Jacksie & Jess

"Wayne was standing in your personal space, and you didn't back him up. In fact, when I first saw the two of you, you were touching his arm, displaying an openness to him. Secondly, you didn't ask me if Wayne was welcome at our table, you just ignored me and asked him to sit. Then you flirted with him, telling him how much other women should notice him. Finally, without consulting me, you asked him to dance. Not once did you look in my direction. Even Wayne picked up on this and tried to ask me if it was OK. You didn't even let me speak for myself and answer his question."

"So, tell me Jess, what is respectful about that? How does that show me love or show Wayne that we are together? How does that demonstrate your love for me? You are drop dead gorgeous Jess. Guys always notice you and I know you know they do. In some ways you enjoy the attention. In and of itself, that isn't a huge deal. However, when you treat me as if I'm not an equal, and you have the final say in everything that pertains to us, I call bullshit."

"I'm not saying I was completely right in leaving last night. In some respects, it was childish. However, if we are going to be 'us' it must be mutual. What you did made me irate. I'm not going to compete for you, we're past that stage. You have no need to compete for me. As I see it, I'm yours. That entitles you to expect love, respect and honor from me and I expect the same from you. If that isn't where we are in your mind, just say so. It will hurt like hell, but I'll respect your choice and move on."

"However, if you love me and want to pursue our relationship you must honor and respect me as well. I will not tolerate less. Look at it this way Jess. What if the shoe was on the other foot and some girl from high school was hitting on me in front of you? How would you have taken it last night if somebody we hadn't seen in ten years was flirting heavily with me when you came back from the restroom? What if I had ignored you and danced with her without so much as asking your permission?"

It was deathly quiet for a moment with Jess starring down at me. I was pretty sure she was going to turn and leave. But tears began to form around her eyes. Her lower lip began to tremble. Without warning, she threw herself into my arms and began sobbing. I just held her. After a moment she caught her breath.

"I'm so sorry Thomas! I didn't stop to think about it. That was terrible of me, I can't believe I treated you so badly. I love you and want a life with you. I'm not sure what got into me, but I was wrong! Please forgive me!" She began crying again.

I held her for a moment longer and then pushed her away just a bit so I could look her in the eye. She was being genuine.

"Jess, I forgive you. I love you. But we need to be clear about this. We must be for us above all else. I know guys will always hit on you. It will be part of my life until we're 90 and even then, guys in the old folk's home will still want you! We can't disrespect each other like that."

"I know Thomas, that is exactly right." She was wiping her face with her sleeve. "Oh, I must look awful, give me a minute to wash my face, then I'd love that cup of coffee and discuss this more with the intention of growing in our love!" ...

Five months later we were married on a Saturday morning just outside Breckenridge. It was a glorious late-May late morning with a sunny sky and temperatures in the mid-sixties. It was a nice affair even with my hockey buddies unable to dial back their "fucking congratulations." Surrounded by family and friends we took our vows to "forsake all others" and live together as husband and wife. Enjoying the afternoon with those we most loved, until around 6 PM when we headed out to enjoy our honeymoon. Fittingly, Greta carried us to DWI where we boarded a flight for Cabo. Nine amazing days later we returned to an early summer in Denver.

In the intervening months Jess and I had many long talks, took many long walks, and I believed, covered several issues that were significant to both of us. We even saw a therapist where we wrestled with some important factors in our relationship such as families or origin, expectations, and communication. All in all, I felt like I'd listened carefully and taken the advice of the three men who loved me most and was embarking on a life-long journey with the one woman I truly loved and who truly loved me.

So how was it that a mere 4 1/2 years later I'm driving down the highway, single again after my divorce from Jess? I thought I'd listened carefully and applied the good advice I'd received. I thought Jess and I covered a great deal of emotional, psychological and relational territory before and after we wed. I believed we'd been completely honest with each other and were making a commitment to honesty, love, care and respect. What I've discovered the hard way, is it doesn't mean shit if the other person doesn't make the same pledge in their heart.

