Irish Eyes

As Andrea is filling Noelle and Ardan in on what the current status with Ciara is, I realize I need to let work know that I'm not going to be in. I take a moment, excuse myself and call Anna. I bring her up to speed on what has happened and where I'm currently at. Letting her know that I'm still at the hospital and that I won't be into the office today. She assures me that she'll let John know and not to worry about work today. She tells me to make sure Ciara is all right and to take care of myself. She makes me promise to call her later with an update.

Almost as if on cue, as Andrea finishes up, a woman in scrubs approaches our small group.

"Good morning, everyone. My name is Jan, I'm Dr. Masters lead nurse for her surgical team. Which of you are Ciaras parents?"

Ardan and Noelle stepped forward. Ardan speaking up, "We are. I'm Ardan and this is my wife, Noelle. This is my brother, Danny and his wife Andrea. And this young lady is Ciaras best friend, Natalia. Any updates you have, you can say in front of everyone here."

"Ok, thank you. It's nice meeting you all. Ciara is waking up. If Dr. Masters did not mention it, we are going to limit it to 1 person at a time coming back into recovery. As Ciara wakes up and the drugs wear off, she's going to be in pain. That's expected for what she has gone thru. Once we're confident that recovery is looking good, we'll move her to a room. I'd like no more than 2 people in the room with her at any time and you need to take cues from her, if she is tired, you need to let her rest. Also, we'll have a counselor showing up for her today to start working thru the mental trauma of being shot. Please don't press her for details. If she wants to talk about it, let her, but do it on her terms. Do everything you can to be positive and to keep her focused-on recovery and not slipping back to being shot. Any questions at this point?"

There was a pause, and nobody spoke.

"Ok, then who's first to go back and see Ciara?"

Noelle released my hand, stepped forward and she and the nurse began walking down the hall.

Our small group found chairs and Ardan looked over towards Danny. "Danny, any idea why this happened?"

"No, nothing like that has ever happened in the area around the bar. I'm as shocked as anyone. I gave the police access to the videos, so they should be able to pull the video from last night and piece together what's happened. I haven't looked at them."

It is obvious that Ardan is keeping a tight lid on his emotions. His face is drawn tight, and his body is stiff. "Danny, could you send copies of the video or get access to the head of my security team? I'd at least like them to review and see if they notice anything."

"That's the least I can do. You know you can count on me to help as well, Ardan. Andrea and I would do anything for Ciara. I'll have the security company forward them on to your team."

Ardan turns to look at me and a smile lightens the stern look on his face, "Now that we actually have a minute, I want to personally thank you for being there for Ciara last night. From what Danny has told me, Ciara was lucky to have you there to find her so quickly and to get the call into 911. Beyond that, Ciara talks about you non-stop when we chat. She thinks very highly of you and after what has happened, I agree with her." He leans across to me and takes my hand in his. "I don't dare to think what would have happened last night if you hadn't been there to take care of her. You must be worn down after everything that has happened. Noelle and I talked on the way in, we're going to let you see Ciara and then my driver will give you a ride home so that you can clean up and get some rest. Sean will be at your call. When you are ready to come back to the hospital, he will be there to pick you up and get you right back here."

"Mr. O'Shea, that's too much. I can get myself back to my place, you don't have to do this."

"First, it is Ardan and Noelle. And second, nonsense, it is the least Noelle, and I can do for you. You must be tired and neither of us want to see anything happen to you. We insist."

"Thank you so much, that is very generous of you both."

After about ten minutes, Noelle is back with the group and takes me gently wrapping her arm in mine and begins to escort me back to see Ciara.

"Natalia, I'm sure Ardan has already thanked you. It is my turn to tell you how much your being there with Ciara last night means to me. I said many thanks on the flight in from New York that you were there to immediately care for her until the ambulance arrived. She talks about you whenever we chat and now, I know why she places so much faith in you. She's thru those doors, second room on the right." As she lets go of my arm, she wraps her arms around me, hugs me, kisses my cheek and says, "Thank you for taking care of my baby." I can feel the tears from her trickling onto my cheek as she brushes against me. And I also begin to cry.

