It Never Goes Away

I put the afghan on her again and poured another glass of wine for myself.

I was disappointed, but not enough to wake her. She clearly made an effort to put on the stockings and freshen up, so I had thoughts of her wanting to make love. I figured that I'd wait it out and see if she woke up.

I sipped my wine and watched her sleeping in the candlelight. She was so beautiful as she slept. So at peace. I saw her nipples harden and wondered if she was having a sexual dream. She moaned softly and I was then sure that she was.

Then she said, "Jerry, yes. So good, baby."

I felt hurt at first but then thought, "Why should I be hurt?" He was her husband. The love of her life. I dreamt of Rebecca if I had erotic dreams so I knew that it was normal.

It did ruin the mood though, so I went to the kitchen and loaded up our glasses and started the dishwasher for her.

I was putting my shoes on when I heard Mara leave her room. I walked upstairs to check on her and saw that she was crying in Molly's room.

"What's the matter, munchkin? Bad dream?"

"Mommy's gone," she said as I picked her up.

"Mommy fell asleep on the couch, wanna see?"

She nodded and I walked down to the family room, carrying her.

Once she saw that Molly was there, she calmed down and I took her back to bed.

"What was your dream about, sweetie?" I asked.

"I dreamed that you got hurt like Daddy."

I shook my head and kissed her forehead. As I tucked her in, I said, "Don't worry, munchkin. It was just a dream. All of us that work with your Papa have your Daddy watching over us. I'll always be okay."

She smiled and was asleep before I made it to her door.

Walking past Molly, I checked on her and saw that she was still out so I put my shoes and coat on and quietly left. On the way home, I smiled because I knew that I was in love with those two girls and I was looking forward to the future.

*********

The next morning I was on shift and was making breakfast with Alan when Molly and Mara walked into the kitchen.

After exchanging pleasantries, I asked, "Will you stay for breakfast?"

"No, we're on the way to my mom's. We're having a girl's day along with Abby. I just wanted to apologize in person for falling asleep again. I wish you would've stayed and woke me though."

"I did stay for a while. I finished the wine and even tucked fussbudget back into bed after her bad dream. Maybe I'll even tell you about the dream that you had."

She blushed. Clearly remembering the dream.

"How could you know what I dreamt about?"

"Let's just say you talked in your sleep."

I smiled and Alan laughed.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"Jerry used to say that you could never get away with anything because you talked in your sleep," Alan said.

"He never told me that. Well, what did I say, Sky?"

"Let's save that for later. I'll just say it sounded like you were having a very nice dream."

She raised her eyebrow and shook her head.

"Well, we have to get going. I'm sorry again, Sky."

"Don't worry about it. I still love you."

As soon as I said it I knew it was a mistake. I didn't exactly tell her 'I love you,' but it sure as hell was implied. It was way too soon to say those words, no matter how I felt.

I must have looked panicked because she just smiled at my embarrassment and kissed me.

"I love the look on your face right now. You're such a sweetie. Have a great day, I hope it's not too busy."

After walking them out I waved as they left, dreading the ribbing I was about to get inside.

Alan laughed as he handed me a plate of eggs and pancakes. He put a heart-shaped stream of whipped cream on my pancakes and said, "Here you go, lover boy."

After getting picked on for being in love with the Chief's daughter all throughout breakfast, I was mercifully saved by the bell. We had a fire to put out.

**********

The house was large and the fire looked to be mainly in the rear of the house. But we couldn't be sure from outside. We were told that the family was trapped and we needed to rescue them. The smoke was strong inside and the Captain wanted us to go in ready for anything, so we charged our hoses, and Alan and I went in.

Personally, I was glad we charged the hoses. It's more difficult to carry a hose full of water, but some, and I was one of them, felt that an empty hose was like an empty gun at a gunfight. There are pros and cons on both sides, and it's situational as to what the appropriate way to go is.

The black smoke was thick and visibility was almost nothing, but we found the stairs and they were solid. It took a minute, but we were able to get the flames down in the hall enough to get to the family, as a second-team came in to assist.

Alan led the parents down and the little boy was in my arms. The visibility got bad again as the smoke thickened. I lost sight of the other guys and heard a sickening cracking sound. Before I knew what happened the boy and I were on the floor under a part of the ceiling. My arms were free but I couldn't move out.

