It's Just Business

It's Just Business -- A woman's tale of ambition and success.

How my life is, the situation I'm in and the risks I take with my marriage, boil down to the words he spoke to me that fateful day, 'It's just business,' that's the way I have to look at how things are now. My husband, the love of my life, knew nothing of my arrangement, the deal I made with the devil, a trade off with a man I actually dislike as a person. Yes, he's a handsome and powerful man, but alongside that he's arrogant, brash, conceited, and vain. He's also my long-term lover and I suppose I must love him in some way. I certainly love what he does to me and has done for me come to that. Why did I agree to do it? Why do I keep doing it?

Years of lies, deceit and deception, all for what? Great sex, 'yes' definitely. The rush of adrenalin as I am dominated by my forceful lover, 'yes' of course. A feeling of pride that I have been able to maintain an innocent husband and family for so long, you bet. What amazes me is that I cope with it in clear conscience, in fact I revel in it, I really don't want to stop now, its part of my life and it means so much to me.

It started so long ago, I should stress that I don't let it affect my husband, I've already said he is the love of my life, he is still and always will be. My children are equally important to me although it's my husband that does most of the work with them, the caring and nurturing, that sort of thing -- I'm too busy with work you see. I love them, of course I do, and will protect them above all others, even myself. What my lover gives me is necessary, an important part of my life, but make no mistake I need my husband and family much more. If I ever have to choose there is no doubt who and what I would give up, I'd miss it, of course I would, but until then I'll continue.

So why do I risk what is so important to me?

To explain I need to go back to my school and university days, the happy, carefree, simple days when I had my share of casual boyfriends, nothing heavy, just fun nights out usually. I'd given my virginity to my first real boyfriend towards the end of my final school year, we had fun together, the illicit sex we shared and the danger of being caught by our parents just heightened the thrill. We both knew there was no future in our relationship, we were both headed off to different universities, so when the time came we ended things between us amicably.

For the first two years at university, I didn't want to get too serious with anyone, a few dates did end up in my bed, or theirs, but it was just fun, part of the learning process. I'd had a couple of steady boyfriends, but neither lasted more than half a term. I didn't love either of them, they were nice guys, kind and respectful. The sex was all right, certainly nothing like I was to experience later, but I enjoyed it at the time.

All that changed with Jon, it was early in my final year when we met at a party. There was an instant attraction between us, physically he was my ideal man, he looked handsome and spoke to me as an equal, not as a potential conquest for the night's entertainment. We danced and the way he held me made me feel as if I truly belonged there, safe in his arms. As the party drew to a close I readily agreed to a follow-up date with him.

We dated regularly and were soon exclusive, it was obvious that there was something special between us. He respected me for my intellect, accepted my drive to be the best that I could, we shared a similar sense of humour, liked each other's company and as our relationship developed we found that we were more than compatible in bed.

He rocked my world and I think I did the same for him. He was a considerate lover and knew what turned me on so made sure my needs were met each and every time we made love.

I'm jumping ahead of my story though, I was studying a four-year degree course where the third year was a work placement, the university helped us find companies that would provide training to compliment our study programme. I was lucky to find a placement not too far from the campus, so I was still able to stay in the house I was sharing with the girls I'd been with for the first two years.

I first met Grant at the interview, his sister Natalie interviewed me initially then introduced me to him for his approval to hire me. He didn't say much, just told me about the company, what they did, explaining that he and Natalie had jointly inherited the company from their father. As he spoke to me he had a look in his eyes that I found slightly intimidating, an expression that I could not quite fathom.

I was used to men mentally undressing me, as I'm sure most women are, but it was more than that, he appeared not just to be looking at my body through my clothes, but right into my soul. It sent shivers down my spine as I forced myself to remain calm and hold his penetrating gaze.

The meaning of that look would only become clear to me years later and is at the core of my tale. For now, though I was pleasantly surprised when after looking at me in silence for a long moment he switched his attention to his sister to tell her that he was happy with her choice.