It turns out Jess had different definitions of these words that she never shared with me. There were patterns in her life she was unwilling or unable to give up that put us as a couple at risk. The truth was, Grandpa Rexford was right. Jessica was a beautiful woman on the outside but her "ugly" went clear to the bone.

A year earlier Jess had learned that her application to our local high school had been accepted. She'd be teaching Algebra II and Trigonometry to tenth graders. There were two older teachers in the math department who were a couple years away from retirement. If things went well, Jess would be teaching AP Math in the not-too-distant future. This was according to her department head Dr. Charles Wellborn, or as, he came to be known, "Chuck the Fuck." But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Jess was more than pumped her first two months of the school year. Every evening she'd fill me in on her teaching and what this kid or that had learned. It was clear she loved it when math clicked for kids. She adored teaching high school, and a big part of her enthusiasm was seeing kids get it. Occasionally, she talked about Dr. Wellborn, and what a great mentor he was to her and the other newer teachers in the department. I thought little of this other than he was a good guy who wanted everyone to do their best. I should have had my radar up, but he was fifteen years her senior, married with three kids, all in their teens.

The first time I met him was in early October. After being regaled by tales of his amazing personality and leadership I was a bit underwhelmed. He wasn't a wimpy guy. He was probably about 6'1". He wasn't heavyset, he looked to be fit and trim for a guy in his mid-forties. He wasn't bald, nor was his head covered with gray hair. He wasn't boring, he carried on a nice conversation. But nothing about him stood out. Nothing was spectacular or amazing. The way Jess spoke I guess I expected to meet the Wayne Gretzky of math teaching, but he felt more to me like Barry Melrose. (I'll save the non-hockey fans among us some time. Melrose was drafted 36th in the 1978 draft, played about 300 games of professional hockey and had a completely mediocre career.) That was Dr. Wellborn to me. Seemingly good guy, completely unspectacular. I never understand why Jess was so enamored with him.

"To each his or her own" was my thought. Jess loved his encouragement and leadership so who was I to judge? I'd listen politely as she'd ramble on about how inspiring he was. It was at this point I noticed that about ninety percent of our conversations were about her job and around seventy-five percent of that was about Wellborn. When I spoke about my job, or hockey or family she'd smile and listen for a moment or two then she'd go right back to herself and her world.

Having never been married before I just assumed this was how most marriage conversations went. I never minded hearing about her day or her work, even her boss, but occasionally, I really wanted her to ask me about my work, family etc. Unfortunately, she rarely did and equally as sad, I never called her out on it until it was too late.

It was the week after Thanksgiving, and I was on the phone with my mom. As great as the men in my family are, my mom can go toe to toe with any other them. We were talking about the upcoming Christmas holidays and trying to sync our celebration calendars. Before we hung up, mom switched gears.

"Thomas how are you and Jess?"

"Good mom, good."

"Really? Are you sure Thomas?" Clearly this wasn't a question.

"Yeah, I think so mom, why do you ask?"

"Well..." mom paused

"Mom, you always have permission to speak freely with me. I know you're not going to gossip about Jess or speak ill of her. If you have a concern, I know it's out of love so please tell me what you're thinking."

"Nothing specific Thomas, it's just that she always talks about herself and her work. I've never heard her brag about you unless someone else does first. I've never heard her ask you a serious question about what you're doing or thinking. This seems odd to me son. Enthusiasm in a relationship is a two-way street. You always build her up and pay attention when she's sharing. I guess I'm just wondering why she doesn't seem to reciprocate."

She went on. "I haven't spoken to her about this because I'm her mother-in-law, not her mom. I don't want her to think I'm taking sides between the two of you. In my mind, you two are one so I'm for both of you. If I brought this up with her, I'm afraid it would come across as she's not good enough for my boy and I don't ever want her to think that."

We talked a bit more and I thanked her for her concern. I didn't agree or disagree with her observations out loud. However, in my heart I felt she'd put her finger on a concern that had been growing in my heart. I thanked her for her thoughts and told her I'd give her words serious consideration.

