All Comments on 'Jean and the Great Beach Charade Ch. 05'

You got a favorite from good old Systech24. That's as good as it gets. When a robot favorites your story, you can just retire. Systech forever!!

In your author's note, it is difficult. Some authors who enjoy the genre use a tried and true formula, others use a different account to write those stories under, and some write the theme but do it with a different twist such as romance, non-erotic etc. There are a lot of trolls and a lot of differing feelings on the genre, some RAAC and some BTB and only a few in between.

You have courage and a desire to excel, just by your author's note that is evident. I hope you find a genre that you enjoy as you do have potential and evident talent.

Thank you

First of all, I would like to say that I liked that you've provided an epilogue after the shitstorm that was written here, including myself as an Anon, I think. You Author's Note was also welcomed too.

With that out of the way, I would like to review the chapter itself. I didn't like it since I can't see myself on the characters. Steve was blamed and blamed himself for ending of his marriage and never once stood for himself by mentioning that despite it being his idea and that his action might have lead to a loss a respect from Jean, that doesn't explain her actions, in particular her actions where she went solo like with the cops. Steve neither brought up that he took her out of jail, humiliating himself in the process. It was as if his ego never existed and it was all about Jean.

Another topic, my main gripe with the story as a whole is how Steve was used by Jean only to be discarded. On this chapter he too uses Cathy and discards her when he gets a better deal with Jean. I didn't like that at all. Steve also acted like a stalker that couldn't move on and just accept a new reality, a new happiness. I also didn't like that. However, this are my personal preferences, my bias if you want to call it.

I also had trouble with the prevalent lack of continuity of the story on this chapter. Here it was mainly Steve's and Cathy's story with Jean used as a lot device to move the story forward. However, the last chapter had a completely different focus. It ended with a wife (Jean) who proclaimed love for her husband at the end to leave and make good on her promised during the time "that was Steve's fault". Then, instead of showing love or understanding for him, in the few direct interactions Jean had with Steve on this chapter she treated Steve with the same disdain as she did during her time on the holiday. And while this is going on and Steve is pinning for her, he's receiving feedback from Cathy that there might be chance for him with Jean and that only materialises when she's having a baby. It's never explained why Cathy is doing that and what her motivations her - a few lines with a discussion between her and Jean would have done a lot of good for the chapter and for the plot's continuity. But in the end there's not even a discussion between the couple about their reconciliation. What changed for Jean? That's not explained by her words or thoughts and its left to speculation. So, to me the story ended without an actual resolution and all my doubts going into this epilogue stood unanswered. Those prevailing doubts ended being my biggest issue with the chapter itself.

The line that says something like that Jean is coming to terms with Steve actions and ready to take him back could interpreted in way different from the way it is in the story. Taking into account the previous chapters, Jean lost respect for Steve as a man. She didn't want him near her or her child probably because she didn't consider him a good male role model. She probably tried to stay in contact with the child's (theoretically real father; it's never directly mentioned that Steve's the real father, btw) and when that didn't turn out okay for her, she finally reached out to the guy that her always helpful room mate kept on the backburner for her to take if she so wanted him. To me and without any other explanation, that's what's happened, taking into account the whole story and how viciously Jean treated and used Steve. Yes, he was no saint but he was also a sucker that let himself to be taken advantage of by his de facto ex in the hopes of getting back together at the end of the "fantasy".

What saves the plot and helps to easily explain away the misgivings presented so far, though unconvincingly, it's the final epilogue. In there, it's revealed the couple is still together after a long time and they have a second daughter which looks like Steve. That implies that they must fixed their marriage issues. But going back a little, after re-reading the epilogue for this review and there's a reference that the first daughter is a jock-type like that Brent guy. Why did you skip the drama and the conversation that lead to the acceptance of that fact by Steve? It would have made for better resolution, by creating a clean slate on which the renewed relationship could have built on. The way it was written, ( with my bias) it makes it look like that Jean got away with everything and that Steve's self-esteem and happiness threshold are both very low. Not good if you're a reading trying to empathize with him. Also, to nitpick, the epilogue doesn't mention if Jean kept going with her "adventurous sex life" and whether Steve knew about it or was even okay with it. Do you want to me to believe that after such a roller-coaster ride where Jean seemed to have reached the conclusion that Steve was no man for her that she would simply choose the security of a marriage with him even after she looked ready to give up on it? In what way would that benefit her? She didn't need Steve any more, at the end of the previous chapter and most of this one. What changed? What did not? Did they entered in a hotwife/stag or in a hotwife/cuckold or even in a swingers's lifestyle arrangement? (I mention a swingers' arrangement because I don't believe that Cathy would date her housemate's ex without Jean being okay with it and by speculating that if she was okay with another woman in Steve's life, if they would open their marriage, she might be okay to share him). That was information that I believe it was necessary to be presented on the epilogue because on "Loving Wives", it's rare the story where the liberated wife doesn't cheat on her husband or twists their arrangement for her own benefit. With Jean "track record", it's hard to believe that she became a good Christian wife all of a sudden.