From my first day Natalie took me under her wing, she was nice to me, making sure the work I was given was meaningful and helpful for my education. She made sure I understood what I was doing and why, I was part of the team and the others welcomed me. The work was hard but rewarding, I was learning so much.

Grant was the company figurehead, the salesperson if you like. He travelled regularly in order to convert the proposals that we in the office had prepared. He was always very professional in dealing with us, the staff, in the office but I had little to do with him directly.

Shortly after I started working there we were rewarded with a meal out for the whole team, after our meal we went on to do some dancing, the treat was to celebrate the success in securing a lucrative contract, and even though I hardly contributed I was invited to join them, as I was on all subsequent occasions. On the first outing the men in the team flirted with me and, to an extent, I gave as good as I got. It was all good harmless fun as all but one of the men were married, I made it clear it was just fun, I was not interested in taking anything further with any of them.

Grant seemed somewhat distant with us, except perhaps with Cindy, who was maybe five years older than me. I thought I noticed a 'look' pass between them, a brief intimate exchange that no one else seemed to see. I knew she was married as she'd told me about her husband and children at lunch one day, so I was a little surprised by what I thought I saw. Other than that brief interaction nothing else looked amiss. The rest of the team, including both Cindy and Grant, seemed at ease with each other and interchanged dance partners regularly. I might have been mistaken, reading too much in the very brief interchange between them.

My chance to partner Grant came quite late and it was only the one dance. He was a complete gentleman throughout my short time with him and smiled as he thanked me for being a good partner.

After that first get-together I noticed the guys toned down their flirting with me, they would laugh and joke with me, but the sexual undertone was gone. I found out many years later that Grant had made it known I was to be left alone. As the year went on we seemed to get together every couple of months, everyone enjoyed each occasion and I saw nothing else between Cindy and Grant, so perhaps I had imagined it after all.

Whenever it was my turn to dance a slow number with Grant he'd hold me close and, although I hadn't really taken to the man, I liked dancing with him. He had a way with him, a bearing, he felt strong, in control, dominant even. I respected him and he made me feel safe. While we were together he seemed to focus on me, on my enjoyment, that said, he was always a gentleman. As time went on I began to feel slightly disappointed that he took no liberties with me, his hands never strayed, and he didn't press himself against me inappropriately. I'm not sure how I would have handled it if he had though, I convinced myself it was a good thing he behaved.

I was still living with my student friends close to the university, so I went out with them most weekends, of course I occasionally enjoyed male company but, like the previous years, nothing regular or serious. When my friends went home during the Christmas break I had to work so stayed in the house alone, and of course there was the company Christmas Party to attend. I splashed out on a new dress and decided in advance to let my hair down. Tom, the one single guy in the team agreed to escort me and we sat with three others from our team who were with their partners. We had a blast.

One thing that did notice was that although Cindy was with her husband I saw her slip out of the room alone and that Grant followed a few minutes later. Cindy's husband was sitting and laughing with some of the others from our team and appeared not to notice his wife's absence. I saw Grant return to the room about twenty minutes later, Cindy was still missing, I didn't actually see her return but next time I noticed she was back in place at her table.

I had my couple of dances with Grant of course, I was pleased when he complimented me on my dress. We'd both had a few drinks by then and I admit to pressing myself against him, perhaps a little closer than normal, I was impressed with what I briefly felt between us. However, he seemed slightly embarrassed by it and gently moved me away from his body with a smile. At the next song he tapped Tom's shoulder to exchange partners. I felt a stab of disappointment at what felt like a rejection so moulded myself seductively into Tom, who seemed not to mind.

At the end of the evening Tom called a taxi and travelled with me to my digs, after asking the driver to wait he walked me to my door. We'd both been drinking and were quite 'merry,' so I pulled him to me to press my lips to his, he returned the kiss with some passion until we broke apart and I breathlessly invited him in. We both knew what was on offer so imagine my surprise when he refused, whispering, "thank you, you're gorgeous, but I can't." Before I could ask why, or even say any more, he'd returned to the waiting cab and was gone.