I didn't bring it up immediately to Jess, but I decided to begin keeping a bit of a ledger on our conversations. It wasn't anything in detail, nor was I trying to lay a trap for Jess so I could make my point. I work with numbers and specificity for a living, so it was easy to begin just tracking our conversations. That is how I was able to come up with the percentages I mentioned earlier. We talked almost exclusively about Jess and her world. I had a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach as I recalled the Seagar song, "She was born with a face that would let her get her way." Jess was so amazing in so many ways, but in this area, she was immature and selfish. However, she was used to always getting her way.

I decided I would plan a weekend getaway for us to talk and enjoy one another's company. We had done this occasionally in the first three years of marriage so it wouldn't come as a surprise to Jess. On these weekends we'd bring up issues we loved about our relationship or items of concern. I knew Jess would not feel blindsided if I handled it this way. I was excited when I booked us a cabin outside Aspen knowing we could relax, enjoy one another, and talk freely about us.

A checked our shared schedule before I put down the deposit and didn't see any school conflict for the following weekend. I'd miss a hockey game and have to put up with a few, "What the fuck, Jacksie" comments but I was sure I'd survive, especially if I did my penance and bought the first round after the next game. I was really excited to spring my plan on Jess when she got home.

Right after dinner I shared my plan with her. I thought she'd be excited and anxious to go. Wrong!

She paused for a few seconds longer that I expected then said. "Thomas, I wish you'd have checked with me first" she began. "Charles is planning a mandatory department meeting for next Saturday morning. He wants to introduce some new ideas about next semester's curriculum." The look on her face as she spoke was one of annoyance, not disappointment that we couldn't enjoy a weekend together.

"Jess, to be fair, I did check with you. I looked carefully at our shared calendar, and it wasn't listed. How long ago was this planned?" It wasn't lost on my that Dr. Wellborn had become "Charles", but I let that slide for a moment.

"About a week ago, I guess" Jess replied sounding less certain than she should. I'm sure I listed it, but perhaps it slipped my mind." This was another first since the shared calendar was her idea in the first place. I was pissed.

"Hell Jess, you work long enough hours as it is. Now Wellborn thinks he controls your weekends too?"

"That's not fair Thomas! Charles wants the best for our students and the math faculty. He just wants to help everyone. I don't think one Saturday is such a big deal. I'm sure we can find another weekend to get away together."

"Not the point Jess," I replied, getting hotter under the collar. "We have used this calendar for months and it is our go to. It was your idea. I remember two months ago when I forgot to list a Wednesday evening dinner with a couple of clients. As I recall you read me the riot act demanding I change my meeting. I'm pretty sure what's far for me is also fair for you."

"Dammit Thomas, you're making such a big deal out of such a small thing! We can just reschedule!"

"I'm sorry Jess, you're right" I said sarcastically enough for her to get my point. "Please forgive me for holding you to the same standard you're holding me. Forgive me for wanting to plan an enjoyable weekend with my wife. Please forgive me for infringing on 'CHARLE's' all important schedule."

She began to reply in anger, but she was talking to my backside as I left the room and headed out the door. I hoped on Gretta and took a spin for about an hour to cool off. An hour turned into three as I dropped by the local pub for a beer or three. It was frosty when I got back home. We only saw each other briefly and neither spoke to the other. I ended up doing some work in my home office for another couple of hours and crashed on the couch.

I've been an early riser since my days in the northwest. Loggers can party hard late into the night, but work starts before the sun comes up and you don't show up late if you want a paycheck. I was out the door by 5:30. Jess usually rises around 6:15 so we didn't cross paths.

At the office, I cancelled the reservation which cost me $100 deposit. Not a huge sum, but it irked me. I did notice later that afternoon her faculty meeting did make it onto the calendar along with a weekend conference for math teachers in Colorado Springs the second weekend in January, as well as two 'girl's nights out' between now and then.

Later that afternoon I texted Jess an immature message. "Going straight to the rink after work. Game at seven then going out for a few beers afterwards. Home around 11. Any confusion, check the shared calendar, it's been there for the last two months." I got nothing in return.

The next week we continued our standoff, only speaking when necessary. I was waiting for her to apologize for not updating the calendar and for what I thought was her indifferent attitude toward her error. I guess she was waiting for me to recall the universe revolved around her and come crawling back. Both of us can be stubborn, so both were disappointed in the lack of confession by the other.

