Jacob's Progress

Again a sliver of concern stabbed my brain. But I was too preoccupied in recovering from my intense orgasm to pay too much heed to it.

Paula kissed the tip of my cock and stood. Her face still painted white.

"Let's have a shower and then I'll show you not it's not just Lucia who has great oral technique."

I nodded and followed her up the stairs.

The inevitable happened the next morning. Lucia seemed to have been looking for me. As I walked back to the Jeep, she grabbed my arm.

"Jacob. Can we talk?"

She was looking around as if she expected someone to leap out and intervene in our conversation.

I was unsure, but asked her to get in to the car for a second.

"OK, Jacob, what's going on? I thought we were getting on great and now you won't return my messages or calls."

Shit! This was going to be hard. I decided that honesty was the best policy.

"Paula told me about you and Ed. Now it's really none of my business. But Paula is my friend and she's pretty upset. And you could have maybe, like given me a heads up, or something. And I don't like games, I don't like being used as a pawn in someone else's game."

Lucia stared straight ahead through the windshield, saying nothing. Then she bit her lip and nodded three times.

"You too? I thought you were different. But they've got their claws in you too. Well fuck you for letting them. And fuck you for convicting me without a trial. You can go to hell."

She got out and slammed the door shut with such force the entire car vibrated. She walked off, shaking her head, never turning back once.

So much for honesty. Still it was probably for the best. My thoughts turned to a happier subject. I drove off, parked in the alley and waited for Paula.

Having broken my rule about getting involved in other people's marriages, it was, in some ways, easy with Paula. We went from a few times a week, to fucking pretty much every school day; at least when I didn't have to be in the office. Sexually, she was a revelation, doing anything to please. Nicole had always hated the idea of anal. Paula suggested it and seemed to love it. We both got tested and shared the results. That meant she got her way and no more condoms. On the minus side, that meant I came quicker. On the plus, it meant her taking my cock in her mouth fresh from cumming in her pussy or ass. Paula seemed so much more experienced than me and possessed an almost unlimited amount of lingerie and play-wear with which to tease me. It was sex like I had never had before.

And yet. There were shadows. Some in me, some in her. I didn't understand myself. Having an affair with a married woman was not me. Or at least not the me I wanted to be. I thought about Hannah. I thought about Nicole. Would either be proud of me? But I found reasons not to listen to those thoughts. I created justifications. I was helping my friend whose marriage was a train wreck. I was punishing her husband's infidelity. I was punishing Lucia for lying to me. But what was the punishment? To do exactly what they had done? I knew that part of the attraction was simply the thrill of fucking another man's wife. I knew I was addicted to Paula and that this wasn't good. But, like any addict, I found stories to tell myself.

As for her. The continual comparisons with Lucia went from warning signs to alarm bells. She seemed obsessed with the woman. Seemed to define herself in opposition to her. I had thought that Lucia had fucked me to get at Paula. I now wondered if I had that the right way round. Paula and I clearly both had issues. The sex was great, but it was just sex, and didn't seem to bring either of us much happiness. There had been more tenderness in one blow job from Lucia than in all of the gymnastics that Paula and I increasingly resorted to, in an effort to keep the flame alive.

And I thought about Lucia. I thought about how I had treated her. I thought about how I had picked a side. That didn't feel like me either. Hannah was still friendly with Daniel. They chatted at school or swim club. Riley seemed the same, much to her mother's disappointment. Maybe the kids were behaving more like adults. Whenever I saw Lucia, she blanked me. I tried to talk to her a few times, but she simply stared at me and then silently walked away. I knew I had hurt her. Increasingly, I didn't understand why.

And then the yellowjacket.

Paula, Riley and Ed were away for the weekend. A wedding on the West Coast. I took Hannah to swim club as normal. It was early October and becoming cooler. The time when yellowjacket colonies are at peak size, just as their food begins to disappear. The time when they start to aggressively look for alternatives.

I'd given in to Hannah and bought her a popsicle at the center store. They weren't good for her, but I figured every now and then would do no harm. We walked back to the car and leaned against it while she finished her treat. From experience, I didn't want to have to clean up a sticky mess inside. Then there had been a buzzing. It wouldn't go away. Hannah wanted to get in the car, but I told her to finish the ice first. It buzzed by her ear and she screamed. Dropping her popsicle, she started to swat the insect. I told her to calm down and that it would go away. Then she screamed louder; much louder.

