It Never Goes Away

She was a beautiful woman. Her auburn curls were hanging loosely across her shoulders and back. She wore just a hint of makeup. Enough to highlight her features but not look overdone. Her Amazing Grace perfume filled my nostrils and I felt like a cartoon character floating in the air, carried along by her scent.

When she sat down to put on her heels, I caught just enough of a glimpse of her thigh to see that her stockings were thigh highs. I was hooked. She had me like putty in her hands and she knew it.

*********

As we waited in the bar of the steakhouse, she said, "Sky, I'm sorry but I sort of misled you."

"Oh? About what?"

"Tonight. This isn't a party. It's more like a double date, and my boss is..."

"Hi, Molly," said a voice from behind me interrupting her.

"Hi, Aunt Sara. Hi, Uncle Jesse," Molly said sheepishly.

"You must be Sky then. I'm Jesse and this is my wife Sara."

I shook their hands and we exchanged pleasantries.

"Let's see if our table is ready, shall we?" Jesse said.

Molly grabbed my arm as we walked and whispered, please don't be mad. I'll explain it later.

*********

"So, Sky, our mop-head tells us that you work for Frank?" Jesse asked.

"Yes, sir. I've been here in town for about 7 months or so. That's when I moved here from Cincinnati. Forgive me, but did you call her 'mop-head' just now?"

Jesse laughed as Molly was slinking into her chair in embarrassment.

Sara explained, "Jesse could never tell Molly and Abby apart. They've always had those wild curls, so Jesse called them mop-heads."

"Yeah," Molly said. "It's only mildly embarrassing at work."

I coughed up the sip of wine I had just taken and said, "You call her that at work?"

Sara, amused by my shock said, "It's a family business. They're all either blood family or business family."

"Oh, got it," I said.

The rest of the dinner was the normal get to know you conversation. Jesse and Sara were wonderful people and I was beginning to like Molly's family. Considering that I've had dinner with her twice and I've already met the parents and an aunt and uncle, I guessed that at this rate our next date would be a family reunion.

*********

We walked out together and said our goodbyes. Molly was nervous so I grabbed ahold of her hand as we walked to my car.

"Relax. I'm not mad," I said.

After I opened her door, she kissed my cheek. I smiled all the way around to my door.

We'd been driving for a few minutes when she said, "Jesse and Sara have been pretty pushy to get me to start dating. They think I'm letting life and love pass me by. Jesse lost his first wife during the birth of their twins, so I guess you could say he knows from experience. When my mom told them about you, Uncle Jesse and Aunt Sara really laid into me. To get them to shut up I agreed to invite you to have dinner with them. I was afraid to ask you on a date though. I figured if I could make it sound like it was more of a group thing and a favor, you'd say yes."

"I would've said yes anyway. You're a very beautiful woman."

She smiled and took my hand.

I continued, "I will say that if it were anyone but you, I would have said no. Until this week, I really didn't think that I was ready to date yet either."

"What happened this week?" She asked.

"We spent some time together. Hell, you're the only person around here that knows my sad story. Your dad doesn't even know."

I pulled into her driveway and she asked, "Would you like to have a drink? I opened a bottle of a really good Pinot Noir earlier."

"Yeah, I had some while I was waiting. I'd enjoy having another glass."

Her smile lit up the car, or maybe it was the interior light as I got out and walked around to open her door.

We held hands again as we walked to her door. It felt so good, so natural, to hold a woman's hand again. I knew that I wasn't cheating on Rebecca, but I couldn't help the nagging feeling of guilt.

She poured our drinks and sat on the couch with me. I watched as she unstrapped her heels and I saw the indentations from the too-tight straps.

"Shoes were tight, huh?" I asked.

"They're new. They'll break-in."

She rubbed her foot and I said, "Here let me do that for you. Relax."

Before she could object, I took her foot and began what Rebecca used to call my world-famous foot rub. Rebecca had a foot fetish and loved a good rub. A foot rub and body massage were literally foreplay for her. I'd spend hours rubbing her feet or her neck, back and shoulders while watching TV together. She worked as a bank teller and was on her feet all day. She got awfully stiff and sore, and I became proficient as a result. She always had scented massage oils ready to go in our bedroom.

"My God! Your hands are amazing," she moaned.

