It Takes a Village Pt. 08

Chapter 21

A month had gone by since my conversation with Isaiah, and I'd had four therapy sessions in that time. I hinted at potentially wanting to think about relationships at the first session, but I wasn't feeling confident. I think Leah knew I had more to say but she didn't push. Instead, we talked about my parents.

"So you told them about your boundaries?" Leah asked softly.

"Yeah, I sent them that letter that we wrote. Well, actually, I emailed it, but still..." Leah and I had been working on physically writing out some of my boundaries with my parents. It was hard for me to find the line between emotionally distant and protective since I was close with them, but Leah was incredible at it. For example, she told me that it would be okay for my parents to vent to me about anything besides their marital issues, but the second it turned to that, I was to simply remind them of my boundary. I also told them about the Congress in Chicago through the email, which played nicely with my boundary of not living in a home with both of them until they'd gone to therapy themselves.

We had also set up some boundaries with my friends, although, they weren't as set in stone.

"It takes a village." Leah had said with a reassuring smile. "Humans are social by nature. We can't always do all the emotions on our own. And that's okay, as long as the help you implore doesn't hurt anyone else."

For example, Leah said that it was fine—good, even—that I'd tried to set up Yael and Rebecca. It went wrong when Rebecca asked me to talk to Yael about her and I'd agreed. Leah assured me that, someday, that probably wouldn't be too much for me to handle emotionally, but right now, with everything else I was dealing with plus work and school, it wasn't within my capabilities.

I hadn't seen Rian since late January—almost a month—and I was definitely missing him. I brought this up to Leah at my fourth appointment.

"Do you miss his company, or do you miss the sex?" She asked pointedly.

I thought for a while and said, "Is it wrong if I say both?"

Leah smiled at me and set her notebook down to learn forwards. "No, Dot. That is perfectly okay. Actually, I think it's a good sign."

I paused, summoning the courage to ask the question. "Leah, do you... do you think I could be with him? Would I have the emotional capacity?" She didn't say anything, so I pressed on. "I really do like him. He's a friend... and more sometimes... and I miss that. I'm just so afraid I'll hurt him. He's a good person and I don't want all my..." I motioned vaguely around the room, "emotional baggage to weigh him down." I sighed, bracing myself for her answer.

"Dot, the fact that you can admit that you like him and want to be with him—let alone that you don't want to hurt him—tells me that you are ready for it. Obviously, I've never met him, but he sounds like an abnormally patient man. I think he would be more than happy to help carry some of your baggage."

I smiled wide and considered the whole new world of possibilities that just opened for me.

Chapter 22

It was March 13^th, the Saturday before classes resumed after spring break. Ruth and I hadn't gone anywhere; we just slept, read trashy books, and ate cookies all week. It was glorious.

I knew from Isaiah that Rian had gone home to Pittsburg to visit his family and interview for a summer internship. Given the time he had left to come back to school, I knew he should be getting home around 1 PM. Plenty of time.

My contact with Rian had been limited to a few texts and sharing the occasionally funny tweet or Instagram post with each other. Leah assured me that this was just fine; that's what 100% platonic friends did, too, right?

I had written a very sincere letter to Rian (thanks to Leah, that was the way I could currently cope with strong emotions) telling him all the things I liked and loved about him and why I wanted to be with him. I also included my reservations; Leah agreed that being honest and straightforward about that kind of thing at the start of a relationship is important. My plan was to be in the house with Isaiah when he returned, hand him the letter, give him a hug or something, and peace the fuck out.

At 12:22, just when I was about to head over, my phone rang. I looked at the screen to see Rian's name. I answered quickly before I had time to overthink it.

"Hi Rian." I said quietly.

"Hey, Dot. I'm driving home from Pittsburg right now, I'm probably 10 minutes from campus. Do you think..." he trailed off and cleared his throat. "Would you be able to meet me at that café on Poplar Street?"

I nodded, confused but interested. "Treetop? Yeah, I can do that. What time were you thinking?"

"I was thinking right now. I could just come right to Treetop. But if that—"

"No, no, that sounds good. I'll head out now." I said quickly.

"Thanks, Dot." Rian took a long pause and I heard him exhale. "I'll see you soon."

My mind raced. Asking to meet at Treetop wasn't weird; we'd done that plenty of times, granted, not in the last 6 weeks or so. What really threw me was his somber voice. It sounded like he was about to tell me about a cancer diagnosis or something.

I arrived at Treetop before Rian did. Treetop was a cool place. The first half of the café looked fairly normal, except for the glass ceiling, which allowed the patrons to look up into the treetops. The second half of the café had the same glass ceiling, but this one retracted like a sunroof. The trees still covered a good of the outdoor section, but part of it was completely free. On a clear night, you could go stargazing. Literally, they'd stay open and for a $5 entrance fee, you could bring blankets and pillows and eat the free popcorn Treetop made.