Over the radio, I called in, "Mayday, mayday, mayday." I gave a report on the situation I was in and tried to give them the best location in the house that I could.

I took my mask off to give the boy some oxygen as it wouldn't take long for him to pass out and possibly die from the gasses in the house. The same could easily happen to me and I was as careful as I could be.

I heard someone call out to me as I put the mask on the boy again and then it all went black.

**********

I woke up with the worst headache I ever had. I was disoriented but I knew I had a breathing tube in. I recognized the sounds from the monitor's alarm as I passed out.

When I awoke again, I realized that tube was now out and my throat hurt worse than my head. The room was dark and I felt someone holding my hand. As my eyes adjusted to the lack of light I saw that the hand belonged to Molly. I smiled when I smelled her perfume and fell back asleep.

The next time I woke up was to the sound of someone arguing. I heard, "No, Dad. I can't do it again. I can't hurt someone else. I'm bad luck. I can't have it on my conscience. I won't have another good man die because of me."

"Molly, that's nuts. You're not bad luck. Don't do this to him now when he needs you the most."

"I have to. I can't be with him. I can't live through every shift wondering if he will be coming home. I'm not strong enough."

It was Molly and Frank. My eyes had barely adjusted to the daylight when I saw her walk out.

"Chief?" I asked with a barely audible whisper. My throat was still raw. I would've killed for some water.

"Sky, take it easy. Let me get the nurse for you."

He came back with the nurse and she checked the monitors. She asked, "How are you feeling, Sky? Any pain?"

"My throat and my head," I said. "Can I have some water?"

She handed me a cup with a straw and said, "Small sips."

The pain was excruciating as a did as instructed.

"I'm glad you're up. It's been a whole day since we took the tube out. You've got some bruising that will hurt for a bit, but nothing was broken when the ceiling fell. You'll be okay."

"How's the boy?" I asked.

"He's got a broken arm and some 2nd-degree burns, but he's doing well. He doesn't seem to have any lung issues so he's really lucky. You both are. The doctor will be around soon so rest up. You'll be here for a couple of more days."

She left and the Chief came to my side.

"I'm glad you're alright, Sky. We were worried for a bit, but you're through the worst of it."

"Molly?"

He frowned and said, "She just left. She's been here most of the time with you."

"She sounded upset," I said.

"She's a bit too emotional, that's all. She'll be alright. She'll be back."

********

Three days later, I was getting dressed to leave the hospital. The guys brought me my clothes from the station, and a few were there to make sure I got home okay. My back hurt and I was a little groggy from the pain pill, so I was glad I had a ride.

Molly never came back to see me after I woke up. Alan had brought me my cell phone from my locker at the station and she never called. I texted her, "Good Morning," and, "Good Night," each day but she never responded. I could have called her, but I wanted to give her time to calm down.

I felt a great sense of loss over her. I was in a funk and the guys picked up on it. They tried their best to cheer me up, but nothing worked. I needed her.

When I got settled in at home and the guys left, I texted her and told her that I was home and would like to see her. She didn't respond to that either.

At lunchtime, I was feeling better. I decided to drive over and make her tell me to my face that she was dumping me. I had already put it together from what little I heard and her ignoring me for three days, but I wanted to be able to plead my case. I had to try.

I pulled onto her driveway and hobbled up to her door. I rang the bell and hoped that she would answer. I needed her.

It was strange how we had only gone on a handful of dates, but I knew I was in love with her already. Heck, we hadn't even made love yet, but I knew she was the only one I'd ever love again.

I knew she felt it too. I don't know what you'd call it, whether there was a spark, whether it was love at first sight, or if it was kismet, destiny, or karma, there was something between us. Two souls who've felt the pain of loss. Two young hearts having to struggle to regain normalcy. We lived with the ghosts of our previous true loves and still found each other.

And there was little Mara. The sweet angel that had a dream that I would be hurt like her dad. I loved that little girl as much as I still loved my Tyler. I longed to be in her life and watch her grow into the strong woman I knew she would become.

I had to convince Molly to stay with me.

