It Takes a Village Pt. 07

Hi all! Sorry for the little delay. Here's the second to last installment! Just as a heads up, there is NO SEX in this part. Thanks!

PART 7

Chapter 18

Rian had been right about the legal aspect of stealthing; there was nothing to be done. However, the Sexual Assault Network turned out to be my saving grace. They worked with my university to inform my professors that I would be needing extensions on some assignments, and they got me in to see a therapist within the week. The only problem I couldn't seem to resolve was Austin. He still worked at the coffee shop and seeing him on shifts was excruciating.

Austin insisted that I was overreacting. He said I must have felt him take off the condom while we were fucking, so my lack of a response in that moment made it my fault. He tried unsuccessfully to get me to hook up with him a few more times, but he started leaving me alone when Goose and Mia gave him the cold shoulder. He eventually quit The Grind because of it. Good riddance.

I hadn't told anyone other than Rian and Ruth about what happened; all Goose and Mia knew was that suddenly I was adamant about not inviting Austin to any parties or nights in, and they trusted me when I told them it was for a good reason. I think they sensed that something had happened between us, but beyond that, I don't know what they thought.

I started going to therapy once a week. My therapist was a woman named Leah. She couldn't have been more than 30 years old, which definitely made me feel more comfortable discussing my sex life with her. She was completely non-judgmental and assured me that I had done nothing wrong. She did, however, come to the conclusion that I had bigger emotional attachment issues aside from the stuff with Austin.

She told me that what was going on with my parents wasn't uncommon and that it doesn't mean I need to change how I see my childhood. I understood her reasoning, and the psychology behind it all was fascinating; accepting it, however, was more difficult. She said that our biggest goal was to create boundaries, specifically when it came to my parents asking me to do their dirty work. She also thought it might be a good idea to be abstinent for a while, just until I sorted out my life a little, because apparently, I resorted to casual sex to fill an emotional void.

This meant that I hadn't seen Charlie for quite a while. I still saw Goose at work and at random parties and such, and I appreciated that I had a friend in him. Interestingly enough, Goose and Ruth actually hit it off one night and had kind of been seeing each other since. Ruth was my rock through everything, and I think the experience only strengthened our friendship. I saw Rian frequently; maybe more frequently that I did when we were hooking up. I spent a lot of time with him, Isaiah, and Mia, and they were all cool with just hanging out at home to eat pizza and play board games. I found myself calling Rian on nights when I was home alone and normally would have called for sex, but I was shocked to find out that he was happy to come keep me company and re-watch Queer Eye.

He was sitting on my couch with me when my mom called. She didn't know about anything that had happened, and I knew this call would be about my dad. I looked at Rian, and he gave me an encouraging smile and whispered, "You got this."

I took a breath and answered.

"Hi, mom, what's going on?"

"Hi baby, you'll never guess what I just found out. Your father's ex got a divorce because she cheated on her ex-husband. You know what that means."

"No, mom, I don't." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and scrunching up my eyes.

"It means once a cheater, always a cheater! She must be getting your father to cheat on me! His dinners with her haven't stopped, and he keeps telling me that I'm being jealous and paranoid."

"Maybe, mom, I don't know. Neither of us know. Only dad and her can know what's going on."

My somewhat philosophical answer caught her off-guard.

"I—yes, Dot, I guess you're right..." She said suspiciously. "But I need a favor. Your friend from high school still works at Rosemary, right? I need you to talk to him and ask if your dad was being romantic with that woman."

I scoffed, appalled at what was being asked of me. "Mom, his name is Jack and he's my ex. We don't talk. Besides, that is way too big of a favor. I need you to stop putting me in the middle of this."

"What do you mean, Dot?"

"I mean, I can't keep spying and communicating for you and dad. I'm done, I won't do it anymore. I thought I was okay with it but I think it has impacted me more than I care to admit, so... you need to just talk to him."

