All Comments on 'Jean - The Birth of Venus Ch. 15'

You have fallen in love with you own characters and cannot finish the story. But you need to. There is nothing left. And yet you always find yourself writing more. Sadly you are just rewriting the same old story. You are leading with trite plot arcs (lost clothes, missing suit case, sold to goodwill, ... seriously?!). Weak efforts like this make the original, yet ridiculous, plot twist that this whole work is based on, seem highly plausible.

But let’s be honest if it was hard to swallow the first concept you designed to help your audience establish disbelief to carry this story forward in chapters 1-4, it’s off the rails now. And not because you are not trying your best or delivering good content, it’s just that the content adds nothing new. It’s a rehash. Yes different locations, and some different people, but the exact same act, the exact same result, and in four cases in this chapter alone you used the exact same words from previous chapters when describing critical emotional responses that I believe you expected would trigger the reader to establish a connection between your protagonist and your audience. But it doesn’t. Because it’s just repeating the response she had for X, and again in case Y, and again in situation Z...

And now your audiences ability and desire to care about Jean falls aside. Your last chapter scored a 4.85. Which places it among the highest rated stories EVER in this category on Literotica. But this one is a mere 3.4 as of my typing this.

People are telling you that you writing has fallen from superior to average in one chapter. Time to end this and create something new.

Must admit I want to see her get away and exact her revenge when she gets home.

Blackmail them or expose them to the media.

Guess the sisters won’t be talking any time soon either.

Have enjoyed the story and I still am, but please put this to bed with a good hard ending.