The door opened and I saw the tears in her beautiful blue eyes before anything else. The sparkle was gone. There was no light shining, where once it shone so brightly. She was feeling the pain I felt. I almost thought she was Abby, but I knew better.

She stood in silence, looking at me sadly. I said, "May I come in, please?"

She nodded and led me into the front room. Toys were scattered about. There were days old cups on the coffee table. I looked into the kitchen and saw the dishes in the sink, I knew she was in pain. This wasn't her. This wasn't my Molly.

"Please don't end us," I begged. "I know you're afraid to lose a second man that you love to the job and I'm sorry. I love you and I need you."

"I can't do it again, Sky. I'm not strong enough. I thought I was or I never would have asked you out. Abby and Mom, tell me I am, but I'm not. I just can't do it. It's my fault, I'm bad luck."

"No!" I shouted. "Never say that. What happened to me in that house had nothing to do with you. What happened to Jerry in that warehouse had nothing to do with you. It's the risk that we choose to take. It's our calling to put our lives on the line to help others. It's not bad luck, it's the way the game is played."

Before she could speak, Mara rumbled into the room. "Mr. Sky!" She shouted as she ran to me. "Nana said you were hurt at work. I'm sorry. Bad dreams ain't supposed to come true. Just good dreams. I'm sorry. Don't hate me."

She started crying and hugged me harder and I was already crying. That sweet girl thought it was her fault. I couldn't help but think that it must run in the family.

"Oh, munchkin. I didn't get hurt because of your dream. Sometimes these things happen and we can't stop them. But look, I'm okay. Your daddy was watching over me as I told you he would. I'm okay."

Molly was sobbing on the couch across from us. She walked over and knelt down to hug Mara.

"Mara, sweetie, get Sky the card you made for him."

She jumped off of me and ran up to her room. Molly sat back on the couch, her face wet from her fresh tears.

I said, "Molly, I love you and I know it's too early to say it, but it's true. I know you feel it too. I know you love me too and I feel it. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us. I won't let you. We can make it work."

"No, Sky, we can't. You don't know what I went through when Dad called me and told me to get to the hospital. You don't know what I went through for the days and nights when the only time I let go of your hand was when the nurses made me. You don't know the pain I saw in my father's eyes when he held me, consoling me, telling me that you'd be alright. You will never understand."

I couldn't think of what to say and was saved by Mara bouncing into the room. She handed me a card and I knew what I was looking at immediately.

I was standing in a room on fire with two angels smiling at me. One was her father and the other was a boy. She even got the brown hair right and I never described him to her. The other angel was my Tyler. Inside the card was a picture of a tall red-haired woman holding my hand and a red-headed little girl holding my other hand. She wrote, "Get well soon. I love you."

I hugged her and cried again. Molly couldn't make eye contact with me when I looked at her. I kissed Mara's forehead and said, "Thank you, munchkin. I love you too."

Mara got up from my lap and went back to her room. Molly looked up and said, "Please go. Don't make it harder than it has to be."

The fight was gone from me. I loved that woman with all of my soul and I couldn't convince her to love me back.

I stood up and walked to the door. Before I left, I said, "I love you, Molly. I will not give up on us. You'll understand how much, later today."

I knew what I had to do. As much as it was going to hurt, I had to do it for us.

**********

I walked into the Chief's office and handed him an envelope.

"What's this, Sky?"

"My resignation."

"Sky, no! I'm not accepting it. One freak accident shouldn't end your career. You can't give up the job you love. You're one of my best. You were meant to be a fireman. This is your life, son."

"I have to, Chief. It's the only way I can be with her."

"Damn it! Did she put you up to this? I'll talk to her, Sky. She just needs some time. I'll talk to her. I'll make it right. Just give it some time. Hell, son, you barely know her."

"I'm in love with your daughter, Frank. I can't take the chance of losing her again some time down the road. I have to do this, I'm sorry."

"Sky, you're on medical leave for 30 days. Think it over, don't rush into this."

"I'm sorry, Chief. I've made up my mind."

I walked out of his office knowing that I had another battle to fight. He wouldn't let me go that easily. Especially when he thought he could make his daughter change her mind.

*********

My doorbell rang later that night. I jumped up too quickly hoping it was Molly, and the pain I felt reminded me to take it easy.