I smiled and then out of sheer habit I kissed her foot as I switched to the other. She opened her eyes and looked at me with a raised, Mr. Spock eyebrow.

"Sorry, it's a force of habit," I said as I massaged her arch.

She smiled and closed her eyes again, clearly enjoying my ministrations.

After a few moments, I heard her snoring. I stifled my laugh as I set her feet on the floor. I poured myself another glass of the really good Pinot and waited for her to awaken.

She never did. After I finished my wine, I grabbed an Afghan off of the rack in the corner and I covered her. I wasn't too disappointed. I remember how active Tyler was, and how tired Rebecca would get chasing after him all day. I imagined that Mara was no different. A mom earns every bit of rest that she can get.

I kissed her forehead and left quietly.

**********

I took a chance and rang her doorbell at 7 the next morning. She answered the door wearing her dress from the night before, with a wild-looking hair mess.

"I'm so sorry, I should have called. I wanted to take you to breakfast."

"Come in," she said groggily. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. You should've woken me."

"No way. I know how tiring raising a child is. I imagine it's worse for a single mom."

"Well, I appreciate it, but I was rude to fall asleep. Damn, your hands were magic."

I laughed and said, "Lots of practice. You should see what I can do with some oil and a bed."

I felt like a jerk and was about to apologize for my crass comment, when she laughed and said, "I guess next time I'll have to stay awake and find out."

I relaxed and she said, "The coffee pot is automatic and smells like it's ready. Why don't you pour yourself a cup while I take a shower."

"Sounds good."

I poured a steaming mug of wake-up bean juice and looked at the pictures that were hung on the fridge.

Mara clearly liked to draw because there were a lot of them. Before I knew it, I was thinking of Tyler and his drawings. I still had them in a box at home. Then I saw a drawing of Mara and Molly holding hands with an angel. A tear slipped down my cheek.

Molly called down to ask me to bring her a cup of coffee. I poured a cup and delivered it, noticing Molly's hard nipples through showing her satin robe.

I blushed and looked away quickly as she smiled and said "Thank you. I'll be down in just a minute."

I walked back towards the stairs and saw Mara's room. I walked over and peeked in. The room was immaculate. Molly has to be a neat-freak with OCD to keep a kid's room so clean.

I saw the activity table where Mara drew and I wanted to see her latest creation - I was taken aback.

She had drawn a little girl laying next to a slide with an angel looking down. The angel was drawn the same as the picture on the fridge. Next to the girl was a man on his knees with his hand in her head.

The man was wearing a blue shirt and khaki pants. He had short brown hair and was smiling. It was a good likeness of me.

"She loves to draw," came Molly's voice from behind me. "She's just now moving past stick figures and coloring them. I think it's very good."

"It's great," I said. "Does she always draw her dad?"

"No. Just that one and the one on the fridge. My dad told her that she was very lucky to not be seriously hurt and she said that her daddy is always watching."

"Wow! She's really quite a kid. You should be very proud."

"Believe me, I am," she said with a brilliant smile that reflected her pride. "Come on, let's get something to eat."

*********

"Sky, can I ask you a personal question?" Molly asked as we finished our breakfast.

"Sure," I said, feeling that she wanted to continue with my story.

"It got too much for you, didn't it? The attempted fix-ups, the people pushing you to move on with your life? The ones that kept saying 'You didn't die in that accident,' right?"

I sipped my coffee and nodded.

She took my hand and said, "I wanted to run, too. It was horrible for me every day. Firefighters are such a close-knit brotherhood that everyone wanted to help me in some way. Wives were bringing me meals. The guys were coming over to cut the grass and make sure the house didn't need any repairs. It was overwhelming, but I knew that it was coming from a special place. There's a connection that you all have that most people could never understand. I'm not surprised that you were overwhelmed by it. The only thing that kept me here was my family. We're very close."

She was right. Firefighters do share a connection, unlike most others. Perhaps police and military do as well. We are always there for each other. I can't tell you how many wakes and funerals I attended for people that I'd never met. We do that to show the family that their lost loved one was cared about, even if they had died from natural causes. And we did care about them. I, myself, had been one to help a widowed spouse with work around the house.

