by tony_tiger
Tony should have stuck to making Frosted Flakes, as he damn sure can't write.
No, Dirtyoman .... you're incorrect. Tenth graders would be insulted by this writing. Tony deserves a D-.
I realize that this story is fiction. However I am a 62 year old lifelong resident of Arkansas and this is the most demeaning, stereotypical drivel I have ever encountered. In addition to the ridiculous characterizations the story is poorly written. A solid 1.
Just pull the plug and go back to your loving sheep. I suspect you need a really really high stump.
I wrote storys just like this in the 9th grade. Being a hunter since age 12, None of my deer camps had these benefits. Well except for when my first wife came along with me. It was just us two, nobody else. When I hunted in Germany, Australia, Korea, RVN& other countrys there were no women along .
My mom's family is from and/or living in Arkansas. In fact from the hills of Arkansas. Sorry, noone like this there. In fact, hasn't been for many decades. Incredibly stupid.
I think the story would have been more effective without it. I kinda feels like a regional stereotype is at work as well. As you hone your craft you might think about focussing on straightforward simple dialog as you work on pace and context.
But you've submitted and I have not though i have done a good bit of editing outside of this genre.
FWIW I hate all of your characters and having spent a good bit of time in that part of the world find them to not reflect the reality of SE Arkansas at all.
Just two questions...1st - Why these two married? To fuck other women/men they should stay single; 2nd - If she had all in the family why the need to marry? This questions and others make the story bad...