When I opened the door, for a brief moment I thought it was her, but it was Abby. She saw my face go from elation to disappointment and asked me, "How did you know it was me and not my sister?"

"Your eyes. I can't describe it, but there's just a light I see in her eyes that yours don't have. You could never fool me."

"I'd never try to, Sky. May I come in please?"

I motioned her in and asked her to sit in the kitchen. I opened a bottle of water for her and waited for her to speak her mind.

"You really poked the hornets' nest today," she said.

I looked up at her but didn't respond. I knew that what I did would be a problem in her family and I didn't care. I just wanted Molly back.

"Dad read her the riot act. He bitched her out for starting up with you in the first place and then for quitting on you when things got rough. Apparently, Dad got so pissed and was so rough on Molly, that Mom had to call my grandfather over to talk with him. Dad always goes to my grandfather when he needs advice and I guess she thought that he needed some today."

Just then my doorbell rang again. I looked at Abby and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm afraid you're about to be subjected to the old Chambers family intervention," she said with a smirk.

"Come on, Abby. It's not me that needs help, it's your sister."

"Well, that's where you're wrong. You need to understand that by becoming involved with one of us, you become part of the family. We are a strong, tight-knit family that solves its problems together. We are always there for each other, and now that includes you."

Before I could protest more, the bell rang again and she went to open the door.

I followed her into my living room and was shocked. I expected Frank and Ali, I didn't expect Frank, Ali, Jesse, and Sara. Then I saw who must be Abby's grandparents. I couldn't believe they would all get involved like that.

"Hello, Sky," the silver-haired gentleman said. "I'm John Malone and this is my wife Ann."

I shook his hand and said, "Malone? I thought you were Frank's parents."

"We're as close as we could be, we're Ali's parents and he's like our own son."

I nodded and said, "Welcome. Please have a seat, sir. Can I get anyone a drink?"

"No, thank you," they all said.

Frank said, "Sky, I brought in the big guns, because no matter what problems I've had in the last 30 years, John and Ann have helped me through them."

All of the others said in unison, "Me too."

"Look, I appreciate it, but Molly has the problem with my job and I fixed it. Now I just need to give her some time to come back to me."

"Sky," Jesse said, "quitting your job didn't solve anything. It's made it worse. Molly is upset that you quit for her. Frank is upset that you quit for her. Abby's upset that you love Molly so much she doesn't have a chance with you..."

"Hey! Don't bring me into this," Abby said. "I'm not making a play for him. I want him and Molly to live happily ever after too."

"Sky, quitting the job that you love makes Molly feel worse than she already does," Ali said. "She's already blaming herself and after Frank laid into her for it, she's a mess. I don't understand your relationship, to be honest. You've been seeing each other for too short of a time to have such a deep connection. I think you two are deeply in love."

"I know we are," I said. "I love Molly and Mara both. I need her. I can't explain it either. Being without her hurts me deeply. If my being a fireman is what is preventing our relationship due to her fears, then I have to quit. There's no other choice."

"Don't quit your job, Sky," Ann said. "Let us work on Molly. Ali can tell her better than anyone how she lived with those fears for so many years. Please give us some time."

Frank left the unopened envelope with my resignation on my coffee table as he stood up.

"Sky, you're on leave," Frank said. "Just give us until your leave is up. She knows what you're willing to do for her, that has to be enough. I don't think she's going to be happy and take you back because you quit. She knows how much you love the job. She doesn't want you to resent her for it eventually, and you probably will."

Jesse said, "Sky, she'll come around. I saw how she looked at you when we went out together. I could see that she loved you then."

"To have feelings like yours from the beginning, only shows that you're meant for each other," Sara added. "Give her some time."

They made their goodbyes and left me to my thoughts. What kind of family had I gotten myself involved with? Her sister, aunt and uncle, parents, and grandparents all came to tell me to give her time and not quit my job? It felt like they cared as much for my happiness as much as Molly's. Amazing people.

*********

I did what they asked me to do. I gave it time. I was evaluated for my return to work a few weeks later and I was still having back issues. I would have spasms randomly throughout the day. The doctor gave me some physical exercises to help strengthen my back and recommended some breathing exercises to manage stress and anxiety. Lord knows I've had enough of both.