bantering with Carl was refreshing and exciting. I apologized to Jack later but he just dismissed it and said he'd enjoyed my back and forth with Carl as much as I had. He confirmed that Carl was a no 'holes bared' taker and an arrogant SOB, but that he'd laughed many times as I shot back as much shit as he'd given out.

"You really put him in his place a few times Jill. He'll never take you for granted again. I loved watching you in action." He grinned and caressed my thigh as he drove. I tingled all over, and I have no idea which man had caused that reaction!

Having my boyfriend sit demurely whilst I crossed flirty swords with his best friend, a guy who in another life could have been Zeus... was amazingly intoxicating. Having Zeus eye me like the goddess Dianna was even more so thrilling! Talking utter crap was enlightening. The result being... I was as horny as hell and I needed it real bad!

And so it was... That night I finally took Jack to bed and yes I did the taking because my man lacked the confidence to lead. It was soon very apparent that he lacked experience, not that I'd opened up for a plethora of boys in college, but I'd dipped my toe in the water, so to speak! Okay, maybe I went for a swim, but I'm no slut. I had a feeling Jack may have been virginal, but I didn't press the issue. He was useless first go round, but regained composure quickly and eventually satisfied my fire, albeit barely because I was still smoldering afterward.

It was of course that night that I discovered the reason for Jack's apprehension. The missing testicle and scar told me a story that he needn't have shared, but of course he did. But it wasn't until the week before he eventually proposed that he nervously stated his inability to father a child. I had of course wondered about this, but had elected to wait for him to disclose. I feared the reality, knowing how much I wanted one day to be a mother. I tried to appear nonplussed, but I winced internally. I loved this man, and there were other ways to become a mother and have a family. I hugged him tight and reassured him that it was not an issue. Unsurprisingly he proposed the following Friday. I cried and screamed yes, opened the little Cartier box, jammed the rock on my finger and attacked him!

I was to become Mrs Jack Stevens!!

Carl was invited to be best man and that had me feeling fluttery and uneasy. By now our acquaintance was easy going but bordered inappropriate, especially when Jack wasn't around. One night we were to meet at a club with Carl and his new girlfriend. I was amazingly jealous on learning that Carl had hooked up with a girl on a permanent basis, because the entire time I'd known him he'd been 'single', although it was no secret that he likely bedded a different woman every night! He was always mentioning some girl, and briefly announcing some attribute she possessed, or equally, some flawed defect. He was a running commentary on women which I found fascinating... shallow but fascinating. This can only be explained by how intelligent women are sucked into the drivel of the gossip rags. I think that all women are cursed with a desire to compare and pry, to check out the competition and to scoff at their weaknesses. Anyway Carl showed up alone, claiming he'd been stood up. So I got shared around and I danced with both men, although mainly with Carl. Jack just shrugged suggesting that Carl was the better dancer (which was true) and fitter (also true). Of course Carl flirted and held me way too close, his big hands roaming my bared back and silk sequined covered bum cheeks. The dress was tight, short and backless with built in support so I was bra-less. I'm sure Jack watched us, although every time we moved toward the back of the dance floor and were shielded from view Carl's hands wandered further. Curiously I did very little to resist. My body was alive and tingling!

"Carl, Jack is probably watching!" That comment weakly imitated a scowl and was followed by a hand that moved firmly over my ass, cupping it tight. My chastisement had just spurred him on and I may have gasped. The large hand continued lower down to feather my thigh over the hem of the tiny red mini skirt. He pulled me in closer whispering into my ear; his breath felt intoxicating... his maleness smelt nauseatingly heady.

"You love it baby, and so does our Jacky boy." I made no attempt to wriggle free, which I guess confirmed his observation. He was right, I loved showing off in front of Jack and being naughty and flirty fired my boiler to bursting. Oh god... I tried to recover.

"You're so full of yourself big boy. What do you really know about me?" I tried not to sound to squeaky.

"I know you'll like this!" He chuckled and shoved his groin into my mound.

I knew of course that Carl was well endowed, I'd checked out the crotch of his tight pants on a few occasions but what I felt pressed up against me in that moment actually scared the shit out of me!

