It Never Goes Away

She broke the chit chat and said, "Sky, can I talk with you privately for a minute?"

"Sure," I said getting up and folding my bad hand.

We walked into the garage for some privacy and she said, "Listen, um, I have a dinner party coming up for work and my boss pretty much told me that I have to bring a date."

She looked so shy, it was adorable on her.

She continued, "They've been kind of wanting me to get back out there and start dating for a while and I think this is kind of a passive-aggressive way of pushing me into it."

I said, "Why? Surely after losing your husband, I'd think they would be a little more understanding."

I knew all too well about meddling friends, family, and co-workers, and understood.

"My boss and his wife are very close to me and they mean well."

I nodded and enjoyed her dancing around the reason for being there.

"So anyway," she said, "Would you please accompany me?"

She was so cute in her demeanor. I really had no desire to date but she was so beautiful, how could I say no?

"I'd love to. When and where?" I answered.

She smiled and when she did her whole face lit up.

"It's on Friday at 7. Let me get your number and I'll text you my address."

We exchanged numbers and she left with a bit of a bounce in her step.

I was conflicted after watching her leave. Clearly, she was interested in me, but until that moment I hadn't thought of dating anyone any time soon.

She was so beautiful though. She had an effervescence that was addicting. Just being with her for a couple of hours when we had dinner was an amazing experience. She simply oozed life from every pore. It's a shame she'd had so much pain to endure.

I realized that it wasn't a conscious or deliberate decision on my part to agree to go out with her. I was simply going along with her flow. I figured it may be a fun ride.

I walked back into the TV room and as expected I got some good-natured jabs from the guys.

"Well?" Mark asked. "What did she want that she couldn't say in front of us."

He had a shitty smirk on his face and it was annoying me very much.

"She needed a date for a work dinner party. I accepted her invitation."

"Ha! Pay up," Mark said to Alan, who handed him a ten-dollar bill.

"What was the bet?" I asked.

Mark laughed and said, "We were guessing at what she wanted with you. Alan said that it was probably something to do with you helping her kid. I said it was more likely to do with her fireman fetish."

"What?" I shouted a bit louder than I intended.

Mark smirked and said, "She has a fireman fetish. Everyone around here knows it. She probably fantasizes that we're all her daddy when she gets us in bed. Jerry was lucky enough to..."

I punched him before he could finish his sentence. I have no idea why I did it. I didn't really even know her and he may have been right. For some reason what he said really pissed me off and I couldn't take his smirk any longer.

Before I knew it I had one of the guys pulling me back and another holding him back. I wasn't going to hit him again and certainly didn't want an actual fight, but he wasn't taking it too well and looked like he was ready to kill me. Of course, his shouting threats at me was another clue to his desire to trade blows.

The station I'm based at has the Chief's office in it and as the guys were separating me and Mark, he happened to walk in.

"What the hell is going on in here," the Chief asked.

"Nothing, Chief. Everything is cool," I said.

"Bullshit, prick. You hit me and you're going down for it. Chief, I want him suspended." Mark said.

I should've expected him to be a pussy like that. I was trying to de-escalate it and he pressed it. So I went for the throat.

"Tell ya what, asshole. I'll admit to punching you and accept my punishment if you tell him why I did it."

He paled and stuttered some unintelligible grunts trying to come up with a response.

"Nuh, uh, dickhead. You want me suspended for hitting you, then you tell him what you said."

Alan spoke up and said, "It was nothing Chief. A little horseplay got out of hand."

While I appreciated Alan trying to make peace and keep me out of trouble and keep Mark off of the Chief's shit list, I was tired of Mark's crappy attitude.

"Tell him or I will and I've got three witnesses to confirm it."

"In my office now, you two. I'm getting the whole story one way or another. This isn't a god damn boxing ring."

Mark was literally saved by the bell when the alarm rang and we had to respond to a fire.

The Chief let us go and get to work, but I knew it wasn't over.

*********

The next day was a day off, but the Chief asked me to come to his office. I knew it was about the punch, so I sucked it up and went in to receive whatever punishment I was going to get.

He had me sit while he paced around his office. After a minute or so of silence, he said, "I'm giving you a verbal warning for the punch. A second offense will be written and could lead to further disciplinary action up to and including termination."