The two of us stand there for several minutes, supporting each other silently. She finally lets go and pushes me towards the door.

I'm nervous as I walk into Ciaras recovery room. The last time I saw her she was lying on the floor at Danny's and was unresponsive.

I make my way to her side and place my right hand in hers. With my left hand I reach up and place the palm against her cheek. She opens her eyes to me and weakly smiles. I lean to kiss her forehead.

"Ciara, I'm so glad you're ok. I was so scared last night. Your doctor says everything is looking good. How do you feel."

Ciaras voice is very soft. "Not the best I've been. I feel like I've been beaten with a bat. It hurts to breathe and to move." She squeezes my hand. "Nat, what the hell happened last night? I don't remember a damn thing. I remember starting to close up, you saying you needed to go use the bathroom, and then nothing until I woke up here."

"C, I was in the bathroom and heard two loud bangs. I came out front and found you lying unconscious on the floor near the front entrance. I was hoping you would remember what happened. Danny's getting the security video to the police, so we'll know soon enough I guess."

"Mom says you saved my life."

"I wouldn't go that far; I got some towels from the bar and applied pressure to the wounds until the ambulance got there. I just did what anyone would do."

"Nat, thank you." She whispers as she begins to cry.

I hold on to her hand and brush away the tears with my other hand. "It's going to be ok, C, it's going to be ok."

I stay with her for a bit and then let her know that I'm going to go get her dad. I let her know that I need to go home and get some sleep, but that I'll be back later in the day. She holds onto my hand, not wanting to let go. I like that demonstration on her part, but I'm done and need to get home and drop in bed.

True to Ardan's word, his driver Sean gets me home. Once the door is closed, I burst into tears. I am a weeping mess of a soul. I have never experienced anyone being shot and seeing C lying on the floor scared the crap out of me. Nobody should have to see their best friend lying on the floor, unconscious due to the two bullet holes that had ripped thru her. My tears flowed heavily, and my emotions were shred raw.

Somehow, I find the way to my bed and after tossing for a while, I eventually fall into a deep sleep. I wake up around three in the afternoon and get cleaned up. I know it's all mental, but I scrub myself and scrub myself over and over where the blood had touched me. In my mind's eye, I couldn't get the blood off my hands. When I am finally ready to head back to the hospital, I phone Sean to find that he is right outside my apartment building and is ready to take me back.

I arrive back at the hospital to find that they have moved Ciara to her room, and I make my way up to the floor where the room is located. There is a small waiting room a few doors down from her room and I find Ardan sitting in a chair. I walk over and sit down next to him.

"Well, hello, Natalia, you're looking much better this afternoon."

"I'm feeling much better, how's Ciara doing?"

"She's coming along better than the doctor was initially hoping. They've already gotten her up out of bed and moving around. She's not moving fast, but she's able to walk for longer than they thought she'd be able to at this point. She has had a little bit to eat and is getting plenty of fluids down. All good signs."

"Have the police figured anything out at this point? Do they know why this happened?"

A dark cloud forms over Ardan and his face becomes quite stoic. "It was her ex-boyfriend. They pulled his picture from the video that Danny sent over and when they showed the picture to us, we knew who he was immediately. Nobody knows why. His roommates apparently haven't seen him for the last couple of days, so the assumption is he drove out here to do this. They haven't found him yet."

"That's horrible, what could have possessed him to do something like this to her?"

"I have no idea, Noelle and I never liked him. We were both glad Ciara finally left him. He had no right to do this to her and I will do everything in my power to ensure that he pays for what he's done to my daughter. There is nowhere he can hide where I won't find him and have him turned over to the police. Nowhere."

I didn't need to be a genius to understand Ardan would follow thru on his words. I take a mental note never to get on his bad side. When pushed, it appears Ardan is a formidable man. I knew that based on what Ciara has told me, but the expression leaves no doubt.

"Well, Natalia, lets' move this conversation to happier topics. Why don't you tell me more about yourself? Ciara always speaks so highly of you and talks about you constantly when we chat. I'd like to get to know you."

