Is She, Isn't She? Ch. 02

The bathroom was just slightly up the hall from Ashley's bedroom, and it was the closest room to the front door. It was, moreover, where Jeanie had left her clothes when she'd had her shower the night before -- and it was where the girl was now, getting back into them again. She'd abandoned the tights; she had her shirt on over her head, her shorts done up and was just in the process of strapping on the second of her high heels oh-so-quietly.

Ashley folded her arms and leant against the wall of the hallway outside. "Leaving already, hun?" she breached the silence softly.

Jeanie jumped about a foot in the air, as though Ashley had shouted at her, and had to catch her hand on the sink for support. She still looked a mess when she raised her head to look guiltily at the blonde. Her rich, dark hair was everywhere from bed, and she had been too drunk to properly take her makeup off the night before in the shower. As a result, she looked like some sort of sexy panda-goddess, with the smears of black ringing her eyes.

Her skin was pale and sickly-looking -- she was obviously very ill. Ashley was also prepared to bet that if Jeanie blew into a breathalyser right then, she'd still be over the legal driving limit. Not that that was going to be an issue at all, because of course Jeanie wasn't driving, but still. Ashley knew she needed to have a serious conversation with the younger girl, and didn't want to do it when the brunette wasn't completely herself.

Obviously though, beggars couldn't be choosers, and if it were up to Jeanie, obviously, said talk wouldn't take place at all -- hence Jeanie trying to sneak out of Ashley's apartment like she was the Artful Dodger. Now would have to do, despite Jeanie's sickness, hangover, and probable lingering levels of intoxication.

"I didn't want to wake you," Jeanie swallowed now, caught out and busted.

"I know you didn't," Ashley rolled her eyes, "because you wanted to sneak out of here like a coward without talking to me about what happened last night."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jeanie straightened up and stated high-handedly.

"Jeanie, don't give me that," Ashley said tiredly. "We've got to talk."

"I don't know what we've got to talk about," Jeanie said, eyes slanting shiftily off to the side, being forced against her will into this awkward exchange.

Ashley glared at her. "What?" she demanded irritably. "We've got a lot to talk about, if you ask me. That guy last night ... don't even get me started ...!" the rage that she had been holding back since catching Jeanie in the act the previous night started to fill her body again.

"Excuse me, but who I sleep with is nothing to do with you," Jeanie folded her arms and said, still not able to look at Ashley. "I'm sorry that I was drunk and I wasn't there to meet you when you came to pick me up -- but that's all I'm sorry for."

"Okay Jeanie, that's fine," Ashley said, fighting for calm when all she wanted to do was start screaming at the girl. "So you tell me what there is then, between you and I? From your perspective, how have you been viewing what's been happening between us?"

Jeanie looked excruciated. "Ash, there isn't anything between us -- you were just supposed to be a one-time thing that happened twice. I like guys! I'm straight!"

"Yeah, Jeanie, you don't act straight around me!" Ashley snapped acidly.

"Look, just ... I really like you, Ashie, and I'm really grateful, to you, because I was curious about what it would be like with a girl, and you ... you gave me that experience. And I'll always remember you and be grateful to you. But I need to be with a man."

Ashley nodded, considering this. "Why?" she fired out at Jeanie.

"Why?" Jeanie repeated.

"Tell me what a guy can give you, that I can't."

"Oh God!" Jeanie snorted with derisive laughter. "Where do I start?" she mocked. "You can't marry me," she began.

"Yes I can," Ashley interrupted. "There are places that allow it. Canada, for one."

Jeanie blinked at her, then continued with her list. "You can't give me children."

"There are options, adoption, sperm banks," Ashley countered steadily.

"You don't have a dick," Jeanie started to sound frustrated as Ashley matched her in debate.

"Don't tell me I can't give you that, Jeanie, don't challenge me," Ashley's green eyes darkened with rage, as she glared with cold fury at the younger girl, staring her down.

"I need to be with a man because I'm straight!" Jeanie pronounced like a smart-aleck, as though expecting to win the argument with that one fell swoop of a statement.

"I hate to break it to you, hun, but I don't think you are," Ashley told her.

"I can assure you, I am!" Jeanie's voice started to get icier. "I could never be with you!"

"So what have you been doing?" Ashley demanded, as all her worst fears regarding Jeanie were confirmed. "You've been using me, because I'm some sort of sub-human robot with no feelings, so it doesn't matter if you just screw around with me, get a few bats out of your cave, then rack off. Is that it? Has that been it from day one?"