It had landed on one of the car windows and I flattened it with a swipe of my hand. I cuddled my crying and screaming daughter and told her it would be OK. She calmed a little, saying it still stung badly. I said we'd get her home. And then she started to shake. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed, her body convulsing. It was every parents' nightmare. I was no medic, but I could recognize anaphylaxis. The center was now closed. I calculated how long it would take to get to the ER. Too long.

And then there was a thudding of running feet and she was there. Crouching beside us, tearing off her back pack, pulling out an EpiPen, plunging it into Hannah. We bundled her into the Jeep, Lucia stayed in the back with Hannah, who was drifting in and out of consciousness. We were at the ER in twenty minutes. Lucia had called ahead and a team met us with a gurney. They took Hannah and a nurse said that my wife and I could wait in a room. I didn't bother to correct her.

We sat together. I realized I was shaking uncontrollably. Lucia took my hand and squeezed it. I bent forward and sobbing overwhelmed me.

"She'll be OK. I'm sure she'll be OK, Jacob. We got here quick."

"Yeah. But it wouldn't have mattered if not for you. Thank you. Thank you for giving her a chance."

Lucia said nothing, but continued to hold my hand.

We waited.

It wasn't more than twenty minutes. But the clock seemed to have frozen.

I was glad to have Lucia, glad that she was a better person than me. But, beyond this, I didn't have emotional bandwidth for anything except Hannah. I blamed myself, of course. If I wasn't so worried about my crappy car seats, she would be at home watching Disney+ and asking for snacks. I had my priorities fucked up. But even this self-blame didn't have much room in my thoughts. Those were 99% desperate, vomit-inducing worry. I was terrified. Terrified of never hearing Hannah's voice again. Never seeing her smile. Never feeling her arms round me. My only anchor was Lucia's hand and she didn't shift even once from my side.

A doctor appeared and she seemed relaxed; I hoped for the best.

"She's fine. We have stabilized her. We will want to keep her here for a few hours to make sure there is no recurrence. But then you can take her home. Would you like to see her now Mr. and Mrs. Hall?"

The relief felt like a tide surging through me. I held my head in my hands and cried. Then I heard Lucia begin to speak.

"Thank you, Doctor. If you give Jacob a moment, I'm sure he'll want to see Hannah."

I turned to her.

"Come with me. Please."

Then, even in my debilitated state, a thought occurred.

"But Daniel, don't you...?"

"Daniel is with my mom, I message her in the car. It's fine. Did you want...?"

I nodded at her through my tears and she helped me to stand. Held my arm as we walked to Hannah's room.

Hannah looked drawn and had an IV in her arm. But smiled as we entered.

"Hi, Dad. Hi Mrs. Esposito. Sorry to scare you."

I sat next to Hannah and held her hand. Lucia put her hand on my shoulder as I sat by my little girl's side.

A nurse came in and checked the IV machine.

"Just five minutes please. We need to do some more tests and then I think Hannah needs to rest. You can wait for her back in the other room."

I didn't say too much, just that I loved my daughter and that she could have whatever treat she wanted when we got home. The five minutes passed quickly and we were asked to leave.

Back in the room, I collapsed into a seat.

"You OK, Jacob?"

"Not really, but I will be. Thanks to you. You saved Hannah's life. And I've been nothing but an asshole to you. I'm so grateful and I'm so sorry."

"You'd have done the same for Daniel, I'm sure. If you were a competent first aider, anyway."

Despite everything, I burst into laughter.

"Competency isn't really my thing, Lucia."

"Don't be hard on yourself, you're a man. It's harder for you guys."

I laughed harder.

"But seriously, Lucia. I've felt bad pretty much since our last conversation. I totally get you don't want to talk to me. And thank you for putting that to one side today. But I would like to talk. I'd like to apologize properly at the very least."

"Jacob, you have other stuff to worry about right now. You didn't do anything that awful, just listened to Paula. And she can be pretty convincing, as I know to my cost."

She smiled ruefully, but not bitterly.

"Look after your daughter now. I need to go look after my son. But, I meant what I said about liking you. Even now. If you want to talk, message me in the week, OK?"

"OK, thanks. You said I'd convicted you without a trial, that's fair. It was a shitty thing to do. If you can give me another chance, I'd like to hear your side of the story."

