by chaele
The other story you wrote was better to read than this one. Were you in a hurry. Had you to get a deadline or something. It looked like a quicky. Better luck next time
At least TRY and get the technical parts of writing straight. This was awful.
Get an editor!! At the very least try proof reading out loud each word. Just the first couple of paragraphs, if you call them that, were so disjointed with errors to make this unreadable. Better luck next time. 1.
Get an editor to clean up the syntax. Good start of a story line but just hard to read.
GOT MY JUICES FLOWING, JUST WISH IT WAS A LITTLE LONGER, HOPE YOU HAVE MORE PLANNED FOR THEM...! BETTY jo xoxo