She was the wife of my former Captain. He was a good man and she was a sweet lady. Their kids were living spread out across the country and she was alone. She was fixing the house up for sale and was doing most of it by herself. When we heard that, 5 of us went over on a Saturday morning and handled anything she needed. Painting, attic and garage cleaning, packing our Captain's things away - we helped with it all. It's just what we did. What we did and do for each other.

They understood why I had to leave when I said goodbye. Everywhere I went was a reminder of my wife and son. I could've sold the house and moved somewhere else within the city, but it was more than that. It's almost indescribable, it was like a shadow following me around.

I nodded to her and said, "At the beginning, I was in a daze. After the funerals, I couldn't function right. I was on leave and I was a mess. If I ordered food, I ordered for the three of us. If I shopped, I bought Tyler's favorite cereal and Rebecca's granola bars that no one could ever eat but her. I finally snapped out of it when my friend Travis asked me why I had ten boxes of Apple Jacks on the counter."

She squeezed my hand and said, "I still keep Jerry's favorite seltzer water in the fridge. I don't even drink the stuff."

I continued, "I eventually came out of my shell and started going to barbecues and parties again. I forced myself to do it for my friends that cared about me. My therapist wanted me to do it as well, but I held off for a long time. Something about ripping the band-aid off or something like that. What I finally couldn't take was that every time I showed up somewhere, someone brought along a single friend. I just couldn't take the continued pushing me to date. I couldn't fake being polite anymore. How could they expect me to replace my Rebecca?"

She frowned when I said that and I took her hand.

"Molly, I'm in a better place now. Don't worry, I'm ready. I haven't felt like I feel when I'm with you, in years."

"I feel the same, Sky," she said with a dick-hardening smile.

"Well, I guess that's it. Nothing much else to tell," I finished. I was surprised I made it through the rest composed.

"It's plenty, Sky. Thank you for sharing it with me."

**********

We spoke every day after that breakfast. I think that we were taking it slow, cautious of burning out too quickly, so we hadn't gone out for a few weeks after that. We both had our internal struggles and our ghosts of the past that we were dealing with in our own way.

She had the extra complication of sweet little Mara. I understood that entering into a relationship with me could have an adverse effect on her, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt her or her daughter.

*********

I was sitting in my usual booth at McD's, eating my usual McGriddle when I heard a familiar voice shouting in excitement.

"Look, Mommy! It's Mr. Sky."

I stood up and turned around, only to be hit by typhoon Mara smashing into my legs for a hug.

"Hi, munchkin," I said.

"Hi, Mr. Sky. We came for pancakes."

"You sure did," I said. "With extra butter and syrup right?"

"Yeah!" She shrieked.

"No!" Molly said, laughing.

Molly gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, before saying, "I missed you, Sky."

"Me too, will you please join me?"

"Yes, thank you. Will you watch her while I go order, please?"

"Of course."

Mara slid beside me into the booth and I showed her the extra syrup and butter packets I had started taking, just in case I bumped into them again. She giggled and made a shushing sound.

Molly came back with their tray of breakfast and Mara broke out into giggles again.

"What did I miss?" Molly asked.

I lost myself into a memory of me and Tyler having our fun little not-so-secret from Rebecca over the same thing. He loved extra syrup too.

"Earth to Sky."

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of Tyler."

The look on my face must have told her what else she needed to know because she just smiled and cut Mara's pancakes.

"Who's Tyler?" Mara asked.

"He was my son, munchkin."

"Can I play with him?" She asked innocently.

Molly was about to say something, but I stopped her with a wave of my hand.

"No, sweetie. I'm sorry, but he's an angel now. Just like your daddy."

"Aw, that's sad. Do you have any other kids I can play with?"

Molly looked horrified, while I shook my head to let her know it was okay.

"No, munchkin. Not yet. I hope to someday."

"That's what mommy says when I ask her for a sister. I don't want a brother."

I laughed and wiped some wetness from my eye. Molly slid Mara's pancakes over and said, "Uh oh! I forgot napkins. I'll be right back."

Mara looked up at me and I put the extra butter and syrup on her pancakes. She giggled and put a big forkful into her mouth.

When Molly came back she of course saw the lake of syrup and unmelted butter and got playfully angry.

"Sky, you're spoiling her."

"Me? No way. If I were spoiling her, I'd have given her chocolate milk as well."