"OK. But worry about Hannah now. I've gotta go. Will you be OK?"

"Yeah. I'm fine now. Thank you again. Is it OK to...?"

I held out my arms and she embraced me. A short hug and then she was gone.

The medics had said it was fine for Hannah to go straight back to school. I had wanted to keep her home, but Hannah insisted. I watched her walk into the building, a back pack slung over her shoulder. A back pack containing an EpiPen. Her head containing the knowledge of how to use it. The hospital had showed us both what to do. They'd sent an email to the school as well.

It seemed that news of what happened had got around. Several parents asked me how Hannah was. I said fine and made sure to credit Lucia's life-saving intervention. Paula wasn't there, she wouldn't be back until Wednesday. I didn't see Lucia either. But, as I drove off, I thought I glimpsed Daniel.

When I got home, I messaged Lucia. Thanking her again and asking if she was OK to talk. She said she was busy today but would meet me in the park after drop off on Tuesday.

Sitting on a bench under a tree the next morning, I didn't really know what to expect. Then I saw her. She didn't normally do loose clothing, but today she had baggy white linen pants on, topped by an oversized red sweat shirt. She was carrying a water bottle.

Lucia came and sat next to me. After exchanging greetings, she stared ahead and said nothing for a while. Seemingly collecting her thoughts. When she did speak, it was with her head down, addressing the grass rather than me. She spoke softly and evenly, but there was an underlying tremor to her tone, as if she was not fully in control of her emotions.

"So, first of all, I don't want you to think I'm this wronged woman. At least not in the way you might think. This is not going to be a pretty story and you won't enjoy hearing it. I'm not the heroine, tragic or otherwise, got it?"

I didn't say anything, but put my hand on hers. It wasn't a planned thing, I just found myself doing it. Lucia continued to stare at the ground, but she didn't move her hand away from mine.

"Well, Paula isn't lying, not entirely. But neither is she telling the truth. Not the whole truth."

She stopped. Taking several deep breaths before continuing.

"I did have sex with Paula's husband. I had sex with him more than once. But the piece she left out is..."

Again she stopped, as if she had to will herself to continue.

"What she left out is that she was there for all but one of the times. So was my ex-husband."

I could feel her body tense. Her hand under mine gripped the bench tightly. It was as if she was expecting some blow. I tried to make my voice as gentle as possible.

"It's OK, Lucia. Keep going. If you can, if you want to."

I squeezed her hand, acutely aware that I was mirroring how she had looked after me just two days ago.

She sniffed slightly and then plunged on.

"It wasn't just Ed and Paula. My ex-husband, Lee is his name, him and Ed had this sort of club thing going on."

Again she paused.

"Do you know what sharing is? I don't mean normal sharing. Sharing in the context of a marriage."

I said I had no idea.

"Well, it's when a husband lets, no not lets, encourages, other men to fuck his wife. To fuck her with him, or with him watching. Lee shared me. Ed shared Paula."

She stopped again. Maybe she wanted some reassurance that I wasn't about to run away

"Lucia. I can tell this isn't easy. But it's OK. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. And I won't breathe a word of this to anyone, ever."

For the first time she raised her head and looked at me. I could see tears in her eyes and their tracks down her cheeks. She twisted to pat my hand, which was covering hers, but then resumed her earlier position.

"I should start from the beginning. I met Lee when I was twenty-two. He worked at my dad's law firm. He was eighteen years older than me. I had this stupid crush on him and... well what it got me was pregnant. My dad, God rest his soul, used to be a man of influence round here. When he found out, he insisted that Lee marry me. I guess that's what he thought was best, though it didn't really work out that way for me."

"Lee had been married and divorced already. He married me as he didn't want my dad as an enemy. I had Daniel five months after the ceremony. I was twenty-three."

Lucia must have picked up on something in my breathing as again she looked at me. I'm thirty-one, didn't you know? I told her I didn't and she now stared into the distance.

"Well anyway. My poor dad died two years after his grandson was born. Mom has never quite gotten over it. I guess that made Lee feel he was free to do what he wanted. What he wanted was to share me. Just like he had his first wife."

She took a sip of water from her bottle.

"I was pretty impressionable, I guess. I'd just lost my dad, who I adored, and I didn't want to lose my husband, especially with Daniel only a rug rat. So... so I went along with it."