The next Saturday Jess was dressed and ready to leave when she surprised me at the breakfast table with a serious kiss. "Thomas, I hope later today we can talk like adults and make up. I understand your disappointment about this weekend, but I'm sure we can make amends." With that she gave me a sly, sexy wink and headed out the door. No apology, no admission of her mistake, just doing what she wanted expecting me to toe the line. Seager was screaming in my ears, "A face that would let her get her way."

I groused around for about a half hour and then decided I wasn't going to waste the day. The door to the screened in porch had been squeaking loudly for the last two weeks so I decided to take it off the hinges, oil it and put it back. I also thought of a couple of other small projects I could knock out. After getting the door off I realized we were out of 3-1 oil, so I jumped in my jeep and headed to the hardware store.

Mick's Hardware had been around forever. It was started by the original 'Mick' right after WWI and had stayed in the family for the last ninety years. Mick IV was running the place now along with his two sons, Mick V and Eddy. I played hockey with Eddy and Ironically, Mick V only worked at the store on weekends because he taught math at the same school as Jess. Imagine my surprise when I walked in, and V was helping a woman pick out a good snow-blower.

He smiled and waved at me as I entered. The odd look on my face must have surprised him because he caught up with me a couple minutes later in isle 9 where I was grabbing the oil.

"Hey Jacksie, how you doing buddy? Heard you had a goal and two assists on Thursday. Eddy said you played pretty fucking good for an old guy!"

"Hey five, yeah it was a good night! Sorry if I gave you an odd look when I came in, but I thought Wellborn was holding a meeting for the high school math department this morning. You decide hardware couldn't live without you and quit your job?"

Now it was his turn to look confused. "Sorry Jacksie, I think you have that wrong. I'm still teaching, but Dr. High and Mighty Wellborn didn't call a meeting for today. He's an arrogant prick, but even he isn't stupid enough to infringe on our weekends. Jess tell you we had a meeting?"

Somehow, I kept my composure. "Must have misunderstood what Jess said as she was flying out the door." Then I thought of something else. "Hey five, does the math department ever go to training conferences?"

"Yeah sure," he replied. For about one second, I felt relief, but then he continued. "Our next one is up in Estes Park in late March. I plan to attend about half the seminar and then hit the slopes!"

Trying hard to breathe and act somewhat normal I deflected, "Sounds like you Five except I'm surprised you're planning on making half the fucking meetings."

"Yeah, I know. I must be slipping in my old age, talk to you later Jacksie. Gotta go make sure Eddy doesn't try to take credit for my snow-blower sale." And with that he was gone taking with him any trust I had in Jess.

I paid for my oil and jumped in the jeep. "Fucking bitch, why the hell would she lie to me... TWICE?" I drove by the high school looking for her car. I checked each of the four parking lots, not just the one by the math classrooms. No cars, no lights on, nobody home.

My mind was racing along with my heart, and I needed to calm down and think. I was assuming the worst, and we all know where assuming leads. I had to know some facts about my wife. Where she was, what she was doing and was it with fucking Charles. I couldn't go home and just wait. I drove to a coffee shop, grabbed a cup and sat in the back of the bistro. An hour later, notepad in hand I had a plan.

My insurance agent was a guy on my hockey team. Pat Cooke, 'Cookie' was surprised I was calling on a Saturday morning. "Jacksie, what did you do, break your leg trying to practice your pathetic skating skills?"

"I wish Cookie. I need a few minutes of your time; can I meet you at your office?" He could tell by the tone of my voice it wasn't a broken bone, but it was serious.

Fifteen minutes later we were seated in his conference room.

"When you suspect insurance fraud, do you have a go-to PI that does some digging for you?"

"Sure Jacksie, but why the fuck would you need a PI."

"Cookie, this is totally confidential right?"

He looked at me like I just hurled the greatest insult in the history of the world.

"Sorry man, but my head is spinning right now. I think Jess may be having an affair, and I need to find out without anyone knowing. Do you have a guy that could help me?"