We all laughed and Molly said, "You don't have to keep control of her once she's got all that sugar in her."

I smiled and kissed Mara on her head. "That would be no problem for me. I would just take her to the aquarium then."

Mara's head went up in a flash. "Can we go see the fish, Mommy?"

Molly looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I swear she could get that right eyebrow up like she was The Rock.

"Don't look at me," I said. "I'm off today and have nothing to do."

Molly smiled and damn if she couldn't raise the dead with that look.

"Well then, it looks like Mr. Sky is taking us to the aquarium."

Mara danced in her seat and all of a sudden didn't want her breakfast anymore.

"Uh Uh, munchkin. You have to eat all of your pancakes first."

She pouted, but dug back in and ate some more.

*********

On our way to see the fish, I asked Molly about her job. She didn't seem to ever work.

She said, "I work part-time. Most of what I do can be done from my home office. I go in one or two days a week for a few hours as needed, I plan to work more when Molly starts school."

"That's nice that you can do that," I said.

"It's is. Jerry left me set up pretty well with his life insurance. I paid off the house and other debts and still have enough left to be flexible with work. Since it's a family business, I guess you could say they are taking care of me. Everyone understands my situation, and I am able to get a lot done in the evening after Mara goes to bed."

I noticed Mara sleeping in the back seat and got more personal.

"This isn't moving too fast is it?"

She looked over with a hint of concern.

"I really like spending time with you, and Mara is just too fun to be with."

She patted my thigh and said, "It's fine. She likes you and you're certainly moving nicely into a place in my heart as well."

"I'm glad. I'd like to see you more. I know we talk a lot, but I'd like to begin to move forward a bit."

"Oh yeah?" She said with a grin. "Do you think you can handle us?"

"I do and I'd like to do things like this more."

"Okay, but I don't do casual, Sky. If we take it up a notch, it's got to be with an eye on the long term. I know saying that puts a lot of pressure on you, but I have my daughter to think about."

I held her hand and said, "I know you're a package deal and I'm more than fine with that. I'd never do anything to hurt you or her."

"I know. You're a great guy. To be honest with you, Abby has been telling me to shit or get off of the pot when it comes to you. I think she's got the notion that if I don't want you, she's going to step up to the plate."

I laughed and said, "I guess that's settled then. If we were in high school I would ask you if you want to go steady and give you my class ring."

"Just give me your heart, Sky," she said softly.

We had just pulled into a parking spot, so I leaned over and sealed it with a kiss.

She already had my heart.

**********

On the way home, Mara was sleeping again. It was getting close to dinner time so I asked Molly if she wanted to stop for something.

"No, how about if I make you dinner? I make a mean spaghetti."

I accepted and it turned out that her spaghetti was very good.

After we ate Mara worked on a drawing and I talked with Molly while sipping some wine.

"Do you have any siblings, Sky?"

"No. I'm an only child. I was actually adopted by my parents. They were in their 40's and had given up trying to conceive. Cancer took them both a few years ago. My dad about a year after I got married and my mom a year before I lost Rebecca and Tyler."

"How terrible. You've lost everyone close to you."

"Yeah, I guess I have," I said sadly. "You know, I've never really thought about it like that. I don't feel like I don't have anyone left. I guess I'm just used to being alone."

When you looked at my life, I guess it was pretty sad. I worked, I exercised and I watched TV. The highlights of my week were when I sat in McDonald's watching kids play.

Molly had me read Mara a story before bed and after kissing her goodnight, she came in wearing her satin robe.

She looked amazing and I could smell that she freshened up her perfume. I noticed that she had put on some stockings, and wondered what else was under the robe. My soldier was beginning to stir anticipating what I hoped was coming next.

She took my hand and led me downstairs where I saw she had opened another bottle of wine and had some candles lit.

"All that walking around today has me pretty sore, Sky. Do you think you could give me another fantastic foot-rub?"

"It would be my pleasure," I said as she put her feet onto my lap. I'm sure she felt my hardening cock as I lifted her left foot and began to rub her tired dog.

Repeating exactly what I did the last time, it was only a few moments on her second foot before she started to snore. I couldn't help but laugh. I guess foot rubs would never be foreplay for her, as they were for Rebecca. They were a heck of a way to get her to fall asleep though.