In conclusion, the chapter, while welcomed didn't answered the questions I had before and at the end of it added a few new ones. That made for a reading experience not as good as I hoped for. Despite that, I can appreciate the chapter. In life, only sociopaths tend to make logical and beneficial decisions all the time. Steve made a lot a blunders but in the end he found a way to be happy. Because of that, for the overall picture (him getting what he wanted), the missing details don't matter much. However, I am someone reading the events of the story with a chance to re-read and review them. Consequently, it's natural for the lack of details, the lack of answers to stood out.

Anyway, once again, thanks for writing this. Good luck for your next story.

You could have benefited from using a good editor. While this isn't a professional writer's site, some of the basic mechanics of writing can be observed. Your timelines don't flow well, many times you got lost in the words while trying to be clever(?) and your tendency towards hyperbole borders on the epic side of things. The epilogue didn't do anything for the poorly written story. Everyone that reads or posts in the LW section understands that it's filled with contentious, angry commentators. I think Shakespeare or Clancy would get bombed in this section. That fact aside, when you rant in your epilogue, we simply laugh. New fodder for the cannons. Learn the difference between right and wrong. It's one of life's basics. Thanks for the effort. You have yourself a good day.

1 star

So...Based not just on the Vietnam thing, this is set in the 90s. Has to be given some of the internal references (Varsity theatre in Palo Alto showing Miyazaki, for example - it got converted into a bookstore, now something else, quite a few years back).

Fantasy yes but this went too far. Her blatant overreaction just doesn't ring true.

5* despite it.

One, like me, who loves the balance of this type of story. Best I've read in a while and hope you do more in LV.

Enjoyed all 5 chapters. Well written and the author does a nice job of helping the reader care about the main characters. Thanks for the work you did here.

most people think of themselves, i think of the kids and wish people would go away with their excuses for being pigs because in the end words are spoken but actions tell all.

...Jean and I were sitting with Emily in the stands...when Jean's cell phone goes off with an ABBA ring tone I both know and hate. Caller ID shows the name I dread. God, can't this nightmare end? After a brief whispered conversation she gathers her things, and leaning close, excitedly whispers, "Sorry Steve, he's in town again this weekend! You know Brent doesn't like to be kept waiting! Tell the girls the usual story about an emergency at work. I'll be back Sunday night, er, maybe Monday morning! Love you!"

painful reading, like experiencing daggers thru the body

5 for lit

0 for erotica

sorry to be a sour puss

tabbed it open hoping for erotic material

I do some serious reading, but I don't come here for it....

anyway, thanks for writing and posting

As a black belt and former judo instructor I can assure you no purple belt would ever be allowed to be an instructor. Especially not to a newbie.

After cheating on him, humiliating him and wanting nothing to do with him, Jean suddenly decides she loves him? Why the fuck for? For 6 months, every interaction between them was horrifically painful and his happiest times came from being with Cathy...so why would either Jean or Steve want to be together? This was fucking painful to read.

Jean's gross overreaction to her initial infidelity with Brent is so over the top, and unbelievable, that it just killed any credibility this story had. Hard for reader to feel this is anything more than fantasy. this last chapter was he best, most realistic, but almost didnt read it given what came before.

Follow your own advice and stick to romance section, you will get better scores and less criticism which your epilogue clearly shows you cannot handle.

in chapter 1 and then decided to just tank the entire thing after? Why, I wonder? If you wanted to write a balls to the wall fuck fantasy why go to the trouble of building the characters up?

Sorry, I don't know how I missed the chapter over a year ago. You describe their emotional distress very well, and they realized it was mostly self-inflicted.

I am glad to see you are still writing in other categories.

Just can't believe a reconciliation after all the infidelity. He's a better, or weaker man than I am.

Dear Loerics!

I really admire youre ability to serve a good ”buildup” on the events!

You are so good to make a fantastic story thrustworthy (even the exaggerated parts) and forward the feelings of the poor husband!

Right now I hope for a continued series of stories about Steve’s and Jean’s sexlife.

Maybe including Cathy and David...