I smile, now knowing how much Ciara valued our relationship. While I was crushing hard on her and dreamed of bigger things with her, I didn't really know if I meant that much to her. Hearing her dad, I at least was high on the friends list. Prior to Ciara being shot, I had made up my mind to confront her, to cross that line and force a discussion on where we stood, letting her know I needed more than friendship. But with all that had just happened, I realize I'm blessed to have her in my life as a friend.

Putting those thoughts in a box, I begin talking to Arden and tell him the condensed version of my life's story. Small town girl, longing for something more exciting and looking to leave for the big city. I mentioned that I played soccer (football) prior to college. That sidetracked the conversation as we talked about international teams and major league soccer here in the states.

At some point, Noelle joins us and lets us know that Ciara is napping again. Noelle joins the conversation, and it is obvious we all enjoy watching the game of soccer. Ciara has never displayed this level of passion with the game. Yes, she enjoys watching and talking about the sport, but her parents are truly animated during the conversation. It is patently obvious to anyone that they have definite opinions of various teams and players, and that they're not always on the same page. I am happy to engage in the conversation with the two of them. It is taking our minds off of Ciara and gives all of us a common grounding point in getting to know each other. It's also obvious that Noelle would occasionally goad on her husband. Attacking or challenging some point he was making and giving me a small wink while doing so. She would then smile as Ardan got animated responding to her point.

I enjoy watching the dynamics of Ardan and Noelle. They are both strong people, but there was genuine love and respect flowing between these two individuals. While the conversation would sometimes get loud, there was never any hard intent behind the words. It was more playful banter between the couple. They also freely showed their love for each other, a small touch here and there as the discussion played out. An easy playfulness that went with the conversation.

We had been chatting for close to an hour, when a nurse stops by to let us know that Ciara was awake again and asking for someone to be with her. Ardan and Noelle insist that I go see her as they had both spent time with her while I was home getting some sleep.

I make my way down to her room, when I enter, I am surprised at how much better she looks after a few short hours. Mind you, she's not ready to run a marathon, but there is color back in her face. She smiles as she sees me enter the room. A genuine smile that told me I was welcome in her world.

"Hey, Nat," she said softly. Her body was still healing, and you could see the energy it took for her to say those few words.

"Hey, yourself. You look better than you did this morning. And I mean that. You've got some color back in your cheeks and you actually smiled as I entered."

"I'm not going to do any gymnastics, but I do feel better. The pain is nasty and their giving me some drugs for that, but I've been able to get up and walk around a little bit. That requires way too much energy."

"Ok, so note to self, I'm going to need to slow down for you. If that's all I have to do, I think we've got this."

We easily slide back into our conversation pattern. Good discussion with a little ribbing thrown in to keep us both on our toes. I'm just so damn comfortable with her. I can see making a life with this woman. But I'm not going to open that conversation while she's in the hospital.

*****

November

*****

Ciara's parents had left town after a week. Getting her out of the hospital and getting her settled back at her apartment. They had stayed for a bit to make sure she was able to care for herself, but eventually had to make their way back to New York. C had also started attending classes again. She was piecing her life back together. She had some class work to catch up on and she was diving in to do so and make sure she could finish her classes.

Ciara and I are at her place for our regular Sunday get together. I've brought over lunch, and we are spending a relaxing afternoon together.

"Ciara, when do your parents get back for Thanksgiving?" They had made it clear when they left that they would travel out here and not make C travel. They would all spend the week out at Danny and Andrea's place since C wouldn't have classes the week of Thanksgiving.

"They're actually going to arrive on the Friday before Thanksgiving. There are some big games going on that weekend, so Dad and Danny want to have as much time on the calendar as possible to watch. It can get pretty loud when those two are cheering on a game, so be prepared."

"Ahem, I'm no wallflower myself." I say with great indignity. "It'll be nice to watch the games with someone who gets passionate about their team."

"Hey, that's not fair, I enjoy watching a match, I just don't need to yell and scream while I'm doing it."

"Are you sure Danny and Andrea are ok with me staying out at their place? I know I'll be gone most of the days at work, but I don't want to put them out."