Nothing was said on the Monday morning, Tom greeted me with a smile and said how much he'd enjoyed my company, it was too public for me to query his sudden departure, so I just smiled and went to my desk.

Grant arrived about five minutes later and asked me to join him in his office. This was unusual, I followed him and took the proffered seat as he discarded his jacket. "Did you have a good time on Saturday evening?"

I replied in the affirmative. He smiled and continued, "Good, I enjoyed dancing with you, you looked lovely, did young Tom behave himself and return you home in one piece?" Again, my answer was positive. "I'm glad to hear it."

We then talked about the work I'd been doing, whether I enjoyed it, was it something I was interested in, that sort of thing. Once he'd listened to my responses he seemed slightly distracted for a few moments, looked at his computer then, "I'd like to discuss your progress and future plans in the new year. When we get back we'll arrange something, perhaps an informal meeting somewhere." He then paused and looked thoughtful for a long moment, then, "OK, that's all for now, have a good relaxing break."

That was it, I was dismissed. As I left his office Cindy passed me to enter his office, she looked a little tense and I noticed she closed the door firmly behind her. I was too busy to notice when the door opened but when I did next see her Cindy was back at her desk looking a lot more relaxed than when she passed me earlier.

Later that day I mentioned my meeting to Natalie, and that Grant wanted to speak to me again later, she smiled, "That's good, he likes you, we both think you will fit in well with us here. You and I will talk again too."

I went home to my family for Christmas, staying until the new year, it was nice to be home with my parents and to see old friends while there. I did meet my old boyfriend and his new partner, he seemed happy enough.

When I returned to work I was relaxed and raring to go, as were the rest of the team. As time went on I was able to offer more and really enjoyed the opportunity to build my experience. One worry I had was that Grant seemed slightly more distant with me and the rest of the team, he seemed distracted at times and hardly spoke to me in particular, he made no mention of our further meeting. We did still go out as a team a couple more times and I did dance with Grant, but things were not the same somehow.

Time seemed to fly, and my secondment was almost at an end when Grant called me into his office one Monday morning. "Are you free on Friday evening?" I told him I was. "Good, I'll pick you up at 7 o'clock, we can talk about your future, dress for a meal and perhaps some dancing." I nodded my assent before he added, "Good, now I think Natalie would like to see you in the conference room."

Natalie told me they'd been pleased with my performance and impressed by my attitude to work. She handed me a sealed envelope that she said contained the university assessment forms she'd filled in for me, there was also a letter to my course tutor. As she stood to signal the end of our meeting she asked, "Has Grant arranged a meeting with you for later in the week?" I said he had. "Good, I know he has a proposal for you to consider."

Her comment set my mind racing, what sort of proposal? Why after work, in a restaurant, dancing? I was not interested in a relationship with him, after all I didn't really like him, certainly in that way, and by his reaction when we danced I was sure the feeling was mutual.

The week seemed to last forever as I wracked my brain as to what would happen when I met him. Friday arrived and he was out of the office all day so I could not gauge his mood. It was a rush, but I was ready at the appointed time, I wore a modest 'little black dress,' it wasn't too short and showed only a respectable amount of cleavage. My favourite heels and new underwear completed my outfit.

He knocked on my door right on time and led me to his car, imagine my surprise when I saw Natalie and another man I'd not met before already in there. Grant held the front passenger door for me and, as I slipped into the seat, Natalie introduced her husband to me. Ralph smiled and said "Hello, nice to meet you at last."

We were soon seated in a cosy restaurant with a drink in our hands. Grant spoke first, "Thanks for joining us tonight, Natalie and I want to discuss your future, in particular where it might be mutually beneficial. We thought an informal chat in a relaxed atmosphere was best."