Again she paused.

"I don't want you to think it was duress. He asked, I agreed. I didn't even hate it. Not at first anyway. Lee had been my first lover. I guess I felt I was making up for experiences I had missed out on."

She slightly choked and sobbed to herself a little. Without any conscious thought, I moved closer and put an arm around her shoulder.

"But it got old quickly. Lee fucked other women too. In front of me. And I could see that he got more excited with them than he ever did when he fucked me. Not that he fucked me much, not anymore."

She looked up to the heavens and then down to the floor again.

"Then we met up with Ed and Paula. I knew them both already. I was pretty friendly with Paula. It felt like an extension of that at first."

She gave a deep sigh and took a little water again.

"Ed runs a law firm too. A bigger one than my dad's. Lee wanted to join it as a partner. It seemed that Ed had a bit of an obsession for me. And Lee used that. Ed and Paula became a regular thing. In think Paula picked up on what was going on and it became a little frosty between us."

Lucia closed her eyes and refocused her energy on the story.

"So, then Ed asks to meet with me one on one. Lee is all for it. I suppose I was a bit suspicious. But Lee said that Paula was OK, and that it was important for his career, important to secure Daniel's future. So I went. I went to this hotel."

She looked at me again.

"You must think I'm this awful person. I sicken myself, God knows what you think."

"Lucia, it's OK, what I feel is sad. And that you really need to finish this story. Not for me, but for you. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm listening."

For the first time that morning, Lucia smiled, albeit weakly.

"So, we had been fooling around, I'm partly undressed. And I say to Ed that I'm glad Paula is OK with this. He laughs and can't stop laughing. He says Paula is a jealous bitch and wants him to stop fucking me. But that no whore is going to tell him what to do."

I sensed that Lucia was struggling to put events into words. That she was fighting some inner demon.

"So, I'm horrified. Paula has been distant recently, but she's still my friend. I tell Ed that I'm going to leave. He threatens to tell his partners not to hire Lee. I tell him to fuck his job. Then he changes. I... I don't think I can go on. Just give me a minute."

Lucia rocked back and forth, hugging herself; tears streaming down her face. Then she seemed to find strength from somewhere. Her voice was leaden, almost robotic, as she spoke.

"He changes. He slaps me. He tells me I'm not going anywhere. He hits me again, harder, and I sort of shut down. I don't want this, but I stop fighting. My mind goes somewhere else. I've been told it's a defense mechanism, disassociation or something. So he takes what he wants. He takes me. And... and I don't stop him. I just freeze. And I stay frozen until he has finished with me and dressed and left. Then I dress myself and somehow drive home."

She closed her eyes and was wracked by sobbing for a few seconds.

"And I tell Lee. And all he cares about is the job. He slaps me too for insulting Ed. Now I cry, now I break down. He tells me that I disgust him. That we are over. He leaves, I don't know where he went."

"I have no idea what to do, so I call Paula. I call my friend. And she calls me a liar and a slut, and accuses me of trying to seduce her husband."

I held her closer as, again, her shoulders heaved.

"And I get a bottle. Two bottles, one of vodka, one of Tylenol. And I open both and take a swig of the vodka. I pour out a handful of pills and look at them. Then I hear Daniel crying. I put the pills back in the bottle and close it up. I go to my child and hold him, and hold him. I know I can't leave him. But I know I can't go on like this."

She steadied herself and now spoke more clearly.

"I call the cops. I tell them everything. About the rape, about the group sex sessions, about rumors I had heard about other girls... younger girls."

"Younger girls? You mean...?"

"Yes, Jacob, that's what I mean. So they take it seriously. They investigate. Nothing sticks to Ed. It's my word against his and he says it was consensual. He plays golf with the District Attorney. He donated to the Governor's campaign. You have heard this story before."

Lucia slammed her other hand on the bench. Yelled an expletive. Then, calming down, girded herself to continue.

"But with Lee, they found a girl. A girl who was wiling to talk. A girl who might still have been seventeen the first time. So there is going to be a trial. Only then there wasn't. She retracts. I don't know why. Money? Threats? Maybe it was just too much for her. So Lee is off the hook. But not really. His name is mud. Ed keeps his reputation, but the underage thing sticks to Lee. He knows he is done round here. We had already separated. Now he fled. He served papers on me from California. Last I heard he was with a twenty-something stripper."