Given the weather, I chose to sit inside. You could hear the calming chirp of the birds and the branches shaking in the wind. I was completely zoned out when Rian approached.

"Dot?" he asked hesitantly as he touched my arm.

"Rian! Hi!" I jumped up and hugged him around his neck, and whispered, "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." He said with a smile. We sat down and made some small talk.

"How are your sisters?"

"How are your parents?"

"How's Rex?"

Finally, Rian took a deep breath and folding his hands together on the table in front of him. He looked at me with his most serious eyes.

"I need to talk to you about something, Dot." His eyes closed when he said this and I was suddenly very, very nervous.

"Okay," I muttered hesitantly, "What's going on?"

"So... I... Well, it's kind of long story, I..." he shook his head as if to erase the half-formed thoughts like words on an Etch A Sketch. With a clean canvas, he started again. "I don't really know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to do it. I applied to a lot of places for internships this summer, and it's getting to the point where I need to make a decision."

I cocked an eyebrow but let him continue. That was not where I thought this conversation was going to go.

"I've gotten a few offers, but I've pretty much narrowed it down to two: The Smithsonian National Museum of History—"

"Oh my god, Rian!" I shouted excitedly. "You got in there? That is incredible, yo—"

"And the Chicago History Museum." He finished his sentence. I was shocked; both were incredible options, but the Smithsonian probably fit his interests better. Besides, I didn't even know he applied to the Chicago History Museum.

"Oh my god." I said flatly, all the pieces coming together.

"Yeah..." his face contorted, and he looked like he was bracing for a soccer ball to the gut. "The thing is, when you told me about the Congress thing back in October, I kind of started to look at internships there, too." He paused to look at me, and I nodded to indicate I was following. "I thought it would be fun if we could both be in Chicago together."

My mouth opened to say something, but Rian held up a finger to tell me to wait.

"I know, I know what you're going to say; this is just casual sex. But, Dot, we've been doing this for almost two years now. I care about you. I... Fuck it, I love you, Dot. I knew you were going to be special the night I met you, and I tried to make myself keep everything casual, I really did. But eventually it was just too clear that I wanted to be more than just someone on your hook up roster. And if you don't have any feelings for me at all, then we can move on like nothing happened and just be friends. But I need to know if I'm holding out hope for something that will never happen or not. Cuz if I am, I'll go to the Smithsonian and leave you be in Chicago."

There were tears in my eyes now, and I fiddled with the letter in my hands. I wanted to open my mouth to say those words back to him, but I was afraid I would just sound incoherent. So, instead, I handed him my letter. He looked at me, clearly confused and maybe slightly hurt, but he took the envelope and started to read. I watched as a whole range of emotions played across his face: nostalgia, joy, sadness, and finally, love. When he finally looked back up at me, his eyes were red.

"You were going to give me this letter today?" I nodded, choking back a sob. "Even if I hadn't said any of what I just said?" I nodded again. "So I worried myself sick all week for nothing?" A laugh broke out of my mouth and the sound combined with a sharp sniffle, and I nodded my head even more vigorously. Rian stood, walked to me, pulled me to stand up, and cupped my face in his hands.

"I'm so proud of you, Dot. For everything. For Chicago, for the shit with Austin, for sticking with therapy, and for being able to tell me everything in that letter." He kissed me softly, rested his forehead against mine and whispered, "I love you."

Another laugh-sob combination came from my chest, and a tear rolled down my cheek. "I love you, too."

The kiss that followed was powerful; not in strength, but in emotion. It held a promise of something more, something beautiful to come. If we had been anywhere but a public café, I would have gone to rip Rian's clothes off.

Instead, he took my hand and we ran to his car. We drove in anticipatory silence and I directed him to head to my house, since Ruth was out for the day. Our hands never left each other's. We climbed the steps to my room, and Rian pulled me back right as I was about to open my door.

"I know we haven't done this since before the Austin shit," he said seriously, his hands grasping mine the whole time, "and I don't know if you've been with anyone else—"

"I haven't." I said, giving his hands a squeeze.

"I don't want... I don't want to trigger you or anything, so I just want to make sure you're ready."

I smiled up at Rian, loving that his concern for my wellbeing was always present. I put my hands on his cheeks and pulled his face down to be level with my own before I spoke. "Honey, I think... Austin was part of the reason I realized how safe you make me feel. I don't think I'll have any problems, but I love you for saying something."

He nodded and nuzzled his face into my hand.

"But I do have one request." I said calmly.

"Anything."

"I want to see your face."