Once our food was ordered Natalie said that they both felt that I had fitted in well and that, provided I obtained the degree I was projected to get, I should speak to them about a permanent position immediately after graduation. They handed me a draft contract of employment which detailed the renumeration package they were prepared to offer should I qualify. It was better than I expected. Then as I finished reading Grant smiled and added, "We are very keen to secure your services so please read this," he handed me single sheet of paper. "It's a preliminary offer, a retainer if you like, to help you through next year."

Natalie took over, "We hope that puts us in pole position for your future services." I was speechless, they were to pay me a weekly allowance that would cover my living expenses for the next academic year. I think my mouth must have been hanging open when she continued, "There are no strings attached to our offer, you are free to live your life as you see fit, we just hope you will continue to work hard then call us first when you graduate."

What could I say, my smile must have given me away, maybe even the tears in my eyes gave them a hint, Grant saved me, "That's enough business talk for tonight, let's enjoy the meal and rest of the evening." What could I say? I managed to thank them and promised not to let them down. The meal was lovely, and we danced 'till late. They dropped me off at my digs at midnight, Grant walked me to my door, and, although I hesitated, I did give him a kiss on the cheek as I thought it only polite, he didn't seem to mind too much!

It took me a couple of weeks to get back into the routine of university life and I had to get used to a couple of new housemates. However, it was during the usual round of 'freshers' parties that I met my future husband, we were the same age, and he too was about to start his final year. His was a three-year course but he'd had a year out to travel after school so had now caught up with me doing my four-year stint.

As I mentioned earlier we quickly found that we were made for each other and soon made plans for our future life together. We agreed that once we had each secured a suitable career we would marry, of course I was ahead in this objective, but he was smart so I knew it would not be long before we could move forward with our life.

Despite wanting to spend as much time with each other as possible we both worked hard and got the good degrees we needed. On graduation I immediately accepted my offer from Natalie and Grant while Jon soon found a job that he wanted. We set up a joint savings account and planned a June wedding.

My job was what I expected, I still had things to learn but fitted in with the team right away, it was almost as if I had never been away. As before Natalie was friendly and helpful, Grant not so much. He was just as I remembered, aloof at times, abrupt, sometimes even rude, but overall, he was business-like and very professional.

We still had our occasional celebratory nights out and my feelings for Grant stayed the same, I had my turn to dance with him and he kept me at 'arms-length' particularly during the slow numbers. I don't know why but it began to annoy me, as a person I didn't really like him, but found his attitude, his bearing of you like, peculiarly attractive.

As I said before, he automatically took control, he felt strong, powerful, charismatic even. All I did know was that when I was in his arms I was excited, my body responded to him even if my mind did not, it was a strange sensation. I certainly had no romantic feelings towards him and would have no intention of acting on them if I did.

Work got more and more interesting, Natalie moved me around the company as part of my training, I learned a lot, but wondered where my future lay, it seemed that as soon as I knew what I was doing in a particular job she moved me on to the next. One day I asked for a meeting to discuss this. She explained that with my education I would be wasted in any one job so she wanted me to gain a full understanding of the whole company, then, when the time was right, I would be promoted to reflect my knowledge and position.

One issue that I needed to discuss was that as a young married woman I would soon want to start a family. Natalie smiled and said, "Of course you will, and I want to assure you that we will support you throughout."

I queried how that would be possible, I'd need to take time off, maybe even resign to care for any children we might have. She dismissed that with, "I know but I'm sure your husband will be supportive of you should you decide to remain at work, we will make sure you are looked after."

And so, when eighteen months later I told Natalie that I was pregnant she moved me to our accounts department, I'd had a spell there so knew what was necessary. During the following five months I was set-up with a home office, a computer linked to the company server and the task of modifying our finance systems to cope with remote management. I was encouraged to work from home to prove the systems if I had a difficult day, or a clinic visit.