"Yeah. It's all good. They have plenty of space and they love having you around. They realize you still have to work but want you to be there in the evenings."

"Well, my folks are off to see my dad's parents, so it's nice to have somewhere to be instead of sitting home alone at my place."

"Silly, Nat. You know you're always welcome at Danny and Andrea's. They pretty much consider you a part of the family at this point."

"Cool. I just don't want to intrude on your family time."

We continued to enjoy the lazy afternoon. I wasn't going out to Danny and Andreas for dinner tonight, I had a deadline coming up on a project at work and needed to spend the evening on my computer.

Thanksgiving

Danny and Andrea's place is alive with the sounds of family. The football (American) games are on and even though it is not their beloved football (soccer), Danny and Ardan are cheering and yelling at the screen and enjoying the day.

Andrea, Noelle, C and I alternate between watching the game and giving the boys space. We spend time in the sitting area out by the piano or in the kitchen prepping the food. Occasionally, Danny wanders in to help or Ardan tries to sneak thru to steal some food.

We had decided on doing a light lunch with the main course spread out that evening for dinner. I had asked Andrea if it would be ok for me to make my families traditional stuffing and a pumpkin cheesecake. So last night, I had made the cheesecake and it was resting in the fridge until dinner. While the turkey was cooking, I make my families traditional stuffing. It was made with a mix of pork and Italian sausage which gives it an exceptional flavor. There is no Thanksgiving for me without the traditional family stuffing!

Soon, all the food is prepared, and everyone is helping to move trays of food into the dining room. C and I sat across from her parents and Danny and Andrea sat at either end of the table. Danny had taken several leaves out of the table, so it ended up being an intimate setting for the six of us.

Stories are told, drinks are had, and the conversation flows until we are all well and stuffed. My cheeks physically hurt from the laughter. And more than once, I see Ciara holding her abdomen. The act of laughing causing her wounded muscles a little discomfort. The healing continues.

The atmosphere between Ciara and I hasn't skipped a beat. We enjoy spending time together and after the shooting, I have suppressed any thought of broaching my discomfort with where our relationship is and my need for more. In this time and place, I needed for C to be healthy.

After dinner, we head to their theater room, and we watch Scrooged. This was my suggestion; it had been a favorite of mine since I was a kid. Ciara and I are seated next to each other on one of the oversized love seats facing the screen. We had a large, oversized blanket thrown over us and were snuggled in next to each other.

Again, the subtle scent of cherry blossoms begins to work its magic on me. That scent has permanently been etched into my mind. I now associated it specifically to Ciara. It comforts me and it arouses me at the same time. She has no idea of the effect she has on me.

I burn with desire but refuse to let myself take any action down that road. She needs me as her friend, and I have yet to tell her how I feel. I don't know if it will end our bond or make us stronger, but I'm not willing to go there while she is still recovering from the gunshot wounds. So, I satisfy myself, by watching her watch the movie and enjoy seeing the emotions sweep over her as the movie plays out on the screen.

Soon the evening ends and we all head to our respective bedrooms. I'm sleeping across from Ciara and it takes everything in me not to sneak into her room.

I toss and turn most of the night, sleep will not come to visit me. My thoughts are fixated on the blonde across the hall from me, her face, the sound of her laughter, the way her hair moves when she walks across the room, sitting across from her discussing a lecture she had attended. Spending time with her is amping up the internal desire that I feel.

I get thru Friday - I didn't work, so I spend the whole day at Danny and Andrea's place with the family. But by Saturday, the emotional tension is too high for me and I make a lame excuse about needing to get some work done and I extract myself from the gathering. Ciara does everything in her power to try and get me to stay, but I just can't do it. As much as I want to be there for her, the internal churn is ripping me apart.

I spend Saturday at my apartment crying. My mind is falling apart as I struggle with Ciara and try to figure out a path forward for the two of us. She is not a lesbian, has never expressed any thought that would lead me to think that she is a lesbian or that she is bi. Yet here I am deeply in love with her and wondering how I make her notice me.