He was being very formal and by the book, so I let him continue without responding. I guessed that because of the witnesses he needed to cover his butt in case Mark pressed the issue.

He continued, "You have the right to not sign it and discuss it with your union rep before it gets added to your personnel file. I can't have fights breaking out on the job. We need everyone to be under control at all times."

He paused and then stood behind me and put his hand on my shoulder saying, "No matter how valid the reason is."

He walked around his desk and sat down. As he slid the form with the verbal warning towards me, he said, "You understand that I have to do this, right?"

A verbal warning isn't too big of a big deal and was as good of punishment as I could have hoped for. He was clearly not happy that he had to do it, but I did understand. I took his pen and signed the form.

"I get it, Chief. It won't happen again."

He nodded and said, "Off the record, thank you. I got Alan to spill what Mark said. I have to say I wanted to hit the son of a bitch myself, but we have to let it go alright?"

I nodded and he continued, "I'm going to ask my daughters to limit their appearances here. I don't know what's going on between you and my daughter, but you don't need my permission to see her. Just keep the drama outside of the station please."

"Well, there's really nothing going on between us right now. She asked me to go to a dinner party with her so I think there's some interest on her side but we're not technically dating."

"Okay, Sky. Just be careful with her. She hasn't been out with anyone since Jerry died, not even girls nights. She has been 100% focused on Mara. I'm actually glad that she is doing this with you. Her mother and I would like to see her get back to having a life for herself. She deserves a break her way. God knows she's had enough bad breaks for a lifetime."

"You don't have to worry about me, Chief. She and I are in the same boat actually. I haven't had much of a life for the last couple of years either."

"Well, that's all the time I'll waste of yours for today. You're free to go."

I nodded and left his office.

*********

That night as I was eating a late dinner I got the call that I was expecting.

"Hello, Molly."

"Sky, what the hell happened?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked playing dumb.

"You know what I mean. Why did my dad ask me to stay away from the station?"

"I'm not sure."

"Don't be a jerk. I'll find out from someone, I was just hoping you'd be more honest with me."

"Molly, please let it go. I think your dad is just worried about rumors and such."

"Get real. I've been in and out of station houses since the day I was born. He was never concerned before. Did you complain about me?"

"Huh? God no. Look, just let it go. It's no big deal."

"It is to me," she said angrily. "I'll find out from someone else. I'm sorry that you don't feel that you can talk to me about it. I was hoping you'd be on my side."

Before I could respond, she hung up.

"Great!" I thought. I was screwing things up with her before anything started.

I called her back immediately.

"What?" She shouted into the phone.

After pulling the phone away from my ear, I said, "Can we meet to talk. I want to set this right. I kinda like you and don't want to blow my chances with you, if you kinda like me too."

She must've calmed down because I thought I heard her giggle.

"Kinda? That's the best you've got? You kinda like me?"

I could hear the smile in her voice.

She continued, "Okay, but I can't go out because Mara's in bed. How about if you come over?"

"Okay, I'm on my way."

I changed into a decent outfit, brushed my teeth, grabbed a bottle of wine, and headed over to her home.

*********

Her house wasn't that far from where I lived and it only took a few minutes to get there. When she answered the door, she seemed a bit frazzled.

"That was quick," she said as she opened the door. "I was just trying to straighten up. Kids can be messy."

I smiled, thinking of Tyler, and agreed.

I handed her the wine and as she went into the kitchen to open it, I walked into the family room. I saw the toys scattered around and figured I'd help her out a little by putting them away.

I began to pick up some of the puzzle pieces and other toys and put them into the toy box she had in the corner. She had some of the same games and puzzles that we had for Tyler. I also had a similar toy box in my old family room and remembered my mother-in-law always complaining about it.

She'd say, "Toys belong in their bedroom, not all over the house. You're making it harder on yourselves."

She never got it, that the mess had to be cleaned every night anyway, and it didn't matter which room or rooms it was in.

"Hey, you don't have to do that," Molly said handing me a glass of wine.

"Nope, but I know how it is. It's no big deal," I said.