"You got to have sex too," Jeanie's voice was haughty, but she wasn't looking anywhere near Ashley's green eyes.

"Oh, whoop-dee-fricking-do. Sweetheart, I can get sex whenever I want it, at the drop of a hat I can get it."

"Then you won't miss me that much then, will you?" Jeanie rejoined, folding her arms and continuing to glare off to the side. "I'm sorry you want me to be something I'm not, Ashley, but I'm just not gay. I'm not even bi! I can't have a girlfriend! The whole idea is just ridiculous! God, my parents would kill me!" she added almost as an afterthought, laughing at the apparent absurdity of the thought of "coming out" to her parents with a girlfriend.

"Ah, so there's the real issue!" Ashley pounced on it. "Jeanie, you are pathetic. Your homophobia is pathetic!"

"Excuse me? I'm not homophobic!" Jeanie snapped angrily.

"Yes you are!" Ashley sneered. "You can't have a girlfriend because what? You're too perfect to be gay? Being gay is for other people, not normal people like you? Normal people like you dabble -- then marry men. Like hypocrites."

"I don't have a problem with people being gay!" Jeanie insisted angrily.

"No, you just have a problem with yourself being gay!" Ashley barked back. "Your homophobia is on a personal level, and it's pathetic. Your blindness to the issue is pathetic as well! Anyway, your personal bullshit aside for the time being, I thought we had something going on, you and I."

"No!" Jeanie hurled out distastefully. "Why would you think that? We were just friends who hooked up!"

"That's what a relationship is!" Ashley was furious.

"A relationship also involves fidelity, does it not?" Jeanie fired her killer shot.

Ashley rocked backwards on her haunches for a second. "Yes, it does," she said after a taut pause, "which brings us back to the point -- that guy last night. Totally inappropriate, given the circumstances, Jeanie, don't you think?"

"I think it was completely appropriate, given the circumstances, I'm sorry to disagree with you," Jeanie countered calmly, refusing to waver. "I'm a single girl, I've got no commitments to anyone. I don't owe anybody anything, and he was hot, his body was amazing, and it was just a bit of fun. Look, I'm sorry. I've obviously mislead you, given you the wrong impression, but if you'd asked me directly at any time, I would have been honest with you about the relationship issue; I could never be in one with you, Ash. You're beautiful, and smart, and caring. You're funny, and cheeky and ... and fantastic. You're sexy and ... and gorgeous, and I can see all that in you. But I can't date you, or build a future with you. I just can't. I need a man. And if you think I'm not straight, that just wishful thinking on your part."

"There is something between us, Jeanie!" Ashley insisted. "You're just blinded by your prejudice and homophobia, I'm sorry to say it."

"If I have a job in a gay bar, I am obviously not homophobic!" Jeanie claimed.

"You're full of shit Jeanie!" Ashley groaned. "You know what I'm saying is the truth. Otherwise ..." she paused, hurting. "Otherwise, you'd be in love with me."

"No I wouldn't be," Jeanie swallowed determinedly. "I've gotta go, Ashie," she tacked the pet name right at the end, then without further ado, grabbed up her handbag, opened Ashley's front door, and slammed it behind her on her way out.

***

The skies were grey and gloomy. What was the literary term? Pathetic fallacy? It was, very pathetic. Which is what Jeanie was. Which is how Ashley felt, for allowing Jeanie to use her and then cast her aside.

It had been four days since Jeanie had walked out the door. Ashley, strong, dignified blonde that she was, had not called her, or messaged her.

She was, however, going to Bolton's that evening. It had always been her favourite hangout with her friends, and she wasn't going to stop going just because she'd screwed one of the barmaids and it had all ended in tears.

Which it literally had; Ashley had experienced a moment of weakness after Jeanie slammed the door, and tears had been a very unwelcome visitor at such a low moment. Ashley was loathe to cry at any time -- in her opinion, tears worsened a situation, instead of aided it.

Her friends all knew what had happened, of course. The five of them trooped into Bolton's now, and picked a free booth, again, from habit, relatively close to the bar.

Jeanie looked up and saw them come in, and looked away very quickly.