What if Brent shows up as a client or claims his fathers rights, and uses his sexual power to make Jean cheat, even make Cathy stray with him in the process!?

Or maybe Brent is needed to save the daughters life with a kidney transplant etc...

I would love to read about Jean and/or Cathy to lose their control of lust for sex!

Please, Please write some more!!!

Cheers!

/Airborne

Your store is so true for so many people I have known in the life style of swinging. It is fun and then guilt and then fear of losing your partner. I have been down this road and lucky for me it all has worked out and I have reached 13 yrs. of marriage now. I wish you well and hope you can totally recover from your loss. I know it took 6 yrs. for us, and then 13 more to this point. Dec. starts our 14 yr.of marriage. Please Keep writing I enjoyed and read it all in one sitting. John

Too many LW cliches and a plot that simply cannot suspend disbelief. The main characters are loathsome, which when well handled can result in an interesting story. In this case, they weren't, and the story suffered. You are right, though. The cucks should have a separate category.

his entire marriage. heheheheheh Annony you are and always will be a fucking cuck and fool. Just imagine how much cum you drank out of your wife's cunt.

First off, I don't identify with any of the characters, though I know men and women who fall into the scientific/legal/pharma roles. I did college spring breaks too, though that was almost 20 years ago. I identify with the author. I can attest to the fact that one of the most difficult (non-military) occupations of women or men is to write, and put your writings out there for everyone to see. I know because I'm an author of 8 erotic books. I don't know of any other profession where a person is required to put his or her thoughts, ideas, emotions and feelings out there for all the world to see, like writing. The author exposes her or his soul to everyone.

The author creates characters to tell a story. Some characters will be noble and admirable, some will be truly awful: mean, morally despicable, out of control, etc. An author's characters may be strong, weak easily swayed or steadfast. The characters might grow and develop or devolve. Some stories - plots - will be light, some heavy, designed to make you smile, laugh, hate, cry, nearly panic ... and foster every human emotion. This author has chosen a theme to tell a story. The author wrote it with talent, a fine command of language, good editing, and a real plot - whether or not you liked it.

Where the author failed, IMO, was in telling a real, believable story. Sure, erotica is 90% or more fantasy. But people are real and react in real ways. Exaggeration is a valid plot trick, but too much renders a story fantasy, when the author intends realism. I think the author set out to tell a story founded in realism. But the characters are so mean, so weak, so slow to make a decision, so unable to get situations under control that this story becomes fantasy, though I don't think fantasy was intended.

My husband is a PhD scientist (chemist) executive and I can guarantee that neither he nor any of his hundreds of associates - whom I've met - would respond like the scientist in this story. Likewise, it's inconceivable that any lawyers (male or female) I've known would be as unforgivably awful to a significant other as Jean is in this story. And I've never met any woman (including lawyers) who would go as far out of control as Jean did in most of these chapters.

So I think the author failed in delivering an erotic story which was palatable to the readers. The story could have been told with poignancy and angst, emotion and drama, without the evil exhibited by Jean, and the nauseating weakness displayed by Steve. Too bad.

I understand where your coming from but the main character was way to much into the stupid zone to make a good story line on.

The author really saved this story. A great finish. Even if the two lead characters are perhaps almost too mean/stupid to exist.

I grew up in Daytona Beach as it took over from Ft. Lauderdale in the 60's. Girls would do things during spring break that they would never dare do anywhere else. I went to a high school a block from the beach and you could hear the concerts in the last 2 periods of school. Your description is not that far off the mark even for married women. I have lived in Ft. Walton Beach for a number of years but have been too old for spring break. All I can say about the location of your story is that Cash Moore of Cash's Liquors claims "Helping people get laid since 1969".

I read all 5 chapters, and like another reviewer of Ch3, thought it got downright mean. That's normally a turn off and I would find something else, but the writing was captivating enough to give some hope of reconciliation. After all, she was in character most of the time. I liked the ending, but winding up with Cathy might have been just as satisfying.

LW is usually my go-to on literotica. I seldom leave a review, but the epilogue encouraged me to do so. This was well written, even though parts of it were a bit distasteful. Good work. I will check out some of your other efforts.

I'm a retired firefighter I live in Pensacola, I see things on the beach and hotels and in the bars at night!!! Living here is a vacation everyday

The author is too pathetic a human to have been born! Should have been aborted at birth!

This story wins for the most putrid series in LW lifetime!

I really enjoyed your hot story, the Florida trip was a little over done,but sure was sexy.. my opinion the ending was good.I am going to read more of your stories. They both were to blame but even from my male take he should share most blame.