"Dot, where the he—"

"I can't talk about this right now, mom." I cut her off. "But I'll call you this weekend. I love you."

I hung up and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Rian was staring at me, a huge smile plastered across his face, and he told me something I'd never forget: "I'm proud of you."

Chapter 19

With everything going on, my acceptance to the Reproductive Rights and Health Congress kind of fell off my radar. This is, until February 1^st rolled around and I got an email reminding me that I had to accept or reject my offer within the next two weeks. I decided to talk to Ruth.

I left the warmth of my bed and ran to my closet to pull on a sweatshirt and slippers before heading down to the kitchen where Ruth was making dinner for both of us.

"Hi babe, dinner will be ready in 10 or so." She said when she heard my footsteps enter the room.

"It smells amazing. Thanks for cooking." I marveled at how Ruth could make plain pasta and sauce smell like a 5-star Italian restaurant.

"Of course."

"I... can I talk to you about something? It can wait, if—"

"No, go ahead. What's up?"

"So, I found out about this on the same day the Austin stuff happened, so I lowkey forgot about it until today. Remember that Reproductive Rights and Health Congress that I applied for?"

"Yeah, in Chicago, right?"

"Yes." I took a deep breath before announcing, "I got in."

Ruth whipped around to face me, a little bit of red sauce flying off the wooden spoon as she moved. Her face broke into a huge smile, and she jumped up as she ran to hug me.

"Dot! That's amazing! I knew you would! Ahh, this will be great. You're gonna do it, right?"

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You know how you offered for me to stay with you and your parents if I got in?"

"Duh, that's like, 40% of my excitement right now."

"So... it's still cool with them?"

"I'm sure it is! I'll call them now, though, just to double-check."

She dialed her mom before I could protest. She answered on the third ring and Ruth put her on speaker, the Chicago accent coming through clear as day.

"Hi Ruth, how are you? It's good to hear from you!" Mrs. Quinn said cheerfully.

"Hi mama! I just wanted to call to check to see if you're still okay with Dot staying with us this summer for her Reproductive Rights and Health Congress thing."

"Oh my goodness, did she get in?! That's amazing! Yes, of COURSE she can stay with us! I'm so excited, I finally have an excuse to re-do one of the empty bedrooms!" Ruth looked at me with a smirk that said, "Told ya so."

"That's great mom, thank you. I'll call you soon with details. Love you!"

Five minutes later, I had accepted my offer and Ruth was making a list of all the things we'd have to do together.

Once the list had 32 activities on it and dinner had been eaten, enjoyed, and cleaned up, I thought of the other people I needed to tell. The first one that came to mind was Rian.

"Ruth, I think I'm going to head over to Rian's. I want to tell him the good news." Lord knows he's had to deal with enough of my shit, it's time I had something happy to tell him.

Ruth looked at me with an expression that I couldn't quite place; her eyebrows were high on her forehead, there was a sparkle in her eye, and her lips were curled into a crooked smile.

"What?" I asked, feeling like I'd missed something.

"You want to go over to Rian's apartment. So that you can. Tell him. About the Congress." The words seemed like they should be a question, but her tone and inflection signaled that it was a statement.

"Yes? Is that a bad idea?" I asked as my own eyebrows contorted into a strange formation on my forehead, until I thought I knew what she was saying. "I'm not going to have sex with him! I seriously just want to tell him."

"Oh, I know that." Ruth started, pausing to refill the Brita. "It's the fact that you're making a trip specifically to not have sex that I'm interested in."

"I don't know what's going on right now." I stated, trying to convey my confusion.

"Jesus, Dot, for someone so smart you sure can be dense sometimes." Ruth sighed. "Think about it. Who was the first person you told about Austin? Who took care of you when you were having a panic attach? Who literally shared a full-sized bed with two other people because he didn't want to leave you? Which of your old hookups do you still go out of your way to see?"