She joined me in cleaning the rest up and then we sat on her love seat and enjoyed our wine.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened or do I have to force it out of you with my feminine charms?" She asked while ironically dressed comfortably in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Mark made a shitty comment about you after you left and let's just say I defended your honor."

"Ah, so you're the reason for his black eye?"

I nodded.

"What did he say about me?" She asked.

I shifted my position, stalling, but finally told her, "He said that you have a fireman fetish."

"Oh," she said.

I continued, "Also that you fantasize that we are your dad."

I took a gulp of my wine and watched her reaction. She went from angry, to embarrassed, to laughing in seconds.

"Screw him. He's just pissed that I keep turning him down. He even tried to bed me back while I was married. He's a pig."

I didn't know what to say, so I agreed with her.

She continued, "I can fight my own battles, you know. I'm being punished now because you had to be my KISA."

"What's a kissa?" I asked.

"K-I-S-A. Knight in shining armor," she said with a smile.

I laughed and said, "Aye, fair maiden. Sir Sky, at your service."

"Sky?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened in Cincinnati?"

I didn't want to get into it, but I felt like I had to tell her at some point. I took another drink and emptied my glass. Stalling again, I asked, "More wine?"

She nodded, so I poured hers and then mine.

I tried to decide how much I should tell her. I quickly realized that she had experienced similar pain and might be able to relate better than all of the well-wishers and do-gooders back home. I sighed and she was clearly getting annoyed with my silent stalling.

She grabbed my hand and said, "It's okay, Sky. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready."

She then wiped my cheek with her thumb. I hadn't even realized a tear had escaped my eye.

I smiled and said, "No. It's alright, I'll tell you my story. I knew I would have to tell someone up here eventually. It may as well be someone who understands."

I took a drink and saw the look of understanding and empathy in her eyes.

"A couple of years back, my wife Rebecca, never Becky or Becca mind you, always Rebecca was riding in a car with my 4-year-old son Tyler and her parents. They had been Christmas shopping and were on their way home.

Her father had a heart attack while he was driving. The road had a sharp curve and the car rolled down the embankment."

I stopped when I began sobbing. She grabbed me into a hug and held me tightly. She felt so good in my arms, I felt so secure, I never wanted her to let go.

I continued, "The car went down the hill sideways, so they figured that my mother-in-law tried to turn the car. I wish she never did because if they went down head-on, the car likely never would have rolled. They might have been hurt, but may have survived going down the hill. Anyway, I was on shift when the call came in. No one knew who was in the car when we got there. It was a crushed wreck of twisted metal. The roof was caved in and it was upside down on the bottom of a large hill."

She squeezed me tighter, as I was practically whispering the story to her.

"We got down the hill and that's when one of the guys saw the personalized plates. Her parents were Jack and Jill, so he had license plates made up that said, 'JAKNJIL.' I was frozen in place and they kept me back as they checked the wreckage for survivors. My captain snapped me out of it and told me to call my wife and let her know what was going on. He walked over and was standing near the car when one of the guys said that he heard a phone ringing inside the car."

Molly gasped and I could feel the shake in her shoulders as she was sobbing along with me. It took a few minutes to compose myself and she never let go.

"The Captain whipped his head around looking at me with an indescribable look of anguish and that's when I fell to my knees. The last thing I remember is dropping the phone as it went to voicemail. I woke up later in the hospital."

Molly pulled away from me and grabbed my hands. She stared into my wet eyes and said, "That's enough for tonight. I know all to well that saying I'm sorry for your loss won't help you right now. All I can say is, I wish you never had to feel this pain. I feel it too, every day. There's nothing I could do, there's nothing I could say, and even if I could, and even if I would, it never goes away."

I needed to get out of there. I needed air. Space. Something. I just knew I needed to go. I stood up and hurried out of her house.

When I sat in my car, I broke down again and dropped my head onto the steering wheel. After a few minutes, I composed and started the car. Through the fogged up windshield, I saw her watching from her door. Her arms were wrapped around herself. I couldn't tell if it was from the cold or from sorrow.

*********

As I was sitting at my usual seat at McD's, I was lost in thought. I wasn't sure if it was just the emotions that I went through the night before, or if I was truly starting to fall for Molly. I felt something spark between us though.