His smile could have lit up Times Square on New Year's Eve. He moved his hands to my waist and lifted, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He kissed me deeply, and his hands slid up my back to pull my chest even closer to his. He walked us into my bedroom and set me down ever so gently on the bed. Every kiss was somehow deeper than the last, and the raw emotion that was flowing through us brought tears to my eyes. Rian moved his hands from my neck, down my chest to cup my breasts, and over my stomach until they made their way down under the waistband of my leggings. His fingers danced down my mons to find my clit through my panties, and he began rubbing light circles over me.

The moans that he drew from me must have sounded eager; it had been over six weeks since I'd had sex, after all. He only moved his hand so he could pull his shirt off, then he returned his attention to my own top. He slowly kissed up my stomach, inching my shirt up as he moved, until finally he was kissing my forehead and my shirt was on the floor. He kissed all the way back down, stopping at my breasts to kiss all the cleavage that flowed over my bra, until he came to my waistband once again. He ripped down my leggings and my panties in one fell swoop, until they were stuck around my ankles. He slid off the bed and dragged me along until my legs were hanging off the side. Rian knelt on the floor and lifted my legs, ducking under the bunched-up fabric around my feet until he was flush against the bed with my pussy right in his face. One arm went under each of my thighs, and his hands curled up over the top of my legs to hold me open, the makeshift binding around my ankles effectively keeping him held against me.

I was panting heavily, little gasps escaping at his unexpected movements. When he finally lowered his mouth to my pussy, I heard him whisper, "It's been way too long." And then he dove in. His tongue drew small circles around my clit, alternating with direct flicks and intense bursts of suction.

Rian knew he had me right on the edge from the way I was moving. I must have looked like a worm on a sidewalk trying to flip back to the grass. My torso was twisting and occasionally lifting my back off the bed. My hands were grasping at my comforter and my own breasts. My legs were moving as much as they could, but Rian's strong arms mostly kept my hips steady. My head was shaking back and forth, my eyes fluttering like my heartbeat. I was desperate for release.

"Rian," I panted, "oh my god, Rian, I--

"Look at me." He said calmly. I raised my head slightly to look him in the eye. Just as I did, his tongue returned to my clit and two fingers drove into my pussy at exactly the right angle. The pressure on my front wall plus the sucking on my clit and the direct eye contact made me come on the spot. I tried to maintain his gaze, but I felt my eyes rolling into the back of my head. Rian's fingers didn't stop, and neither did his tongue. The stars I was seeing became shooting stars, and then fireworks, and I screamed as a few tears ran down my cheeks from the intensity. It was only when the fireworks had died down and my sensitivity made my hips jerk at every touch that Rian climbed back onto the bed with me.

I was panting hard and not completely aware of what was going on, but the next thing I knew I was sitting up on the bed and Rian was kissing my breasts, having removed my bra and his pants somewhere in the post-orgasm haze. When my breathing calmed and I had the lung capacity to go down on him, I reached for his cock just to find that it was already covered with a condom.

"No, not right now." He muttered in my ear. "I have to be inside you. Now."

Rian crossed his legs crisscross applesauce style and pulled me to him so that my legs wrapped around his waist and I sat in his lap, facing him. He cupped my ass to raise me up, and he positioned me over the tip of his cock before slowly—painfully slowly—lowering me on to him. In that moment, all I could do was rest my forehead against Rian's and wrap my arms around his neck. It was the closest I'd ever felt to him, and I loved the feeling of him completely filling me with our bodies touching almost everywhere. I stayed still for a few minutes, savoring the moment as one of pure intimacy before I started rocking my hips gently.

Rian started whispering in my ear as we moved together, telling me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was, how proud of me he was, how much he had missed me over the last few weeks, and how long he had been waiting for this. I felt the tears in my eyes overflow just as the joy in my heart did. Rian kissed away each tear and kept whispering to me as we picked up our pace.

Eventually, both Rian and I were panting hard, and our faster movements increased the friction against my already-sensitive clit.

"I-I'm close." I moaned in his ear.

"Come for me, Dot." He commanded.

That was all it took. All the emotions of the last few months were released, and I felt my pussy contracting around his cock, gripping him hard. My mind was wiped clean and all I could feel was Rian: his love, his protectiveness, his cock. I cried out again, my head falling back just to be caught by Rian's strong hands. As the wave continued to wash through me and unknown sounds continued to escape my lips, I finally felt Rian stiffen and grunt one final time, coming hard with me.

I can't tell you how long we stayed like that; certainly longer than we probably should have, given that Rian still needed to take the condom off. But in that moment, nothing really seemed to matter. We were together, both of us becoming better people because of the other. Eventually, Rian released my face and hugged me to his chest. I felt him shaking his head, his chest heaving from a chuckle, and he said, "I suppose we need to go thank Ruth and Isaiah. I think they're the reason this finally happened."

I smiled and hugged him tighter, reveling in how far I'd come in all aspect of my life in the past few months. I nodded and whispered, "It takes a village."