Ashley stared moodily out the window into the cold grey afternoon. Damn it. She didn't see why it had to hurt so much. It wasn't as though she'd just lost a girlfriend. The only thing she'd lost was a potential girlfriend -- and there were tonnes of those around for gorgeous blondes like Ashley, heaven only knew.

It was her age, Ashley decided. She was sure that when she was in her early twenties, she would have brushed something like this off in a heartbeat. Now that she was slightly older, she was somewhat less carefree about everything.

Maybe.

Or maybe she would have felt this sense of loss at any point after having met Jeanie. Maybe she would have felt this sense of loss at twenty-one, or forty. Maybe, because Jeanie had coaxed more feeling from Ashley than any girl had before.

Lord only knew why. The girl was a selfish brat. Obviously the old saying rang true; you can't help who you...

"Ash?" Claire asked, voice concerned, interrupting Ashley's downbeat conjecture. "We asked you what you wanted to drink?"

"Oh, sorry," Ashley gave herself a little shake. "Just an orange juice please."

"Are you sure you're okay to be here, Ash?" Meredith asked, sharing looks with the others.

"Of course I am!" Ashley said heartily.

"You're a bit pale, Ash," Claire told her.

"Great. Last thing I need is to be sitting here looking like shit in front of Jeanie," Ashley sighed, staring angrily off again.

"You look beautiful!" Meredith amended. "You could be a model. You just don't look quite yourself, that's all -- nothing the bitch behind the bar will notice though. We your friends notice it, of course."

"Hmm," Ashley fidgeted and played with the plastic lamina corner of the wine menu. "It wasn't a big deal," she declared finally.

"That's the spirit! Fuck her!" Chantelle chipped in. "Oh, I forgot, you already did!" she grinned at Ashley. "Don't be so down, girl! You got the ungettable get, you're a star! She's fucked in the head, you got yourself a sweet ride, now dot the full stop and move on."

"Yeah Ash, at least you know who you are," Tansy got in on the act earnestly.

"Watch," Chantelle continued, stridently. "By the time she's married and thirty, soccer-mum to three screaming brats, addicted to Valium and playing wifey to some dude with a beer gut who's let himself go, she'll look back on this time, remember what it was like to be with you -- and think about how screwed up she let her life become. She'll think about how she forced herself to want all the wrong things, and how low her IQ is, because she could have freed herself and avoided her misery, but she didn't. Cream-Jeans is a moron, and there's nothing you can do to save her from her own stupidity, Ash," she summed up. "Just drop her like yesterday's news and move on."

That was the thing about Chantelle: sometimes, she annoyed the bejesus out of Ashley and everyone else with her brash, over-the-top manner, but she was loyal. Ashley smiled at her now.

"You got it, Chantelle," she told her.

"Drinks separately?" Claire stood up. "Are you sure you just want OJ, Ash?"

"Yeah, I drove," Ashley confirmed.

Claire approached the bar. Jeanie cautiously approached her.

"Hey," she greeted, voice strained. "What would you like?"

"Nothing," Claire's voice was all ice. "I don't want to be served by you not now, not ever, do you understand me?"

Ashley and all the other girls at her table blinked, and turned to stare at the exchange at the bar.

Jeanie scoffed, facial expression and body language immediately turning bitchy. "Fine, like I care," she said.

"Go get Bella, I only want to deal with her from now on," Claire stated coldly.

"Fine," Jeanie said again, spinning on her heel and walking off.

Claire returned a couple of minutes later, with a drink for her and an OJ for Ashley. "Here you go Ash," she said sweetly, as she set it down on the table in front of her. "No one messes with my friend."

"Thankyou," Ashley said, confusedly, not sure whether to be victorious or embarrassed.

"My turn!" Tansy got to her feet, eyes agleam.

"Oh, now guys, come on ..." Ashley began to say, but it was too late -- Tansy was already at the bar.

Bella had gone back to serve on the other side. Tansy was standing at Jeanie's side. Jeanie looked at her, and Tansy glared at her. Jeanie couldn't get out of it, obviously; there was no one else at the bar. So she warily approached the older woman.

"Hi?" she tried.

"Don't bother," Tansy sneered at once. "Where's beautiful Bella? I don't even want to look at you again, Jeanie."

"Don't come here then!" Jeanie abruptly snapped.

"I've been coming here a lot longer than you have, bitch, so don't use that line with me," it looked as though Tansy felt like having a verbal fight.

"Call me that again and I'll have you kicked out," Jeanie put to her. "I don't have to put up with that language."