I thought about her questions, knowing the answer to each of them was Rian. What was wrong with that? Rian made me feel safe. He was easy to talk to. He knew everything about my life already, and I liked being with him. I... liked being with him. I liked him.

My eyes got wide and shot up to find Ruth's. My gaping jaw indicated to her that I'd finally put two and two together.

"Ah, she got it, folks!" Ruth yelled to an imaginary audience in our kitchen and gestured towards me.

"Fuck." I whispered. "I like Rian. Goddamnit, how am I just now seeing this?" I asked in horror.

Ruth's face softened and she sat down in the chair next to me. "Honey. You've had a lot going on. I think everything with your parents and having to play messenger for all your friends—myself included—took up all your emotional energy. We're all partially at fault here, we definitely used your honesty to our advantage. I think Austin was just the straw that broke the camel's back."

I nodded, my jaw still slack. "But... I feel like I'm just now making progress on myself. I'm just starting with all the emotional baggage in therapy. I'm not supposed to be with anyone right now."

"I know, sweetie. But I don't think you need to worry about Rian, he clearly cares about you. I think you should just tell him what you just told me. I'd bet everything in my savings account that he'd be understanding and would wait for you."

"So, you'd bet, like, $200?" I laughed a little, clearing the air.

"Hey, it's still all my savings! You see my point."

"I do. Thank you, Ruth." I hugged her hard, my hands clasping together behind her back. "I'm going to go talk to him now... about everything."

Chapter 20

30 minutes after my revelation, I was standing in front of Rian's door preparing to knock. Damn, for someone who was used to being honest with everyone, I sure was having a hard time gathering the courage to just knock.

Then I remembered Isaiah. He could help me! I texted him quickly, asking to him come outside. Seconds later, he was standing next to me, shivering in the February air.

"What's up?" He asked casually.

I dragged him down the apartment stairs and into a little nook that was somewhat concealed from the world. I didn't want to risk Rian seeing me right now.

"I just learned something." I said simply.

"Did you learn that it's too cold to ask friends to stand outside without a coat on?" He laughed as he tried to warm himself, his hands running up and down his arms.

"Funny. No, I... I realized...I like Rian." Isaiah was quiet for a moment, so the word vomit continued flowing. "Like, like-like him. I'm not sure when it happened but I kind of just realized why I always feel safe with him and all that shit. I came over cuz I wanted to tell him about the Congress this summer, but I'm—"

"Wait, hold up. You're just now realizing this?" He asked, cutting off my rambling.

I nodded slowly.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Isaiah muttered as he led me to his car. We hopped in and he blasted the heat before he continued. "Yeah, of course you like-like him. I'd say you might even love-like him."

My eyes grew wide with horror. "What the fuck? And no one thought to tell me?!" I asked doubtfully.

"No," he replied. "we figured you knew it too but were just too scared to get into anything."

My face fell into a frown, and sadness washed over me. "Yeah..." I mumbled. "I am too scared to get into anything. I'm just now working on myself with Leah! And all the shit with Austin... I just don't know if I could handle it right now. Or worse, what if I'm just projecting my shit onto Rian? Oh my god, what if I don't actually like him? What if he's just my emotional blanket? What if—"

Isaiah cut me off again. "Dot. Stop. I'm sorry I had never said anything, I really thought you knew. And I totally understand where you're coming from, you should be focusing on yourself right now."

I looked up at Isaiah, worrying my lower lip. "What do I do?"

He shrugged and thought for a moment before he spoke. "Honestly?" He asked. "I think you keep going to therapy. Maybe back off Rian for a little bit, see how it feels. I know you want him to hear your good news, so I'll tell him, if that's cool. I don't think you should tell him about your feelings until you know for sure where your heart is at. Honestly, Dot, he loves you. And if it looked like you reciprocated, and then you didn't... I don't know what it would do to him. He's been waiting for you basically since the day you met. Waiting a few more weeks won't hurt him."

I nodded, knowing that every word Isaiah said was true and hating myself for it.