I faked fearlessness.

"You're full of it big boy. Anyone can pick up a javelin; it's in knowing how to use it that counts!" I tried to smirk, but I know I blushed.

God, what was I saying!

"Hmm... is that a challenge darlin?" He chuckled and I shivered. I knew in that moment that it was only to be a matter of time before I would give myself to this big smug blonde grinning self-confident hunk of shallow self-indulgent masculinity. I felt like a jelly... wobbly and primed for devouring.

Jack never said anything about his friend's actions when we returned home and his response in the bedroom after my little 'performance' that night spoke volumes. He was on fire and it was likely the best sex we had ever had, and as it turned out, would ever have again.

Carl had my phone number and my e-mail address. His flirty texts and innuendo were incessant. I was careful to delete everything sent and returned in response but I'd taken the bait and it was only a matter of time before I'd be reeled in.

The call to Jack, three weeks out from our marriage day, explaining that I would not be home when he got in from work, because I was meeting up with an old college girlfriend for dinner was of course a complete and deceitful fabrication. I knew exactly what I was doing and exactly what would transpire. Carl had worn me down. I had to have him just this once, before I married my soul mate and settled down into a life of boring contentment and stability. Contented because that's what I wanted, wasn't it? Stability, money, a loving relationship and a husband that worshiped me and would never abandon me. So what the hell was I doing? This question hammered my brain over and over as I entered the Hotel, pressed the lift button and ascended to room 335, the suite reserved by my fiances best friend, the man who would shortly be having mad wild sex with me. I shuddered with a mix anticipation, dread and inequitable guilt.

Now I use the term 'having sex', because that's how I justified my wantonness. I loved Jack, and I made love to him. It was way more than just 'sex'. This hook-up with Carl was nothing more than 'scratching an itch'. I'd end it tonight, and move on, having sampled the forbidden apple.

I knocked on the door perhaps softer than I'd intended. My breathing had stalled and I felt light headed and in response my body tingled with knee weakening arousal. I heard heavy footsteps and the lock clicked. I dragged in a shuddery breath, narrowly preventing fainting.

"Hi sexy girl, are you ready to pick up that javelin?" He smirked and his teeth did that sparkle thing like in the movies. I stood in place wobbling on legs refusing to cooperate with my stern inner demands to run! A big hand hauled me in and lips captured my pathetic squeak. A tongue delved deep and I grabbed on tightly and gave myself over. I was weak, worse... I was lost.

God his woody scent was intoxicating, his big arms felt powerful and all encompassing.

He sucked free and pulled my coat from my shoulders, examining me like a wolf might a piglet. Hungry eyes devoured my form, my blouse and simple pencil skirt. I was dressed respectably like any office secretary in an upscale law firm. A little grey, a little over made up and a lot 'sexy'. The skirt was well above the knees, but smart. The stay-up stockings were sheer, but grey and seamed whilst the heels were shiny black and red soled. A textured black blouse gave transparent hazy vision to a Victoria's Secret bra which was a little frilly and maybe gave more uplift than what was entirely appropriate for the office. A mauve carafe tied about my neck gave a much needed color to the tidy ensemble.

"Hmmm, a sexy little office secretary! Just what the boss ordered." Mr 'Wolf' growled. "Now, get that delectable derriere over onto that bed, kneel up and present."

I was like some robot responding simply and obediently to voice commands.

My lover began exploring my body by un-wrapping me slowly, tugging and pushing the skirt up over my hips and pulling down my panties to inspect the 'merchandise'. He shoved my legs apart and I squirmed and panted as his fingers explored and probed my secrets. I raised my head and wailed my pleasure before sinking to my elbows as Carl chuckled, obviously delighted with my quick response. Hell, I'd been burning in anticipation all day! He instructed me to turn around so I shuffled about clumsily, restricted by the stretched material clinging to my knees. I delved frantically for my prize, reaching out and enveloping it with long fingers. I wasn't disappointed. I glanced up as if seeking permission. I have no idea why I did that, but it somehow seemed fitting. He just smiled and nodded. I required no further instruction. I watched his eyes as I administered my application. He just nodded some more and whispered soft words of encouragement. God he was big, and it smelt wonderful... but the aroma was off... forbidden and wrong. I focused on his eyes as I worshiped him for an eternity, and eventually I caught the glazed look and knew he was close.