"I have a table full of five girls who will back me up and call you a liar, bitch," Tansy baited. "We've been friends with Tony for years. He came to my place for dinner with his wife last week. He's a close personal friend. Who do you think he is going to believe, me? Or some little slut he hired ten seconds ago?"

Jeanie, with all the professional authority knocked out of her in one instant, pressed her teeth together angrily. Ashley expected the girl to explode, but the brunette surprised her with her mild reaction. "Fine," was all Jeanie said, seeming to deflate. "I'll go and get Bella for you, hang on ..."

Bella appeared with a quizzical expression on her face and Tansy spoke to her in hushed tones for a moment at the bar. Bella got Tansy her drink, and Tansy began to walk back over to their table to sit down.

When Jeanie passed Bella again as they both moved back to their allotted positions around the bar, Bella stopped her icily,

"If I catch you with your phone out at work again, I'm reporting you to Tony."

"Fine!" Jeanie blinked at her work colleague, whom she'd previously gotten along with very well, surprisedly. "What is this? Everyone-hate-Jeanie day?" she muttered, as Bella pushed past her.

Chantelle was already sliding out of their booth before Tansy had even made it back, aggression glinting in her pale eyes.

"Now, Chantelle," began Ashley lamely. "It's not necessary, really ..." but Chantelle was gone.

Jeanie looked intensely uncomfortable as Chantelle leant on the bar. The younger girl approached her without looking at her. "Yes?" she asked, voice deadening and knowing.

"Fuck off," Chantelle barked.

Jeanie rolled her eyes and sighed resignedly. "Bella?" she suggested.

"Hurry up!" Chantelle blared. "And a word of advice, Cream-Jeans."

"Don't mess with your friends?" Jeanie anticipated, making her voice calm.

"Quit this job. You're not going to like it here very much, I can promise you that," Chantelle smiled at her like a shark.

"Don't try to threaten me," Jeanie riled, getting angry. "I'm not going to quit just because you and the rest of the dyke-brigade decide to be rude to me. You can piss off."

"I admire your balls, dolly-girl, but we're going to be complaining to Tony about you, no one who knows us will go anywhere near you -- and between us, we pretty much know everybody who comes in here. You wait. Within a fortnight, Tony will suggest you find a job elsewhere 'cause it's "just not working out". You may as well just fuck off now. It'll save us two weeks of each other's company. Oh yeah, and what you did to Ash was real low. You're a dickhead. Want to go get Tony now? I'll get Tansy, and you can tell him about the names I just called you, and we can deny it, all five of us. It'll be a fun play-date for all involved, won't it sugar?"

Jeanie backed away from her silently and went up to get Bella -- which in itself was painful because Bella was now being icy to her as well. Bella didn't say a word to her and went to serve Chantelle. Meredith was the next to go to the bar to get her drink.

"Mez," Ashley stopped her as she got out. "This is really ..."

"Ash!" Meredith just shook her head at her and pulled away. The plump girl walked over to the bar, as Bella walked away again pretending not to notice Meredith, knowing that Jeanie would have to face her, then have to come and get Bella again.

Jeanie looked like she wished she were anywhere else but there. She slowly walked up to Meredith, eyes fixed on the ground, refusing to look anywhere near her. "Do you want to have a go at swearing at me too before I get Bella for you?" she asked carelessly, trying to make out as though she was casual about the whole thing.

"A gin and tonic thankyou," Meredith told her, voice firm.

Jeanie actually looked up in surprise. "Okay, alright, coming right up," she responded automatically, and began fixing it for her. Meredith was silent as Jeanie made her the drink.

"Don't throw it at me," Jeanie tried to joke lamely, sliding the finished product across the bar.

Meredith just silently held out the money. The pretty girl swallowed awkwardly and took it, and gave Meredith back her change.

"Thankyou," Meredith thanked her with dignity, then came back over to the table and sat down.

"What the hell, Meredith? You broke the chain!" Chantelle was laughing.

"Guys," Ashley complained. "I appreciate your loyalty but that really wasn't necessary!"

"Yes it was, she treated you lousily and now she has to pay!" Tansy declared.

"She has the right to choose what she wants to do," Ashley sighed.

"Yeah, but the way she went about choosing was lousy!" Tansy bounced back.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, loud voices suddenly caught their attention.

"I don't understand, what ...?" Jeanie was snapping at Bella.