There were no kids playing that day, so I was alone with my own thoughts when I felt someone's presence. I heard a child's voice so I turned and Molly and Mara were behind me.

I snapped out of my funk and smiled.

"May we join you?" She asked.

"Of course, please sit."

"Hi, Mr. Sky," Mara said.

"Hi, munchkin. Whatcha got there?"

"Pancakes," she said with the impatience of a child waiting for her mom to cut them for her.

"Mm, sounds good. Did you get extra butter and syrup?" I asked.

"You can get that?" She asked, as her bright eyes lit up the room.

"No, you can't," Molly admonished as she gave me a playfully annoyed glare.

I smiled and said, "Where's your coffee, munchkin? You can't have pancakes without coffee."

Molly shook her head as Mara giggled. Mara said, " I don't drink coffee, silly. I drink milk."

"Milk?" I asked with mock horror. "Is it chocolate milk at least?"

Molly groaned as Mara said, "Aw, Mom. Can't I have choc-late?"

"No, baby. Mr. Sky is just playing." She glared at me then as she said, "He knows little girls need their white milk because it's good for them."

I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

"Sky, will you watch her for a second while I go to the ladies' room?"

"Sure. No problem."

As she disappeared into the restroom, I said, "Come on, we have to be quick."

I took Mara to the counter and asked for more butter and extra syrup. She giggled the whole time it took to get it and for me to put it onto her pancakes.

"Shh," I said. "It's our secret, okay?"

Mara nodded and scooped up some pancakes that were now swimming in a pool of syrup and butter.

Of course, Molly noticed as she sat down. She just shook her head as the excess syrup dripped from Mara's fork onto the plate. I think she ended up with more on her shirt when she was done than went into her mouth.

"Sky, if you're not up to going with me tonight, I'll understand," Molly said, with a tone of sadness.

"No way. I've got a date with the second prettiest red-head in the city. I'm not passing that up for a million bucks."

She cocked her head and asked, "Who's the prettiest?"

"I am mommy," Mara said matter of factly and we all laughed. What a precious little girl.

"I'm sleeping over at Carrie's today, Mr. Sky," Mara said.

"Oh yeah?" I asked while Molly blushed.

"Who is Carrie?"

Mara giggled and said, "My best friend."

Molly said, "She's the girl we were here with when she fell."

"Oh, okay. That sounds like fun."

"Yep. Mommy says she needs adult time."

I had never seen the shade of red that crossed Molly's embarrassed cheeks.

"Mara, I think it's time to get going," Molly said, desperate for the child to stop embarrassing her.

I stood up with them and took our garbage to the bin, then I grabbed my coat and walked them to their car. Mara rambled on and on about Carrie and what games she has for them to play.

Once Mara was buckled in, Molly closed the door and turned to me. She pulled me into a hug and said, "Thank you, Sky. For everything."

I didn't think I'd done anything but accepted her hug and then she kissed me. Her lips were soft and I felt absorbed into them. After a moment, she pulled back and said, "I'll see you tonight."

Still, in a fog from her kiss, I mumbled, "Mm, hm."

She smiled and got into the driver's seat. I waved as they drove away and was surprised by the feelings I had developed so quickly and I was all of a sudden nervous. Was I ready to start dating again? Especially with a single mother?

*********

Molly opened the door wearing a white satin robe, clearly not ready yet. "Hi, I just need to put my dress and jewelry on. Give me a minute and help yourself to a drink."

I didn't get a chance to respond before she kissed my cheek and dashed off up the stairs. I enjoyed the sight of her butt jiggling and noticed her black stockings as she hurried away.

I walked into the kitchen and found a bottle of wine open on the counter. I poured a glass and made my way back into the family room.

I heard her come down the stairs a minute or so later and she froze me in place. She looked amazing. She had on a black dress that hugged her body and stopped about 3 inches above her knees. It was low cut, but tasteful. She was dressed business sexy, I'd say.

"You're drooling, Sky."

"Huh?" I said regaining my senses. We laughed together and I said, "Whatever. You look absolutely amazing."

"Thank you, sir. Would you mind zipping me up please?" She asked, turning around.

"Not at all," I said as I took in her heart-shaped ass nestled nicely in her clingy dress.