A finger appeared in my vision, and it beckoned me to twirl about. I released him with a wet kiss, and shuffled back around, arching my back and inviting entry. My lover teased me briefly and laughed at my desperation as I frantically pushed backward seeking fulfillment. A sharp slap reverberated around the room, bouncing of the walls. It took an obscure moment of time to realize my bare bum was stinging but in that instant of recognition he penetrated me... harshly.

I cried out and immediately orgasmed. That orgasm transported me out of my body! Once free of its imprisonment some alien force hammered my discarded body senseless with a mallet. I arched back shaking and simmering as the relentless hammering continued. I heard laughter and big hands held me steady and a powerful steam engine drove a pile driver so deep I screamed. His cry joined mine, moments before reality lost all meaning.

****

When I finally struggled in the door that night I almost collapsed. I couldn't even remember driving home; my brain was on auto self-drive. Jack was sitting in his favorite chair twirling a scotch in hand.

"Hi baby, and how did your girl's night out go?" He looked tired.

"Fine thanks honey." I tried to straighten up and appear less 'duck' like. "Just need to dash for the loo, won't be a tick..."

Of course I'd never experienced sex like that... not even close. I felt so horribly guilty but...

I will admit that I'm a mere mortal and like other mere mortals I have my weaknesses, my dependencies and needs. Like an alcoholic or a drug addict, an adrenaline junkie or a workaholic, I have needs.

I was now addicted to hard mind blowing sex. In my defense my body was made for it, and my very 'being' craved it... and one 'big' man had now awoken it. I was hooked and I knew that from that night going forward there would be no return. I'm not a bitch, or at least I hope not be judged as one. I loved my future husband more than life, but there was one thing that he could never supply me and for that 'need' I would always find myself seeking out a dominant aggressive lover capable of delivering the fuel required to blow my world asunder.

Why I couldn't resist this urge, this desire to satisfy my burning need I cannot explain, nor indeed can I justify my failing. Why does any addict continue down the path of self-destruction?

What I did know was, that if I was caught cheating, Jack would cast me adrift. So why did I meet up with Carl three more time before my wedding and why in god's name, did I spike my new husbands drink on our wedding night and relegate him to the floor while my lover consummated my marriage? My cries that night were animalistic.

Looking down at the peaceful sleeping form of my husband as his best friend savagely used me over and over again will haunt me forever... and yet rate uncontested as the best sex of my life. He took me three time before even bothering to remove my wedding dress! Oh god forgive me.

****

So guilt consumes me as I examine the lifelessness before me. It was entirely my fault. I'd set the wheels of catastrophe in motion and fate had now fulfilled it.

****

CHAPTER 3.

CARL.

The first time I laid eyes on her I was smitten. How the hell did wimpy Jack land her? Fuck man! She was dead set hot! Tall, lean like a gazelle and built like a porn star, only gorgeous. She was obviously after his money; there could be no other reason! Her micro mini barely covered her ass, and those tits! Jack introduced her and I may have sounded crass, but... well my god! She glanced up at Jack seeking some sort of comfort and I noticed her amazing eyes. Those brilliant emeralds sought his protection. I saw something else in there as well. There was a playfulness and contriteness born of submissiveness, and yet strength abounded. I could see she loved him, but she held the door ajar and the security chain appeared fragile.

I may be judged as a soulless prick, but hey. Anyway, I'd soon be taking this beauty away from my old friend. I did consider him a friend although I didn't really have time for friends. I mostly had acquaintances, made up of pissed off husbands, boyfriends and stunned idiots wondering why their girlfriends, wives and fiances had strayed. Maybe good ole Jack would join the queue, an angry line of confused males who'd like very much to get rid of me. But I actually liked the guy... and I was insanely jealous of him. He was way too smart... and way too kind. Maybe we could work something out, like an arrangement or something?